


The Laws of Fate

by sten06



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Agonizing slow burn really, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, I write my own scenes and twists but its the same universe, Red String of Fate, Romantic Soulmates, Slow Burn, Soulmates, lena luthor pov, very luthor focused
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-06
Updated: 2017-07-31
Packaged: 2018-11-09 22:30:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 85,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11114229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sten06/pseuds/sten06
Summary: “It’s the Red String of Fate, Lena. Only certain people have the ability to see it,” he explains calmly. He’s patient, and kind, and his eyes are gentle while he focuses on her. “It links the holder with their soulmate, creating a perfect match in the eyes of the universe. These visionaries can see their own strings, as well as the strings of others. It seems, little sister, that you’ve been granted this gift.”ORA soulmate story with a twist. Lena has the ability to see the red string of fate, and the power to change it from one holder to another. She meets her match, after years of pining, but she's left having to make an agonizing decision.[Canon Universe, Canon Compliant, with my own deviations/added scenes], not a true "AU".





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This started off as a one shot attempt based on a prompt, and immediately grew 3 Luthor-shaped heads. Now it's probably going to be a novel and none of us are ready for this journey (including myself - even with my outline). 
> 
> Heavy on Luthor Family dynamics, but I promise there's excellent Supercorp/Karlena chemistry coming your way.  
> This will be an agonizing slowburn, I'm just warning you now.
> 
> ALSO: Shout out to my fave @trappedinvacancy for letting me use her artwork for this :) 
> 
> Enjoy <3

_Her mother’s soft, soothing voice washes over the room, lathering behind her ears, and falling into the fuzzy place right between dreams and reality, on the edge of consciousness. Lena’s eyes are drooping, and her body feels warm, relaxed and safe. Her mother finishes the story she’s reading and carefully brushes the strands of dark hair out of Lena’s face as she rests. Lena’s small hands clutch at her teddy bear as she’s desperately fighting the battle against fatigue._

_“Mommy what’s a soulmate?” she asks quietly, almost a whisper, her eyes only barely open as she grasps for a few more minutes of affection._

_Her mother pauses, and smiles at her, a true smile, one that speaks of unconditional love and hope. The smile Lena will spend the rest of her life searching for._  

_“A soulmate is the universe’s way of giving you a forever friend,” she begins, her eyes sparkling with enchantment, “But they’re more than that. The connection you feel to this person will be so strong, so deep, it will be like you’ve known them your entire life. They will make you feel like you can conquer the world. A soulmate gives you a special kind of superpower.”_

_Lena’s eyes widen. She has never heard of such a beautiful kind of magic before. It seems mythical, and legendary, and she can’t believe it really exists._  

 _“Do I have one?” she asks excitedly._  

_“Of course you do, sweetheart,” her mother sighs contentedly and looks around the room, as if searching for the words of encouragement for the long, hard road that comes with finding this special gift. “And whoever they are, they will be incredible, just like you are. They will help you along your journey. But my darling, you can’t give up your life searching for them. It is important to be the best version of yourself that you can be, and you do that by working really hard, and being brave, and being kind to everyone. The rest will follow as the universe allows.”_

_Lena smiles and nods. She can do that._  

_Her mother kisses her forehead gently._

_“Good night, my love” she whispers, as she stands and slowly retreats from the room._

_“How will I know?” Lena whispers in the darkness, just before her mother exits. “How will I know it’s them?”_

_Her mother turns and faces into the room again, studying her left hand as she does so. She twists her fingers softly and smiles to herself._

_“There will be no mistaking the feeling you get, Lena. It will feel like coming home after being away for a very, very long time,” she explains, her voice carrying a faraway longing to it, “But you, my dear, will have a gift. You will be able to know beyond a shadow of a doubt. In fact, I suspect you will be the one to help others find their long lost loves. Don’t worry, my child. You will know, I promise.”_

_It’s a cryptic answer, but one that carries so much potential, that Lena can’t help but feel satisfied._

_She closes her eyes and dreams of exciting adventures, and warm, strong hugs._  

Her mother dies a few months later. To a child, it’s fast, and unexpected, because a guardian never lets weakness show around someone they need to be strong for. Her mother sees it coming, feels it in the way her body aches, and her hands quiver. She knows it’s only a matter of time when walking a few paces takes every ounce of energy. It’s a terrifying reality, not because she is afraid to die, but mostly because she is afraid of what she is leaving behind: a wide-eyed, brilliant and sensitive child who deserves better.

Lena’s only four, and it feels like everything she has ever known is destroyed. After that type of loss, it’s like the world around her fades to black and white. Everything seems muted, and rough around the edges, distorted like the blurry corners of a bad dream. Lena carries memories in her heart and strength in her spirit, but there’s a black hole of sadness deep in her chest, nestled under her ribs, the kind that pulls everything into its gravity, and never seems to stop growing. She’s completely alone, and it’s almost like her mother was never there in the first place, like she was always just beyond her reach, belonging to the universe instead of to her. If she closes her eyes, she can still see her mother’s perfect smile, and smell the lingering flowery perfume in the air, but it only lasts a second, and it’s never quite right when she does it. 

Lena is adopted by the Luthors soon after, and they are rich and powerful, and don’t seem like the kind of people who read bedtime stories or sing lullabies. Lena learns quickly to swallow the feeling of despair down, deep down, where only she can sense it, because there is no room for that here. There’s no one around now who will listen to her cry. A strong jaw and a stiff upper lip become trademarks of her personality, and she begins to lose her free spirit and wild imagination. Instead, it’s replaced by cold logic and the pressure that comes with a family legacy of which she isn’t sure she wants. Her mother’s kind eyes begin to fade from view, growing smaller and smaller in the rearview mirror as she progresses unwillingly forward. 

She’s eight years old when she first notices the string around her finger. It’s a curious small red strand that appears suddenly one day, without warning, latching itself around the ring finger of her left hand. She can’t feel it necessarily, but there’s a tingling vibration that radiates through her body if she stares at it too long. It might be her imagination, but she feels like she’s been attached to an unstoppable force, and her heart thumps with powerful enthusiasm. When she tries to tug on it, her fingers just miss, grasping at nothing but the air. The knot seems impossible to untangle no matter what she does, and the string remains elusive, a permanent and transparent reminder of endless possibility. Lena’s eyes trace up to the sky where the string directs her gaze all the way up to the heavens. This is also strange, because she can’t see where it ultimately leads. If she’s supposed to follow the path, she has no way to get there. She has no idea what it all means. 

She doesn’t realize she’s special.

It reminds her of the stories her mother used to tell her, about soulmates and true love that could transcend time and span the galaxies. She doesn’t know if her mother knew about the red strings, or if this is something unique to only her, but it seems to fall in line with everything she has been taught. It feels like this is something beyond imagination, too impossible to be made up, which sounds ridiculous when she thinks about it too hard. Her eyes gaze to the ceiling, searching for the answers she desperately craves, answers that manage to stay just out of reach: like the destination unknown of her tethered hand.

It becomes clear that she isn’t the only one in possession of a string. She begins to notice them on everyone’s fingers. Some have strings leading in all directions, stretching beyond the capabilities of the naked eye. Some have strings that seem to lead around the corner, leading only slightly out of reach. Still some have strings leading to actual people, which Lena finds absolutely shocking.

_What does that mean?_

No one seems to have a string like hers, pointed to the stars. She finds this the most discouraging of all.

She asks her classmates about the strings, but everyone looks at her like she’s speaking a different language.

“You know, the string around your finger,” Lena whispers, pointing excitedly, “Do you know what it’s for?”

“There’s no string, Lena,” her friend Veronica explains, looking at her curiously, her head tilted in thought. “I--uh--I’ve got to go…” she says, backpedaling away as if being near Lena is going to cause her harm.

There’s no reason for her friend to lie about it, but maybe the strings are a bad omen. Maybe they aren’t supposed to be talked about. 

Her adoptive mother catches her gazing at the sky one day, Lena’s eyebrows furrowed in deep confusion. She’s been wandering around with her head in the clouds for weeks, pondering everything she wishes she could see, much to the chagrin of her family. Lillian Luthor’s eyes narrow in contempt.

“Lena, pay attention, you can’t be so distracted all the time,” she chides, her voice stinging as Lena snaps back to reality. “What could you possibly be looking at?”

“The string around my finger….” Lena begins to ask timidly, still unsure if this is the right question to ask, but too curious to keep it in. “Why does it point to the sky?" 

Lillian’s sharp intake of breath is a clear indicator that this isn’t normal. This isn’t something she should stay out loud. This isn’t something a Luthor should be mixed up with.

“Where did you get an idea like that?” Lillian asks sharply, her eyes flickering up to the sky, lips pursed in disgust.

“My--my mother once said…” she begins, but Lillian’s eyes narrow into a glare that promptly stops her from finishing.

“Your mother was foolish, and believed in fantasies,” Lillian says, the malice dripping from her voice, “There’s nothing there, Lena. How can there be, when no one else can see it?” 

Lena sighs, wondering the same. Her mother never told her about the strings, necessarily, but her brain is furiously trying to make sense of what could be happening. She doesn’t know how else to understand it all. _Maybe something is really wrong with me._  

“Don’t go around making up stories,” Lillian finishes, her eyes carefully focusing back on Lena, scrutinizing her with new found disgust. “People will think you’re up to something.”

 She promises herself never to mention the string again, until she overhears Lillian and Lionel arguing a few nights later.

“She’s one of _those_ , Lionel. It’s because of you -- because of all you’ve done,” Lillian hisses, the anger in her voice rising, “And, to make it worse, her string extends beyond this planet. Her soulmate is going to be some genetic _freak_. An alien, some rogue monster that will damage her mind. I hope you’re satisfied. You’ve ruined your daughter.”

Lena’s pulse quickens. There is so much in this conversation she doesn’t understand. _What has Lionel done?_ More importantly, though, the word soulmate jumps out and latches itself around her heart, the same way it did years ago when she first heard it, the same way the string tightens around her finger. She doesn’t mind the implications that her soulmate is from another world. She thinks, actually, this might make perfect sense. Lena has never felt like she belongs here, after all. 

Finally, her brother explains everything.

He finds her crying alone in her room, and he takes pity enough to tell her the origin of the Red String.

“It’s the Red String of Fate, Lena. Only certain people have the ability to see it,” he explains calmly. He’s patient, and kind, and his eyes are gentle while he focuses on her. “It links the holder with their soulmate, creating a perfect match in the eyes of the universe. These visionaries can see their own strings, as well as the strings of others. It seems, little sister, that you’ve been granted this gift.” He regards her with fondness, a proud gleam in his eye. 

Lena blushes under the confidence he bestows on her. It’s rare, to feel so important in this family, and she cherishes the moment like a sacred offering. She hears her mother’s voice, and it makes her chest ache with the weight of nostalgia.

_You, my dear, will have a gift._

“But not everyone can see them?” Lena asks softly, her forehead crinkling in confusion as the information settles in her head, “How will others ever find their match? This seems like a cruel gift.”

Lex chuckles softly, shaking his head.

“That’s what makes you, and people like you, so important. It’s possible for you to guide people to their soulmates. You are their eyes.”

Lena is quickly learning that she now has a massive responsibility to preserve the order of the soulmate laws. The laws of the universe. The fate of mankind, really, in a very abstract way. It’s suddenly very daunting. 

“I doubt that. Everyone I talk to acts like they don’t know what I’m talking about,” Lena huffs in frustration. “I’m not going to be able to help anyone.”

“Well, there’s more to it than that,” Lex says, his voice taking on the tone he sometimes gets when he begins to talk about his experiments. He gets excited, his eyes wide with wonder. “You also have the power to alter the string of fate - to cut it from one hand and move it to another, retying the knot. You can decide who meets their match, and whose match is better. You have the power of enhancing free will.”

Lex is looking at her with a peculiar expression. Lena feels the depth of his words, and the implications of all this power. He seems impressed, if not also slightly jealous, and it rattles her to her core.

“But...why would I do that?” she whispers shakily, “I’d be messing with the universe, the way things need to be…” Lena’s heart is beating wildly now, as the idea of having this much power and responsibility is beginning to sink in.

“Why would you be given that gift, if not to use it?” he argues, his eyebrow quirked in contention. “Sometimes, the universe makes mistakes. It’s up to us to correct them. We can choose our own paths, make our own decisions. We aren’t forced to do anything. Free will is fundamental, you know.”

“I can’t help but think making one change will alter things for everyone else,” she says slowly, her mind calculating. “A reaction for every action. You can’t just change something so important and expect there to be no consequences.”

Lex stares at her, his jaw clenched, scrutinizing her words. Lena stares back harshly, wondering when this became a contentious battle of morals.

“You think too much, which is saying a lot, coming from me,” he says quickly. The words are said in jest, but something in his face turns serious. “You’d be wise not to waste this, Lena.” Lex finishes, a finality in his tone, as he begins to inch toward the door.

“Lex?” she asks quietly, her fingers running over the strands of the carpet, as she avoids his gaze from the floor.

He stops and turns. 

“Yeah, Lee?”

“Do you believe in it?” her breath is hushed, and she wants to know it’s true. She wants to hear her big brother, her idol, say this isn’t nonsense. This is something to cherish, and something to believe in. She wants to hear that somewhere out there is the person for her, and she isn’t destined to be alone.

“I guess that’s what I have you for,” he says, his voice losing the gruff edge it had earlier, “You can tell me if it’s real.”

It’s not the firm conviction she had hoped for.

He pauses, then nods to himself, as if agreeing with his own thoughts. He leaves, and Lena stares after him. She doesn’t ask him the real question burning in her heart. The one she’s desperate to know.

_What does it mean when your string extends to the sky?_

She hears Lillian’s angry words talking in disgust about aliens, and she doesn’t want to see the look of horror on Lex’s face when she reveals her secret. She looks down at her hands, captivated by all the sudden revelations thrust upon her. She feels possessed, and not in a good way. The influence that has been entrusted to her leaves her weak with fear.

_What if I make a mistake? What if I can’t get it right?_

_What if another visionary takes my own soulmate away?_

The questions are endless and begin to plague her sleep. She has nightmares filled with despair, chasing a red string to the ends of the universe only to find it wrapping around her throat, closing her off from deep breaths. She wakes gasping for air, sweating and thoroughly shaken.

She begins to study the ideas behind soulmates, and she reads all the variations of stories. She is fixated on understanding this concept, this gift, this magic. It consumes her, and becomes her. She reads the legends that test the theories of fate, of love, of consequences. The dire effects of changing courses. The concept of sacrifice. Most people talk of soulmates in hushed excited whispers, and longing romantic wishes, the way Lena used to as a child. Now, she thinks it’s all a tragedy. There is nothing about this that makes her feel comfort or joy.

_“Mommy? Do Soulmates stay with you forever?”_

_Lena’s mother gives her a small, sad smile._

_“Not always, my darling, but you carry them with you for eternity,” her mother replies earnestly. “They leave a mark on your heart and you are always better for having known them.”_

_“Have you met yours?”_

_She pauses, and wrings her fingers together, studying them with a contemplative intensity._  

_“Yes, love,” she says quietly, her lips twisting, as if she’s trying to figure out how to tell the story. “But it was only meant to be for a little while. But I have you now, and that’s more than enough for me.” she smiles, and strokes Lena’s cheek, and it’s almost convincing._

_Lena feels a deep sadness in her soul when she stares at her mother’s eyes. This time, instead of brightness and hope, she sees a small twinge of despair, growling in the back like a caged beast._  

_Lena shivers. She stops asking questions._

_“I love you, mommy.”_

_“I love you more than you could possibly know, my Lena.”_

She wonders what happened to her mother’s soulmate and if somehow, they are together now. Her mother’s old answers do nothing but fill her with new questions.

 _Did a visionary take her soulmate away?_  

_Did she know?_

The forlorn look in her mother’s eyes haunts her, and Lena decides she could never change the strings of another, no matter what the situation. She also doesn’t think she could stand in the way of someone else’s happiness. There doesn’t seem to be an answer where she sees using her powers to achieve a happy ending.

For the first time, this seems to be beyond her, beyond her capability, beyond her heart.

“You lied to me” she hisses, her eyes closing tightly, fighting away the tears as they threaten to escape. “You said I’d know what to do. You said this was a gift….”

Her voice trails off as the sobs overwhelm her.

She falls asleep crying, thinking of mother’s words, and wishing she never saw the strings in the first place.

* * *

 Several years pass, and Lena grows older and more jaded. She tries beyond reason and beyond hope, to push the string away. If she concentrates hard enough, it’s almost like it doesn’t exist at all. Her own lifeline continues to extend past the galaxy, and she can’t understand what good a soulmate is if they aren’t even part of this world.

As easy as it is to forget about her own string, it’s nearly impossible to dismiss the strings of others, because it’s always the first thing she sees. Her eye is automatically fixated on the left ring finger of everyone around her, drawn to the symbol like a magnet. It’s like a reflex  when she introduces herself, cautiously extending her right hand, and gracefully glancing at the recipient’s left. It beckons to her, and calls to her, a faint cry in the distance to _please help_ and her heart breaks a little each time she finds herself incapable of doing so.

She notices Lillian’s, and the way it seems tentatively connected to Lionel, a crisp, clean knot forming in the middle. Lena tilts her head, understanding now that this indicates the assistance of a visionary. She wonders if Lillian knows the truth, but she suspects it isn’t a conversation she really wants to have.

She notices Lex’s is faded, but still attached, and she doesn’t know what to make of that. It’s possible the fact that he doesn’t believe in soulmates overrides the strength of his bond. She wonders what his soulmate is like, and if they’re out there, keeping the hope alive for both of them. 

It’s hard to allow herself to get attached to anyone now, because it leads to inevitable disappointment. She’s always the one who knows the truth -- that the person in front of her isn’t _the one_ \-- and she distances herself from every attempt instead of having to explain it. At the same time, it becomes unbearable to watch people, blissfully ignorant in their choices, align themselves with partners when their strings so clearly point elsewhere. 

Slowly, however, she begins to notice that more and more people have tiny knots in their strings, something she never thought would be become common. She thinks perhaps Lex is right, free will might be paramount, and it seems these people are getting on just fine without obeying some universal law. Maybe the stories and legends have it wrong. Maybe there aren’t always dire consequences for choosing a path. 

She still doesn’t believe in altering the strings herself, but thinks maybe people can get along fine without knowing. She still can’t bring herself to want to intervene, it feels intrusive and far too intimate. 

She doesn’t want to reveal herself, and be forced to make choices, or disrupt the inevitable. There’s a blame there that will always fall squarely on her shoulders, and she doesn’t know how much more she can bear. Instead, she launches herself into her schoolwork, trying feverishly to put her intellect to good use. If she refuses to use her ignored power for anything worthwhile, she feels she owes the universe _something_. Her heart has a longing to do good, to create something wonderful, to leave a legacy of brilliance and hope behind.

_It is important to be the best version of yourself that you can be, and you do that by working really hard, and being brave, and being kind to everyone._

Her mother would have known what to do.

_“Your girlfriend seems nice” Lena says casually after dinner one evening, trying to gently pry for details into Lex’s personal life. He has never been known to show affection to anyone, really, and so when he brings a girlfriend home from college, everyone is shocked. Lana is smart, quick witted, and beautiful, and seems to be able to stand toe to toe with Lex and challenge him in ways he needs to be challenged. Lena ignores the implications of the strings, and how they are pointing in different directions. She tells herself it doesn’t matter. Not right now._

_Lillian eyes the newcomer with a bemused expression, unsure what to make of the situation. Lena knows that face, and knows that surely no one will ever be good enough for her son._

_Lena feels strangely protective, too, but in a different way. She wants desperately for Lex to have someone -- someone to keep him grounded, to remind him of goodness, to share his heart. It seems critical that this happen sooner rather than later, considering Lex’s recent habit of drowning himself in scotch and locking himself away in a lab for hours. With Lana around, it’s the first time she’s seen Lex’s eyes soften and his lips form something other than a snarl. It reminds her of the brother she used to have._

_By the end of their family dinner, she’s rooting very hard for this relationship to work._  

_Lex nods solemnly, keeping his face impassive._

_“Well, don’t be so enthusiastic, she might think you actually have feelings for her,” Lena jokes, gently shoving her brother aside, watching as the small troubled grin appears on his face. “What is it, Lex?”_

_He sighs, and looks at her, studying her intently._  

_“I need to know,” he says simply, and Lena’s eyes snap to attention. Her heart drops._

_“I-- You know I can’t do that,” she whispers, shaking her head, looking away from his steely gaze. “Besides, I thought you didn’t believe in that stuff.”_

_He leans against the counter, his arms crossed in defeated defense, as he tilts his head to the ceiling._

_“I think it’s the only way to know it’s real,” he says slowly, a small grin sneaking its way onto his face, cutting through his insecurity. “The relationship, I mean. I’ll know it’s real if I know the truth.”_

_“Relationships are always real, even if they’re not with your soulmate. You know that. This is very real, and she cares about you -- it’s so obvious. She’s wonderful, Lex, truly, and you should let yourself be happy,” Lena explains, reaching out to touch her brother’s forearms. He shrinks away._

_“You’re so selfish, Lena. You keep this knowledge to yourself, you don’t help anyone with it. How does it feel to be so high and mighty, looking down at the rest of us? Do you enjoy watching everyone suffer?” he growls, the sharpness of his words cutting her deeply. Lena feels her throat begin to close in an attempt to ward off the sudden onslaught of emotions. “You’re good for nothing if you keep this up.”_

_“That’s not-- You know that’s not--”_

_“Then tell me. Stop thinking about how it makes_ **_you_ ** _feel, and start thinking about the rest of us. We go crazy trying to understand other people. We try so hard, and put our time and energy into someone else, without a clue if it’s even worthwhile. Don’t you understand how it feels to be blind?”_  

 _Lena stops abruptly, her jaw clenched. The truth is, she hasn’t considered this. Not by a long shot. She has been so focused on doing the right thing, and trying to avoid hurting people, that she has failed to see the other side -- the hopeless wanderer, the doubter’s ache, the fear of the unknown. As hurtful as Lex’s words are, they resonate strongly with ugly truth. She hangs her head, feeling guilty for the way she has been acting. Maybe she is selfish. Maybe she is good for nothing. How could she sit here, with such insight, and refuse to share it? She has been burdened for years with excess knowledge, but perhaps it hasn’t been a burden at all. She’s been able to avoid wasting her time, she’s been able to see what others cannot._  

_There is still a curse, but it seems everyone has an equal share of the burden._

_“She’s not,” she says quietly, her voice barely above a whisper, the words trembling slightly as they leave her lips._

_Lex nods dutifully, as if the information does not surprise him. Lena’s heart aches._

_“She could be, though,” he suggests, arching an eyebrow at her, the rest of the sentence cut off by implication._  

One particularly dark, stormy evening, Lena finds herself alone in the den of the Luthor mansion. The thunder rattles and quakes outside, threatening to break the windows with every rumble, but she’s so far removed from everything, it’s like the storm is happening in another world. She’s staring, unblinking, into the fireplace, watching the orange flames lick around the wooden planks, the embers flickering and popping into charred remains. She pokes at the blaze with the fire poker, angrily swirling the ashes around the grate, her forehead etched with the pain that comes from too many losses. 

Lionel Luthor is dead, and it’s not supposed to hurt the way it does, but she feels like her heart has been hollowed out completely. There is nothing left to do. There are no more tears to cry. She has finally learned the truth -- that he was her real father, thanks to an illicit affair with her beloved mother -- and this is truly the last connection she has to her real family. When he goes, it’s like losing her mother all over again. Lionel was kind to her, in his own way, but mostly he just reminded her of what she used to have, in another life. She stabs angrily at the fire again, the flames hissing in protest, and she throws down the stick with a clatter.

“How could you leave me?” she whispers, the tears stinging hot behind her eyes, but not enough to fall down her cheeks. “I need you, don’t you see that?”

She stares at the ground, and clenches her jaw. She knows it’s no one’s fault, and these things happen, but everything is just so _heavy_ all the time. Her heart drops as the fear of being left alone with Lillian dawns on her. It leaves her chilled to the bone, and despite the heat from the blazing fire, she shivers involuntarily. 

“You aren’t alone, Lena.” The voice is muffled and slurred, and Lena whips around violently at the unexpected interruption. Lex is lurking in the shadows, swirling his drink in his tumbler, staring ahead with cold, dead eyes. “You still have me.”

 _Do I?_ She thinks, considering Lex is hardly home anymore, and when he is, he’s harsh and distant.

“I didn’t see you there,” she says coolly, watching him carefully.

He stands and glides over to her, his dress shirt unbuttoned and wrinkled, hair disheveled, the 5 o’clock shadow growing darker on his face. He stops next to her, staring strangely into the fire, the glow reflecting back into his eyes, causing an eerie reflection.

“Have you thought more about it?” he asks, almost impatiently, and Lena scoffs at the terrible timing of it all. Lionel is dead, and Lex is descending deeper into despair, begging for help.

Lena just wants to get away from it all.

“I don’t think now is the best time,” Lena responds, her eyes slowly rolling over Lex’s frame. “We just lost Lionel….”

“All the more reason for it to be done,” he nearly hisses. “Father is gone, and things are changing. I need you to do this for me, make it right. If you do it, I’ll have something he doesn’t. I’ll be unstoppable.”

“Who?” Lena is confused now, and Lex seems on the verge of a frenzy.

“Clark, of course,” Lex snaps, as if this is perfectly obvious.

“You want to change the strings, to be tied to Lana, so you can be better than your best friend? Lex, where is all this coming from?”

He begins to respond, but instead, takes a long sip of his drink. He turns and tilts his chin upwards, glaring at her from a position of power.

“Are you going to help me or not, little sister?" 

“That’s not how these things work! It’s not a game!” She’s feeling angry now, and for good reason. It’s like her brother is insulting the deep meaning of everything she’s come to cherish. “It’s not some competition for you to be better. It’s life altering. It’s a major decision, and you’re doing it for the wrong reasons. I can’t be part of this, and you’re cruel for asking me to be.”

“Then you’re just as dead to me as he is!” He turns and stalks away, leaving a stench of alcohol in his wake.

Lena stares after him, his words echoing in her head. It isn’t clear if Lex is referring to Clark, or Lionel, but she reasons both are just as likely. Her heart quivers with fear, and it’s a moment she will replay for many years to come.

That night, she lays down to attempt to sleep but finds herself tossing and turning, feeling strangely energized, a horrible power coursing through her veins -- one like she’s never experienced. Her entire body is vibrating with strange energy, and for a moment, she thinks she might actually be dying. Somehow, after several hours, she manages to doze off, only to bolt upright in bed at 4AM feeling the most peculiar sensation. 

She looks at her quivering hand and realizes immediately that something is happening. Somehow, by some miracle, her string is no longer pointed to the sky. It doesn’t reach beyond the clouds, to the great beyond, threatening to carry her off into space. Instead, it’s stretching outward toward the horizon, calling to her, begging her to pay attention. It isn’t necessarily around the corner, but somehow she feels closer than she’s ever been to knowing the truth.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luthor backstory, a strange encounter, and Lena meets her soulmate for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those that don't know, Granny Goodness is a character from the DC universe, mostly in comics, but also in Smallville. (shoutout to @theblacklistforever97 for ALL her amazing insights, ideas and help with this fic and educating me on variations of the luthor family - this wouldn't be possible without her!) ... I'm using a veryyyy loose interpretation of this character for my own purposes, but just so there's a little context.
> 
> also shout out to @trappedinvacancy once again for the artwork, @mssirey for the inspiration and tumblr chats, and OF COURSE @nevertobeships for ALL the editing because I don't actually know how to punctuate dialogue and she does it for me LMAO (and also gives me endless ideas, encouragement and lena/katie stanning, duh).
> 
> Thanks to all of YOU for reading, and all my anons who send me messages that make me smile.
> 
> It takes an army.
> 
> Enjoy!

Lionel’s death leaves the Luthor family at an impossible impasse, one that sends Lex reeling into the darkness, and withdrawing from Lena completely. It sends Lillian to the shadows, lurking and plotting with a vengeance, her criticisms harsher and more violent than ever. Lena is alone, shunned from the family for reasons she thinks she understands, but others she has no grasp of. She feels cold, and scared, but more than that, she can sense that the family name is on the precipice of disaster.

Maybe she shouldn’t have asked for Lex’s advice.

Maybe Lionel’s death is merely another link in the tumultuous chain of events.

Whatever it is, Lena has an idea how this all started.

She is the catalyst.

 _“Lex, do you have a minute?” her voice is timid, as she approaches Lex in his room. He goes back to college the day after next, and Lena is still reeling from their conversation in the kitchen about his girlfriend._  

 _“For you, little sister, always,” he replies, setting down his book and staring at her with big, earnest eyes._  

_“It’s just…” Lena pauses, staring at the invisible string on her finger, before thinking of the right question to ask. Her mind can’t settle on just one. “I have so many questions.”_

_“Ah--” Lex nods, knowingly, and stands slowly to approach her. “I thought you might, which is why I think it’s time you went to the library.”_

_He fishes in his pocket and produces a business card with a name printed in block letters:_ **_Granny Goodness_ ** _._

_Lena quirks her eyebrow and smirks at him._

_“Isn’t this the old librarian? Lex, I hardly think she’s going to do more than hand me a stack of books, most of which I’ve already read.” She takes the card reluctantly, holding it out in front of her to study the name. She’s not sure what “good” this woman is going to produce, but frankly, she isn’t convinced._

_“Just trust me, Lee,” Lex says, putting his hand on her shoulder, “There’s more to her than meets the eye, I can guarantee that.”_

_She finds herself in the back room of the library on the hill a few days later, surrounded by strangely scented incense and ancient looking books. It’s a room she didn’t even know existed, despite visiting the library on multiple occasions. There’s a presence here that Lena finds chilling and threatening, one that reminds her of all the old horror movies Lex used to force her to watch._

_She wishes she didn’t come alone._

_“Lena Luthor?” an old, mystical voice echoes from the shadows. “I’ve been expecting you.”_

_Lena swallows the lump in her throat and searches the room for the enigmatic figure. The beads hanging from the ceiling across the doorway rattle, and the small, hunched woman enters slowly. She’s not what Lena expects at all. The old librarian that usually sits perched at the entrance, with funny glasses and a kind smile is there, but she’s different, somehow. She’s replaced by a curious figure with a strange aura. The older woman has white hair, and her navy eyes are clouded with the mist of too many memories._

_Lena’s hands quiver, the string on her finger pulsing with every step Granny Goodness takes._

_“I suppose you want to know about that string on your finger, my dear,” she looks at her wisely, as if this is an everyday occurrence, “And I don’t blame you. In all my years, I have only seen one other string that bright and that strong.”_

_She reaches out and gingerly touches Lena’s arm, sending a prickling sensation down her entire body. Lena hastily retreats. She feels trapped, but her curiosity keeps her rooted to the spot._

_“You can see them?” she asks, her voice hushed._

_“Of course I can, my dear, of course I can.” Granny whirls around her and flutters about the room, putting a kettle on a small stove located in the corner. “Tea?”_

_“No, thank you.” Lena shakes her head and offers a small smile, aching to get on with the conversation. She looks around the room again, studying the titles of the books, all more intriguing than the first. Enchantments, sorcery, witchcraft. Potions._  

 _Definitely glad to have skipped the tea, she thinks._  

 _The room is filled with dark magic, and Lena isn’t sure she wants any part of this._  

_“What about my string is special?” she croaks, her voice cracking from the dust around her, and the feeling of dread lurking behind her throat._

  _Granny sighs, and turns to her. She studies her intently, as if she’s trying to decide something. She nods slightly and speaks._

_“You feel it vibrate and quake sometimes, don’t you dear?” she asks knowingly, as Lena’s eyes widen. “You feel the power course through your veins, I can see it in your face. That doesn’t happen to everyone. Oh, of course, a soulmate bond is strong, and vibrant but you -- you have the string of Light,” she says, her voice carrying through the room with force. “It isn’t so much the string, as who it is tied to. Your heart seems to be strong, and filled with a unique, special power, because a bond like this only appears when a soul finds an absolute equal.”_

_Lena’s heart skips a beat. She had no idea her string was so valuable, so strong._

_“And if, for some reason, I choose to change my string?” she asks nonchalantly, her fingers twisting anxiously._

_Granny regards her with skepticism, before her eyes sparkle with amusement._

_“You always have choices, dear, but I wouldn’t recommend it.”_

_Lena cocks her eyebrow challengingly, daring the woman to explain further. She is feeling overwhelmed and defensive over her power, suddenly. Even if she has no intention of changing strings, she wants to know all the consequences she can expect. She believes in being prepared._  

_“Why not? It isn’t like my soulmate is getting any closer to being here.” Her eyes flutter to the ceiling as she scoffs, and Granny smiles, knowingly._

_“Oh child, have faith. There is a reason for the wait.”_  

_“I’m sure.” Lena rolls her eyes._

_Granny chuckles quietly._

_“Breaking a bond like that, even a heart as powerful as yours would be damaged beyond repair,” she explains calmly. “You’d survive, and you’d carry on, but your heart would never recover. You’d never be able to have another. They say it’s a fate worse than death, my dear, because it’s a lifetime of lonely despair.”_

_Lena’s breath hitches in her throat. A permanent loss? She didn’t think it could be possible._

_“And my soulmate? Would it be the same for them?”_

_“Ah, you worry for them already. You speak of sacrifice. There’s so much hope in your soul, I see this clearly,” she says, smiling devilishly. “The one who cuts the tie will be the one to suffer. The other may have a chance at something else, but it will never be right. It will never be whole. But yes, in some ways, they can be spared.”_

_It comes out menacing, and leaves Lena’s head swimming._

_“But what if it gets cut by someone else?” Lena asks, her mind whirling, trying to process all the outcomes. “What if I’m not the one to choose?”_

_“The one who agrees will be the one to lose. A string cannot be cut unless one of you gives permission.”_

_This information provides a small flicker of hope, and Lena tries to study the woman’s eyes. Granny Goodness doesn’t smile at her, or seem to even really see her clearly at all, and it makes Lena’s stomach curdle._

_“I--I should probably go--” Lena says, suddenly desperate to get out of the woman’s clutches. The room is closing in around her, and she feels hopeless under the weight of this curse. She stumbles to the door, crafting a speedy exit before she can hear Granny Goodness calling after her._

_She doesn’t want to return, but she is drawn to the old library by a dark force, possessing her to seek guidance in any form it will come in. She manages to ward it off for only a few days before caving to the unrelenting pressure._

_“I knew you’d be back, my child,” the voice is more enchanting than the last time, and Lena shudders under the cloak of mystery that it shrouds her with._

_She sighs, sinking into the old wooden chair beside the stove, anxiously tapping her fingers on the old distressed oak table._

_“You didn’t ask me the question your heart most longs to know,” Granny says, appearing from the shadows, her voice carrying like a whisper into Lena’s ear. “You didn’t ask me about his string.”_

_Lena turns to face the old sorceress._

_“How did---” Lena stops. Of course she knows. She swallows slowly. “What does a faded string mean?”_

_Granny’s eyes narrow, as her gaze grows suspicious. The mood in the room shifts drastically, as if a cold wind has just blown through. Lena shivers._

_“A faded string is the cruelest of them all, child.” Granny warns, pointing at Lena’s heart, “It indicates an intertwining destiny, dim with the burden of very little hope. It’s a path that must be followed, even if the outcome is grim.”_

_“But they aren’t soulmates?” Lena asks, confused, and desperate to understand. “I thought soulmates were supposed to give you power, and make you feel more than you ever thought possible. They’re supposed to bring everything out of you, ignite your heart. Why does this type of soulmate exist?”_

_She’s angry now, and the more she learns, the more her heart twists in anxiety._

_“These are soulmates of a different variety, Lena. They are not the kind that fill your heart with love. But mark my words, they will certainly bring everything out of the holder. These soulmates exist to challenge each other, to further the story, to charter destiny. The universe chooses these antagonistic souls for a purpose beyond their own. There is a slim possibility for peace, of course, but it will not come without drastic measures. It is practically impossible for both to survive together as equals. There will be a constant shift in power until one or both of the holders have been defeated. It is the only way.”_

_Her mother never told her about this kind of twist. This dark destiny. This horrible fate._

_Her mother was an optimist, but perhaps Lillian was right. Perhaps her mother was foolish._  

_“Surely the strings can be cut, and fate can be changed, though, right?” Lena asks, still holding out for a miracle. “You talk of drastic measures. I’d imagine this counts as drastic.”_

_Granny pauses, pursing her lips together before smirking at Lena, an evil gleam in her eye._

_“You could still choose to cut the string, should you feel so inclined.” Granny shrugs at this, and tilts her head. “But the result will almost always be catastrophic.”_

_“What would happen?”_

_“Death, of course,” she says matter-of-factly, and chills run up Lena’s spine. “Not immediately. No, it won’t happen just because you cut the string. It will take time, and it isn’t always clear how or why. But it will happen. When a bond like that is severed, even with the best intentions, it will create a chain of reactions beyond your abilities.”_

_“Who would die?”_  

_“Ah, the plight of the visionary,” she smiles, sadly, her eyes holding more than Lena thinks she’s sharing. “The one who knows the truth gets to decide who lives or dies. It could bring destruction to all, if you aren’t careful.”_

_Lena’s heart stops as the implications register in her brain. It’s cryptic, and there are so many ways to interpret the words. Before Lena can fully comprehend, a sharp gust of wind blows through the open window in the back corner, sending papers fluttering about._  

_The timing makes Lena nauseous._

_As she stands to leave in defeat for the second time in so many days, Granny’s attitude changes. The old witch’s face softens for a moment, as she regards her._

_“For everyone’s sake, and especially your own, leave your brother’s string alone.” Granny cautions sternly, “This is not yours to fix, Lena.”_

* * *

The news story breaks right during prime time, almost exactly as planned. The outcome, however, is not quite the way it is supposed to go.

The Luthors suddenly find themselves launched into infamy, but in a way that no one wants. Lex Luthor’s rivalry with Superman has finally hit a critical point, and the dastardly result plunges Metropolis into a vortex of disparaging storylines and chaos. Once the most powerful family in the world, a name revered and sought after, now becomes a pariah, a blemish on the face of a thriving city.

Lena closes the blinds, scowling as the reporters huddle around their house, banging on the door at all hours and screaming into the night, demanding justice.

There’s name-calling, vandalism, death threats. There’s phone calls and bricks thrown through windows. There’s investor panic, and plummeting stock prices.

There’s a mother, beside herself with anger, veins cold from a broken heart, cursing the world and swearing her revenge.

There’s a daughter, suffering under the crushing weight of immense guilt, taking on the pain of the world, swearing to atone for the sins of her brother.

Perhaps it would have always been this way. Perhaps it really is fate. 

But maybe Lex should have known the truth. 

_“Humans and aliens cannot coexist,” Lillian says adamantly over dinner, the discussion turning inevitably, as it always does, to the influx of aliens settling in Metropolis. Superman has been saving the city for a few years, now, but the Luthors don’t trust anyone outside of their own kind. “They are going to ruin our way of life, and it will be the end of the world as we know it. How long until these gods decide to rule instead of serve?”_

_Lena keeps her mouth shut. She watches her brother, unable to read his thoughts the way she used to. He’s withdrawn, and conflicted, and more disgruntled than ever before. Their connection has remained permanently severed with Lionel’s departure, the chasm growing by the day, and Lena knows she’s to blame._

_She wonders if Lex knows that his best friend, the one he’s so adamant to one-up, is the same Superman that he idolizes. Lena knows, because she’s met Clark several times, and she sees exactly where his string points. She sees that Superman’s string points dangerously to the same person._  

_It chills her to the bone._

_“Well, you know what they say, mother,” Lex drawls, looking bored, now, as if the conversation couldn’t be further from his mind, “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.”_

_Lillian’s eyes sparkle in conspiratorial agreement, and Lena’s heart breaks at the revelation._

_Lex seems fully aware, at least of Clark’s identity, and he’s plotting._

_Lena feels her string tugging slightly, and she knows there’s no way for her to ever fully support her family in this cause. Not when she seems so precariously tethered to an otherworldly being. Not when she feels safer staring at the caped Kryptonian than her own brother. Not when she knows the horrible truth._

_There are bad aliens out there, to be sure. But there are also bad humans. Lena isn’t sure which is the more dangerous threat._  

Once Lex is put away in jail, Lena is haunted by every single past conversation, wondering what she could have said or done to make it right. There doesn’t seem to be a quick fix, but she tosses and turns at all hours of the night wondering if the strings should have been changed. It would have been a risk, but surely it couldn’t be much worse than this. 

Lex might have been redeemed. He might have learned to love something other than power.

The consequence of _not_ acknowledging his wishes eats at her with profound intensity. She used to be so adamantly against it, but her brother went ahead and committed unspeakable crimes due to her inaction. There doesn’t seem to be any way to forgive herself for her part in the madness. 

Granny Goodness’s words echo in her brain, but she has a hard time believing that everything she says is true. An old witch, lurking in the underbelly of a desolate library doesn’t seem to be a completely reliable source. But her gut tells her there’s a reason she can’t shake the old woman’s warnings. 

Lillian becomes more distant than ever, consistently called away on abstract business that she remains tight lipped about around Lena. They hardly speak, even at Lex’s trial, where he is convicted heavily, and sentenced to 32 consecutive life sentences. Lillian is quick to disappear after that, and Lena finally decides to break away. She heads to National City for the fresh start she feels the family needs. It’s time to pay for Lex’s crimes, and the only way she knows how is to be the face of change. She clenches her jaw, and prepares to weather the storm.

* * *

 The night Supergirl reveals herself to the world, Lena Luthor is nowhere to be found. She doesn’t see the news -- the last daughter of Krypton showing her face for the first time, captured by the vultures in the media -- and so she doesn’t hear the endless questions.

_Are there more of them?_

_Is she the same kind as he is?_  

_Is she good like him?_

Lena misses the story completely, toiling in the dark lab of Luthor Corp, desperately trying to purge her family’s company from the destructive patterns of previous owners. There are weapons of mass destruction, and enough chemicals to put the entire world into peril. It’s horrifying, and disgusting, and she hasn’t even gotten through half of it. There are some potential projects that she can salvage, with considerable rework and even more man-power, but they seem few and far between. The frenzied mind of a mass murderer is something she never thought she’d deal with so intimately, but the decline in Lex’s old research tells a story all its own. His notes become jagged and disconnected, and his focus more obsessive. 

She catches the tears falling on more than one occasion, but her body is too numb with shock to register the depth of the emotions.

At this point, she’s several months into her tenure as CEO, and she’s more heavily scrutinized than ever before. Every move is analyzed, every word is judged. Investors are breathing down her neck, coming after her, demanding impossible results. She works around the clock, and has barely enough time for her own life. It’s thankless, and frustrating, and frankly, she feels completely stifled under the unbreathable legacy thrown upon her.

More importantly, she can’t believe this has been happening in plain sight all this time. Luthor Corp has been tangled in these operations far longer than Lena really wants to think about, and the realization is daunting. Lex may have orchestrated violence and genocide, but he had an abundance of resources, and years of research at his disposal. 

She thinks of her father, and wonders what he knew, and what he refused to acknowledge. 

She thinks of Lillian, and how much of this came at her request. 

She thinks of her mother, and realizes she can no longer remember the way her face looked when she smiled.

The string on her finger twinges, and Lena finds herself engulfed in irrational, frustrated rage. The pain in her chest becomes overwhelming, and she throws a glass beaker across the room, watching it shatter into pieces, the benign liquid cascading down the wall.

“What good are you? You’re not even here!” the words echo throughout the empty lab, leaving a deafening silence in their wake. “You’re never here...” she whispers, as a small, choked sob leaves her throat. A single tear falls down her cheek, and she eagerly swipes it away.

At this point, she isn’t sure if she’s crying for her soulmate, whose path may never cross her own, her father, who left her behind without ever really getting to know her, her mother, who loved her beyond words but couldn’t save her from the pain, her step mother, who never wanted to love her and could never bring herself to try, or her brother, who might have broken her heart more than any of the others combined. 

She stares into the void and thinks of them all at once, the darkness closing in on her with heavy lids and suffocating silence. 

When she finally drags herself back to her apartment, and turns on the TV, she sees it.

A new hero. The new Kryptonian.

Supergirl.

Something in her heart twists, and she feels drawn to the TV, watching the story on repeat until she can almost recite the headlines by heart. The crest on her chest is blazing, the letter “S” proudly displayed front and center in the same way his is. She’s different, though. She carries a strength that seems to eclipse even the man of steel’s. Somehow, Lena feels hopeful, even though she knows she should be afraid.

_They will never be like you. They will never choose you over their own kind._

She hears Lillian’s words, but she can’t help but get lost in the sapphire eyes of the newcomer. Something about her reaches Lena’s heart. Something about her tells Lena to hold on.

* * *

 Lena meets the caped crusader in person only a few weeks later, under circumstances she should have expected. A targeted attack comes out of the blue, but nothing is really left up to chance with a last name as treacherous as Luthor. She’s already feeling uneasy, a routine helicopter ride is something she would prefer to avoid, and after today, her fear of flying is ratcheted several levels. The Luthor CEO is scheduled to fly to Metropolis for a TED talk on quantum theory, but instead, finds herself facing a deadly drone opening fire on an defenseless cockpit. She sits, terrified and stunned, too ill-equipped to stop it, and as the chopper tilts ominously to the side, the pilot slumps over the seat with a bullet carefully placed in his neck. Within minutes, two fluttering capes intercept the drone and deflect the bullets off their impenetrable chests. Lena can only watch in horror, as her heart pounds in her ears. She stares, wide-eyed, as Superman flies off after the rest of the drones, and Supergirl comes right to her side.

“You’re safe now,” the hero’s dazzling voice breaks through the whirling sounds of the blades, and Lena’s heart stops in it’s tracks. “I’ve got you. I’m here.”

Supergirl reaches a steady hand out to gently grab Lena’s forearm. Green eyes cascade over the ‘S’ on her chest, the very one she’s supposed to hate. Visions of her brother, spewing venom in a crazed stupor come to the forefront of her mind. She hears his maniacal cackling and sees Superman’s tired, shattered eyes when Lex ultimately caves to defeat. Lena wonders if Supergirl knows this history, knows that she’s like him. Worse, in a way, because she carries a darkness that even Lex doesn’t have.

Supergirl’s hands graze along Lena’s arm, and she shows no intention of leaving her side. Still, all Lena can hear is Lex’s raspy voice behind the bulletproof glass of the prison reminding her to _never trust a Super._  

Lena swallows thickly. She’s desperate to focus. There was just an attempt on her life, but suddenly, all she can see is a calm ocean of quiet peace reflecting back to her in the form of clear, blue eyes. It feels like her entire body is falling under a spell, and she is powerless to stop it. 

 _What kind of power does this Kryptonian possess?_  

Instead of struggling against the clutches of crippling fear, Lena feels like she’s laying down in her bed, far away from the chaos of violent murder attempts gone wrong. There are several long seconds where everything is silent, like she’s watching the scene unfold from high above. It makes no sense, until she sees it. Her fingers are trembling, and she stares at her left hand in particular. The one that has haunted her dreams for so many nights. The one that has caused her so much pain. 

The string is dangling, as it finally reaches a destination, landing directly in the middle of Supergirl’s heart.

 _So this is her. This is the one I’ve been waiting for._  

“Finally...” the words leave her mouth in a relieved exhalation. They convey years of pining and fretting. They rush out from her lips after being bottled in frustration. Lena clears her throat, and attempts to calm her rattled nerves. This is not the time for over emotional introductions. She clenches her jaw, and can’t help but glare back in disbelief.

 _It took you long enough._  

Just like that, she’s back at the scene, the sounds and smells assaulting her senses immediately. Everything else can be worked out later. She’s waited this long.

“What the hell was that?” she asks forcefully, ripping off her headset with disgust. 

Supergirl holds her gaze just long enough for Lena to consider that maybe she feels it too. The longing, the recognition, the desire. Something. 

The hero’s brow furrows, called back to the crisis, and her voice rings out seriously.

“Someone is trying to kill you,” she states, and Lena’s eyes grow wide, breaking away from their tranquil resting place, searching frantically for more signs of danger.

Supergirl gently eases Lena out of the helicopter, placing her down on the ground with such tenderness that Lena forgets just how strong this marvel of a being is. She’s heard the stories and witnessed Superman’s actions several times, but it’s another thing entirely to feel it.

Or maybe that’s just because it’s _her._

When the threat is properly vanquished, Supergirl offers to walk her back to her office, but Lena refuses.

It’s too much, too soon. It’s overwhelming. Her soulmate, and a Super, all at once. 

“Thank you, Supergirl, but I’ll be fine.” Lena insists, lying through her teeth, “I appreciate the rescue.”

Supergirl hesitates, her head tilted in thought, a slight crinkle in her forehead appearing after a few seconds. Lena avoids her eyes, feeling like the Kryptonian can read her thoughts, and instead she focuses on fighting against the compulsion to wrap herself in the hero’s strong arms one more time.

She’s instantly drawn to her, the way she knew she would be, but she feels a gnawing guilt in the back of her mind at what this means for her family. A Luthor and a Super. The lines have been so clearly drawn, and neither one should be able to share a side. Yet here she is, anchored to the sworn enemy of her family, feeling a brightness fill her spirit like she’s never experienced. 

Lena returns to her office, rattled, but determined. She won’t let this threat shake her confidence, or distract her for more than any amount of time necessary. She closes her door and gets back to work, throwing herself into anything that doesn’t remind her of super heroes or broken families. 

Later that evening, a soft fluttering sound whirls into her thoughts, as footsteps quietly land on her balcony. Her heart skips a beat, the adrenaline kicking in as she whips around, ready to face whatever menace is surely outside. Instead, she is met full force with a shy, gentle smile and honey golden hair. It’s enough to almost knock her unconscious.

“Supergirl, twice in one day?” Lena smirks, trying to lighten the mood instead of succumbing to the crushing intensity of her feelings. “I suppose I should be honored.” 

Supergirl smiles softly, but it still radiates the room in light. Lena shrinks back in awe as she approaches.

“I just wanted you to feel safe, and assure you we’re doing everything we can,” she states, her voice proud and self-assured. “We’ll find out what happened out there.”

Lena’s heart drops, as she begins to realize what’s happening. The death threat, her last name, her brother. She scoffs and shakes her head, annoyed at her own foolishness.

“Is this a courtesy call or just a way to keep an eye on another Luthor?” she contests, her eyebrow raising in a direct challenge. The warm feeling is gone, replaced by a cold desire to defend herself.

Supergirl immediately rises to the occasion.

“I believe people should be judged on their own merits,” she responds coolly. “Despite your family, you are your own person.”

“How noble of you,” Lena retorts, and it feels good to spar with someone, even if it’s misdirected.

Supergirl shakes her head with a small smile, and looks at her the way she looked at her earlier -- like she can see into her soul, and understands her struggle. There isn’t a trace of animosity in her face, and somehow, it makes Lena grow more uncomfortable. 

“You’re not as cruel as you want to seem, Ms. Luthor,” she says, in a tone that is hard to place. It feels like a suggestion, and Lena bites her lip at that.

“Are you asking me, or telling me, Supergirl?” Lena clears her throat and leans forward, bracing for a war of words. There’s hostility and anger simmering in her stomach, but she knows it’s from years of wanting this person to be with her. It’s from years of waiting, and wishing.

She blames Supergirl for taking so long, even though she knows it has always been out of her control. 

She blames the universe for giving her the connection her brother never had. 

_If you were here sooner, my life wouldn’t have turned out this way._

Instead, Supergirl merely nods, accepting the verbal stalemate, before slowly walking to the balcony. 

“Good night, Ms. Luthor,” she says, turning to Lena one last time, a flash of bright blue eyes hitting her directly in the chest. Lena loses her breath immediately, and can only nod in response. 

Left alone, Lena sighs, and stares at her laptop, seeing nothing in front of her but the glowing symbol of the house of El, and a smile that seems to reflect the sun. As far as soulmates go, she should have seen this coming. The string on her finger is brighter than ever, a halo pulsing around it the same way the light seems to glow around Supergirl’s entire being. Her heart is pounding as she reflects on the events of the day, hearing the smooth rasp of Supergirl’s voice in her ears. She feels the warmth of her touch, and sees the brightness of her smile, the one that reminds her of her mother’s -- the one she has missed for so many years. Her entire body feels like it’s coming alive after a long, dormant slumber. She doesn’t think she’ll ever get used to seeing the string have a final destination.

 _“Your soulmate will make you feel like you can conquer the world,”_ her mother’s voice rings out, and she finally understands. Lena feels the energy of an entire city coursing through her veins, urging her forward, motivating her to be strong.

By the time she opens her eyes again, her heart already belongs to Supergirl.

* * *

It isn’t long before she’s confronted by the same overwhelming presence a few days later, in the form of a stuttering alter-ego. The beautiful Kryptonian walks into her office behind a confident Clark Kent, asking incriminating questions about the Luthor family. It isn’t the ideal meeting, but Lena is enamored in an entirely different way by the woman smiling at her behind dark rimmed glasses. 

She knows this game. She’s played it for years with Clark, and it’s still the same when it comes to her own personal hero. The string glows, and is achingly distracting for Lena with the two standing so close in proximity. Still, she manages to feign indifference, as she knows the other two cannot see what is right in front of them. 

“And who are you, exactly?” Lena asks, walking by the woman quickly, afraid if she stops in front of her too long she will be forced to look her in the eye. 

“I’m Kara Danvers--” she pauses, taking a quick nervous breath before continuing “--I’m not with the Daily Planet, I’m with CatCo magazine, sort of…” she trails off, but Lena is already busy memorizing her voice.

_Kara. The name immediately settles in her heart, making a home for itself in every crevice of her soul. It’s beautiful, because of course it is. She’s beautiful, because of course she is._

_I’ve been waiting for you my entire life._

_Kara._

Even under the circumstances, and Clark’s petulant questions, it’s easier to be around her like this, without the reminder of the Kryptonian origin. Here, she’s just a person. Just Kara. Here, she’s just someone with flaws, trying her best to make it in the world. 

Lena falls more in love with Kara Danvers than Supergirl, and she wonders how that is even possible. 

Clark asks her about her plans for Luthor Corp, and Lena is brought back to the reality of the situation, and the reality of her life. 

“When Superman put Lex in jail, I vowed to take back my family’s company. To rename it L-Corp, and make it a force for good.” She punches at the remote on her desk, to illuminate the TV screen across her office, flashing a brand new logo. “I’m just a woman trying to make a name for herself outside of her family, can you understand that?” 

“Yeah.” Kara is quick to respond, offering a smile that conveys more than agreement. 

Lena’s heart flips.

“I assume that alone would put a target on your back,” Clark interjects, “But I also understand you’ve been purging your company’s old projects.”

Lena clenches her jaw, and nods.

“Here is a drive that contains all the information I have on Luthor Corp’s prior engagements, at least what can be made public. I hope it assists in your investigation,” she says sincerely, handing the thumb drive to Clark, who takes it gratefully.

“And this re-naming ceremony, that’s part of the plan?” Clark asks, his head tilted in thought. He glances at Kara, an indistinguishable look passing between the two of them.

Lena regards both of them closely, her eyes narrowing as she tries to decide what they’re plotting. Clark’s eyes seem calculated, but Kara’s face seems warm, and understanding, and kind. Lena swallows thickly, before getting lost in too many thoughts that will take her too far away from what she needs to focus on.

“I’m here for a fresh start, Mr. Kent. Let me have one.”

They chat a few minutes longer, never touching on Lex directly, which Lena is grateful for. She knows Clark is suspicious of her, and she doesn’t blame him. She can only hope she still has a chance to prove herself to Kara, because that’s the one that matters. 

She’s always been the only one who matters.

“So, can I expect to see your name on the by-line?” Lena asks, as the interview draws to a close. Kara turns to her, mouth agape, trying to find the words to answer the innocent question.

Lena is pleased at the fact that at least Kara seems intimidated enough by her to show that _something_ is happening beneath the surface. It’s satisfying, even if it’s simple.

“Oh, well, I’m not really a reporter,” she mumbles, shrugging slightly, as she stares at the ground.

Lena wonders why she isn’t a full fledged reporter already, and is immediately drafting several strongly worded e-mails in her head to Cat Grant before stopping to consider that it might be too soon to intervene. She hardly knows Kara at all, even if it feels like she’s known her forever.

“Well, you could have fooled me.” Lena settles with, her eyes locking on Kara’s for the first time. _I believe you can do anything._ She finds herself unable to pull her gaze away, as she dives headfirst into a waterfall of blue.

“I hope this isn’t the last time we talk,” she finishes, pulling herself back to the safety of the shore after one too many seconds spent drowning. She turns abruptly to circle back to her desk, forcing her legs to reluctantly move away from Kara.

“I hope not either,” Kara says, smiling softly, her entire face illuminated by the sun reflecting in from the windows.

Lena watches as the two Supers leave her office, and take the warmth with them. She understands why her mother fears them, and calls them gods, because even in plain clothing, their souls have an intensity that penetrate a room. Lena doesn’t feel frightened, or threatened, or scared. She doesn’t feel anything but inexplicably safe. 

_It feels like coming home after being away for so many years._

Later that evening, as she’s preparing to shut down for the night, the familiar sound of boots touch down on her balcony. She turns and smiles, as Kara strides in, hands on hips, looking confident, but still carrying herself with a gentle politeness. It hits Lena hard in the center of her chest. 

“Supergirl!” she exclaims, wincing slightly at her own enthusiasm. “You know that door’s not really an entrance.” Lena turns and can’t help but smile, despite her attempt to act nonchalant. She’s happy Kara is here at all, even if it’s on official business. 

“Sorry to keep barging in on you,” Kara says, a sheepish smile on her face, one that crinkles the corners of her eyes and makes Lena’s heart skip a few beats. There’s something about an indestructible force smiling at her with such genuine care that makes the CEO come undone. 

“You seem to care what happens to me,” Lena muses, her lips twisted in thought. She’s fighting with everything she has to remain contained. She can’t show her cards because no matter how drawn she feels to Kara, she is still a stranger, and she is still a Super. Her Luthor wits take over, and her heart takes a back seat. But she’s captivated, and she doesn’t want the hero to leave.

Not yet. Not ever, really.

“Of course I care, Ms. Luthor.” Kara walks further into her office, past her desk, her back to Lena. “That’s why I’m here actually.” 

“Lena, please,” the CEO says quietly, staring at the strong back of the Kryptonian.

“Lena.” Kara turns and nods, her eyes sparkling with a knowing enchantment. 

The way Kara’s tongue rolls over the letters makes Lena’s knees weak. She’s never been partial to her own name, but the way Kara says it gives it new life.

“You can’t go on with this renaming ceremony…” Kara begins, and Lena’s lips quirk, as she’s ready to pounce. She had a feeling this is what Kara had come for.

She admires her spunk, and the way she is trying to warn her. The gesture is protective, and admirable. Lena only wishes it came from a place of knowing exactly who the younger Luthor is, instead of regarding her as just another troubled citizen with a target on her back.

“Can’t I?” she challenges, raising her eyebrow incredulously, studying Kara’s face as she speaks.

Kara merely crosses her arms in defiance, tilting her head slightly so that her blonde curls cascade over her shoulder.

“You’re taking an awful risk, going ahead with this with your life in danger.” 

“I won’t have a life if I can’t turn this company into something positive,” Lena says adamantly, her forehead furrowed in concentration. She’s trying desperately to convey her passion for this project to Kara without saying too much, or projecting her problems on someone who has no reason to sympathize. “All I’ll be remembered for is Lex’s madness.” 

“I still don’t think it’s a good idea. It’s definitely going to be a target. Maybe if you wait just a few weeks, let things settle down….”

“I don’t do things on other people’s time, and I certainly don’t do things out of fear. No, the ceremony must happen, and I’m going on with it. Besides--” she pauses, smirking at Kara slightly, her eyes tracing over her suit. “Isn’t that what you’re here for?" 

“It seems I’ve underestimated you, Lena Luthor,” Kara says, her eyes serious, but gentle. “I guess I have no choice.”

Lena nods, satisfied with the answer. She appreciates the effort, but even more than that, she appreciates the way Kara is backing off and instead offering her support. It’s a relief, and she immediately feels the tension dissipate.

Kara is stalling, standing somewhat awkwardly in the middle of her office, not necessarily making a move to leave, and Lena grins. She takes the opportunity. 

“Do you want to stay for a little while?” Lena asks, walking over to the small set of glasses she keeps on her bookshelf. She casually pours herself a glass of scotch and raises one in Supergirl’s direction, her eyebrow quirking with an implied offer.

Supergirl looks taken aback by the unexpected invitation, but she nods with a small smile.

“Just water for me, though,” she grins, “That other stuff doesn’t quite do it for me.”

“Of course.” 

Lena pours her a glass, and leads them outside onto the balcony. It’s a pleasant evening, a cool breeze blowing from the East, enough to ward off the heat from the day. The city is twinkling, and humming with dull weeknight calmness. 

“This is quite a view you’ve got up here,” Kara says, her hands gently resting on the railing as she looks out over the city.

“It’s okay, though I can’t imagine it compares much to your usual birds eye view of the city.” Lena replies, sipping her drink slowly. 

Kara nods in acquiescence, and sighs softly. 

Lena turns and watches her, truly watches her for the first time. Kara is staring out to the horizon, standing proud and tall and confident, and she’s everything a hero should be. Her shoulders are broad, and her eyes are kind, and the muscles in her neck are sculpted by artists from another world. Lena’s breath hitches as she watches the hollow of her throat, and the way it dips ever so slightly when she takes a breath. Lena’s heart caves on itself as she tries to contain all the feelings she has inside, raging and battling to be let free. 

“The stars are so different here,” Kara says quietly, breaking the silence, a light airy chuckle coming from her lips. “You’d think after so many years, I’d get used to it, but sometimes I catch myself remembering my old life, the old sky. It’s a lifetime away, but nights like tonight it feels closer than ever.”

Lena dips her head, because she knows. Not in exactly the same way, but she knows why it feels like home is so close. It’s because it is. Their hearts are calling to each other, finally getting their long overdue chance to meet. She listens intently for anything Kara is on the verge of sharing. She’s desperate to drink in anything about her, to learn as much as she can about this extraordinary being standing by her side.

“You must miss it terribly,” Lena says quietly, the previous hostility and tension long gone from her voice. She wants Kara to know she’s safe, and gentle. She wants her to know she’s on her side.

Always.

Lena knows vaguely the history of Krypton, and the way it exploded on itself as a result of years of abuse. She knows how Kal came to be, but she doesn’t know the details of why Kara took so long. She also knows the pain of loss, having felt it as a young child, but she can’t imagine seeing her entire world go up in flames.

Kara turns to her, and looks at her with a sadness in her eyes that makes Lena’s own heart shatter. She can almost see Krypton’s demise reflected back at her, and Lena bites her lip to keep from trembling. The young Kryptonian’s voice quivers, as she tells her about her home planet, the way it was bathed in an amber light, and the way it had so much potential. She talks of her hasty exit, and her mission to protect her cousin, only to be thwarted off course to spend years waiting for something, anything to happen. Instead, she was locked away in the phantom zone with no one around to help.

It sounds terrifying, and the string on Lena’s finger tightens with regret.

_I was so mad at you for so long, and you were all alone._

Kara tells her about her family, and Lena’s stomach twists, because she realizes they are both from tragically broken homes.

“I should be thankful.” Kara’s voice is airy, and hopeful, even with the crushing burden she is forced to bear. “My parents gave me so much and I was so loved. My dad was a scientist, my mom fought for justice. They were proud, strong people. Good Kryptonians, and even better parents. That’s how I want to remember them.”

Lena sighs. She’s happy that Kara at least had a wonderful family, even if that makes their absence harder to deal with now. It means she knows love. It means she knows strength.

“Why shouldn’t you remember them that way?” Lena asks tentatively, wondering if it’s the right question to ask. 

“They weren’t perfect. No matter how smart they were, or how hard they tried, they couldn’t save us. They saw the end of the world coming, and they didn’t do anything about it.” Kara shakes her head, the disappointment weighing heavy on her shoulders.

Lena feels like she is saying all of this with the Luthors in mind. The gesture isn’t lost on her.

“My family were not exactly role models,” she scoffs, rolling her eyes in pure disgust, embarrassed to even be discussing it with Kara. It seems tainted, and wrong, something she should skirt under the carpet, never to be brought up again. But Kara looks at Lena like she _knows_. There’s no malice, or distrust in her face, no anger in her spirit. She doesn’t shrink away. Instead, she faces Lena directly, and stares into her eyes, and she listens.

“You don’t have to be like them, you know. You shared a home, but that doesn’t lock you down to their legacy, or their choices.” Kara’s eyes are adamant, imploring Lena to be better.

Lena sighs.

They stand in silence a few minutes longer, before Lena gets up the courage to speak.

“Were you scared? Coming here, being alone?” she asks, trying to imagine what that could be like. She turns up blank.

Kara hesitates, as she stares out over the city that she has sworn to protect, no matter what. Lena knows she’s brave, knows she’s indestructible, and knows she’s stronger than anything out there. But she asks anyway. 

“Yes.” Kara’s voice is small, and it’s an admission of fear that Lena is surprised she makes. “I don’t think I’ve ever said that out loud to anyone before.”

Lena’s breath hitches.

“Well, Supergirl, your secret is safe with me.”

Her blue eyes lock on Lena’s and she extends her hand, placing it gently on Lena’s forearm. 

“Somehow, I already know that to be true, Lena,” she says, and Lena feels the trust extended to her by just the few words Kara speaks, and all the words she doesn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @stennnn06 aka the luthor mansion. come rage.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Near misses, near confessions, and very strong warnings.
> 
> OR
> 
> Lena and Supergirl form a tentative bond, and Lena reflects on the downfall of her brother. She bonds with Kara, and several ghosts from her past come knocking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not your momma's soulmate story. A little dark, a little twisted, but stick with me. All will be explained in due time. :)

They spend the rest of the evening outside, hidden high above National City. A Super and a Luthor, joined together by more than just a common history, sitting side by side as equals. Lena can’t remember the last time she stayed awake well into the early morning hours by choice. She also can’t remember ever having a conversation tattoo itself on her heart, leaving a permanence underneath the surface of her skin. Not since she was a child, anyway, with her mother’s sweet voice whispering in her ear, reminding her of all the love in the world that she used to have. She stays outside with Kara until her eyelids refuse to stay open, allowing herself to be hypnotized by the somber song of the young Kryptonian’s soothing voice.

Lena learns a lot about Supergirl in one night, but she knows it’s the real Kara speaking from behind the crest. The stories she tells have a familiarity unlike any other. Maybe it’s because they parallel Lena’s own life and her own struggles in such a unique way. Maybe it’s because there are parts of her story Lena has already put together from the whispers and headlines in National City. Maybe it’s because this is all the way it’s supposed to be. She’s always known Kara, even when she didn’t. 

The string around her finger buzzes and hums with pleasant, satisfied vigor.

The sky is beginning to glow with the slightest shade of pink, hinting at early morning, and Kara’s eyes widen with surprise. 

“I’m so sorry! I’ve completely overstayed my welcome, and you must be exhausted,” she says hurriedly, rushing to stand up from their haphazardly sprawled positions on the floor.

Somehow during the course of the evening, they’d both sat down on the ground of the balcony, their backs leaning securely against the cool concrete wall, arms barely brushing against each other as they commiserated. They had spent hours staring out over the city as they spoke of family legacies and their own fragile insecurities. The stars had been twinkling above them for hours, but the entire night is over faster than Lena can even blink. She doesn’t feel the kink in her back, or her protesting hips, because the entire time she’s been in Kara’s presence, she’s felt like she was floating through a dream. 

“Can I take you home?” Kara asks cautiously. She extends her hand to Lena, helping her to her feet with laughable ease. Lena stares into her eyes, feeling the warmth of her hand around hers, and she’s rendered speechless for a brief moment as she takes in all the power that she holds in her hands. Kara’s eyebrows furrow at her hesitation and Lena snaps back to reality. 

“I’m still not a big fan of flying,” Lena admits sheepishly, staring at the caped Kryptonian with a skeptical raise of her eyebrows. She has let Kara in already way more than she should, but flying with her takes their new trust to a whole different level.

“Guess we’ll have to change that.” Kara’s smile is self-assured, and her confidence pulls Lena in with overwhelming force. “I promise I’ll go extra slow, and if you want to stop at any time you can tell me. Just hold on tight, okay? I’ve got you.”

Lena watches her cautiously, studying the way Kara’s rippled arms are extended with an open invitation to let her protect, to trust her implicitly. The gesture says everything, and Lena wants nothing more than to fall into them with everything she has. Their heavy, tangled family history is the only thing weighing her down, keeping her rooted to the ground. 

“You don’t have to trust me yet, Lena,” Kara promises, a serious, gentle look in her eye. “But you should know I won’t ever let anything happen to you.”

Lena wants to believe it. It sounds so good coming from Kara’s mouth. Her shaky hands wrap slowly around Kara’s strong neck, and she feels herself lifted softly into the Super’s unbreakable arms. Her body tenses reflexively, but Kara never waivers as the wind cascades over her face. Lena refuses to look anywhere else, choosing instead to remain tucked in the darkness. She nestles her face between Kara’s neck and shoulder, where the small flickers of honey golden hair are the only things interrupting her vision. 

It’s over faster than it started.

“There we go. You’re home, Lena. You can open your eyes now.” Kara nudges her gently and her voice has a smile to it. Lena carefully opens one eye to see that they’re on the balcony of her penthouse. Her body relaxes.

“That was….surprisingly painless,” she exhales, releasing the anxious breath she had been holding, as Kara gracefully helps her touch down. The movements are so fluid that she’s standing up on her own without so much as a hiccup from Kara.

“Well, I had precious cargo, of course.” Kara beams, and Lena feels her cheeks flush. She’s thankful for the darkness to hide her face’s betrayal. 

“Thank you for tonight, Supergirl,” she says, but it’s nothing near what she wishes to convey. “Get home safely.” _Now that you’re here, I need you to stay safe._

Kara nods, extending her hand to land on Lena’s shoulder briefly. Her touch is scalding, but not in a way that would ever hurt. It’s powerful, and sets Lena’s entire body aflame.

“I’ll see you soon, Lena.” Supergirl grins, before taking off into the sky.

Lena watches her take off, keeping her eyes on her fluttering cape until she’s nothing more than a blur racing across the sky.

Lex and Clark started off this way, too. Maybe not as intense, but then again, intense in a different way. The Luthors and the Supers have never done anything quietly, after all. Lena sighs, feeling her heart drop as she instinctively thinks of Lex and all his stories about Clark, particularly from the early days, when there was so much hope and promise. The days before Clark became a superhero, and before Lex chose a startlingly different path. At one time, he viewed Clark as his brother, his family, his equal, and even though his jealousy ravaged him in the end, Lex always loved Clark in a way he never could love anyone else.

Clark, for his part, always graciously encouraged her brother, bringing a strength and passion out of him that no one else could. He even saved his life on numerous occasions, swearing up and down to protect him like his ally, his best friend. 

She hears Kara’s promises of protection echoing in her ears and it burns in the back of her throat, leaving behind the taste of ash from so much ruin.

_She doesn’t meet Clark Kent in person until a month before Lionel’s death, and it’s startling for more than the obvious reasons. Lex has been talking about his best friend for so long that Lena feels like she knows more about him than she can truly let on during a first meeting. It’s almost like she’s intruding on an intensely personal affair, but she keeps the emotions from showing on her face. She used to be grateful that Lex had someone in his life that he could connect with, however, ever since Lana has come into the picture, her brother’s fragile concerns have been seeping more to the surface. She notices the way his mood swings and strange utterings always ominously attach themselves to Clark in some way. She can’t help but feel defensive now, thinking that there may be truth to Lex’s words, and that Clark may not be the person Lex always thought he was._

_Granny’s warnings echo in her ears as she stares at the wide eyed, innocent looking young man, who has warm hands and a kind, soft smile. Lena accepts his introduction calmly, eyeing him up and down with great interest, taking note of the fact that something seems out of place. He looks like them, and talks like them, but there’s something about him that just seems...off. When their hands meet, Lena feels a surge through her body like she has never experienced, one that makes the string on her finger pulse with a steady, intense hum. She lets go and stares at Clark with surprise before she finally takes note of his string._

_The dreaded faded string that points directly to her brother._  

_Lex is standing there smiling at both of them, his eyes dancing from one to the other in amusement._

_“The two most important people in my life, meeting at last!” he bellows, wrapping his arm around Lena, and the other around Clark. “This is a cause to celebrate!”_  

_Lena feels cold with the realization that this is the man who will give their family such grief. He seems sincere, and kind, but she looks at him, and sees nothing but pain. She swallows heavily and smiles at Lex, one that doesn’t reach her eyes, as she allows him to steer them to the dining room._

_The Luthors are hosting a gathering for some of Luthor Corp’s prominent investors, and it’s a corporate affair mixed with classy pleasure, the way all their parties always are. Close friends and associates are also mingling, rubbing elbows with the rich and powerful of Metropolis. When Lana arrives, Lex gravitates to her, and Lena finally breaks away from the throng to gather her wits._

_It isn’t until much later in the evening she finds Lex, standing alone, scowling at the rest of the party from his position in the doorway. She walks to his side, following his gaze and studying the room before speaking._

_“You’re worried she’ll choose him,” Lena muses, watching the way Lana leans slightly into Clark, the way she listens and seems to hang on his every word. She catches Clark’s eye as he glances over to them, a shy, unassuming smile on his face. It’s like he’s saying ‘who me?’, and his bewilderment is endearing._

_Except to Lena. To Lena, it seems fake, almost calculated. Her chest simmers with defensive scorn._

_“Who wouldn’t?” Lex sighs, sipping his drink slowly, his eyes hollow with defeat. “He’s my brother, but it’s not always fair between us. He’s got it all, Lena. I just need one thing that he doesn’t have.”_

_She’s never seen Lex so close to breaking. He’s practically begging for things to go in his favor, something a Luthor never does. Lena’s heart lurches._

_“He’s certainly got some steel under that Kansas wheat,” Lena snarls, her eyebrow cocked, ready and eager to protect her brother from this violation, “but she doesn’t look at him the way she looks at you, dear brother.”_  

_“I want to make sure of it.” Lex’s jaw clenches, and the words cause Lena’s body to stiffen. It’s forceful, too forceful, and as much as she wants to help her brother, his tone doesn’t sit lightly._

_“He knows how you feel though, surely,” Lena says, trying to coax Lex back to the rational side of thinking. Clark is his best friend, after all. He knows how Lex feels about Lana, knows about their relationship. He wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize that. “I don’t think he means anything by it. Have you talked to him?”_  

_“Ah, yes, we’ve talked, but it requires a level of trust that I’m not sure I have anymore when it comes to Clark Kent.”_

_Lena stares hard at her brother, confused by his inner conflict. He usually talks of Clark with awe and wonder, but his heart is unsettled, and the jealousy is palpable. It’s the version of Lex she despises, the one so consumed by the darkness._

_She swallows hard. As much as she wants to protect him from Clark, nothing in Lex’s words give her reason to truly doubt Clark’s intentions. Every time she tries to latch on to something negative about the man, she’s reminded of the times he’s shown up for their family._

_“He saved your life, though, Lex,” Lena says carefully, remembering the time Clark rescued Lex from a nasty car crash only a year ago. It had been a modern-day miracle that either one survived, though Lena suspects there’s more to the story than they all realize. “He cares about you like you’re his own family.”_

_She’s not sure why she’s outright defending Clark, because she feels the same unrest that Lex feels when she looks at him. If she’s being honest, she has more reason than any to doubt Clark, considering all she knows about the string on his finger. But it’s her brother’s face, and the way his sanity seems to be slipping that keeps her focus on reminding him of all the good he has. It keeps her fighting for the old Lex, the one she knows is still there, yelling for help._

_Perhaps Clark isn’t the reason the string is so dangerous._

_“And he never lets me forget it,” Lex spits, his eyes narrowing in disgust._

_It’s the same jealous rage taking hold of him again, and Lena looks back at Clark with conflicted sympathy. It feels like she’s having to choose a side, right then and there, and her heart is beginning to shred in two very different directions._

_“You could help me, Lena,” Lex begins, staring at her with cold, pleading eyes. Lena turns back to him, her blood turning cold at the anger in his face._

_“The strings, I know, Lex, but--”_

_“No, there’s more to it than just the strings...more to it than just Lana. Sure, I want that. I want to know I’m capable of loving someone more than I love my work. I want to have that connection with someone beyond a shadow of a doubt.” He licks his lips as his eyes grow wild, “But don’t you see, Lena? We could own this magic, harness it for ourselves. Haven’t you wondered what it would be like if more people could see the strings? If more people could make their own decisions, so you wouldn’t have to? We could live in infamy. The Luthors could control every destiny, rewrite the actions of the universe. No one would ever defy us!”_

_Lena’s hands quiver, and the string on her finger burns with warning._

_“I don’t think that’s possible, Lex. It’s a strange kind of power, one that isn’t easily replicated in a lab. I don’t know how you’d ever get that to work.”_  

 _“You are beginning to doubt my mind, little sister.” He sneers, looking away from her in disgust as he sips his drink. He looks so crisp and polished, that no one would ever know the storm that rages within. Lena wants to cry out for him, but she bites her tongue._  

_“I’m not, Lex, I’m just saying-- I don’t think this is wise.” She reaches for his arm, but he pulls away instantly, leaving her with the same sense of dread she’s beginning to associate with her brother._

_“I may never be on Clark’s level with some things,” Lex pauses, biting his lip and staring at Lena before pressing on. Lena gets the strange feeling he isn’t saying exactly what he means, but she decides to forget it. “But having a gift like yours, being able to manipulate destiny, and having the ability to choose if and when he should be aligned with someone. That would give me the edge I need.”_

_“I just don’t think you’ve considered all the consequences, Lex. There’s a reason this has never been done before.”_

_“If you aren’t with me, you’re against me, little sister. I don’t have time for weakness.” His eyes are wild and unhinged, and something seems to snap deep within his soul. Lena watches as the brother she loves slips further from her grasp. She’s terrified now that he may never come back._

_He storms away, which is becoming their new normal. Lena stares at the floor, but all she sees are Granny’s clouded eyes peering back at her, warning her to let it be._

* * *

Lena walks confidently to the podium, her hands firmly buried in her coat pockets, far away from the prying eyes of the buzzing audience. They can’t see the way her fingers tremble, or hear her shallow, anxious breaths. All they see is another Luthor, with more money than God, coming to claim herself as their savior. She clenches her jaw as she stares out over the small, intimate gathering, and a grimace turns up on the corners of her mouth when she analyzes the weak turnout. The Luthors are responsible for mass carnage, and so she isn’t surprised there aren’t more supporters. Still, she’s reminded of all the miles she still has left to trek before she can feel like any progress has truly been made, and the daunting thought weighs on her more than ever before.

Today is a big step on this journey.

Her eyes flash over a familiar ethereal face, one that she would be able to pick out in any crowd, whether a bright red string pointed to her or not. She nods subtly in acknowledgement, swallowing her nerves quickly before Supergirl can detect any signs of discomfort. Kara nods back grimly, a serious look on her face, the displeasure written all over her as clear as day. She’s still not happy this ceremony is happening, but she’s here watching over it, the guardian angel Lena never knew she had, just like she promised she would. 

“I want to thank you all for coming,” she begins, her voice starting soft, but growing in strength as she begins her speech. “My brother hurt a lot of good, innocent people. My family owes a debt, not just to Metropolis, but to everyone, and I intend to pay that. By renaming my company L-Corp, we will usher in a new age of cooperation and community. Together we will charter a brighter future.”

The shots ring out immediately, and a bullet whizzes by her ear so close she’s sure she can smell the trace of it. She ducks reflexively, running off the stage with her hands over her head, eyes glued to the ground to keep her balance. She hears the screams, as more bullets fly through the air. She curses under her breath, hoping in vain that she didn’t put more innocent lives in danger by her own stubborn pride.

 _“It’ll definitely be a target.”_ Supergirl’s words had come to painful fruition, and Lena could kick herself for being so naive. 

She glances up just in time to catch Kara taking off in the direction of the sniper, so fast that Lena only sees a flash of red before she’s gone from sight. Lena continues around the corner, racing back to the confines of L-Corp before an officer grabs her by the hand. 

“Oh, officer, thank goodness!” she starts, wincing at his abnormally tight grip around her wrist. She turns and faces him, but notices the mask on his face, and her entire body goes numb.

“Hello, Ms. Luthor,” he sneers, whipping her around quickly, just enough to catch her off guard. She feels herself get pulled into a vice, her throat being clamped against his forearm, her head firmly jostled against his chest. She feels the cold barrel of the gun jarring against her temple. 

“Make no mistake, I could kill you, if I wanted, but my orders were clear,” he whispers sharply in her ear, and she bites down so hard on her teeth she feels the muscles in her jaw flex with fury. “Just send a message.” 

“Oh, really?” she snaps, snarling at the coward behind the mask. Whoever he is, she has no respect for him regardless of the gun he holds to her head. “Maybe you should do it anyway, get it over with,” she dares him, and she feels his grip tighten.

The assassin laughs heartily, refusing to answer as he shoves her roughly away. She turns to face him once more, but he simply smiles at her. She sees his eyes, and they’re as black as the mask he covers himself with.

“They told me you’d be feisty. I admit, this was fun. We’ll have to do it again some time.” He turns to leave, before glancing over his shoulder. “By the way, your brother says hello.”

Lena’s heart sinks, as she clenches her fingers into tightly formed fists. She reaches into her heavy pocket, gripping the cool metal handle, before quickly and cleanly firing two rounds directly into the would-be assassin’s legs. He falls instantly, writhing in pain, screaming out a string of obscenities that almost makes her laugh. Lena approaches slowly, her head tilted as she peers over him. Her arms are frozen in place, the gun still cocked.

She receives the message loud and clear. _You’re as dead to me as he is._

She sends one back with equal enthusiasm.

“You can tell him I got it.”

Supergirl touches down frantically a moment later, boots clambering up the walkway behind her. She’s late, but Lena doesn’t blame her. She blames herself.

“Lena! Are you hurt?” she asks, softly approaching, tentatively reaching for Lena’s arm where she’s still holding the gun. Her hands are shaking, but she doesn’t feel anything. She’s calm, like she’s filling out paperwork and didn’t just shoot a man. It’s an odd sensation.

“No, I’m fine,” she insists, pulling her eyes from the scene, where the NCPD have now arrived to take the man into custody. Her eyes land on Kara’s concerned face, and she begins to feel her pulse again.

“They had decoys set up all over, every office building around the perimeter, I wasn’t able to get to him and then I realized-- I’m so sorry --” she breathes, her arms outstretched in an attempt to comfort. 

Lena shakes her head. “It isn’t your fault, Supergirl. I’m lucky more innocent people weren’t hurt. I should have known the threat would come directly from within.” She rolls her eyes. “I fell right into that trap." 

Kara is quiet, retreating her arms back to her side, placing her hands softly on her hips. It’s her signature pose of confidence, but this time with a softer, more understanding flair.

“Go on, say it.” Lena looks at her, smirking sarcastically. 

“What?” 

“You told me so.” Her eyebrow is raised, ready to accept the verbal blow. She braces for her to get it over with. She deserves it, after all. 

Kara shakes her head, taking a step closer. Lena instantly freezes.

“You did what you thought was right. That’s all any of us can do,” she says earnestly. “You’re one of the bravest people I’ve ever met, Lena Luthor.” 

Lena turns her nose up at that, but the words settle warmly in her chest anyway. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Kara’s voice is timid, and she’s still searching her skeptically, like she isn’t convinced Lena would tell her the truth regardless of her current status.

“I admit, I don’t really know how to answer that,” she breathes, and Kara’s eyes flicker with an interesting expression.

She seems hopeful, and Lena doesn’t completely understand why.

* * *

The next few days pass by in relative silence, which should come as a relief, but actually furthers Lena’s anxiety. When there’s a persistent calm, she gets particularly set on edge, ready for the next threat to wield it’s ugly head at any moment. It’s the life of a Luthor, she supposes, but she also wonders if it doesn’t have something to do with _her_ specifically.

She’s walking briskly, dipping down alleys and tucking under the safety of side streets, desperate to get back to work after a long lunch meeting with some brand new investors. She’s feeling cautiously optimistic, as the meeting seems to have gone in her favor, with only a few instances where her back had been against the ropes. Lionel had always given her tips about holding her own in the business arena, but her steely acumen and pristine grace are something she gleaned entirely from Lex. There are certain things she can’t seem to wipe away, as much as she swears she’s trying. 

The meeting went generously over due to their deep discussions regarding a new alien detection device. It’s one of the projects Lena found in Lex’s archives that she thinks she can resurrect and repurpose. The board has been breathing down her neck for something like this -- a device that could bridge the gap firmly between the old Luthor Corp and the new L-Corp -- without disturbing the volatile stock prices. Lena is nervous about the implications, but understands the promise, enjoying the idea of transparency for her fellow citizens. Lena agrees that aliens are here to stay, and supports their right of citizenship, but her loyalty needs to fall in the middle if she hopes to stay in business. The board of directors is decidedly all human, and their perspectives carry enormous weight.

“Going somewhere, princess?” the voice startles her out of her one-way thoughts, as she peers around cautiously, noticing for the first time that she’s in a particularly dodgy part of town. She curses under her breath for being so careless, before turning to face the source of the voice.

He seems ordinary, but the tentacles coming out of his sleeves are assuredly not human. She braces herself for the altercation that she knows is coming.

“If it isn’t Lena Luthor herself. You’re awfully lonely today for someone who should be watching their steps,” he accuses, walking in her direction, backing her further down the dead-end street. 

“Stay back!” Lena declares, her arms outstretched in a futile attempt to keep him subdued.

He simply laughs before lunging forward. Lena takes off running, but the alien reaches her in only a few strides. He grabs her forcefully and pushes her up against the brick wall, her face scraping against it as she tries to fend him off.

“You want to pay back the debt to the community? You can start now. Give me your wallet,” he demands, pulling her arms behind her back and twisting. She winces, as she tries to answer him.

“I don’t have---”

“Shut up and give me your money, Luthor!" 

“You don’t have to do this,” she begs, but he only jostles her harder. 

“And your brother didn’t have to terrorize my family! You people are all the same. You’ll do anything for a quick buck, and you don’t care who you hurt in the process. You don’t support us -- you don’t want us here. You’re just trying to make yourself look good so we all fall in line to worship you. I see right through you.”

The blade flashes too quickly, before it’s scraping along her side. She yelps and hisses in pain, trying hard not to give the alien attacker any satisfaction. Her mind is racing, trying to remember where exactly she put the taser in her purse, and how the actual hell she would get out of this situation if she turns up empty.

“We aren’t even, not by a long shot, but this is a good start,” he hisses in her ear, pulling the knife back with force, cutting deeper into her skin. Lena can feel the searing pain, as white hot flashes dance in front of her eyes. She keeps her mouth closed.

“You have three seconds to get away from her before I make you get away from her,” the booming voice calls out, and Lena instantly tenses. It should be the opposite reaction, but she can’t help the foolish inclination to worry for Kara whenever she is about to fight.

The attacker instantly loosens his grip, and backs away with his hands up, as Kara stares at him with disgust. 

“You defend a human -- a Luthor -- over your own kind?” he spits with grisly anger. “You’re a disgrace.” 

Supergirl makes to lunge at him, but the alien has already taken off, bounding over walls with ease, barreling out of sight before Lena can even turn around. Kara glares after him for a few more minutes, before turning hurriedly to Lena.

“Supergirl” Lena nods, trying to act nonchalant, as she backs away from the wall and adjusts her coat. The pain radiates down her right side. “How did you know?”

“I uh--I was in the neighborhood,” she stumbles awkwardly, in an adorable Kara Danvers way, before regaining her composure. It’s a bold-faced lie, but Lena let’s it slide.

“Well that’s lucky!” Lena says, before wincing in pain. She instantly grabs her ribs, as blood begins to cover her fingers.

“Lena! Oh gosh, you’re hurt! Hang on, I’ve got you,” Supergirl says, as she gathers her swiftly in her arms and shoots off in the direction of the hospital before Lena can even begin to protest.

Hours later, a nurse is patiently stitching her up, but Lena is distracted by the other presence in the room.

“You don’t have to stay, it’s just a scratch,” Lena insists. She doesn’t feel anything other than Kara’s eyes, intently studying her as she fidgets nearby.

“Are you always so dismissive about your own well being?” Kara asks, her lips pursed in such a way that Lena can’t help but grin. Kara cares, and it’s written all over her face.

“Do you always stay behind with the people you rescue, or am I just a special case?” she teases back, and Kara bites her lip in lieu of a response. 

The nurse leaves them alone, telling Lena she needs to wait a bit longer before she can be discharged. She nods solemnly. Kara doesn’t budge. 

Lena’s power, when it comes to Kara, isn’t her intimidation as a wealthy CEO, she realizes. It isn’t her family name, or the heaviness of her legacy. It’s her heart. Kara sees through the grandstanding, and all the bravado and sees _her_. It’s the way Lena’s always wanted to be seen. Kara sees her value, and sees the hero within her. The one Lena can’t quite get the grasp on yet. 

“It was my own fault,” Lena whispers, biting back the emotions as she confesses her own thoughts. “I wasn’t paying attention, I was thinking of work, and everything else going on-- I just-- I guess he had a point. Why trust a Luthor? I haven’t earned it yet.” She smiles meekly, as she touches at the bandages, trying to judge how big of a scar this is going to leave.

“You don’t deserve to be attacked, Lena, especially not to pay for things your family has done,” Kara urges passionately, getting riled up by Lena’s self-sabotaging comments.

“Guilty by association, I suppose.” She isn’t looking for sympathy, because it isn’t entirely untrue. Moments before her attack, she had been rationalizing a project that doesn’t make her any closer to being a better person. “There are things in this world only a Luthor can destroy.”

It’s all becoming muddled, and she wonders if this is how Lex started. Small rationalizations. Tiny breaches in conscience, until there’s nothing left. She fidgets with her fingers, as the string coils tightly. The one she has the power to control. The one only a Luthor can sever.

Kara sits down across from her in the vacated chair, and looks at her in that way she has. Lena is beginning to learn all of Kara’s looks, but this one is the one she gets when she’s about to share her heart.

“You know, it’s funny,” Kara begins, “all my life I thought my parents were the good guys. Fighting for justice, standing up for those that couldn’t-- doing it all. But I have to admit, the more I learn, the more I see things. I see how things really are, how it isn’t always black and white. Sometimes, I’m ashamed to be their daughter.“ She pauses, and stares honestly at Lena. “What I’m saying is, I’m sure your family once thought their intentions were good too.”

It’s a brave declaration, one that Lena can’t imagine anyone else ever making -- certainly not Lex or Lillian --  but she doubts even Superman himself would be able to fit into the shoes of his enemy like Kara just did. 

Lena feels small in her presence for the first time, but not in the way of prey. She is staring into a reflection of herself, or what she could be, if she manages to stay on this path of redemption.

“Thank you, for saying that,” Lena whispers, and Kara dips her head in acknowledgement. She shifts slowly in her chair and continues to watch Lena softly as she stands up. Kara’s actions are timid, as if she’s unsure what will happen if she gets too close.

“What?” Lena asks, her eyebrow raised as she watches Kara’s indecisive shuffle. “I’m not broken, Supergirl.”

Kara chuckles softly. “I’m glad,” she says, the smile not quite reaching her eyes, as she takes a shaky breath. “I just -- you asked me what I was doing there, today. I just -- I  feel connected to you somehow,” she gestures between them, a crinkle forming in the center of her forehead as she concentrates. “Does that even make sense?” 

 _More than you know._  

Lena’s heart thumps wildly in her chest. She swallows it down, trying to keep everything under control. 

“Considering our families, I’d say yes,” Lena answers, and it isn’t what she wants to say, but it’s enough.

She can’t help but cast a lingering gaze over Kara’s features when the Kryptonian isn’t looking, taking in the strong slope of her jaw, and the graceful outline of her shoulders that seem to hold the pain of too many worlds on them.

“Yes,” Kara responds softly, staring out the window, nodding slowly to herself like she’s putting something together.

* * *

  _“Where’s my mommy?” she sniffles, clutching her teddy bear and looking around the dusty, old tattered room. The place is dark and damp, stained with the tears of other forgotten children. The mattress is thin, the bed creaks, and the walls are chipped with layers of ancient paint. Lena doesn’t know where she is, or why she’s here, or when her mother will be back to get her._

_Her lips quiver as she watches the old nurse shuffle around to her bedside._

_“She’s gone away for awhile, Lena. You live here now,” she says, her voice coarser than her mother’s, which makes her head hurt and her stomach ache._

_“When can I see her?” Lena asks, on the verge of another breakdown, the fourth in only so many days since she arrived at the orphanage. Her eyes are wide and frightened, and her breath is coming faster and faster in hungry, scared gasps._

_“Lena, you have to be a big girl now, okay? Your mother wouldn’t want you to cry. Why don’t you go pick a book from the bookshelf, and we’ll read it together before bed.”_

_Lena exhales a watery breath before slowly walking over to the rows of beige stained pages and torn covers. She fumbles through them idly, not registering the words or pictures as they stare back at her with the same grim expression. She pulls one from the shelf and hands it to the woman, who tries her best to comfort her. Lena doesn’t hear the words as they’re spoken. Instead, she tries desperately to think of her mother’s voice, and the way she used to sing gorgeous lullabies while working her fingers through Lena’s soft black hair._  

_It’s dark in her room, and she stays awake for hours, listening to the sounds of the souls around her, the tired and weary, the ones from the past, and the ones still struggling to survive. They hum and pulse with every beat of her heart._

_A sink down the hallway has an incessant drip, drip, drip._  

_A clock on the wall has a continuous tick, tick, tick, the sound getting louder and louder with every second._

_She hears faint screams, and the burbling of eerie laughter dancing along the walls._

_She hears her mother, through the shadows, whispering, “Darling, darling where are you?”_  

_The window near her bed blows open, and the curtains quiver with a forced chill so violent, that Lena instantly draws her blanket up under her wide, petrified eyes. There’s a whispering voice of someone just out of her reach. She clutches her teddy bear and sits up slowly, straining to understand._

  _“Who’s there?” she whispers sharply, her voice shaking, betraying her fear._

_“Don’t be scared, Lena. Everything will soon work out.” It sounds like a spirit, but Lena knows this voice, somehow._

_“Who are you?” she demands, but there’s no response except for the howling wind._

_“You won’t be here long, child. The world needs you,” the voice declares, fading away for a final time._  

_There is nothing left but terrifying silence, interrupted only by Lena’s pounding heart. When it becomes clear that the voice is not returning, Lena begins to hum the old familiar tune her mother would always sing, the tears spilling out of her eyes as she stares at the ceiling. She scrunches her eyes closed tightly, and wishes to be far away from this ghastly place._

Lena makes her way down the old hallway, her stilettos clattering loudly as she ducks around a corner, heading away from the cramped play area. It’s almost 8PM, and the children in the Luthor Family Orphanage are getting ready to be tucked into bed. Lena has just finished her weekly rounds, reading to the children and playing games, the way she has done every Sunday for as far back as she can remember. 

“Good night, Ms. Luthor,” the night shift lead says, nodding her head as she passes the administrative desk in the alcove that connects the passageways. “See you next week.” 

The memories here are ghosts, hidden behind faded veils, illusions of a time Lena doesn’t try hard to remember. Her heart pangs for the ones who aren’t as fortunate as her, the ones who have to stay for too many years. Despite the ragged appearance, this is the place that kept her safe when she needed it the most, the place that somehow brings her closer to her mother. Now, it’s the place that she feels strangely drawn to when she thinks of family.

As she inches toward the exit, she feels a cold presence behind her, and the chills immediately shoot up her spine. She shivers, picking up her pace, hearing the sound of echoing footsteps getting closer and closer. It feels terrifyingly familiar, but Lena doesn’t want to chance an encounter with the wrong kind of person, not tonight. She’s about to reach the door when she hears the soft, airy laughter. 

She can’t help it. She turns around slowly, aching to see who is causing the disturbance. The woman seems to have appeared out of thin air, and upon closer inspection, Lena doesn’t think it’s entirely out of the realm of possibility. Granny Goodness is peering at her with cold curiosity, the clouded eyes looking more ominous than ever. Her lips are pursed, and the skin of her face is pulled tightly around her skull, like a hide of leather left out in the sun too long. 

“Lena Luthor, my, my, my,” she says, her gravelly voice pulling Lena under it’s spell, the way it did so many years ago. “You’ve certainly grown into a formidable young woman.” 

She inches closer, and she has the same peculiar veil of mystery around her, only this time she’s dressed like the other caretakers, wearing the same starchy uniform.

“Granny! You startled me…” Lena exclaims, recovering quickly and plastering a smile on her face. Her heart is racing, and she’s desperate to try to calm herself down. She doesn’t want the woman to see her unsettled, but she knows it’s written all over her face. Granny Goodness always brings a particular brand of unease to Lena’s life whenever she appears. “I don’t think I’ve seen you here before.”

“You haven’t seen me, no, that’s true,” Granny agrees, grinning slightly, as she continues to make her way toward Lena. She extends her thin, bony hand, and Lena takes it weakly in her own.

“Come with me, my dear.” She pulls her back inside, and Lena only hesitates for a minute. Granny leads her into a dark, empty nursery, with a dusty old crib and a crooked mobile hanging precariously from the ceiling. Lena feels the tug of despair around her finger, the string protesting the presence in the room with firm conviction. Granny beckons for her to sit, and she obliges despite herself, carefully fitting into an old rocker. Granny stands before her, smiling that piercing, soul searching smile.

“I see you’ve finally met the one. It’s written all over your soul. Is she everything you hoped she’d be?” 

Lena swallows thickly. It’s the first time Granny Goodness has come to seek _her_ out, and not the other way around, and she can feel the hair on the back of her neck prickling with the uncomfortable sensation.

“Yes, she’s...she’s….incredible.” Lena exhales, the uncontrollable smile stretching across her face instantly at the thought of Kara. She’s unable to contain her enthusiasm because it’s the only time she’s been able to confess out loud that she’s met her soulmate. She forgets for a moment to be buttoned up. “Hang on-- how did you know?”

Granny flashes a knowing smile, and without saying anything, Lena sees it.

“You’ve known this whole time?” she asks, the good feeling immediately replaced by annoyance. She crosses her arms, glaring at the witch in front of her. “You’ve always known who my soulmate was, and you didn’t think to tell me? It would certainly have saved me a lot of grief.” 

She rolls her eyes, and continues to pierce the old woman with her stare, trying to figure out her angle. _What is she playing at?_

Granny simply shrugs her off, as her fingers glide over the frayed wooden pieces of the dilapidated crib.

“It is not mine to say,” Granny says quietly, meeting Lena’s stare with a gentle one of her own.

“I thought you were supposed to guide people, to help them find their matches,” Lena challenges, the painful memories of too many lonely years bubbling to the surface.

“Like you’ve done?” she counters quickly, and Lena’s mouth snaps shut. She bites back the retort burning her lips, because she has nothing to say to that. 

“I have many gifts in this world, child.” She shakes her head, smiling into the void, looking past Lena into some strange beyond. Lena gets goosebumps all along her arms as she glances over her own shoulder, squinting into the shadows. There’s nothing there. 

“Such as?” Lena quirks her eyebrow, and looks back to Granny, but as usual, the answers are never where she wants them. 

“You’ll soon find out.”

Lena sits back in her chair, contemplating Granny’s words. She sinks lower in defeat. As unsettled as Granny makes her feel, she’s the only one she can share this with, so she finds herself opening up to her in a desperate attempt to find solace.

“I spent so much time thinking I would never have this moment, and now that it’s here… I find myself… lacking,” she explains, gesturing vaguely with a small, sad smile on her lips. “I have to find a way to tell her, but I just haven’t yet.”

“Patience, my child,” Granny purrs, her head tilted in thought. “Until she bares her entire soul to you, she will not be ready.”

This is new. Lena bites her lip. How many more rules can there be, and how can anyone ever hope to get it right? She thinks of Kara’s secret, the one Lena knows, but that she has to pretend she doesn’t. The dull gnawing pain from being kept in the dark is back, this time with considerable force.

“But our connection….you said it was the strongest of it’s kind. Or are you keeping more from me?” She raises her eyebrow in contention, her jaw clenched in frustration. Her fingers are digging into her arm painfully as she tenses her body around itself in an attempt to keep everything contained. 

“Oh, my dear, it won’t dissolve, it’s too powerful for that. Your insecurity eats away at you, Lena. You need to be stronger than that!” she scolds, and the words bite at her with a sharp intensity. “But even with the string of Light, timing is everything. If you want it to last forever, it would do you good to take caution. Kara Zor-El hasn’t told you everything yet. You can’t expect to reveal your soul when she holds hers back from you." 

Her heart sinks. The familiar doubt when it comes to all things Kryptonian begins to seep into her mind. A Super can never trust a Luthor, even with all the hope she has for her and Kara.

“Is it because she doesn’t-- can’t-- love me? Because of who I am...because of...everything?” she whispers, the emotions welling in her throat, making it almost impossible to continue to speak. She inhales sharply, trying to get a hold of herself before continuing. “If telling her will bring her pain, then I don’t want to ever do that. I want her to be happy.”

She expects to be let down, to find the flaws within herself to be too much for Kara. Even with a bond as tight as theirs, Lena wouldn’t be surprised to learn there’s a catch. 

“Your heart is pure, but you doubt yourself. Kara already loves you with more intensity than she can recognize. She will always love you, it’s not about that.”

“Then what is it?” 

“There are always challenges, Lena. You can’t just expect to meet the one and have the world stop turning. There are obstacles in your way, and you have to face them together. Kara Zor-El needs to choose you, too.”

Lena fights the urge to cry out in agony. How will she ever get Kara -- Supergirl -- to choose her? Lena Luthor, the one whose very name is a bitter reminder of everything wrong with the world. 

“I just want her to be safe,” she reiterates, a single, small tear escaping from her eye. She isn’t embarrassed to cry in front of Granny, because she is convinced the woman sees everything without her showing it, anyway. 

Granny looks at her strangely, but not in a threatening way. She seems to be regarding Lena like she’s someone else.

“You are so like your mother, child,” Granny says, and the words hit Lena with such a strange energy, that she’s dizzy from the implications. “The answers you seek have always been within you. She gave you all you need to make the right choice.”

Granny’s voice is fading. Lena snaps to attention, but the woman has already left the room. 

“WAIT!” Lena yells, frantically clambering out of her seat to catch the old woman before she goes. “You knew my mother?”

Granny flashes a smile, before swiftly turning a corner, disappearing before Lena can even think to chase after her. 

Lena stares down the empty hallway, her mind buzzing with this revelation. Granny knew her mother, but why did she never think to ask? She chastises herself for being so naive and blinded by her own insecurities, her own wants. The scientist in her is screaming at her for failing to observe, and failing to question. 

She turns slowly to return to the nursery, only to be stopped dead in her tracks by a falling object that lands inches from her feet. The clatter makes Lena’s heart leap from her chest as she staggers backward, covering her head from more flying objects. She opens her eyes slowly, noticing the splayed limbs of a broken doll lying face down on the ground. She approaches it gingerly, exhaling as she realizes it’s only a toy. She picks it up, and upon turning it over, gasps in horror as she looks into the now-mangled face. The green eyes glare at her furiously, outlining the sharp crack along the jaw. It’s identical to her own face, and she brings her hand to her mouth to stifle the impending scream. There’s a red string tethered to the doll’s left hand, but it doesn’t connect to anything, as it dangles dangerously short. 

The string has been cut. Lena drops the doll, and falls to her knees. 

“No! You can’t leave!” She calls into thin air, desperate for anyone to hear her cries. Granny has vanished, leaving only a gust of wind and a flickering curtain in her wake. “Please don’t leave me…”

Kara’s eyes dance across her vision, but they’re clouded in the same mysterious veil that keeps Granny’s soul from being bared. Lena shuts her eyes, falling forward on her hands, allowing the sobs to wrack her body.

* * *

It takes a few days to shake the chilling incident at the orphanage, but work has always been her go-to distraction. She’s running on little sleep and more caffeine than she cares to admit, but it’s a necessity to keep the nightmares at bay. It’s bright and early when her assistant informs her of a pleasant change to her schedule. 

“Ms. Luthor, you have a 9AM with a--” Jess studies her notes quickly before finishing “Ms. Danvers with CatCo magazine.” Her assistant peers at her cautiously as if waiting for her reaction. 

Lena’s heart flutters, and she bites down on her lip to keep the smile from creeping over her face. 

“Thank you, Jess,” she says simply, and her assistant nods curtly before exiting. 

Kara bounces in an hour later, right on time, a nervous but bright smile lighting up her face. The string between them shines with glowing enchantment, drawing looser with every step Kara takes into Lena’s office.

Lena has to stop and take a breath, wondering how the universe could possibly match her with someone as radiant as Kara. _What did I ever do to deserve you?_

“Ms. Luthor, thank you for agreeing to meet with me,” she says, extending her hand, and Lena tries to remain impassive about the formality of it all.

 _It’s me, Kara_.

“Lena, please. It’s good to see you again, Ms. Danvers,” she says, a teasing gleam in her eye.

“Well, if I’m calling you Lena--”

“Kara it is. If you have a parking ticket, I can have it validated for you.” She waves at the door, where her assistant sits on the other side.

“Oh no! I flew here! On-a….bus…” She nervously adjusts her glasses, and Lena has to stop herself from rolling her eyes.

_Supergirl, you don’t fool me._

“I’m glad you decided to give reporting a shot!” Lena says enthusiastically, ushering Kara into the chair in front of her desk as she leans forward eagerly in her own.

“Well, I had a wave of inspiration,” Kara says sincerely, and she looks at Lena with an almost awe-struck expression. Lena grins, as the air around them buzzes with electricity.

“Hm, well I’m thankful you did. Though if you’re here on the same day the President is in town to sign the alien amnesty act--”

“I must be here to ask the sister of Earth’s most notorious alien hater her take on the President’s executive order,” Kara finishes, opening her notebook and balancing it delicately on her knee. 

Lena inhales a shaky breath, before getting to her feet and walking over to her vault. She begins launching into a diatribe on the alien detection device, testing out the reaction with an interesting audience. She knows it’s risky, considering Kara’s origin, but she wants desperately to find a way to believe that she’s doing the right thing with a device such as this. 

“It’s a way for humans to tell who among them is not actually one of them,” she finishes, smiling politely as she waits for Kara’s response. It comes in a series of forceful questions. 

“Doesn’t this go against everything America stands for?” Kara argues, and Lena crosses her arms, ready for the back and forth. 

“Such as?” 

“Freedom? It’s just -- America has always been a country of immigrants.” 

“It’s also always been a country of humans. If aliens want citizenship, that’s now their right, but if humans want to know which among them isn’t truly one of them, then that’s their right too.”

Kara waves her pen around in the air, as she ponders Lena’s words, before chuckling in response. “Don’t you think that will just force aliens back into the very shadows that the President is trying to shine a light on?”

Lena knows Kara is approaching it from a genuine place, a place she’s seen with her own eyes, lived through with her own experience. It’s everything Lena herself has considered, and hearing it reiterated gives her enough reason to pause. She feels an overwhelming urge to curb her enthusiasm. Maybe she’s wrong. Maybe this isn’t the way. She can tell Kara is offended, but Lena doesn’t want to back down, not yet. She doesn’t mean to come off as cruel, but the scar on her ribs matches the scar on her heart, and in both cases, the wounds have been inflicted from beings different than herself. Warranted or not, she feels her guard go up.

“Listen, I’m a businesswoman. L-Corp is in the business of making money, and this device is going to make us a fortune. But unlike my brother, I’m going to do it for the good for the world.” Her voice is strong and sure as she delivers the only argument she knows she can rely on. It’s the only one she has any faith in whatsoever, and it has nothing to do with morals. 

Kara looks unconvinced, and remains headstrong, but not in a bullish way. She stands taller, her chest out proudly, facing the Luthor CEO without a hint of trepidation. Lena has to admit, she’s impressed. Many confident men have tried and failed in her presence, cowering under a single stone-cold stare. Kara doesn’t budge. She isn’t even wearing her cape, but Lena doesn’t need to see it to know the kind of force she’s dealing with.

No one has ever tested her like this before.

The stand-off gives her a rush, and she begins to feel bold. She wonders what will happen if she tries to get Kara to try it. Will it force her to reveal herself? Could this be a way to see her soul? She offers the device sneakily, biting her lip as she waits for Kara to place her finger on the button.

“It’s just a simple skin test,” Lena explains, and Kara quivers before placing her thumb on it. The light flashes and turns green.

Lena is dumbfounded, but not surprised. It would have been too easy. Once Kara leaves her office,  she opens the device only to find the inside melted. She chuckles to herself and rolls her eyes, failing to find it in herself to be too upset. She continues to study the device, turning it over in her hands, thinking of Lex and his consummation with power. How is this any different? She is endorsing a device to expose the truth, a truth she herself isn’t always willing to share. 

 _“Like you’ve done?”_ Granny’s chilling reminder of Lena’s failure ringing in her ears. 

It all feels hypocritical in more ways than she ever considered, and she’s almost embarrassed for the way she adamantly backs it. The board and the investors are firmly on one side, and Kara’s views are firmly on the other. Lena finds herself dangling precariously in the middle, sympathizing with both, but coming up short on both accounts.The string between her and Kara pulses, and she thinks of the forces anchoring them together. She hears her own words and she feels sick that this type of narrow mindset is about to be blasted all over CatCo magazine.

* * *

  _“...The Luthor CEO is adamant about changing the course of her company’s direction, and is firmly dedicated to fostering cooperation among the population.”_

Lena runs her fingers through her hair absentmindedly as she finishes reading the article. She hums with surprised satisfaction, before dialing her secretary. 

“Jess, will you please send a message to CatCo. I’d like to talk to Ms. Danvers when she’s available, please.”

Several hours later, Kara graciously enters the dimly lit office, hands in her pockets, smiling warmly as soon as her eyes trail over Lena’s face.

Lena can feel her cheeks flush under her gaze.

“Sorry for just barging in on you, but I got the message you wanted to see me,” Kara explains, her eyes falling to the white flowers on Lena’s table. “Those flowers are beautiful.”

“They’re plumerias, they’re pretty rare,” she agrees, her eyes tracing over the length of Kara’s body instead of actually looking at the flowers.

“They remind me of my mother,” Kara says, and Lena’s heart is instantly reminded of her own. It’s why she has them in her office to begin with. Her mother’s favorite.

“Was she a writer too?”

“No she was-- sort of a lawyer?” Kara says, more in the form of a question, and Lena grins as she places the magazine down on the table.

“Well, you have a gift with words, the article is amazing. I knew you’d make a great reporter but after I heard your bleeding heart pro-alien views I thought you’d do a hatchet job on me." 

“Oh, I tried.” Kara sits down comfortably, and Lena almost laughs at how it feels so natural, even now, the two sitting on opposite sides of a very complex issue. “I wrote a scathing article about your device, but my boss tossed it. He made me redo it." 

Lena raises her eyebrow in amusement. “Oh, well, that explains it. I certainly wish I could have read that first draft,” she says, fidgeting with her hands, embarrassed slightly by Kara’s blunt admission.

Kara shifts awkwardly, and Lena lights up.

“You have it." 

“N--No…”

“Do tell…” Lena leans against the couch, propped up by her arm, as she angles toward Kara for a peek at the original piece.

Kara looks at her with a hesitant gaze, before relenting and reaching into her bag. She produces the paper, and hands it to her gently. 

_“More of the same?”_

_Lena Luthor’s stated goal is to repair the damage her brother did to the family name, but by branding an alien detection device with the name Luthor, she has forever tied her company’s destiny to that of America’s xenophobic right. Though shareholders may delight at the financial prospects of such a device, there is little for a concerned citizen to do but weep for this shameless fear mongering to the country’s immigrant fearing lowest common denominator._

Lena continues to down the page. 

_….Thinks they should be ID’ed like lepers._

Lena reads Kara’s bias, but recognizes her own warped views as it jumps out at her from the page. She chews her lip uncomfortably as she sees through Kara’s lens for the second time in so many days. She isn’t much different than Lillian or Lex. She sighs audibly, folding the article and placing it down on the table. 

 _I’m the monster I swore I’d never become._  

Kara is sitting quietly, and Lena gives her a lot of credit. Not many reporters would show a powerful CEO their discarded first draft, particularly when said first draft destroys their entire persona. 

Then again, Kara Danvers is not just any reporter. 

“I’m-- It’s not-- for what it’s worth, I’m thankful he made me change it,” Kara stutters, adjusting her glasses and gesturing to Lena. “I mean, not at first. But a few things happened, and I was able to rethink my position.” 

Lena quirks her eyebrow. Her heart flutters, thinking of Supergirl’s strong arms around her when the alien attacked her in the alley, and her even stronger words later on in the hospital when she admitted her own shortcomings. 

“I still think alien amnesty is a good thing, but, there are bad aliens out there,” Kara agrees, and Lena can’t help but smile. If Kara can shift her position, then Lena knows she can meet her halfway. 

“Well, I’m happy you can see it from my point of view,” she responds as her fingers pull at a stubborn string attached to the back of the couch. “When I was first adopted by the Luthors, I adored Lex. When he started showing his true colors, I was crushed. I tried everything I could to bring him back to the side of good, but it was no use. I’d lost him.” 

Kara watches her with a pained expression, like she actually feels for what Lena is saying. It gives her the confidence to continue on. 

“It’s easy for people to think I resent Superman for what he did to my brother, and I suppose part of me does.” Kara stiffens slightly at that, but Lena presses on. “But I know at the end of the day, no one forced Lex’s hand. He made the choices, he carried out the actions. It was his downfall. If it wasn’t Superman, it would have been someone else. Some people are just bad, and there’s nothing you can do about it. But you can learn to protect yourself.”

Lena smiles hopefully, and Kara softens.

“Yeah,” Kara agrees, plastering a smile on her face. She looks down at the ground to avoid Lena’s eyes, but Lena continues to stare over the contours of her face, and the golden wave of curls that lay perfectly across her shoulders in the same way Supergirl’s does. She wonders how long it would take her to know Kara and Supergirl were one in the same if she didn’t have the advantage of seeing the red strings. She hopes that she would know those eyes anywhere, without a shadow of a doubt.

* * *

 Lena finds it easier to extend a bridge of trust to Kara Danvers, even though Supergirl has been the one at her side more frequently. There’s something about leaving the heaviness of their pasts behind that enables Lena to open up in a way she can’t quite bring herself to do yet with Kara’s alter ego. It feels like she’s developing two different relationships with two different people, and she begins to understand why Kara’s disguise works.

It’s more than just glasses, it’s a whole personality. Lena herself feels like she’s putting on her own disguise when she’s around either one, able to shed the cold Luthor mask fully when she’s in Kara’s presence. It’s a strange game that she isn’t as desperate to end as she previously thought. 

Kara has started to become a frequent visitor, and not always for professional reasons. She comes for interviews, but has started dropping by more and more for lunch chats and coffee breaks, finding any excuse to spend time with the L-Corp CEO off the record. Lena, for her part, relishes in the attention. She’s even made it clear to Jess that Kara is to be shown in directly whenever possible, much to the rookie reporter’s delight.

They fall into a happy routine of laughter and donuts, jokes and encouragement. Kara’s visits are the highlight of Lena’s entire week.

“So I can’t seem to go a day without a new story from Kara Danvers making the headlines,” Lena exclaims, gushing only slightly. “I knew you’d be a natural.”

Kara smiles, a flustered grin on her face, as she stares down at the ground and fiddles with her glasses. It’s a nervous habit Lena has noticed comes out anytime she showers her with compliments, which only makes her want to do it more. 

“You inspire me,” Kara explains softly, handing her the bag of take-out she arrived with before sitting down on the couch in the corner of Lena’s office. It’s the scene where so many of their long talks take place, to the point where they both now have their own preferred sides. “I was struggling so hard to find my purpose. I felt a little lost at that time, to be honest.” 

“You? I don’t believe it for a second.” Lena understands feeling lost, but she is surprised to hear Kara admit the same fear.

“It’s true.” Kara smiles, laughing lightly. “I wanted to find something I could throw myself into, you know? I have so much to say, and I have so much passion. I just didn’t know where to go with it. But then I saw you, and how you took on your family’s legacy without any help, and gosh-- you make it look so easy. You helped me take the plunge.” 

Lena feels the breath leave her lungs for a moment. She’s never had someone tell her she’s an inspiration. She’s never had anyone tell her she’s contributed to their success. 

“I try really hard actually,” she admits, more to herself than Kara, but at this point, it’s one in the same. “You are literally my only friend in National City. Most people wouldn’t touch a Luthor with a ten foot pole.”

Kara’s cheeks flush slightly, and Lena bites her lip.

“Well, I’m honored. You should give yourself more credit.” Kara unwraps her food as she speaks, eyeing it with particular delight. “You have a lot to be proud of, Lena.”

Lena shrugs, as she idly plays with the food on her own plate. The lettuce leaves glide and lilt along her fork as she thinks about Kara’s words. 

“I don’t think so, not yet. Maybe one day,” she says wistfully. She looks up at Kara. “I want so badly to make a difference. I want to help people, not only because of my brother, but because it’s what needs to be done. There are so many opportunities, and my company has the resources. We could cure cancer, we could help stop global warming. The possibilities are astounding!” She smiles sheepishly at Kara, who is watching her with a smitten expression. She has never talked about her hopes and dreams out loud, and she immediately clams up. “I’m rambling…”

“No, Lena, it’s incredible. It’s-- you’re going to do so many wonderful things. You already have, and I can’t wait to see what else you come up with!”

It’s the encouragement she didn’t know she needed, and it comes at the perfect time. 

Lena’s heart hums as she lays awake that night, contemplating Kara, and all the ways her life has been altered since they met. 

_It’s what happens when the soul finds an absolute equal._

Lena can feel the way they balance each other, pushing and pulling at the right moments, arguing adamantly, and defending fiercely. She sees the calm, gentle strength in Kara, the way she could physically overpower anything in her way but treats her surroundings with respect and thoughtful kindness. It’s the same gentle strength Lena has in her heart. Lena has the ability and resources to tear down the world, but chooses instead to remain in the light, desperately trying to understand, desperately trying to heal. 

For the first time in weeks, she falls asleep feeling hopeful.

* * *

 It’s another afternoon lunch break a few weeks later that finds Kara and Lena strolling in the park, laughing and talking about nothing in particular.

“You are NOT allergic, you’re just whining,” Lena admonishes, laughing at Kara’s exaggerated expression. 

“You don’t KNOW that Lena! You’re not a doctor!” Kara exclaims, before stopping dead in her tracks. “Wait -- are you?” 

Lena turns and looks over her shoulder, arching a perfectly manicured eyebrow, smirking at the insinuation. She continues walking, leaving Kara trailing behind. “Lena!”

Lena can hear the laughter in her voice, and she wishes she could capture it and listen to it on repeat. They find a park bench and rest a minute, looking out over the pond with all the quacking ducks and scurrying children. Kara takes out her phone and turns it over. 

“Lena, get closer!”

“You already know what I look like,” Lena laughs, leaning into Kara’s side in spite of herself, smiling at the camera.

“I know, I just always want to remember,” Kara says, resting her head alongside Lena’s, a huge smile on her face. “This day made me happy, and that’s enough of a reason to document it.”

“Even with the kale?” Lena challenges and Kara pauses to squint at her pointedly. 

“Even with the kale,” Kara agrees, “But that’s the last time that’s happening, I’m serious.” 

Lena laughs, and shakes her head. They take the picture, and it captures so much despite being so simple. Kara beams at it, and Lena can’t help but feel herself falling further into this endless expanse that her heart seems to have reserved just for Kara. 

“Send it to me?” 

“Of course!”

She watches the way Kara’s eyes light up, and the way she talks with so much emotion. Lena watches the way Kara’s lips form a slight pout, and finds herself getting completely enraptured in her essence. She catches herself staring after several long seconds, and shakes her head, eyeing Kara cautiously to make sure she hasn’t been caught.

For some reason, she feels particularly emboldened by a surge of new confidence, and she thinks perhaps this might be the right time. She studies her hand, feeling the familiar happy tug of the string, and she clears her throat. 

“Kara, there’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about…” Lena starts, her heart hammering in her ears. She can’t believe she’s going to do this, especially without preparing a speech, or spending a painstakingly long time agonizing over it in the mirror. But the moment just seems right. She can feel it with everything she has.

Just then, Kara’s phone begins buzzing. She glances down at the caller ID, and sighs loudly.

“Oh, shoot, I--uh--I have to take this, I’m so sorry. It’ll be quick, I promise!” 

“No, of course, go ahead.” Lena gestures, nodding at her. She stares out at the lake as she contemplates how she’s actually going to tell Kara about the strings. It feels like it should be grander, somehow, but maybe that would just make it too much.

Lena is trying not to listen to Kara’s conversation, but she’s brought back from her own thoughts as she notices the knot in Kara’s expression, and the way her jaw clenches slightly as she speaks. When she’s finished, she’s frowning, staring at her phone with a strange expression.

“Is everything okay?” Lena asks, reaching out slightly to touch Kara’s hand. Kara jumps slightly, and Lena recoils instantly.

“Hm? Oh, yeah...yeah of course!” Kara says, a little too enthusiastically. “No that was just Mo--Mike. My uh--boyfriend? Sort of?” 

Lena arches an eyebrow at that, the words punching her directly in the stomach. 

“Sort of?”

“Yeah? I mean, no. Yes he’s my boyfriend.” She adjusts her glasses, and peers cautiously at Lena, as if coming out of a trance. Lena feels the blood rushing to her head, cascading in her ears. She can hardly focus as Kara begins talking again. 

“Anyway, gosh I’m so sorry, what was it you were going to say Lena?” She peers at her curiously, with big understanding eyes, and Lena almost caves. _Almost._  

 _Kara Zor-El still hasn’t told you everything._  

“I--oh, it was nothing,” she mumbles, her hand brushing it away like she’s swatting at a fly. “Forget it.”

Kara looks hurt, but she nods slowly, as she smooths the wrinkles out across her lap. There’s an awkward broken silence, before she clears her throat. She stands slowly.

“I should probably get going, I totally lost track of time,” she giggles, but it’s half-hearted, and Lena feels like the entire moment has been shattered. She almost regrets taking a photo to have evidence of this day, because now it’s tarnished with a heavy realization. “I’ll see you soon, Lena.”

“Right. Soon. Take care, Kara.” Lena nods, completely slack jawed, as she stares deeply into nothing.

Lena stays in the park long after Kara has left her behind. She doesn’t feel much of anything -- not the passing time, or the curious stares, or even her own beating heart. She feels completely and utterly numb, 

Lena knew there would be obstacles, had been told there would be, but for some reason this news rattles her beyond comprehension. It plays at her deep insecurity, and latches on to her with relentless persistence.

“Jess, please reschedule my afternoon. I’m um-- I need to take care of something,” Lena speaks slowly and robotically into her phone so as not to raise her secretary’s suspicion. She barely waits for a response before quickly hanging up and gathering her things. She quickly disengages from the bench and flees the scene where she almost made a tragic mistake. The phone just _had_ to ring at that particular moment. 

_It’s a sign. A warning. Don’t do it._

It’s the first time since taking over Luthor Corp, now L-Corp, that she goes home early. She can’t focus on anything work related at the moment, and she spends the entire walk home blasting herself for being so weak. The attacks on her life, the nightmares, the creepy visions, and the knifepoint robbery all somehow pale in comparison to what she feels right now. After those events, she still shows up to work the next day, stronger and more determined than ever. But this? Finding out Kara is with someone else somehow collapses on her chest and worms its way into the hole in her heart, slowly stretching it from all sides. She knows it isn’t the end of the world, but it adds another layer to an already impossibly complicated situation. She swears vehemently that she won’t be the one to stand in the way of Kara’s happiness, biting her secret down even further until she can hardly breathe.

When she gets home, Lena curls up on her couch, thoroughly defeated, wondering how any of this could be possible. Her mother had always told her that a soulmate was undeniable -- something that couldn’t be contained. She can’t understand why Kara doesn’t show the same signs, or hint more at the overwhelming feelings between the two of them. Maybe it’s a mistake. Maybe she has it wrong. Perhaps Kara isn’t the one, and some delusional visionary changed her string long ago, making Lena second best.

She wouldn’t be surprised. It’s hardly the first time she’s fallen short. Her heart tells her that’s not true, but she can’t bear to think of the real reason why this all feels so tangled.

_To think, I was so close to telling her…_

She clutches the teddy bear close to her chest, the one she’s kept with her since she was a little girl. It’s been her constant in all the years of turmoil, and all the lonely nights. She stares at the faded face, the one button eye that is coming loose, and the patch of fur that is matted from too many tears. The anger rumbles in her chest, as she thinks of her mother, and she throws the bear across the room violently. She’s enraged at herself for being so childish, so easily controlled by weak emotions. The bear bounces off the wall with a heavy thud, falling to the ground harshly. Lena’s ears perk up at the sound, noting the odd solid quality it has for a simple bear stuffed with cotton. She walks across the room and picks it up, exasperated, when she sees the little hole in the back. 

 _I’m sorry,_ she mumbles, gently caressing the soft fur, as if the bear can actually feel pain, or harbor resentment. _I’m losing it_. She shakes her head, as she goes to sit back down. 

She flips the bear over and notices more stuffing inching out of it, and she can feel the outline of an angular object tucked within the confines, buried deeply within the toy.

Her palms begin to sweat. _What the…?_  

She rips at the hole further, her fingers gently poking through until she comes in contact with the thick surface of a hard binding. She reaches in carefully and pulls out a soft black book. 

_How long has this been here?_

Lena begins to rifle through the handwritten pages, her mind in a frenzy, searching for clues as to who the author might be. She doesn’t have to hunt long, however, as her fingers trace over the familiar, elegant scrawl. The book tips to the last page, and Lena reads the final sentence. 

_I hope you can forgive me one day, my darling..._


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena finds her mother's love in the pages of an old book, and Kara reveals herself. They grow closer, but Lena is still plagued by bad timing.
> 
> Meanwhile, Lena's mother makes a decision, at a heavy cost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is necessary for Kara/Lena dynamics and a bit of an insight into Lena's mother's past. They're also adorable, and I love Supergirl-Lena and the way they relate to each other. The next chapter is going to have a lot going on, but this helps build it up.
> 
> Thank you @nevertobeships for beta-ing/write-or-die, @theblacklistforever97 for wonderful conversations and insights and the lovely @trappedinvacancy for letting me post each chapter with her fantastic art <3 
> 
> *TW - small trigger warning for a brief mention of a needle. The flashback will have a (*) to signify for anyone that is squeamish. It isn't gory or detailed, but just mentioning so you can avoid if necessary.

_“You’re sure?” Lionel asks, his voice cracking slightly._

_He looks at her with wonder, but his eyes hold a heavy, disappointed surprise. It’s the exact reaction she was hoping to avoid. His voice betrays him, and his eyes say all the words his mouth refuses to attempt._

_“We can’t, my love, you know this.”  His voice is stern. “If things were different, of course, but you know we can’t keep this child.”_

_His hand trails lightly over her stomach, and he pauses with a grimace, catching her eye before retreating from her completely. She captures his hand in hers and reaches for both of them, feeling the warm strength they possess as she rolls her fingers gently over the soft pads of his palm. They’re bold and capable, but have a loving tenderness that very few get to see. His touch prickles her skin and sends lightning shooting through her veins, the way it always has. She bites her lip, holding all the emotion in check, biting back the tears that threaten to spill as she takes his reaction in stride. Her pulse quickens, but her ears pick up the faint double beat of another life resting alongside her own. The strong thump of her heart has an echo now, forever entwined with her own, a small hand latching around her soul, relying on her for strength. She knows it’s only in her imagination, but it appears her heart has already decided for two._

  _“I’ve never been happier than right in this moment, Lionel. I’m so filled with love I could burst. But this child-- our child -- I couldn’t possibly bear to part with it. You can’t ask me to do that.” Her voice wavers, but her strong belief in her decision does not. He smiles sadly. He knows, because he knows her._

 _“I would never force you to do that, of course. But…” He looks regretfully down at the floor, and she’s almost positive there is a sheen in his eye from tears he won’t allow to fall. Her heart quivers, frightened by the crumpled posture of such a powerful man succumbing to his despair. “You know I won’t be able to stay.”_  

_She stares at him long and hard, studying every line of his face, her mind sifting through the flood of memories sketched along his deep brow. She clenches her jaw repeatedly as she tosses over the words, his words, and his inability to be what she needs. She looks deeply into Lionel’s deep brown eyes, the eyes she fell into so many years ago, the eyes that hold so much power over her, and she nods. She hoped it wouldn’t come down to this, but his answer is thick with conviction, and her choice is non-negotiable. It is a stalemate with the bitterest after-taste._

_“Then this is goodbye, my darling. If I can’t have you, then at least let me have this.” She drops his hands from her grip, and lifts her chin defiantly. She sucks in every last bit of emotion, refusing to let him see her weaken. There is no going back._

_As she turns to walk away, he catches her arm and turns her gently back to face him. He searches her face desperately._

_“Maybe it isn’t goodbye forever.” He’s hopeful, and it’s a last ditch plea for her to reconsider. It isn’t threatening, or manipulative, it’s simply the only way he knows how to ask._

_“We both know it is, my dear. Don’t cry for me. I have made my choice.”_

_She doesn’t tell him why. She doesn’t think he needs to know, because if he finds out, there would be no happy ending for any of them._

* * *

 Lena opens the book haphazardly, and even though she wants to start at the beginning, she’s immediately captivated by the words on the open page, a few entries down from the start. She sees her name and begins reading voraciously before she even realizes what she’s doing.

**April 1993**

**I can’t believe she’s real.**

**She has his mischievous little smile, but she has my eyes. Sometimes when I look at her, I swear it’s like looking into the mirror, and my entire body gets a chill. But I was never this beautiful, this full of life. I think I always had a melancholy deep down that somehow permeated my entire being. Not this child. This child radiates a goodness I can’t possibly put into words.**

**I didn’t think this amount of love was possible, but I’ve never loved anything as much as I love her. There will always be an emptiness in my soul, but somehow, she manages to fill some parts of me that I never thought would feel any joy again. She’s a shining light on my darkest days. My sunshine. That’s why I named her Lena.**

**My Lena.**

**As soon as she was born, they placed her on my chest, and she stared curiously up at me, like she already knew me. I spoke to her, and she paused so astutely, it felt like she could really hear me. I’m convinced she already recognized my voice. I couldn’t stop crying when I spoke to her after that. It was like she was saying “Oh, there you are. I know you!” I’ve never fallen in love so fast.**

**I wish he was here, I wish he could see her. He would have loved her beyond the stars. I know he couldn’t stay, and part of me doesn’t fault him. But part of me - the part that always gives into the darkness - hates him so much it hurts. That’s the part that scares me. How can I love someone so fiercely one minute, and despise them the next? It’s like flipping a switch, except I hardly have any control.**

**My daughter brings me back to the light. She’s perfect, and she’s mine. It’s amazing how I can feel so much hope, and so much despair all at once. It’s just me and her, now. Us against the world. I’m so terrified, but when she looks at me, I somehow find the strength to keep going. I don’t know what I’m doing, and I’m so scared of messing everything up. But she stares at me with these eyes that seem to understand more than I can possibly explain, like she can see into my soul, and I want to be everything for her...**

The words suddenly blur as the ink begins to swirl, caught in the tide of fast falling tears. Lena quickly tosses the book aside to avoid ruining the entire page with the emotions pouring down her cheeks. She quickly swipes at her face with the back of her hand, sniffling quietly, her head swimming with long forgotten memories of her beloved mother. As much as it hurts, she can’t believe she has this piece of her past back after so many years spent wandering alone. She can’t comprehend anything beyond her mother’s voice, which she can suddenly hear again with startling clarity. She always knew her mother cared for her, but seeing these words and feeling the depth with which they are written give color to just how much she was apparently valued and loved as a small child. It shocks her so intensely that she feels her body go numb, warming only with the prickly sensation of haunted words tracing around her skin. Lena can’t help but marvel at the timing of it all, so perfect that it almost leaves her unsettled. But she doesn’t dwell on that, because her mother loved Lionel fiercely, but loved her even more, and suddenly all the hurt and rejection she ever experienced at the hands of the Luthors becomes muted. 

She doesn’t know why her mother chose her. She doesn’t understand why Lionel didn’t. All she knows is her mother loved her beyond the laws of fate. Or perhaps, she loved her because of them. 

Lena can’t stop the sobs from wracking her entire body. There are still so many questions burning inside, but the diary holds a clue, hinting at the depths of a past she wasn’t even aware of. Perhaps it could be the guide she’s been severely lacking, pointing her in the direction she’s meant to take in her own life. She thinks of Kara, the source of so much uncertainty but so much passion, and she immediately feels the twinge of pain settle beneath her ribs as she recalls their last conversation. Everything feels muddled and hopeless, and she wishes her mother was really here to tell her it would all work out in the end.

The red string glows and pulses to the beat of her own thumping heart, which Lena suspects coincides with the heart of her other half. It hurts more today than it has in a long, long time. She wants to sit and read the rest of her mother’s words in one sitting, but the sun has already come up, and Lena has to put on her brave face and conquer the world once more. She tucks the book into her nightstand for safe keeping, running her fingers gently along the cover one last time as she stares at it, still not completely convinced that it will be there when she returns.

* * *

The heavy fatigue of another sleepless night settles into her limbs as she eases into her desk chair. It’s going to take several shots of espresso and massive mental strength to power through this day, but before she can even take a breath, her phone is buzzing with happy insistence. Her heart is immediately racing, which renders caffeine useless, because she already knows who it is.

[Kara]: Lunch today? :) 

Her lips form a smile subconsciously, and she lets it happen, because she can’t seem to control any of her reactions when it comes to Kara. Their lunch dates have become so frequent, that she shouldn’t be surprised to see Kara’s trademark question, even if their last one ended on an awkward note. 

She bites her lip and contemplates. She wants to say yes. She wants to swerve this information and continue building something with Kara -- whatever it is -- but her stomach coils as she studies the string on her finger. _I just need time. I need to sort this out on my own._  

Before she can think of an excuse, Jess knocks on the door announcing that her driver is downstairs. 

“My driver?” Lena asks, completely unaware that she is intended to go somewhere. 

“Ms. Luthor, today is the Climate Change Conference at the Convention Center downtown -- you’re meeting with Professor Jones from National City University afterwards regarding a proposal….” Jess trails off, looking unsure, quickly scrolling down her iPad to check the dates.

 Lena sighs, rubbing her temples in surrender. The Climate Change conference, of course. She had been looking forward to it for months, but had been foolishly distracted by quite literally everything else in her life. She sits up strongly and squares her shoulders, nodding at her secretary politely.

“Of course. Sorry, Jess. Thank you. Tell him I’ll be downstairs in five minutes.”

Fortunately, this is the excuse she needs to get out of lunch with Kara without lying, and she’s thankful for the small respite. She is also thankful for her workaholic tendencies, which in this case, leaves her overly prepared for this conference even if the dates slipped her mind. The work of Dr. Jones and his team at National City University has been on her radar for the past year, and climate change has always been a pet project of hers ever since her own university days. It feels like a relief to get some time away from cleaning Lex’s mess and fighting against the tide of her family name to do something on her own for once. Her mood is immediately lifted at the prospect of having a fulfilling day, far away from lamenting over the shadows of her dark and dreary past.

The convention center is abuzz with reporters, scientists, business owners and students, alike. It’s an intriguing but energetic crowd, passionate about making a difference. Lena is immediately within her element, engaged by the hope and progress of it all. It’s a real opportunity to encourage change, be the force for good she’s always talked about, and she’s soon ensconced in presentations and creative proposals.

“Ms. Luthor? Such an honor, it is,” a cheerful voice calls out behind her, and she turns to be greeted by a plain looking man, with soft features and bright eyes. He extends his hand. “Dr. Jones, National City University.”

“Dr. Jones, the pleasure is all mine. I’m a huge fan of your work. The research your team is doing is astonishing. Truly cutting edge. I’m thrilled to meet you in person.” Lena takes his hand in hers, a firm but pleasant handshake. She notices briefly the way his eyes dart to the side, almost like a reflex, but she ignores it and smiles, the way she always does when something seems out of place. “I’m looking forward to your presentation.”

Dr. Jones smiles mysteriously, before leaning in close.

 “The world is changing, Ms. Luthor, and not for the better. We need to do our part and get the word out quickly. I look forward to meeting with you later.” 

He backs away from her and nods seriously, before retreating into the crowd. Lena stares after him, her brow furrowed, slightly shaken from the threatening tone in his voice. He twitches slightly and his body angles in an awkward grotesque manner, before righting itself once more. It happens so fast, Lena isn’t sure she really sees it, blinking feverishly to try to clear her vision. She’s delirious with sleep deprivation, and chalks it up to her own crossing eyes and wandering thoughts. Climate change is a pressing issue, certainly, but the way he whispered in her ear makes her think something more dire is occurring beneath the surface. She shivers with the thought, and the image of the distorted man, before going to find her seat.

The next presentation begins without a hitch, but after an hour, there is faint rumbling and the sounds of people screaming. Lena’s heart sinks, as her gut tells her she knows exactly what’s happening. She hears crashing and shuffling, and watches as the auditorium begins to come alive with movement and panic. People start heading for the exits in droves, and Lena gets swept up in the current trying to get out of the tightly packed convention center. 

When she emerges from the building, she sees a monster the size of a small skyscraper pummeling everything in its wake and barreling through the streets. She follows the throng of people who seem to be trying to simultaneously escape, and get a better look, and she isn’t sure which is her main priority either. Finally, she finds herself detached from the group, and somehow within striking distance of the parasitic threat.

The parasite continues on a tear of destruction, tossing people aside like ragdolls and plucking cars out of the way like toys. He turns and leers over the small crowd, and Lena feels the adrenaline flowing in her veins. People are scurrying to and fro, frantically trying to run but Lena holds her ground, determined not to flee. She calculates quickly, and decides that she only has to hold him off for a few minutes until Kara arrives. She swallows the lump in her throat at the realization that Kara would indeed be coming, that she would need to face this, and the thought fills her with as much dread as it does comfort. Still, she’s resolute in her decision to help. It’s the only way she can live with herself.

She darts through the crowd, running upstream as everyone goes in the opposite direction away from the monster. She reaches into her purse and produces a small but powerful pellet, one she always thought was ridiculous to carry but that she’s thankful for in the moment. Luthors are nothing if not overly prepared and paranoid, and she’s grateful for Lex’s constant lectures on extreme circumstances. She launches the small prototype of tear gas into the monster’s direction, where it strikes at just the right distance and emits a strong enough cloud of the chemical to disorient and confuse the target. It does just enough to enable the rest of the crowd to get to safety unharmed. 

Lena feels the change in the wind, and knows her work is done, because help is here.

Supergirl flies in urgently, her cape fluttering with determination behind her outstretched arms. Kara touches down and breaks into a run, her face clenched with focus. She stops short of the threat, her teeth gritted tightly as she stares up at the menacing former Dr. Jones. Lena can’t believe her eyes, the way the monster has evolved in such a short time from an unimposing human to this -- _thing_ \-- and her lungs collapse on themselves as she watches Kara with horror.

_I know you can do it, but why does it always have to be you?_

“Get out of here!” Supergirl yells, her eyes wide with panic as she stares at Lena. Lena nods, turning and leaving, but only going far enough so that she can hide while still keeping an eye on everything. She can’t leave Kara, no matter what kind of super strength she has. 

Kara, for her part, is standing confidently, hands on her hips, but still looks like a miniature statue in comparison to the monster’s staggering girth. As the parasite regains his composure, Kara charges at him, full steam ahead, and Lena can barely watch as the two collide with inhuman force. Her arms are outstretched and the parasite seems to be sucking all the power from her, but instead of folding, her touch is supplying him with an electric current that seems to be overpowering him completely. Within seconds, the monster has enlarged to the point of complete catastrophic failure, and Lena watches in awe as Kara whispers an apology to him before he explodes into oblivion.

The dust and smoke finally clear, and Lena sees Kara walking tall through the shadows, completely unharmed. Lena breathes out a sigh of relief, and shakes her head at what she just witnessed. 

She knows she’s the girl of steel, but sometimes words don’t give it justice. She takes on monsters ten times her size, and walks away without a scratch. Everyone knows she has power, but Lena is completely transfixed on the Kryptonian figure walking away from her. It makes it more remarkable when she knows the heart that beats under the crest, and the story of the girl who lost her entire world and still manages to hold up the Earth. 

Late that evening, Lena is finishing compiling her choppy notes from the presentations, and firing off e-mails in an attempt to reschedule with the presenters when she feels the familiar gust of wind blowing calmly through her open balcony door. Supergirl lands almost soundlessly, but Lena is so attuned to her movements, that it doesn’t surprise her in the least. She feels her before she sees her, and it makes everything slow down to a peaceful, steady hum.

Her heart catches for a second, thinking of Kara, and how this is truly the first time they’ve spoken one on one since the day in the park. She pushes the thought out of her mind and plasters on a smile.

“You look like you were expecting me,” Supergirl announces, striding in with more confidence than before, as if she feels comfortable. Like she belongs. Her voice carries a gentle smile, and Lena feels unexplained comfort as soon as she enters.

_I like that you belong here._

“You do have a habit of showing up to check on me after hours,” Lena cheekily replies, shutting her laptop down and watching the Kryptonian with amusement. She pauses, and wonders if she’ll ever get used to Kara’s glowing beauty, if her heart will ever adjust when looking deep into swirling ocean eyes. She doubts it.

Supergirl’s cheeks blush slightly, and Lena feels her own heart sputter and falter, a rhythm she’s getting far too used to. 

“And you seem to have a habit of attracting trouble. I didn’t know you were going to be at that event today.” 

“Well, to be fair, this time I was just a bystander and not a target,” Lena points out emphatically. She didn’t seek out this threat, nor was she the reason everything was thrown into chaos. “It was a pleasant change of pace.” 

Kara chuckles in agreement. She glances at the floor, before fixing her eyes back on Lena as if she wants to say more. 

“You were hardly a bystander. Why did you try to distract it? Why didn’t you run?”

“It’s what you would have done.” Lena shrugs, glancing away from Kara, trying to avoid falling into her gaze for too long after landing a line like that. “I guess I was trying to help, but you really didn’t need me. More importantly, how did you know to do... _that_?” She gestures over Supergirl’s body with her hands, indicative of the electric current flowing through her veins that overpowered the mutant. 

“I had to think like you.” Her voice is soft, and Lena’s eyes dart back to her face, where she is crushed by the sincerity and look of admiration in Supergirl’s eyes. “It’s what any brilliant scientist would have done. Though maybe I should start carrying tear gas in my purse, too, just in case.” 

They both share a laugh at Lena’s expense before a calm silence settles between them.

“Is there anything else I can do for you, Supergirl?” Lena’s eyebrow hitches as she implores Kara to continue. She’s fairly certain she knows why she’s here, because it’s the same reason Lena has come to expect her. It’s the only time the walls come down -- as much as the L-Corp CEO and National City’s hero will allow them to -- and it’s clear both parties relish in these stolen seconds away from the masses. Supergirl has been standing close to the balcony door since she arrived, as if silently urging Lena to follow. Lena takes the suggestion and stands gracefully from behind her desk. She follows the string on her hand until she’s right next to Kara, exactly where she’s supposed to be, the air vibrating and radiating around them, buzzing with an electricity that Lena is almost sure Supergirl can feel too. She continues to follow her onto the balcony, out into the fresh night air tucked under the stars, a backdrop that has become their sacred space.

“I just wanted to make sure you were doing okay. I care about you, Lena. I thought you knew that by now.” Supergirl breaks the tentative silence, her voice low and quiet, but insistent.

Lena knows it, she feels it in everything Kara does. But she deflects the comment, even though her heart aches to hold on to it, and all the meanings it could contain. Instead, she tells Kara about the convention, and why she was even there in the first place. She talks about her desire to do good, real good, something completely distinct from the Luthor name. It’s funny, because she’s talked about it with Kara before, but not as Supergirl, and for some reason, she knows it will be a different conversation this time around.

“You make it all look so easy,” Lena finishes, staring out over the city below. She’s talking about life, and standing up for justice, and being so strong and controlled. These late night sessions with Supergirl have become their own private confessional, and Lena can’t help opening up to the hero about her admiration under the quiet veiled darkness of midnight. It’s the closest she gets to the truth, and she delights in these small stolen conversations where her words can flow without judgement. “Arriving just in the knick of time and saving the day. Is there anything you can’t do, Supergirl?” She winks playfully, watching Kara stiffen slightly under the praise. 

Supergirl smiles softly, and shakes her head. She stares up at the stars, the way she always does when Lena compliments her. It’s so different from her fidgeting awkward reaction as Kara. This one is regal, filled with nostalgia and contemplative hope. It’s heroic, and beautiful, and tragic all at once. It fills Lena will so _much_ but she can’t articulate exactly what she’s feeling when she looks at Kara in these moments. 

She feels like her mother, caught up in so much despair and love, that she sucks in her breath at all the crushing similarities.

“When I first started out, I had no idea what I was doing.” Supergirl laughs at herself softly, shaking her head before smiling at Lena. It’s one Lena returns with understanding sympathy. She knows, because she’s still struggling to find her way in the complicated mess of her own family’s tangled company. “I wanted so badly to be like my cousin right away, you know? I wanted to show the world I could do it, show I was just as good as he was. I was convinced I could go out there and start taking on every threat that came my way, and I fell on my face -- literally.” 

“I know that feeling.” Lena rolls her eyes in self-loathing, but finishes with a graceful smile, urging Kara to continue.

The moonlight touches Supergirl’s cheeks in such a way that her face glows softly, reminiscent of a fallen angel, walking among mortals. It’s enough for Lena to remain speechless, as she listens to the unflappable hero share her wisdom.

“I had to crawl before I could walk, which was…”

“Humbling?” Lena offers, and Kara nods emphatically.

“Also maddening. I’m not always the most patient. But, it was true. I had to take on small threats before I could tackle the monsters. Do you remember the oil spill in National harbor? It was before….” she pauses, and Lena knows she wants to say _before Lex_. Instead, she repositions and continues. “Before you came here.” 

“Yes, I think I read something about that.” She did, in fact, read about the oil spill, and the impending threat to the aquatic life, though she has no idea why Kara would be talking about it now. The headlines come to her mind, then, and she realizes what Kara is alluding to before she says it.

“That was me,” she says sheepishly, her voice holding the embarrassment in her confession. “I completely misjudged my strength. One minute, I’m pulling that oil tanker away from a fire, and the next, I cracked the bow right down the middle. I thought I was doing so _well_ , and then… nothing. I had no choice but to just watch as the oil filled the water, faster than anything. I was mortified, and I mean, completely at fault. I went from a superhero to an ecological terrorist overnight.”

She inhales quietly, staring over the city, her eyes cloudy with the memory. Lena watches her patiently, remembering more about it, but interested to see it from this point of view. Kara breathes quietly, and Lena interjects with firm support, in case there is any doubt which side she’s on.

“Maxwell Lord certainly didn’t take it lightly. His smug face was all over the news, even in Metropolis,” Lena replies gently. “His tacky overpriced suits and whining speeches crying wolf all over the place. I’m so sorry, that must have been awful. You didn’t mean to, you were only trying to help.” Lena extends her hand and places it gently on Kara’s forearm, where it’s immediately met with Kara’s other hand. 

“You say that now, but I’m sure you had your doubts at one time, Ms. Luthor.” She grins, and Lena’s face flushes in the moonlight. Doubts don’t even begin to cover all the complicated feelings she’s had for Kara -- or Supers -- throughout her life. She bites her lip and contemplates.

“It’s okay, Lena, you can admit it. You were scared of me. Maybe part of you still is. That’s okay, I understand.”

“I was afraid of you,” Lena admits, and Supergirl dips her head like she expects the answer. “But I’m not anymore. If anything, you should be afraid of me.” 

“I’m not afraid of you.” It’s firm, but it leaves traces of an unspoken admission.

“But you were?”

“Yes,” she says, and it hits Lena in the heart. “But not for the reasons you’re thinking. It wasn’t because of your family.”

 _Then why? How could I possibly hurt you?_  

She sees the string, the one she knows Kara cannot see, but she wonders if she can feel it. _Maybe she’s afraid of everything a connection to me implies._  Lena bites her tongue.

“Do you remember all the rumors that I had turned to the dark side?” Supergirl asks suddenly, and her voice is hushed, like if she says it too loud, it might happen again.

Lena cringes. She remembers Lillian’s insistence that the Supers were tainted souls, and that it was only a matter of time before they snapped, turning on everyone once and for all. It hurts more now, being in National City, hearing the same incessant whispering behind her own back, like the world is waiting for another Luthor to snap at any minute. 

“It wasn’t your fault though. You weren’t yourself,” Lena insists, remembering all her research on Red Kryptonite and its effects. She doesn’t recall Kara’s particular incident, because so much was going on in her own life at the time, but she remembers Lex’s research and Kal’s exposure to the element. She can only infer that it was the same terrifying experience. She finds herself inching closer to Kara, for no other reason than a strong overwhelming desire to comfort. It isn’t that Kara needs the sympathy, or even wants it, but it breaks her heart that she’s had to go through so much and Lena couldn’t be there to help.

_I don’t deserve you._

“It was, in a way. It was still me. It was all my darkest thoughts, coming to the surface. Imagine having your deepest insecurities on display for the world. Imagine feeling them take over, and words coming out of your mouth that you would never think to say out loud in a million years. Imagine hurting everyone you love with your twisted mind. That was what being exposed to Red Kryptonite did to me.”

Lena swallows hard. She shivers, because it’s actually her worst nightmare. She doesn’t know how Kara can stand in front of her, so tall, so brave, so stoic, and talk about this so firmly. To someone she should fear. A family she should hate. Someone she just admitted being afraid of. Lena Luthor.

“I guess my point in telling you all of this is it wasn’t easy. It isn’t easy. Every day is still a challenge, superpowers or not, and I’ve made so many mistakes.”

“But you didn’t give up. You never quit, even at your darkest hour. That’s real strength, Supergirl.”

“Neither did you, Lena.” Supergirl is somber, but her voice is filled with confidence. Lena isn’t sure she’s earned all this respect, but she’s thankful for everything Kara gives to her. “I’m getting better, but there’s so much that I have to learn. But you more than anyone knows that you just rise to the occasion. You grit your teeth and you do your best, and you follow your heart.”

Lena watches as her vulnerable Super pours out her soul, repeating the words of advice her mother gave her so many years ago. It feels like the universe is trying desperately to send her a message, and she wishes she could see it with just a tiny bit more clarity. All it keeps saying is to stay strong and follow her heart. Her heart, meanwhile, always seems to lead in only one direction, making itself at home in a capable hero’s indestructible hands.

* * *

Two weeks. It’s been two full weeks since Lena allows herself to see Kara as Kara. Two agonizing weeks of text messages, of voicemails, of faked last minute meetings to skip lunch dates. It isn’t that she’s avoiding her, except it is. It isn’t that she will do it forever, because she can’t. But for all the strength Lena has, she doesn’t know if she’s strong enough to face Kara’s tender face and deeply understanding eyes quite yet. For some reason, seeing her as Supergirl is manageable, because it brings with it a different dialogue, and a different set of actions. It’s the same person, but Lena’s brain manages to compartmentalize the heartbreaking reality of Kara’s love life into only one of her identities and not the other. It feels impossible to be herself, the Lena that she is with Kara Danvers, because that Lena is far too hopelessly in love to be relied on to contain her emotions.

She hears Kara’s grating words about her other relationship, and she can’t figure out how she will ever be free to confess the secret that is entangled around her finger, and locked around Kara’s own. She doesn’t think she can live with herself for getting in the way of something like this. Even if it isn’t meant to be, because fate dictates otherwise, who is she to pull Kara from something she loves without receiving deserved resentment?

 _Timing is everything_.

But finally, she caves, because Kara is clever enough to come up with a reason for the two to get together. Lena doesn’t think she’s doing it on purpose to be sneaky, but she can’t help but smile at Kara’s persistence. She has an article to write, a puff piece, but a piece nonetheless, and Lena can’t help but accommodate her request. Kara’s career _matters_ to her, because all the influence she somehow has imparted on the rookie reporter leaves her feeling personally responsible to help ensure her success. 

She thinks she’s ready to see her, but nothing can ever prepare her for the flashing smile and warm presence that comes when Kara enters the room. Lena feels her entire body ignite, and it feels even stronger this time than ever before. It's like her absence somehow caused Lena’s heart to fill with extra love that she didn’t even know was there until their eyes meet once again. She curses quietly under her breath, though she’s sure Kara can hear everything, including the way her pulse quickens and her heart dips and flutters. She barely makes eye contact before racing to the corner to fill her glass with water. Anything to keep busy and distracted. Anything to keep from looking Kara in the eye too long. 

“So what is this piece for, really?” Lena finds herself asking, her back turned to Kara. She’s able to remain composed, as she walks confidently back to her desk, somehow finding her stoic businesswoman facade. She’s determined to treat this as any other interview, with any other reporter.

Kara smiles earnestly, her cheeks flushing slightly before she answers.

“Oh, it’s just a puff piece.” She’s sitting in front of Lena’s desk now, her legs elegantly crossed, as she waves her pen in the air to absentmindedly ward off the question.

“You’re going to have to give me more than that, Kara.” Lena shoots up an eyebrow, digging for information and Kara grins and adjusts her glasses.

“Well, it was supposed to be a surprise….”

“A surprise….” Lena repeats, nodding sarcastically, completely unconvinced.

A sudden pang of anxiety hits Lena’s stomach. It feels like Kara isn’t being honest for some reason. It’s almost like she’s digging for information, but it doesn’t make sense, because why wouldn’t she just ask?

As if she can read the tension, Kara clears her throat. 

“I’m not sure if you know, but CatCo does their annual 30 under 30 article every year….” 

Lena nods slowly.

“And this year, we’re featuring you..” Kara blushes, chewing on the corner of her lip before looking at Lena with a huge smile. “You get to be on the cover! You’re the top of the list this year.”

Lena sighs, and smiles, laughing to herself at how innocent it all is.

“Kara, of course, I’m happy to help, I just don’t know how interesting I really am.”

“Lena! You’re fascinating! Everyone is going to love to read about you!” Kara asserts, leaning forward eagerly as she speaks. Her enthusiasm gives Lena a jolt, but she hates the idea of disappointing her.

“Listen, you can write whatever you think sounds good, but the truth is, as a daughter, and as a Luthor, I’ve always seemed to fall short.”

Lena finds herself launching into a dismal account of her days with the Luthors, and anecdotes about Lillian chiding in her ear, always making her doubt and question herself even with things she knows she’s talented at.

_“Just let Lex do it when he gets home. We don’t have the time for mistakes.”_

_“Lena, why are you wasting your time with that?”_

_“Why did you do it that way?”_

_“That’s wrong, you need to start over.”_

_“It isn’t the way I would have done it, but it’ll be fine. Let Lex finish it.”_

Lena’s accomplishments were often brushed to the side, expected as normal and nothing to celebrate over. If she fell short, however, she never heard the end of it. She is confident that her freshman year at MIT where she got her first B+ ever would still be the topic of family dinners, if they still had a family.

She catches herself rambling, lost in painful memories and harsh criticisms, and immediately stops short. Something about the way Kara’s head tilts, and the way she doesn’t interrupt, forces the words to spill over without any intervention. She purses her lips and squints harshly, frustrated with herself for the constant oversharing.

“I don’t know why I’m telling you all of this.” She shakes her head, her eyes gazing to the ceiling in exasperation. “Can you not put that part in the article?” The question lands softly, and Kara offers a broken smile.

“Of course, Lena, it can be off the record but I’m your friend, too, you know. You can talk to me about anything.”

 _I wish that were true, Kara._  

“Besides, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Look what you’re doing -- your family’s company, the new direction, all the wonderful projects you’re working on, the volunteer work. Now everyone can see that, and everyone can appreciate you. It’s why I wanted to write this article in the first place. You deserve the recognition. It’s long overdue.”

Lena forces a hurt smile, letting Kara’s praise scratch over her skin uncomfortably. She doesn’t believe her in the least, but she’s willing to let her try. She knows better than to argue with an unstoppable force. 

“Well, maybe this will be an opportunity to prove I’m just as good as the golden boy.” She scoffs, rolling her eyes.

“It’s about more than just salvaging the family name, isn’t it?” Kara’s voice is low, like she doesn’t want to shatter the moment.

Lena stares at her, clenching her jaw, ready for a sharp denial. Instead, she studies Kara’s face, and the way she doesn’t pass judgement, and she exhales a whispered affirmation.

“I guess I just want my mother to see I’m worth the family name. That I’m just as good as Lex, and can do this job without him. Sounds pathetic when I put it like that, doesn’t it?” She chuckles at herself and shakes her head.

“You’re not pathetic. It’s hard to get out from the shadows of our families. But this is your chance to be your own hero.” 

 _How can I, when you’re already mine?_  

She knows Kara is talking about so much more than just the Luthors, and suddenly Lena feels overwhelmed by what it all means.

“I’m sorry, Kara, I’m a complete idiot, I totally forgot I have another meeting. Can we continue another time? I trust you’ll do this justice.” She doesn’t want her to go, but she can’t continue this sad waltz down memory lane for another minute.

Kara pulls back, like she knows she may have pushed too far. She smiles, and doesn’t overstay her welcome. She stands gracefully. 

“Of course, Lena. It’s great to see you.”

* * *

 The article takes a bit more effort than she initially planned, but she’s flattered that Kara is even going through the trouble to try to give her some positive attention. A few days after her rambling interview, Lena finds herself at CatCo for a cover shoot, which makes her even more uncomfortable. Still, with Kara’s fluttering eyes and relentless encouragement, she grins and bears it. She meets James Olsen, who Kara insists is the best photographer in the city, and Lena somehow finds solace in the man’s kind smile and patient demeanor. The whole event is more painless than she expects, but it has everything to do with the blonde reporter’s beaming smile and steady stream of compliments.

“This is the one, Lena! It’s gorgeous. You’re stunning,” Kara breathes, her eyes shining with excitement. “What do you think?” She turns and hands the photo over, but continues to peek over Lena’s shoulder as the CEO studies the photograph carefully. 

Kara had insisted she wear her hair down, and Lena obliged, for no other reason than it was Kara asking. Now, with her gushing in her ear, she can’t process anything other than Kara calling her gorgeous. She smiles and nods automatically before really seeing the photo. Upon second glance, it’s truly a captivating work -- her eyes are shining mysteriously, but with a hint of compassion radiating beneath the surface. Her face is serious, the lighting playing on strong cheekbones to accent a well manicured look, and she has a slight smirk playing on her lips, like she’s telling a joke that only a few people get to hear. It’s everything she could ask for in a picture, because it shows a new side of the Luthor family. A hopeful side. A lighter side. 

Her heart dips because she hears Kara’s words, but doesn’t think she really _knows_ what she’s saying. Still, she tucks the comment away for safe keeping anyway. Just to be safe.

“I love it, Kara,” Lena agrees, and Kara claps her hands in response.

When the article officially launches, Lena offers to take Kara out to lunch to celebrate. At this point, they’ve gotten back to normal, or as normal as they can be, which Lena is thankful for. As long as she avoids topics like love lives, and soulmate strings, and futures, she should be in the clear. It’s all too heavy, and tangled, and Lena doesn’t want to touch it. Not yet.

But today it’s about celebrating success. Today it’s about thanking Kara for believing in her.

“Lena!” Kara’s eyes are wide when she sees where they’re pulling up. The restaurant is a michelin 5 star, frequented by Cat Grant herself. Kara’s jaw hangs loose as she studies the posh entrance, before frantically glancing back at her purse, her forehead crinkled in unspoken panic.

Lena sees the dilemma play out clearly, as if Kara is speaking every thought verbally, and she chuckles. She reaches out and takes her arm gently. 

“Sometimes having a name like Luthor comes in handy. I know the owner, and I know how much you love potstickers. I think you’ll be blown away by what they do with them here.” 

“Lena, I can’t…” Kara protests, but Lena raises her eyebrow and Kara stops speaking.

“I invited you! Besides, this is a celebration. You’re becoming quite the journalist! I’m proud of you, you know. It’s my treat.” 

Kara’s cheeks flush, and she fidgets with her fingers, before whispering softly. 

“At least let me pay half…” 

Lena’s face softens. She gets it. She isn’t doing it to flaunt her money, or impress Kara. At least, not outright. She genuinely thought it would be a nice gesture, but she’s quickly seeing Kara’s discomfort with the power imbalance. She looks at the restaurant again, and thinks about how awkward it must feel for Kara to try to keep up with a billionaire who sometimes forgets how much money she truly has. 

“I’m not paying for you because I don’t think you can, Kara. I’m paying because today it’s my turn, and because I invited you. You can get the next one, okay?”

Kara breathes a heavy sigh of relief and looks at her with thankful eyes.

They find a secluded table in the back and get settled only briefly, before Kara is scrutinizing the menu with a furrowed brow and pursed lips.

“Lena, I don’t know what any of this says! This menu is in…. I don’t really know what language it’s in?” Kara runs her finger along the words, her lips soundlessly stumbling over words as she tries to pronounce them. Lena can’t help but giggle at how adorable she looks when she’s concentrating so hard. It’s an asian-fusion style menu, with fancy titles and multiple languages, and even Lena had to study up in order to sound the least bit knowledgeable. 

“It’s okay, I think I know enough about what you like to order for you. Do you trust me?” Lena asks, jokingly flashing an innocent smile, considering her track record for getting Kara to try new things has been dismal at best.

Kara eyes her skeptically before responding.

“Yes but --”

“Nothing too green, I know.” 

“And--"

“And real sugar, not the fake kind.”

“And--"

Lena sighs. 

“Nothing from the gluten free side of the menu.”

Kara nods, a grin spreading over her face.

“Forgive me for worrying about your health, Kara.” Lena’s eyebrow arches playfully, and Kara shakes her head fiercely, waving her hands in front of her.

“I’d rather die surrounded by gluten, thank you very much.”

Lena orders for them, sneaking in a few extra plates for Kara’s voracious appetite, and then watches as Kara proudly hands over the finished copy of the magazine.

“Ta-da! There you are! Number 1 on the list.” Kara proudly points to the picture of a very powerful Lena Luthor adorning the cover. “I’m very honored to be having lunch with you, Ms. Luthor.” Kara jokes and Lena shakes her head, brushing off her extravagant words.

“You’re my favorite,” she insists, opening to the article, for no reason other than to see it in full print. Kara sent her the final draft a few days earlier, and true to her word, only the highlights and optimistic stories made the cut. Much to her surprise, the article _does_ seem to get her some positive attention, as new proposals and new investors had slowly begun to pop up out of the woodwork. The whole ordeal did turn out to be worth it, and Lena truly feels indebted to Kara for her role in making it happen. 

It doesn’t take long for the food to arrive and conversation to fall by the wayside as Kara begins a torrid love affair with the potstickers, just like Lena knew she would. They eat in content silence for awhile longer until Kara approaches the one subject Lena isn’t ready for. The one subject she doesn’t think she’ll ever be ready for.

“I feel kind of bad for the other day, when Mike’s call interrupted our lunch. I feel like I handled it wrong. I don’t know, I’m just sorry that I answered the phone while you were trying to talk to me. I’ve felt guilty about it for awhile now.” Kara fidgets with her napkin and avoids Lena’s eyes, which means she’s really feeling especially bad. Lena’s heart thumps against her ribs. She doesn’t want to talk about Mike, but Kara’s broken expression forces her to swallow her feelings and press on.

“Kara, you don’t need to explain. I completely understand. We’re fine, I promise. It was honestly nothing, I don’t even remember what I was talking about.” It’s amazing how easy it is to lie about her feelings, and she wonders if she would even be able to tell the truth if she wanted to. 

Kara nods, still tentative, so Lena continues.

“How long have you been together?” _Why am I asking this?_

“Oh, a few months now. It’s still kind of new, but it’s good.” Kara shrugs, and it isn’t the rousing endorsement of someone in a honeymoon phase, but Lena doesn’t think she can make any judgement calls. “He makes me laugh, and he’s a good person. He tries really hard. I see a lot in him.” 

“Does he make you happy?” Her brain is warning her to stop the conversation, but her heart needs to know. This is the only question that matters in Lena’s mind, because Kara’s happiness comes before anything else. It’s the only thing she’s sure of in this messy life.

“I think I can be very happy with him,” Kara’s words are slow, and she says them in an unfamiliar tone that leaves Lena guessing. Her eyes find Lena’s and she holds her gaze for a few too many seconds. Everything seems to fall silent. 

Lena looks away first. 

“That doesn’t quite answer the question, does it?”

“Do you believe in soulmates?” Kara hurriedly blurts the words, and immediately flushes, reaching eagerly for her glass of water and taking several large gulps, as if the action could erase what her mouth just said.

Lena freezes and inhales forcefully, coughing slightly, before staring at Kara as if the words themselves jumped across the table and attacked her throat. 

“What did you say?” 

“Soulmates. Do you believe in them?” She’s more insistent this time, and Lena’s heartbeat is so loud she’s convinced even the waiter can hear it. 

“I--why do you ask?”

The string between them shines brightly, and it’s always at these moments that Lena swears she can’t be the only one that sees it. But she looks around, and everyone is oblivious, while Kara’s gaze stares through it like nothing is happening.

“It’s nothing, really, it’s just….I guess I…” Kara fiddles with her fork before a buzzing sound goes off. Lena’s eyes snap to Kara’s phone and she feels the unsettled rage release in her chest. She’s thankful she doesn’t have heat vision of her own, because the device would be an incinerated mess in seconds. _Seriously? Now?_

“Oh-- Oh no. I have to take this, I’m so sorry.”

Lena nods curtly, her jaw clenched, fuming silently over the timing. Again. It can’t be a coincidence, and yet…

“Lena, I hate to do this, but I have to go-- that was work--”

Kara’s panicky eyes and awkward movements indicate she isn’t lying. Not really. She’s covering up a Supergirl mission, and Lena feels herself relax slightly. This is better than the alternative.

“No, of course, I’ve kept you far too long as it is. Please, I’ll take care of this. Thank you again, Kara, for everything.”

“I’ll see you soon, Lena,” she promises, before dashing out of the restaurant.

Lena sits back in her chair, her body coming down off the adrenaline rush that was occurring only seconds before. She doesn’t understand what could have prompted Kara to bring up soulmates unless she _knows_ \- but how can she know? What does she know? The questions form like a hydra, and just when Lena thinks she has an answer, three more pop up in its place.

She replays their brief conversation about Mike, and Lena sees how desperate Kara is in trying to convince herself to be happy. She wants a normal life, a life Lena can’t provide. Mike may not be fantastic, or destined for her, but he’s ordinary, and for someone like Kara, perhaps it gives her stability. Perhaps it gives her the peace of mind she desperately craves, when everything else spins madly out of control. 

 _I think I could be very happy_.

She twists her fingers and watches the string as it extends further away with Kara’s increased distance from her. She continues to ponder Kara's words, and the way she's obviously reaching for an explanation, trying so hard to validate her relationship. Kara is desperate to fit Mike into this picture of her life, like a puzzle piece that can almost pass as belonging. It makes sense, because Lena, though the right choice, is certainly not the preferable one. _How can I be fated to be with Kara, when I can’t provide anything remotely normal for her?_

It reminds Lena of all the times she saw couples in her youth, with missing strings, or mismatched strings, or strings with knots in them. They all seemed to be getting along just fine, and certainly better than she was. How much can she really invest in this, when it seems to be fighting against her at every turn?

She leaves the restaurant in a daze, and finds herself deep in the corner of the L-Corp lab a few hours later, going through projects and hiding from everyone for a little while. It’s her default switch to launch herself into work when things seem to be beyond her control. 

It’s getting late, and she’s about to head back upstairs when a small, familiar metal box catches her eye. It’s partially covered by an open binder, and she gently removes the interfering item as she reaches for the prototype.

_This can’t be what I think it is, can it?_

She opens the device slowly, running her fingers over the angles of the cube and staring at it in complete shock. She knew Lex had been obsessing over it, but she didn’t think he had come this close to completing it. Furthermore, she had no idea it would still be tucked away in L-Corp, hidden in plain sight all this time. She supposes that’s half the genius of it, though. Who else would know what this is besides a Luthor, anyway?

There’s a helmet-type apparatus attached to it, and it looks ready to be tested. She inhales sharply, closing her eyes, trying to remember one of the final conversations she had with her brother before his arrest.

 _(* )_ _“You’re working awfully late for a Friday,” Lena smirks, walking into the Luthor Corp lab where her brother has taken up residence. He never seems to leave these days, and the only time he will honor her with a conversation is if she comes down there to talk to him. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say you moved in here permanently.”_  

 _Lex eyes her like she’s a cell under one of his slides, a small smirk turning up on his lips, before casually returning to his microscope. His silence is deafening, but Lena continues to try to pull him into a conversation. It’s been far too long since Lex talked about anything outside of his work, and even though their relationship is strained, Lena can’t help but still feel like the little sister around him, eager for her big brother’s affection._  

 _“I just came by to---”_  

_“It’s almost finished!” Lex interrupts enthusiastically, raising his arms in the air in triumph. He seems completely oblivious that Lena was even speaking, and her lips tighten as she watches him. “This is going to change everything, Lena! Everything!”_

_“What is it?”_  

_“It’s my greatest achievement to date. This is going to be the thing that puts the Luthors on top for good. It’s what I always said I would do. We are going to control fate. Isn’t it incredible?”_

_“You got it to work?”_

_“Just about. This is the prototype, but with a few tweaks, it will be good to go. Oh, that reminds me!” He lurches forward cruelly, grabbing Lena’s arm with an aggressive tug._  

_“Lex! What is wrong with you? What are you doing?” She resists, but his grip is forceful, and his strength is overpowering. “Let go!”_

_“Stay still, or you’ll only make it worse!” he warns, and Lena feels the adrenaline course through her veins._

_He quickly wraps a tourniquet around her bicep, and pulls her arm straight down. His eyes flash as he smiles menacingly, biting the cover off a needle and spitting it to the side. His hands work in a flurry of movements as he sloppily wipes alcohol over the crease in her forearm before stabbing her with the needle._

_She yelps, feeling the prick deep under her skin, but she fights the urge to remove her arm, for fear of causing more damage._

_“Relax, I just need some of your blood. You’re the one with all the power, right? Your DNA is the key.”_ _He sounds like he’s mocking her, his voice ravaged by jealousy and hate. Lena closes her eyes, wondering how this all went so terribly wrong._  

_“You’re sick,” Lena snarls, her eyes opening quickly. They land on Lex’s gaunt face, and she realizes the man looking at her is a complete and total stranger._

_“I used to be. Now, I’m feeling better than ever,” he declares, removing the needle slowly and closing the vial with Lena’s blood. He shakes the vial tauntingly. “Thanks for checking in, little sister.”_

Her arm burns angrily with the memory, and she runs her fingers delicately over the faint scar left from the needle. She sighs, and gathers Lex’s work in her arms, determined to secure it in her upstairs vault, far away from the prying eyes of any rogue employees.

* * *

Kara and Lena’s lunch time interruption turns into a full scale National City semi-crisis a few days later. A new gang of robbers begins terrorizing various banks and government buildings, and though a situation like this would normally be handled by NCPD, this particular group has an arsenal of alien weapons that makes Supergirl a more suitable opponent.

Lena watches the news with rapt attention, immediately recognizing the type of weaponry being used. It’s something Lex drew up years ago, modified and updated for current times. Old Luthor patterns, still refusing to die quietly. She rubs anxiously at the tense part of her neck, scowling at the TV as she watches the broadcast. Part of her is worried this will somehow be traced back to her and L-Corp. The other more analytical side of her is worried that she knows exactly where it will be traced to.

Lillian Luthor.

She hasn’t seen the older Luthor in far too long, and a prolonged absence in this case never goes unpunished. Perhaps it’s just all a coincidence, but the Luthors never leave anything to chance. It’s a message, and it’s a warning. The threat is hardly the gang of robbers, but everything they represent.

Alien weapons in the arms of humans. Mass destruction. Chaos in the name of power.

Lena switches off the TV and immediately begins to formulate a plan. They’ve attacked a wing of the children’s hospital, which Lena finds particular distasteful, and she’s determined to get even, somehow. Supergirl isn’t going to like it, but she thinks she can convince her to assist on a limited basis if she doesn’t divulge all her intentions. Otherwise, she knows Kara will try forcibly to get her to reconsider, like she did with the re-naming ceremony. 

Lena already knows she won’t. She’s the only one who has the technology and the resources to disband this gang and send a clear message of her own. 

It takes a full day to get everything organized. A gala fundraiser for a new wing of a hospital is not exactly the easiest event to throw together on short notice, but having investors and high profile National City elites on speed dial certainly helps. Suddenly, she realizes the other quandary she’s in. She needs to get in touch with Supergirl, but only has Kara Danver’s cell phone number and address. Shaking her head at the ridiculous inconvenience, she decides to pay her friend a personal visit. 

She tries to rationalize that it’s merely a formality, an excuse for some fresh air, but it’s not even worth going through the motions. It’s because she wants to see Kara. It’s because another one of their lunches was cut short too soon. It’s because they left so much dangling at the table when Kara rushed off to save the city -- again.

It’s because she still isn’t convinced that Kara is real, and every time she sees her, it’s a small affirmation that maybe good things can happen to a Luthor, after all.

The string tugs and pulls, like an open invitation to Kara’s apartment, and Lena grabs her coat and heads downtown.

“Lena!” Kara answers the door with a pleasantly surprised smile, and it's a greeting that still makes Lena pause, as if she doesn't believe it's truly reserved for her. No one ever greets a Luthor with such candid enthusiasm. At least, not on purpose. 

“Sorry to barge in on you--” she begins, before she realizes they aren’t alone. There’s a familiar looking woman sitting at the kitchen island with amber hair and a timid smile. Lena freezes.

 _Who is that?_ She stares at her contemplatively, forgetting how to speak, trying to remember where she knows her from.

“I know you,” she points, her head tilted in thought. She hears Kara creeping up behind her.

“That’s my sister,” she says proudly, her arm brushing Lena’s as she stands next to her.

“You were there the day of the re-naming ceremony. You helped arrest that guy.” Lena relaxes considerably, though she doesn’t know why she’s so tense in the first place.

For some reason, it’s overwhelming to meet the other people in Kara’s life. They poke in like a sharp reminder that Kara and Lena don’t exist in their own little bubble, far away from all the threats in the world. She forgets that the balcony is only a temporary escape from the real world, and the real world has many more complications.

The woman gets up and extends her hand. 

“Special agent Alex Danvers, FBI.” She has a firm handshake and an inquisitive, protective gaze. Lena is impressed, and thankful, because this is the reason Kara has so much confidence. 

Alex nods as they drop their hands and Lena gazes at her for a few more seconds before turning to Kara. 

“Ah, this city’s smaller than I thought. Well, maybe you can both help me. I need to get in touch with Supergirl.” 

She stays for a few more minutes, before Kara eagerly insists that the hero will get in contact with her soon. Lena rolls her eyes as she closes the door, but there’s a small smirk on her face when she thinks about how long it will take Kara -- Supergirl -- to show up. A personal hero within walking distance, even if it’s via their alter ego, is always something to smile about. She’s willing to bet Kara will be strolling through her office by the end of the night.

It turns out to be a conservative guess, considering it actually only takes an hour. It’s barely nightfall when Supergirl strolls in from the balcony, hands on her hips, her forehead crinkled with concern.

“Kara Danvers said you wanted to speak to me?” Her voice is low, and potentially intimidating, if Lena didn’t know she was referring to herself in the third person. She suppresses the urge to laugh and clenches her jaw.

“I wanted to invite you to my party,” she explains, standing up from around her desk and coming over the other side to face Supergirl. She smooths the wrinkles in her white dress and stands shakily in front of her, like a child asking for permission. It feels strange, to be on this side of a power play, but she holds her ground and waits for Supergirl to respond.

“Kara Danvers told me about this fundraiser. And you think it’s a good idea to hold it with everything going on in National City?” She tilts her head and studies Lena before continuing. “You can’t, it’s too dangerous. It’s definitely going to be a target for this gang.” She shakes her head and crosses her arms in defiance.

“Well, that’s why I was hoping you’d be there to protect it. That way, I know my guests and I will be safe.” 

Supergirl flashes her a doubtful look -- it’s signed with “bad idea” and sealed with “I told you so”. Lena bites her lip.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Lena says, because she can see it written all over Kara’s face.

“But you’re still going to ask me,” Supergirl sighs, frowning. “You like to take risks, I’m learning this about you.” 

“Well, you can’t live in fear. You more than anyone understands that.” Lena walks closer to Supergirl and reaches her hands out. “This party must happen, and I am asking you for your help.” She’s only a step away from begging, but she wants to sell her desperation so Kara will have little opportunity to refuse.

“I still don’t think this is a good idea.”

“But you’ll come?”

“Once again, you’ve left me with no choice.” 

She doesn’t tell her about the black body force field generator she’s been working on, or how she plans to use it. She doesn’t explain that it’s absolutely a trap for this band of goons, with her as bait, because she knows Kara will never allow it. She also omits the part where it will be a direct attack on her own mother. She simply holds her tongue, and watches as Supergirl nods and exits, because the less she knows, the better. 

The fundraiser goes on as planned, and Supergirl arrives early, touching down with one more warning plea to Lena before insisting on circling the perimeter. Lena feels guilty for dragging Kara into this under somewhat false pretenses, but she has to have a back-up plan, and it’s the only way to get it done. 

Right on time, the robbers crash the party, expecting to get their hands on fancy jewels and loaded wallets. The ringleader steps right up to Lena and forcefully rips a diamond necklace off her neck, leaving her snarling after him in casual rage. It would have infuriated her if she wasn’t prepared.

“Did you really think I wouldn’t be here?”

Lena hears Supergirl’s voice, and her heart flips over itself. She glances at her, floating effortlessly in the sky, her eyes simmering with an orange glow from her heat vision. There’s a split second where Lena regrets everything, because what if things go wrong? What if she can’t get this to work? Supergirl would be put into danger unnecessarily, all because of her.

Can she really expect to be as quick and clever as Lex? 

There’s no more time for doubt, though, as Supergirl gets entangled with the robbers, her heat vision sizzling against the ray of the gun. Lena scurries quickly under the table where the fate of the party is kept in hiding. Her hands are quivering, but she manages to steady her nerves and work quickly as she listens to the explosions and crashes all around her. People are screaming and running, and there are only precious seconds to get this figured out. The frequency and the wavelength are a match and she’s frustratingly trying to deduce how to get it operational. Suddenly, it hits her. The induction coil needs to be tweaked, and it will render the alien weapons completely useless. With one last adjustment, she presses down the button and watches as the blast radiates through the room.

There’s stunned silence as Lena clambers out from under the table cloth. She smoothes her dress and stands stoically, her jaw clenched as she tries to suppress the relief from coming across her face. Supergirl is standing across from her, peering over the shoulders of the crowd. Their eyes lock, and her expression is mixed. She seems proud, and surprised and -- sad?-- all at once. Her glimmering eyes hit Lena in the chest, and Lena breaks their gaze by turning her back quickly. 

The guests begin to clear, and even though there is a lot to clean up, Lena wants to retreat from the clutter to come back down from the stressful high. Supergirl wordlessly falls into stride with her, and continues to walk her back to her office. They don’t speak, but it’s a nice change of pace to open her office door with Kara by her side, instead of facing an empty room after such a nerve-wracking evening. Their silence is tense, though, which makes Lena worry that Kara really is upset. Lena follows her into the dimly lit office, and Kara turns to face her, crossing her arms as she does so. 

“Why didn’t you tell me what you were up to?” she asks softly, but her eyebrows are furrowed and her neck is straining, like she’s accusing Lena of leaving her in the dark. It’s a fair accusation, because it’s exactly what Lena did. But the reasons are justified.

At least, she thinks they are.

“I didn’t want to worry you.”

“No.” She shakes her head, and Lena quirks an eyebrow.

“No?”

“You still don’t trust me,” Supergirl says sadly, and it doesn’t hold any hint of malice. It’s just sadness.

Lena’s heart breaks, but she doesn’t speak. _I trust you more than I trust myself, and that’s the problem._  

The statement hangs heavily in the air, and Supergirl looks like she’s ready to say more, when a shadowy figure catches Lena’s eye. She stiffens, and stares over Kara’s shoulder, which prompts Supergirl to turn and follow the source of the icy chill. Lillian Luthor sneers at them both from inside the doorway.

“Oh, I didn’t realize you had company,” she chides, hesitating only slightly, as she gives Kara a once over like she’s dissecting a grotesque piece of flesh.

“Would you excuse me, Supergirl, I have to take this.” Lena points to her mother, cursing herself for being so careless and getting caught in this moment. Lillian stares at both of them like she can see everything, and Lena begins to wonder if she can.

The string buzzes in warning, and scratches around her finger, and Lena can’t help but wring her hands in response. Lillian’s eyes travel to her hand, and she smiles, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. 

“Of course.” Kara’s eyes soften as she turns, oblivious to the stalking figure entering the room and the quiet storm raging around them. She gently touches Lena’s arm before gracefully exiting.

Lena exhales before staring hard at Lillian.

“What can I do for you, mom?” She crosses her arms, more in an effort to keep her heartbeat from exploding out of her chest and the string from misbehaving. It’s the same nervous reaction she always has when confronted by her adoptive mother.

“Sorry I missed your party,” Lillian sneers, watching her closely. It’s an admission of defeat in a harsh way. Lena knows it’s the only form of an apology she will ever get from Lillian Luthor. 

“What else is new? I would imagine you were busy, resurrecting old work. What exactly are you up to?” The cheap shot lands between them, and Lena’s fingers tense around her arm as she struggles for balance.

“I haven’t the faintest idea what you’re talking about.” Lillian replies, barely attempting to cover her lies. “Though I came to ask you the same thing. Is there a reason you haven’t visited your brother?”

“My brother?” The anger swirls in her stomach as she searches Lillian’s eyes for the reason behind the questions. “I haven’t visited him because he’s trying to kill me, or have you not noticed?”

“Don’t be so dramatic, Lena. He isn’t trying to kill you, merely get your attention.” 

“What for?”

“I told him I would speak to you. He misses you dearly.”

“He misses me or he needs something from me? The only time either of you ever acknowledge me is when you want something.” Lena rolls her eyes and turns her back on Lillian, heading for her desk. She sits down carefully, avoiding Lillian’s steely gaze. 

“Oh Lena, try not to take everything so personally. He’s your brother, and he’s suffering. It would be nice to have family in times like these. Though I can see you’ve been a little...preoccupied lately.” Lillian’s eyes flicker to the balcony, where Supergirl had departed minutes earlier.

“Supergirl has nothing to do with this.” Lena raises her chin, her eyes challenging Lillian, before she realizes her misstep. Defending Supergirl with such confidence falls right into the trap Lillian is setting before her. 

“Doesn’t she, dear? Don’t they always?”

The question looms over the room long after Lillian makes her ominous exit.

* * *

 She knows she’s coming, because Lillian interrupted their usual post-victory balcony discussion. She knows she’s coming, because Kara’s hand grazed her arm in such a way that said she would return. It’s late, way later than usual, but Kara lands softly outside and Lena breathes a heavy sigh of relief. For a few hours, she questioned herself, doubting if Kara would ever come back, feeling like the moment might have been lost. But somehow Kara knows she’s wanted, and somehow she manages to be there.

She stands by the entrance, her golden hair in soft wavy ringlets, blown slightly from the flight over. She grins, and motions with her head to the balcony without saying a word. An informal gesture that makes Lena’s heart skip a beat. Like this ritual is so understood, it defies words. She removes her high heels, her legs aching from standing in them all evening, and gingerly follows her outside, where Kara is already leaning against the railing, her back to Lena. 

“Lena I have to tell you something.” She speaks while facing the city, but Lena can tell by the way her shoulders clench and her fingers tightly grip the railing what she’s about to do.

All the walls are about to come down, and Lena isn’t sure she’s ready to reciprocate.

“Of course, Supergirl. Anything,” she answers automatically, even with the warning bells going off in her own head.

_She’s going to tell me who she is._

She turns slowly, staring at the ground, her boot kicking at an imaginary pebble before her crystal blue eyes peer up at Lena. 

“I can’t keep doing this, and it isn’t fair to you, and you deserve to know…” she’s flustered and rambling like Kara Danvers, but her body is composed like Supergirl. She takes a step toward Lena before stopping and thinking better of it. She sighs, combing her fingers through her hair, before pulling it back in a ponytail. She pulls her glasses from her suit and puts them on and immediately fidgets with them. “I… It’s me. And I want you to know, because you deserve to know the truth. I want you to trust me, all of me, and so…. Here I am.”

Lena takes a step forward, her head tilted in thought. Of course she knows, and has always known, but Kara’s confession, and the way she does it, somehow catches her off guard. It’s almost like meeting her for the first time, and this time there isn’t an immediate threat, or a crashing helicopter to distract her. It’s more profound, and more permanent, and it’s the meeting they should have had from the beginning.

“Kara?”

Kara nods, flinching slightly, like she expects Lena to start yelling. Instead, Lena smiles, her eyes following the string as it glides and dances, shining brighter than ever against the night sky. It feels different than she expected. She was afraid of this moment, afraid of what would happen when Kara bared her soul, but the only resulting emotion is more love than she can put into words. Everything feels _right_.

“My real name is Kara Zor-El,” Kara says, before scrutinizing Lena’s lack of reaction. “You don’t seem shocked,” she finishes, her voice laced with a trace of disappointment.

“I had my suspicions,” Lena admits, “but it’s nice to meet you, officially, Kara Zor-El.” 

“But you never said anything!” Kara protests, her distressed frown deepening slightly.

“Would you have told me if I asked?” Lena arches a challenging eyebrow and Kara dips her head, accepting defeat. “It wasn’t mine to say.”

“What gave it away?” 

“How I felt around you.” The words come out before she really thinks about what she’s saying. She quickly continues. “I just felt like I knew you. Both of you. It’s hard to explain, really.”

Kara swallows hard. 

“No, I think I get it. I feel the same way.” 

Lena nods, and a soft airy silence lands between them. It holds the soft shatter of one secret coming undone, and the tentative vibration of one still left to be shared.

“Well, you have every right to be angry with me if you are. I’m so sorry for keeping it from you for as long as I did. It wasn’t to deceive you. But if I kept harping on and on about trust, then it would be hypocritical to not to be honest with you about everything.” 

“You had to be safe, Kara. I can’t fault you for that.”

_I can’t be mad at you when you still don’t know the truth about me._

“Everything I ever told you though was true, though. No matter who I was when I said it.” 

“You know, it’s funny…” Lena begins, “I had my theories, and thought it might be possible, but you kept very different relationships with me as Supergirl and as Kara. Like one side of you was trying to relate to my past and guide me, and one side of you was trying to be part of my present and let me guide you.”

“It seemed like that’s what you needed from me,” Kara exhales softly. “I just hope you can accept all of me, now.” 

Lena smiles, reaching out to tentatively grab her glasses. She shoots her a caring look, asking for permission, and Kara nods. Lena slowly removes them. 

“I think that can be arranged, Kara.” It feels good to see her in the crest, and say her name. _Kara._

Kara smiles, her cheeks slightly flushing.

“So, do you actually need these, or is this just part of the disguise?” Lena asks, twisting the frames in her hand playfully, contemplating their use. Kryptonians don’t have poor eyesight, so she can’t imagine how useful they would be. “Very fashionable, at least." 

Kara grins. 

“So besides being a fashion statement,” she eyes Lena with an amused smile, “they are actually really helpful. When I was younger and still adjusting to life here, I was so overwhelmed by everything -- the lights, the sounds -- my senses were being completely overloaded. It was like every noise on Earth was going directly into my ears. I spent hours curled up in a tight ball with my hands over my head, desperate for silence.” 

Lena watches her sympathetically, folding the glasses gently and handing them back to her.

“Jeremiah made me these to help me adjust. They sort of mute everything a little - make it easier for me to focus on what I need to focus on, instead of being inundated with _everything_ you know? I guess they’ve become a security blanket...thing….” She gestures vaguely, and Lena nods. Kara’s cute fidgety habit of reaching for her glasses somehow got more adorable in the span of the few minutes it took to share this story.

“They look good on you,” Lena whispers, wondering how Kara always manages to make her feel more awestruck every time they speak.

“I still don’t feel like I know _you_ well enough though, Lena. I want to know so many things!” Kara opens her arms wide, indicating the space she has for all the things Lena could possibly tell her. All the things Lena _should_ tell her. She smiles and waits, and Lena can’t think of a single thing to say.

“I’m not that interesting,” Lena deflects, but Kara is adamant.

“You always say that, but I happen to know that’s a lie,” Kara says matter-of-factly. “Tell me something no one else knows about you.”

Lena thinks for a second before answering. 

“I’m afraid of the dark.” 

“Lena, I’m serious!” 

Lena’s face turns lethal, and Kara’s eyes widen. 

“Wait, really?” Kara giggles, as if it’s the last thing she expects a scary Luthor to admit.

“Yes, and don’t you laugh at me Kara Zor-El.” Lena glares at her before her face breaks into a smile, and Kara crosses her heart and fixes her face to a more serious, neutral appearance. “It didn’t start until after my mother died. I...the orphanage I stayed at, before the Luthors...it was… frightening, to say the least. It was dark, and I never slept well there. I had to have a night light for years. Sometimes I still keep the kitchen light on, just in case.”

Kara’s face reflects so much pain that Lena stops talking. She studies her face and breathes.

“You never talk about your mother,” Kara says quietly, and Lena’s eyes flash defensively for a brief second before falling back to neutral. “Sorry. You don’t have to…” Kara quickly backtracks.

“No, it’s okay. My mother -- my real mother -- she was beautiful.” Lena takes a few steps toward the railing, and gazes up at the sky, watching the stars. She pictures the faded image of her mother’s face, her smile flashing across her mind briefly, before fading into darkness again. She tells Kara about her mother’s voice, and the way she used to sing songs around the house and before bed. She tells her about the way she told stories, and braided Lena’s hair. A small tear escapes her eye, and she wants to be embarrassed, but it’s Kara, and somehow, that makes every bit of this moment okay.

“I miss her so much sometimes that the pain is unbearable,” Lena confesses, sniffling slightly, refusing to look anywhere but out over the city. She wipes at her eyes and shakes her head. “I shouldn’t be rambling. If anything, you know what it feels like to lose people. Ten times the pain, really.”

“You are still allowed to feel this way, Lena. She sounds incredible. She is probably so proud of you.”

“I hope so. I’ve always felt so lonely without her. I mean, I had the Luthors, and I’m grateful but...it’s just different.”

Kara rests her hand gently on Lena’s shoulder, and Lena covers her fingers lightly with her own.

“When I first got to Earth, I saw my parents everywhere. I was in my room one night and I remember looking up at the stars and feeling so alone. I started to cry and Eliza came in my room and I yelled at her to get out….but she refused to leave. She said that my parents would want me to be loved and that nothing would replace them, that they were apart of who I am. That was the first time I really let her hug me and that was the first time I didn’t feel alone anymore.”

Lena turns, and watches as Kara opens her arms. Lena feels the force of everything good pulling her delicately into Kara’s warm body. She feels blanketed in strength, as she allows herself to melt into Kara’s chest, her arms pulling her as close as possible for as long as she’s allowed. It’s the first true hug she’s experienced in too many years, and it’s the kind that picks up all the pieces of a shattered heart and puts them back together in one gesture. 

“We’re in this together now, okay?” Kara’s voice laces through the silence, and Lena can only squeeze her harder. 

She feels whole for the first time since she lost her mother, and she hears the familiar song of Kara’s powerful and graceful heartbeat. The one that beats in constant time with her own. 

As if she can read her thoughts, Kara pulls back just slightly and faces her. She glances at the ground before returning her gaze back to Lena’s face.

“I hear your heartbeat all the time.”

Lena’s cheeks blaze. She scoffs, but her heart betrays her by calling out in response. 

“Sorry about that. That must get awfully annoying.” Lena tries to joke, but her laugh dies in her throat when she sees the sincerity in Kara’s eyes. 

Kara releases her arms and backs away enough to give Lena some space. She shakes her head. 

“It calms me down. It makes me feel centered. I don’t know why, it just does. That’s what I meant when I told you I felt like we were connected. I just… I wanted you to know. It’s become one of my favorite sounds.” 

Lena swallows the lump in her throat and turns her head away from Kara, back to the horizon. She continues to stare out over the city, trying to fight back all the pent up emotion building in her chest.

_Yours has always been my favorite sound, too._

* * *

  _“Things are disrupted in your world, I fear, dear one.” Granny’s voice is cold, a warning tone that she gets when she’s staring into the future. It’s become familiar with these kinds of visits. “The string is strong, but certain events have shifted your feelings, haven’t they?”_

_“It’s just…” She pauses, running her palms gently over her stomach. “I’m pregnant with our child, and he doesn’t know about the strings. I need to tell him. He doesn’t want to have the baby, but maybe if he knew…”_

_“If you keep him, the child will eventually perish.” Granny explains, reciting her findings like she’s reading a recipe. The tone does not indicate the implications._

_Lena’s mother freezes._

_“How? How can that happen? We have the string of Light….I thought….”_

_“The string of Light remains steady and constant for both of you, but it does nothing for anyone else. You still need to make a choice, my dear. What is more important? Your soul’s partner, or your child? If you set him free, the child will survive.”_  

 _“Set him free? You mean leave?”_  

_Granny peers at her with those clouded eyes._

_“Cut the string.”_

_“But I can’t -- that would be --” Lena’s mother feels the tears spill down her cheeks. “How can I do that?”_

_“If you remain connected, he will never truly be gone. And your child --” she points a knobby, twisted finger at her stomach -- “will suffer.”_

_“And if I do this, will my child grow up to be happy?”_

_“She.”_  

 _“Will she be happy?” Lena’s mother whispers._  

_She. A baby girl. A daughter._

_“She will have the chance at eternal happiness, but it will be a long, winding journey, filled with challenges. She will have the same gifts you possess, and the same kind of soulmate you have been granted. But yes, my dear. She has the chance at a different fate, if circumstances allow.”_  

_“I’m scared,” she whispers, afraid to admit it out loud, but unable to contain it. “I will be all alone, and nothing seems guaranteed.”_

_Granny watches her with calculated amusement before reacting._

_“You will have her, and she will fill the void better than anything you can hope for. But, you are right. It is the utmost sacrifice and I cannot guarantee that you will be here to see it all unfold. Your future is veiled, and I cannot see beyond the child’s 4th year.”_

_She swallows thickly, the words sticking in her throat like honey._

_“I’m going to die?”_

_“That is unclear.”_  

 _She stops and ponders, feeling there is truly only one way to go, despite all the risks. Somewhere along the way, she already made the sacrifice._  

_“If I die, will you guide her?”_

* * *

**February 1993**

**I come closer every day to telling Lionel the truth, but every day I stop myself just before I leap. I feel the life inside of me, growing, and kicking, and thrashing about, and I can’t bring myself to say the words.**

**This is my punishment for acting on feelings that I thought were owed to me because of a fated string. Another woman’s husband, not rightfully mine, and therefore, nothing I can claim. I don’t blame him. I don’t. He should have left when he had the chance, but he has his own child, and his own life, and I can’t be selfish.**

**But I am.**

**If he knew the truth, he would look at me with his deep dark eyes, and he would stay. And that’s what I fear the most. I already love my unborn daughter more than I can possibly understand, and if anything should happen to her because of my own flaws, I could never forgive myself. It would be easier if I could just simply walk away, but as long as our strings are attached, we will continue to cross paths. Something about Lionel puts everyone in harm’s way.**

**Maybe one day, he can know the truth, long after I’m gone. Maybe one day, it will all work out.**

**I’m going to finally sever our bond, and give him up for good. I have to do this, as it’s the only way.**

**I hope I can be a good mother.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A rare glimpse of life on Krypton, Lena visits Lex in prison, Kara explains her theory on soulmates, Lillian and Lena work together (what?!) and Kara gets kidnapped. Balcony confrontations x2. Time is running out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah this one was A LOT - stick with me, we've got 1-2 chapters left on this crazy ride! Writing from Lillian's POV was a JAM. What can I say, sometimes my Luthor genes just shine through ;)
> 
> Writing this fic has also "turned my soul into 1,000 horcruxes" so thank you, lmao!
> 
> As always, thanks to @nevertobeships for talking out the plot points and helping me get unstuck, @mssirey for all that gooood luthor chat and the playlist tunes to help keep the creative flow happening and @mtheherbivore for wine o'clock and fantastic edits

_“Aunt Astra!”_

_The dark haired figure hesitates in the doorway before breaking into a genuine smile, the kind that holds back heartbreak and outshines fear for a quiet moment. Kara stands excitedly, rushing to her beloved aunt’s side as Astra slowly enters the bedroom. It’s been weeks since Kara’s seen her, the silence enveloping around her heart, leaving her cocooned in a confusing cloud of doubt. Krypton is unsteady. Everyone is on edge, and Kara doesn’t understand why no one will look her in the eye. Her aunt is the only one who is ever honest with her. Now that she’s home, Kara prays she will learn the truth._

_Astra pulls her into a close embrace. She smells like jasmine, and Kara feels safe for the first time in weeks, reminded of the strength that lies dormant within her family. She clutches at her aunt tightly, refusing to let her go. When they part, Astra studies her face quietly._

_“You seem troubled, little one. I can see the anguish in your expression from space. What is on your mind?”_

_Astra’s hands run gently over the crinkle in her niece’s brow, the telltale sign that something is upsetting her. Kara’s eyes dart from side to side, feeling the anxiety swirling around them. She gets the sense that time is of the essence, even though she has no idea quite how much they have left._

_“Things are changing, aren’t they? I can feel it. Mother and Father are worried - they try to act brave but I can see it in their eyes. I see it in you, even now. Your hands are shaking, and I’ve heard you cry when you think I’m not around. Something is wrong. Please tell me what it is. No one will tell me!”_

_“You’ve always been the most perceptive,” Astra muses, watching her niece with careful eyes. She smiles weakly and reaches to tuck a stray strand of golden hair behind Kara’s ear. Kara feels the unrest in her fingertips and hears the hitch in her breath as her aunt tries to keep everything contained. “But you are right. There are things happening that seem out of our control. It appears fate has other plans for Krypton, and for us.”_  

_“What kind of plans?” Kara asks nervously, afraid of what the answer might contain._

_Astra sighs._

_“Krypton is dying. Our core is unstable. It has been for a long time, because of how we’ve harnessed it for power. We became greedy, and now the oceans have changed, and the weather…”_

_“But can’t you do anything about it? Can’t you stop it?” Kara interjects, her voice hushing at the implied use of Astra’s gifts. She is unsure whether it’s something they can speak about freely. Her parents never mention it in front of her, and Astra has never truly explained it._

_Her aunt looks at her with loving eyes, gesturing for her to join her on the stiff white couch in the open room. They sit down, and Astra takes Kara’s hands in her own._

_“I’m afraid it doesn’t always work that way. I’m trying to get people to stop and see the irreversible damage they are inflicting. But in doing so, I’ve had to do some difficult things.” She shakes her head, looking hopelessly defeated. Kara’s heart drops. “I can see well beyond what others can, but I can’t always execute. It’s a balancing act, a respect for the order of the universe. There are always rules, Kara. Even for visionaries.”_

_“How did you get chosen?”_

_Astra tilts her head, like she’s deciding how much to tell. Kara stares at her in wonder, imploring her to tell her everything._  

_“It’s a kind of magic that comes from the gods, passed down through generations. Rao himself chose the first visionaries, gifting them the power of sight.”_

_“And you? What can you see?”_

_Astra’s eyes are misty as she inhales a shaky breath._  

_“I can only see the future in bits and pieces. It comes to me only when absolutely necessary. It’s how I know we are all in very real danger. Some can see into the future, but only at certain times. Some can only see the flashes of certain events, but not when they will occur. All of them can see the strings of Fate, and all of them can change their direction. It’s a monumental responsibility, one of the most important in our world.”_

_Kara frowns as her heart picks up speed._

_“But if it gets passed down….” Kara’s eyes narrow as she ponders. “No one else in our family has it. I know I don’t. Neither does Kal.”_

_“Ah, it can only be passed down directly. I have the power, but as fate would have it, I cannot have a child to pass it along to. It seems this is where it ends for our family. I am the last of our kind.”_

_Kara has heard of this type of magic before, but only in hushed whispers and story books. She’s learned about some of the myths in school, the ones that tell of the gods playing with the strings of fate, like finely tuned instruments of their own private orchestra. Mighty Rao picks only his most trusted prophets for the task, and the fact that someone in her own family has been chosen, fills Kara with unbridled pride. She always knew her aunt was brave, and wise, but now she understands why people look at her with awe when she enters a room. It’s a spectacular gift, a monumental honor. She wonders why her parents keep it so hidden._

_Astra continues, as if she can read her thoughts. Kara wonders if somehow, she can._  

_“Kryptonians believe it’s a gift, and that it’s meant to be shared. Visionaries are healers, they are expected to impart wisdom, and counsel. It is their duty. They are the eyes of the people. It’s what helps us preserve our roles in society. It’s what forms our selection process, and it’s why marriages on our planet are destined. Things aren’t left up to chance, because there is a sense of law and order that must happen. We follow the strings - altering only if necessary - but always with a plan. We are all part of a grand scheme, and must remember our place in the universe.”_

_“Do I have a string?” Kara asks hopefully. Her aunt relaxes for the first time since she’s arrived. She beams as she looks at her._

_“Of course you do, little one. I see it clear as day. It burns bright, and strong. I’m confident it’s going to be the match of a lifetime.” Astra’s brow furrows briefly as she watches Kara’s fingers clench and twist. “You feel it, don’t you?”_

_“I feel...something.” Kara reflexively wiggles her fingers and stretches her hands. She looks down at them with a strangely wonderful expression. “It twists and swivels. Sometimes I’m overwhelmed with such an indescribable feeling…like there’s a giant magnet somewhere, pulling me out of this world. Is that possible?”_

_Kara turns and stares out the wide window that stretches across the entire room, her vision spilling out over the galaxy. She squints, desperate to see the string that alludes her, but all she can see are the planes floating by, and the spires of buildings in the distance. It’s nightfall and the stars are shimmering, like happy ornaments against a violet sky. Krypton’s sister world, Daxam, burns angrily in the distance. She shivers as she watches the red planet glower and fret. Astra stands calmly and goes over to get a better view, beckoning Kara to follow. Kara joins hesitantly, as she feels Astra’s hand guiding her own, pointing out into the great beyond._

_Astra points out into the abyss, and it’s hard to tell exactly where her finger is leading. Kara’s heart dips and flutters, and she feels the string quiver with tingly vibration._

_“It doesn’t make sense, though. How can my string be attached to anyone outside of Krypton? How would I get there?”_

_Astra takes her hands in hers and studies Kara’s face. She looks off into the distance._

_“The soulmate bond defies all explanation, Kara. It’s sacred, and powerful beyond all measure. You are meant to follow the string, and if it points beyond the stars, somehow you’ll find a way.”_

_“How will I know?”_

_“Everything in your world will suddenly make sense. You will have all the answers you ever seek. It won’t always be the obvious path, little one. It will come with great feeling, something that you won’t be able to put into words. You will look at them, and in their eyes, you’ll see your own soul reflected back.”_

_Kara takes a moment to breathe in all the words. It sounds like more than she can possibly imagine._

_“Aunt Astra?”_

_“Yes, little one?”_

_“If the soulmate bond is so sacred, why would anyone ever ask to change their strings?”_

_Astra’s face turns to stone, and she purses her lips as she considers the question. It’s the steely gaze of someone who has had to make far too many hard choices. Kara recognizes it, because it’s the same look her mother gets when she mentions Astra’s name._

_“Rao allows us to still have the freedom to choose, even if we can’t always see the full plan. It’s a blessing and curse, Kara. But sometimes there are consequences beyond our control that come with pursuing the one we’re meant to be with. Sometimes those consequences cannot be taken lightly, because they affect far too many things. When that happens, a person may choose to alter their path. We only assist when the sacrifice spares a life.”_  

_“Why are some people destined to be with someone if it only hurts others? It seems unfair.”_

_“The Laws of Fate are many things, but fair is not one of them.” Astra looks down at Kara again with great consideration. “But you cannot concern yourself with that. You are destined for great things, little one.”_

_Kara clutches to her aunt’s side, painfully aware that this might be one of the last times they speak. She doesn’t know why it feels so final, but she tucks the moment away deep in the recesses of her heart._

_“I couldn’t love a daughter more than if Rao had granted me a child of my own,” Astra whispers, squeezing her tightly._

* * *

Lena stares at the page. The words blur, the sentences fade, and all she can see is her mother, curled up on herself, howling out in soul-wrecking agony. It’s a memory buried so deep, she isn’t sure it’s a memory at all. Perhaps it’s the confusing flashback of a scared child, or perhaps it’s her mind’s way of conjuring her mother’s despair at having to sever the string. Either way, Lena’s breaths are hollow and short, and she feels every paragraph of her mother’s diary biting and clawing at her heart with relentless intensity. She can’t believe, after all this time, she finally knows the truth.

Lionel Luthor was her mother’s soulmate. And, what’s worse, her mother knew and willingly gave him up. It explains the string, tied neatly and ever so carefully, linking Lionel and Lillian together. It explains their blissful ignorance, and the way they skirted around the issue of Lena’s power. It explains her mother’s utter despair.

It might even explain her mother’s death. 

The rage builds behind her eyes, as the hot tears threaten to spill over. She hates the Luthors more at this moment than ever before. It isn’t clear why Lena’s mother made this sacrifice, though Lena has a sickening feeling it has everything to do with her. The pages are begging to be read, but Lena finds herself struggling to stay awake, as fatigue overcomes her, scratching and scraping as it pulls her deep into the depths of slumber.

_Lena knows she shouldn’t push her luck. This family is all stiff and buttoned up, all manners and rehearsed lines. There is no color, there is no creativity. There is no room for silly laughter or games. But her chest aches, and her heart longs for the songs her mother used to sing, and the stories she used to tell. She wishes for one more spark of magic in her life._

_She shouldn’t have asked, but she does it anyway._

_“Will you read to me?” her voice is small, but she is desperate to latch on to anything the Luthors will give. She holds out an old tattered book. It’s well below her reading level, but it’s the last memory she has of her mother. Even though she’s been with the Luthors for several years, she can’t help but hold on to the hope that one day, her mother will return and hold her in her arms and tell her this was all a bad dream. “My mother used to read this to me.”_

_Lillian looks disgustedly at the book, before her eyes fix sharply on Lena. Lena cringes at the intensity of her new mother’s glare.“Your mother isn’t here, Lena. She’s gone. You are a Luthor now.”_

_“But she never said good-bye! She never goes anywhere without saying good-bye!”_

_“Lena, you are getting far too old for these kinds of outbursts. This is the last time we’re going to discuss this. You live here now. I don’t want to hear you talking about your previous mother ever again, is that clear?”_  

 _Pretend she doesn’t exist? How can she do that, when her mother is the only person who ever truly loved her?_  

The alarm blares sharply, announcing the arrival of morning far too soon. Lena is bleary eyed and thoroughly exhausted, blinking slowly as her vision adjusts to the light. She wipes the tears away from her eyes, tears that seemingly formed in her dreams. She doesn’t have them often, but ever since the diary has made it’s way into her hands, she has been thinking of her mother constantly. The emotions engulf her swiftly, as she stares at the book lying face down across her bed, the pages splayed from where they got tossed during her restless sleep. She reaches for it, intending to continue reading when she realizes what today is. 

It’s Tuesday, and the only day the prison will accept visitors. She checks the clock and realizes she needs to get in the shower if she’s going to make it on time.

The prison is damp, and colder than she remembers. It might be because she isn’t sure what she’s going to find when she walks through the doors. There’s a deafening hum rolling through the place, periodically interrupted by a piercing buzzer, used to alert the guards of a door being unlocked. She is escorted by two heavily armed men down the long public hallway, a runway for the world’s most wanted criminals. She hears the jeers and taunts, as angry prisoners rattle their cages like wild animals.

_“Why so lonely sweetheart?”_

_“It’s only a matter of time until you join us, Luthor.”_

_“We’re waiting for you.”_  

Their words bounce off her chest like bullets against steel, hitting the ground forcefully, because it’s nothing she hasn’t heard before. Even the whispers from the guards, about her being “the prodigal daughter” and the bets on how long it will be until she loses her hair, simply fall by the wayside as she walks confidently forward. Her heart is steadily pounding in her ears, more afraid of the person she’s visiting than anything these men could possibly say or do. 

They lead her through another set of heavily bolted doors, down a dark narrow passageway with rusty walls and an understandable lack of windows, before stopping in front of one final door.

Cell Block X. A home to only the most notorious criminals.

She isn’t even supposed to be here, technically, but Luthors have a way of bending even the strictest rules.

“You have ten minutes. There will be a guard stationed in the corner, on his side. There will be another in the corner on yours. Two men will be watching the door. Make it quick.”

Lena nods. She knows the drill, but just the idea that any of these guards could turn on her in an instant, makes the adrenaline spike and flow. Despite the threats coming at her from all sides, she clenches her jaw and keeps her eyes forward. She knows Lex needs something, and that fact alone is what’s keeping her alive. 

She sits on a chair outside a tall box, encased in bulletproof -- and probably multiple weapon-proof -- glass, as she stares at her brother, shackled in his cage. He’s lost all his hair by now, and he’s so thin she can hardly recognize the boy underneath the monster mask. She sucks in her breath as she takes in his form. It’s been over a year since the last time she visited, but in this moment, time becomes irrelevant. It feels like ages, and it feels like just yesterday, and everything blurs and twists like heavy-handed oil paints on a well-worn canvas. From a distance, the picture is clear. Up close, every line inexplicably blends together, causing chaos.

Now, there is more than just a prison cell separating their bond. 

Lex is a shell of himself, his face thin and gaunt, the skin pulling tightly around his skull. Lena cringes, afraid if he moves too fast, the mask will rip, and she isn’t sure what she’ll find when it breaks apart. Lena looks warily around, still not convinced there is enough in this room to keep her brother from inflicting harm. She forces herself to sit perfectly still like a statue, clenching her jaw and offering no hint of the fear raging inside. Any other person would find her cold and aloof. Lex, though, continues to smile maniacally, because he knows his sister better than anyone else.

She’s terrified. And she should be.

“Well, well, well. If it isn’t my little sister!” His voice excitedly rasps from his position inside the cell. He sounds strangely perky for someone serving time in a maximum security facility, but then again, Lena supposes he hasn’t been aware of his surroundings for quite some time.

She bites back the sob that threatens to escape as she thinks back to all the times she would walk into Lex’s room at home, and be greeted with his huge smile and sparkling, excited eyes. The way he would take her into his arms and give the best, most comforting hugs when she was frightened or lonely. The way he used to love her. 

“Finally! I thought I’d have to escape this place just to get your attention.” His eyebrows move suggestively, and he smirks, his eyes tracing over her with sadistic pleasure. 

“No, the hired guns seemed to work just fine,” Lena deadpans, her voice even and calm. Her heart is beating erratically, but she’s thankful for the forced distance. Perhaps Lex can’t tell just quite how rattled she is. 

“Oh, Lena, don’t misunderstand, I’m not coming after you!” He cackles, his laugh wild and deranged. “Not yet, anyway.” He lowers his voice, winking before bursting into hysterics once more.

Lena clenches her jaw, suppressing the urge to scream. 

“What can I do for you, Lex?”

“Do you know what I was working on before he ruined my life?” He asks seriously, his brow furrowing instantly, as he leans forward. He watches her, stroking his chin carefully, before slapping the wall in front of him, causing her to flinch slightly. “Of course you do! Your DNA is all over it!” 

Lena’s arm burns incessantly, like a warning. 

“It’s the answer to _everything_ , and it’s in the palm of our hands. The device that will provide the power to predict the future. We’ll have what’s rightfully ours! Anyone can take control of their own lives. They can change fate and release themselves from the chains of destiny. Well, for a price of course.” He grins, staring at the ceiling lost in thought. He shakes his head in amusement before returning his stare to Lena. “You and the Kryptonians...none of you will be so special. In fact, you won’t be needed at all.”

“And what does this have to do with me? Clearly you have what you need already.” Lena rolls her eyes as a reflex, catching herself before bringing them warily back to Lex.

“We’re family, Lena. I need you to finish the job. I left you with all the resources. You simply need to test it.”

“Funny how that term just slips out when you or mother are particularly desperate. Don’t beg, Lex. It’s beneath you.”

His smirk turns into a deadly snarl. He pushes his face closer to the glass. 

“You talk like someone that has nothing to lose.” His eyes glimmer as he covers his smile with his hand. “Oh, Lena. So much power and still so much to learn. How’s my office, by the way? I must admit, I almost miss the place. Cute new name too. I like it. L-Corp. Sounds almost… wholesome.”

“Coming for a hostile takeover? That should be interesting to navigate from cell block X,” Lena scoffs, ignoring the bitter taste in her mouth of unpasteurized dread.

“I couldn’t care less about that dump. Once my work is finished, I’ll have little use for the corporate world. Choose your side carefully, little sister. I’d strongly consider helping me if you want your precious soulmate to stay safe.” 

“What?” Lena’s eyes snap to attention, locking on Lex’s firmly. He nods thoughtfully.

“That new Kryptonian. The one they’re all talking about. They say she’s even more powerful than he is.” He waves his arm in a grand gesture. “She has her talons in you, I can smell it, even in here.”

“What? Lex, you’re being-- ridiculous.” Her heart stammers like her words, and he’s got her cornered. She snarls at the thought.

_But how does he know?_

“Are you going to tell her?” 

The question sends an icy shot down her spine.

“Tell her what exactly?” She quirks an eyebrow, desperate to feign ignorance. His smile cracks his thin face, the lines rippling through his cheeks, and he laughs knowingly.

“You’re already protecting her. You’ve always had a weakness for them, I could see it from a mile away. How far will you go, Lena?”

“Time’s up, Ms. Luthor!” 

She stands on shaky legs and turns abruptly away. She feels her brother’s stare drilling into her back, and she looks over her shoulder slowly. 

“Take care, Lex.” It comes out in a hushed whisper, carrying the well-intentioned wishes of a broken heart.

“Think very carefully about what side you’re on,” he threatens harshly. “I’ll see you soon, Lena. You can count on it.”

The words flash in the air, flickering ominously like a neon sign, and Lena finds herself all but running out of the room. Anything to put as much distance between herself and her brother as possible.

* * *

Lena no sooner returns to her office, her unsteady breaths barely coming back to normal, when a shadowy figure lurking in the doorway catches her eye.

Two Luthors in one day. 

 _It must be a full moon_ , she thinks bitterly. 

Lillian sneers at her in that way she always has, as she glides confidently into the room, her black coat hanging loosely around her body. Lena notes the difference between Kara’s habit of entering her office, altering her larger than life personality to still leave enough space for Lena, and the way Lillian oversteps and barges through, taking the space as her own without any regard for who she might be trampling to get there. 

Their eyes lock in cool contention. _Have her eyes always been so gray?_  

She thinks of Granny Goodness, then, and the way her eyes stay cloudy and unfocused. It sends a violent chill rippling through her body. Both eyes are a sharp contrast to Kara’s sparkling, hopeful blue. Lena blinks several times, trying to find her voice.

“This is beginning to feel like we have a real mother-daughter relationship.” Lillian’s eyebrow arches in the same manner as Lena’s, and it’s a glaring reminder of all their shared similarities. Lena sneers, her lips curling over her teeth as she eyes her mother carefully. 

“Well I know you aren’t here to braid my hair, so what can I do for you?” 

“I wanted to see how it went with your brother today.”

“News travels awfully fast around maximum security, don’t you think?” Lena narrows her eyes, wondering just how closely she’s being watched by the elder Luthor.

Lillian stands in front of her desk, her hands in her pockets, eyeing her with a suspicious gaze. Finally, and without reason, her face softens slightly. She sighs. “I promised myself I would be better.” 

Lena rolls her eyes. 

“Well, old habits die hard.”

“I really do love you, Lena, in my own way. Though, I admit, perhaps historically I was closer to Lex. We just had so much in common. And who knows,” she inhales and stares up at the ceiling, smiling wickedly, “maybe I was resentful because part of me always knew the truth. Part of me always knew you were gifted, and that type of power somehow always brings the wrong kind of attention. Your father certainly thought so.”

“Don’t disparage him, he was a good man,” Lena hisses, feeling violently defensive of her father. She hates that her mother lost him, and hates even more that he didn’t know the full story.

“You talk about him like he is above judgement and I assure you he is not. If he was such a good man he would have told you the truth.” 

“The truth about what? I already know that I’m his! You made sure to tell me that while he was still warm in the ground!”

“He would have told you how he never wanted you. He would have told you that if it was up to him, you would have been left in that orphanage for the rest of your childhood. I’m the one that picked you out of there. I’m the one who brought you home.” She’s harshly insistent, but her eyes remain fixed on Lena’s own. It’s hard to tell if she’s making it up.

A heavy silence falls between them. Lillian continues to stare at her challengingly, while Lena opens and closes her mouth several times, the shock radiating through her bones. Her usual sharp and witty candor falls to pieces as her mind turns up blank. _None of this makes sense._

“Why are you telling me all of this?” she finally manages to whisper. 

“Please, Lena.” Lillian steps forward, her arms extended as if reaching for a truce. “We’re the only two Luthors left. We need to stick together, and I want to help you. I know this power is weighing on you heavily. Your brother has discovered a way to ease this burden, make this something that you no longer have to handle alone. I want a second chance with you. Let me prove it to you now.” 

“What do you care about helping me?” 

“You put so much stock into these ...rules of yours. These laws. It’s foolish, Lena, and it’s not worth getting your head mixed up over. Soulmates are not the be all, end all in our world. You can have many different relationships. It isn’t dependent on one person. Don’t be so easily blinded by all the things you think you see.”

Lena studies her, and the sad emptiness that sits between them. There’s a faint remnant of a tattered string, lying slack and translucent, dormant after Lionel’s death. It seems Lillian never knew the truth, after all. That she, of all people, got a second chance. Her mother’s sacrifice remains a mystery to all but one. 

“If it doesn’t matter, then why are you so invested?” 

“I’m just trying to get you to see reason. Your brother and I have different motivations, but really the same goal. We both want a way to take back our power of choice. Why should only a few people be meant to act as counsel for the rest of us? We’re perfectly capable of making our own decisions.” She looks scornfully down at Lena, and the insult isn’t lost on her. She isn’t worthy of the gift, and Lillian is adamant about the fact. “I just want answers. I already lost a husband and a son. I don’t want to lose a daughter. I’m not willing to take any more chances.” 

Lena considers the implications. It’s a tentative olive branch, but as always with Lillian, there has to be more than meets the eye. Lena is skeptical, but she wants so badly to believe that the woman standing in front of her, after all this time, actually cares. That she actually wants her around. That somehow, she wants to help.

Would it really be the worst thing to release herself of this burden? To allow her family, and others, to see the strings of fate? She would be released of her responsibility, then. Others could make their own choices. The chaos would no longer rest solely on her shoulders. 

She thinks of Kara. Kara, who deserves to know the truth, but probably needs to see it for herself. She wonders, briefly, what Kara would choose if she knew. Lena’s heart sinks when she’s faced with the devastating reality that she might not like the answer. 

“You’ve met yours, haven’t you?” Lillian pushes, and Lena snaps out of her mental quandary. Lillian suspects something, and Lena bites down hard, refusing to give in.

“Wouldn’t you know if I had?” Lena volleys back, and Lillian tilts her head, unable to respond. Lena knows the best way to handle Lillian’s probing questions is to launch back with some of her own. They reach another stalemate, but Lena agrees to consider the offer for help before Lillian exits. It’s the first time they’ve finished a conversation on almost agreeable terms, and Lena can’t help but wonder what that might mean.

* * *

 “Lena! Hey!” 

Kara’s cheerful voice rings out through the phone and immediately eases Lena’s frazzled nerves. She’s still at her office, trying to find a way to refocus, but her visit with Lex leaves the hairs on the back of her neck standing on end and she can’t fight the discomfort taking over her mind. Lillian following right on her heels only makes things worse, as usual. Even when they’re on amiable terms, she can’t stop her brain from reeling a mile a minute trying to uncover any and all explanations for Lillian’s motives. 

She needs a distraction. She needs comfort. 

She hates that she needs Kara.

“Hi, I’m so sorry to bother you--” She begins, struggling to keep her voice steady. She doesn’t want Kara to ask questions, but she can’t think of anyone else to turn to right now.

“Is everything okay?”

“No, of course, everything’s fine erm-- I was just calling to see if you wanted to grab lunch?”

“Oh, shoot, I’m so sorry, I can’t today! Snapper has me on a ridiculous deadline. But I was going to text you anyway. Movie night? Tonight at my place?” 

Lena feels a warmth spread throughout her limbs, and she instantly relaxes. She isn’t even with Kara, and just the idea of seeing her later helps ease all of her tension. Ever since Kara has confessed to be Supergirl, they’ve somehow gotten closer, settling into happy routines of lunch dates, movie nights, and random impromptu coffee deliveries. Kara is free to talk about anything and everything, as Supergirl or not, and even though she’s still fidgety and nervous, Lena can tell she’s more comfortable than ever before. There are no more fake work calls when a Supergirl situation arises, and there’s no more dancing around family legacies. It’s Kara, the way she’s supposed to be, and Lena can’t help but get pulled further into her gravity.

The only one with a burning secret now is Lena, and she tries to push the hypocrisy as far down as she can. There isn’t a reason to disrupt everything they’ve built, not when they’ve come this far. Not when there are still so many things to consider. But the lies from omission are still lies, and they still manage to keep her up at night.

The other glaring issue is the way Kara keeps Mike suspiciously out of the picture. They talk about him, and his text messages interrupt a fair share of conversations, but he never seems to be around when Lena is. She isn’t sure if it’s on purpose, or a simple oversight, but she tries not to pay attention to the way it leaves her feeling uneasy. Kara has explained that he works at a bar across town, keeping odd hours, but it still hardly explains his absence. She has no reason to doubt Kara, but something doesn’t seem _right_. 

That night, after Kara selects _another_ Disney movie, because she is appalled at Lena’s lack of Disney knowledge, Lena finds herself wondering how bad it would be if this was all she got.

Maybe Kara is destined to be in her life, just like this. A best friend, a comforting shoulder to lean on. Maybe Lena doesn’t have to rip everything apart, the way every Luthor has managed to do before. Maybe she can just learn to be...content. 

It might be the way to spare her from her brother’s meddling, and Lillian’s callous plans. 

“Lena?”

“Hm?” 

“I asked you if you wanted the last potsticker. You seem seriously distracted. Are you sure everything is okay?” 

“Oh I’m-- wait a minute. Kara, you’re actually _offering_ the last potsticker? Should I call your sister? Are you sick?” Lena smirks, handing the container to Kara, jiggling it slightly. “Please, help yourself. I know you want it.”

Kara’s fake pout lasts only seconds, before she’s devouring the final bite. “You’re the best, Lena!” She grins, her cheeks filled with food, and Lena can’t help but shake her head at it all.

They sit in silence for a moments longer before Kara shuffles next to her. 

“What were you thinking about?” Kara asks turning to face Lena fully, as she clutches a pillow to her chest. It’s what she always does when she engages in a serious conversation, as Lena is learning all of Kara’s little non-verbal cues every time they hang out. 

“Nothing I--” Lena pauses, as Kara tilts her head, her eyebrow raising expectantly, like she can see everything. “I guess I just worry about you.” 

“What? Why?” Kara scrunches her nose, and Lena’s heart flutters. 

 _Why not?_ Lena doesn’t tell her exactly why she worries. There are so many reasons, mostly pointing at herself and what she might do. Instead, she says the next obvious thing. 

“When you put on the cape, I still know it’s you. I believe in you, but it doesn’t mean I don’t get nervous sometimes.” She smiles when she sees Kara’s face, and the way the soft glow of the TV reflects off the soft curve of her cheek.

It’s true what she says. She just doesn’t mention how this same fear has been on her mind since day one, and not since Kara told her the truth. 

 _I’ve always known you._  

Kara smiles, and reaches for Lena’s hand. She squeezes gently.

“I’m always careful, Lena. But now I have you. Your belief in me gives me extra strength. You help make me better.”

Lena wishes it could be true. She holds on to Kara’s hand a few minutes longer, memorizing the way it fits so perfectly in her own. She smiles at her, and sees the same calm confident smile reflected back. Her heart melts and she forgets everything she should be worrying about. Until once again, it decides to return to the surface, far too quickly.

“So…” Kara begins, tugging at her glasses nervously. Lena watches as she moves her fingers, and the way the string bends and flips, causing the one on Lena’s to jiggle with amusement, too. She sighs. Her stomach drops, because she knows what’s coming. “I got called away again during our lunch a few weeks ago. We never got a chance to finish our conversation.”

She knows Kara doesn’t mean to do it. She knows she has no ulterior motive, and no way of understanding how close she is to unraveling everything. But the topic gets brought up anyway. 

“Which conversation would that be? We’ve had a lot of them since then,” Lena says, her words playfully pushing to lighten the mood.

Kara smiles weakly. She tosses her head back slowly and looks at Lena with puppy dog eyes, like she’s begging for her to listen. Her expression says what her lips won’t. _Just be honest, just this once_.

“I was asking you if you believed in soulmates.”

“Ah. That one.” Lena drops her head to look at her hands, her fingers wringing against the protesting red string. “Why do you ask?” 

“It’s just that, I don’t know if I understand how it works on Earth…” She pauses, smiling sheepishly at Lena. It’s still slightly new for them to talk about Krypton as Kara and Lena, not Kara and Supergirl, but Lena nods encouragingly, promising it’s okay. “I know what it’s supposed to be on Krypton, but every time I ask people here, I get so many different answers. It’s really difficult to wrap my mind around. I just thought you of all people might know…”

“Me?” Lena scoffs, fluttering her eyes in disbelief. “I spend most of my days locked away trying to prevent my family from launching the world into chaos. I’m not sure that makes me qualified, Kara.”

“You’re brilliant. I know you know about this kind of stuff, Lena.” 

Her face softens, as Kara’s determined conviction wraps around her. She thinks of her mother, and the way she used to tell Lena about the power of a true connection, the power of soulmates. She purses her lips bitterly, thinking about how at the end of the day, her beliefs amounted to nothing. All the love in the world couldn’t save her mother. 

“I don’t know. I mean, I believe they exist. I believe there are some connections out there that you simply can’t deny. But I don’t think it’s something you should waste an entire lifetime trying to find. You can be happy enough without them. Plenty of people are. It sort of sounds like the stuff of legends, to be honest. The scientist in me questions all of it.”

Kara frowns, nodding slowly as she digests Lena’s words. The words that sound distinctly more like Lillian, and less like herself. Lena cringes at the thought.

“Of course you can survive without it, but if you have the choice…” Kara drifts, thinking to herself before continuing. “I mean, if you could choose to spend your life connected to someone that the universe has found for you, why wouldn’t you do that?” 

“There are always reasons. Some people simply don’t know any better. Some people simply know too much.” 

“Aren’t there visionaries on Earth?” Kara asks quickly.

Lena’s eyes widen as her heart drops. 

“I… yes, I suppose there are. I’m not sure if they’re the same as on Krypton.” 

“My aunt was a visionary.” Kara’s eyes seem to swirl with the memory, and Lena feels the overwhelming compulsion to reach out and hug her. She squashes it down and keeps her arms firmly rooted to her side. 

Kara begins to tell her about the way it all worked on Krypton, and everything she learned about the laws of fate as a child. Visionaries on Krypton were held in the highest regard, and it’s a fact that ignites a small flame of jealousy deep in Lena’s core. There was order, and structure, and a way to know what to do. Perhaps if it was the same way on Earth, she wouldn’t be so hesitant to accept her position.

“She always said that soulmates were a sacred connection. You should always strive to follow your string, and it will guide you.” 

Kara’s aunt seemed to subscribe to the same hokey theories her mother did. It makes Lena’s chest hurt to see so much positivity reflected in Kara’s eyes. It’s a look she can’t even pretend to meet halfway. 

“It doesn’t sound too different from how it works on Earth, though I think we lack the structure. Visionaries here aren’t talked about much anymore. It’s an old magic. People prefer to make their own choices. It doesn’t seem like anyone wants to be tethered beyond their control.” Lena chooses her words carefully. She doesn’t want to say too much. “Why are you so keen on this anyway? I thought things were going well with Mike?” 

“Oh, they are! They’re good. They’re great! It would just….well, it would make knowing what to do easier, you know? I’m with Mon-El now, and I want to believe it’s fate. It really feels like it, sometimes.”

“Mon-El?”

“Oh, Rao. Yes, sorry. I should have explained that,” Kara chuckles nervously. “That’s Mike’s real name. He’s an alien, too. He’s from Daxam, which is a planet close to Krypton. In fact, they were sister worlds, although they were always at odds with each other. When I was a child, Daxamites and Kryptonians didn’t get along at all. They were in the midst of a colossal war.” 

“Fascinating. Why did he come to Earth?”

“Well that’s just it. His planet was on the edge of destruction too, just like Krypton. He managed to escape and his pod crash landed here. We found him, and that’s how we met.” Kara’s eyes look nervously at Lena, before darting away. “It seems silly, but a drastic event like that...it just holds a lot of significance, you know? Not to mention, I was held up in the phantom zone for so many years, only to be on Earth at the same time as his arrival. There has to be an explanation besides coincidence, right?” 

Lena bites her lip. The string between them pulses and waves, begging to be heard. But Kara’s insistence leaves Lena close mouthed.

“Ah, the boy from Daxam and the girl from Krypton. It sounds a bit like a fairy tale. I’m not sure where your hesitation comes from, then. You seem to know exactly what’s happening.” Lena all but spits the words, standing off the couch slowly and reaching for her wine glass. “Do you want some more?”

Kara shakes her head no, and Lena saunters off to the kitchen. She’s desperate for a break in the conversation, a break from Kara’s pleading eyes. But she hears soft footsteps follow her, and her shoulders slump in defeat. 

Of course Kara wants to believe it’s Mon-El. She deserves to believe that, Lena ascertains, because she deserves something as epic as her. Two lovers from different worlds meeting on another and finding each other. It’s the happy ending Kara should have. Not the superhero who falls for the woman scorned from her family, and the rest of the world, struggling to keep it all together. Kara doesn’t need the human with a massive target on her back, and no actual idea how to love someone the way they need. 

And yet….

Kara’s voice breaks through her thoughts and Lena almost drops the bottle she’s holding, saving it at the last minute.

“It’s just, the last time I spoke with my aunt, I told her how I could feel my string, and how monumental it all seemed. I could literally feel it tugging me, urging me away from Krypton. She smiled at me and pointed out the window, and I could see Daxam, but there were other stars and planets close by and I’m not sure which one she was pointing to. I don’t know where Mon-El would have been when she was trying to tell me. I don’t have the answers. She also said something strange to me, and I’ll never forget it. She said it isn’t always the obvious choice. It seems Mon-El is obvious, don’t you think? But maybe I’m overthinking it. I’m happy. I think it makes sense. I think there’s a reason he’s here.” 

She hesitates, and Lena turns to her.

“But?” 

“But I wish I could know for sure.”

“Sometimes we never get the answers we desperately want, Kara.”

She can’t bring herself to tell her it’s all for nothing. Mon-El isn’t her soulmate, and instead, Kara is stuck with Lena. She sips her wine, and closes her eyes. 

_Flash._

_There’s light reflecting off the sharp blade of jagged scissors._

_She sees a bright, flashing red string, stretched firmly._

_Her hands feel tied as she tugs against impossibly tight restraints._

_A cackling laugh echoes near her ear and Kara’s voice calls out in a panic._

_“Don’t do it Lena!”_

**_Crash._ **  

The wine glass drops to the floor, shattering all over the kitchen. Lena’s head jerks forward, as she’s pulled from the vision to a puddle of blood red liquid all around her ankles. Kara looks at her wide-eyed, her mouth agape. 

“Lena! Are you okay? What happened!?” 

“I--I--...”

A vision. The first one she’s had. It’s a warning. Every time she gets too close, something happens to chase her away.

She gulps, unable to catch her breath. She sinks to the floor, her shoulders shaking violently as she wraps around herself tightly. 

“Lena! It’s okay. It’s okay, I’m right here. I’ve got you.” Kara’s arms are steady, and her hand strokes reassuringly up and down her back until Lena remembers how to breathe. She presses her head into the crook of Kara’s neck, and remains silent, her eyes squeezed shut. She’s afraid if she moves too quickly, the visions will start again. Visions she absolutely cannot speak of. Visions that warn her away from everything she wants to say. 

Kara doesn’t pry. She doesn’t push. She just holds, and comforts, and whispers over and over again that Lena is safe. 

If only.

* * *

Lena finds herself haunted by the incident for several sleepless nights. The vision doesn’t return, but once is enough for that image to be broken apart and studied ravenously by a mind as calculating as her own. She doesn’t know if it’s a glimpse into the future, or a simple trick of the mind meant to warn her, but neither outcome seems overly optimistic.

The timing seems precise, and can’t be chalked up to simple coincidence. Kara was edging dangerously close to finding out the truth about her, and maybe even the truth about the strings, and _bam_ \- an eerie glimpse into a horrifying fate. Lena begins to consider the one thing she really didn’t want to do. 

She begins to consider Lillian’s plea. 

Perhaps helping her is the key to keeping Kara safe. Lex is already hinting at ruin, and his plans seem to know no boundaries, even behind locked doors. He’s also hellbent on believing that Lena is connected to Kara, regardless of seeing it first hand. Or maybe he already has. She knows he will never admit it, and she can’t allow herself to get drawn into that web of deceit. If Lena agrees to pursue this project -- the machine that will enable them to see the strings of fate for themselves -- then maybe everyone can be spared.

She picks up the phone and makes a call she never thought she would. 

“Mom? We need to talk,” she begins, rushing her words before she loses the nerve. “I’ll help you, on one condition.”

“What condition is that?” Lillian is defensive, but still treading softly.

“You leave Supergirl out of this.”

The line goes silent for a beat, before Lillian responds. Lena can practically see her snarl through the phone.

“And what would I need Supergirl for?”

It isn’t innocent, and it isn’t particularly damning, but the words echo in her brain hours later when she finds herself toiling in the basement of L-Corp, struggling over a Luthor family project.

 _Things really do come full circle_ , she thinks.

It’s the first time she’s worked side by side with Lillian. At least, on purpose. It’s the first time Lex isn’t around to “fix” the mistakes, and it’s the first time no Luthor man is around to keep a careful watch on things. There are parts of the moment that feel exhilarating, because Lena knows Lillian has a careful brilliance all her own, but it’s intimidating to brush elbows with the figure who for so many years instilled such a pillar of fear and doubt in Lena’s mind.

“You’re in your own head again, Lena,” Lillian says, but her tone is less brash than usual. It’s merely an observation, perhaps meant to encourage. “It’s what makes you and Lex so different. He takes action, and corrects it later. You are sometimes crippled to make a decision because you want it to be perfect. There is no perfection here. There is only trial and error.”

Lena glances up at her through her goggles, and instead of throwing back a snarky retort, she purses her lips and considers the words. It isn’t that Lillian is wrong, necessarily. Lena knows she is like that, because Lillian made her that way. It’s the reason she questions herself relentlessly behind closed doors. But she isn’t going to be quick to follow Lex’s path, either. She nods slowly and goes back to her work. 

“I think we’re ready to fire this up and give it a try,” Lena says after a few careful moments. She’s adjusted the algorithm and gone over countless calculations. It should work. It must work. 

 _What if it doesn’t? Or, even worse, what if it does? What then?_  

Lillian presses the button, and the machine roars to life -- only to shoot off several errant sparks before sputtering back to dismal failure. Lena tosses her goggles aside in disgust. Lillian narrows her eyes.

“What happened?” she accuses, and Lena smiles wryly. _There’s the mother I know and love._  

“I’ve quadruple checked these calculations. They should work! But it’s not able to sustain the charge long enough. It’s as if pressing the button immediately drains the cell. It can’t operate for any length of time.”

Lillian circles the work station like a hawk, her eyes roaming and scheming. Lena watches as the wheels turn.

Lena continues speaking. “It shouldn’t be happening, though. We’ve got my DNA, and my cells -- the ones with the power -- it should replicate, enough to hold the charge. I’m not understanding.” Lena leans forward, her nose scrunched in concentration, as she carefully removes the lid to study the interior once more. 

Lillian is suspiciously quiet, which is never a reassuring sign. “It seems we need another way for this to be self-sustaining.” 

“Well, yes, but unless you have a way to permanently charge these cells, I’m running low on ideas.”

“Interesting. Keep working, I may know something.” Lillian skirts out of the room, and Lena is left to her own devices. She can’t help the panic that pulls at the base of her spine, begging her to stop and pay attention. It’s like she’s missing something that’s right in front of her, but she can’t put her finger on it.

The string dangles calmly, suspiciously muted for the time being.

* * *

Lillian had prepared for this. She had been hopeful she wouldn’t need to do this, but with her daughter’s inability to get the core of the machine stabilized, it is time for plan B.

“Get me the Kryptonian girl,” Lillian snarls into her phone, barking orders at her henchman on the other side. She’s calm, for the time being, but she sends the message with urgency to prevent any unnecessary delays.

“What? Supergirl? What for?” the voice on the other end asks carefully.

“I find it amusing that you think you need these answers,” Lillian quips, rolling her eyes. Good hired help is hard to come by these days, and it’s unfortunate that these people are considered professionals when all they do is bother her with trivial questions. “We’ve only met in passing, and I think it’s time that her and I got a little more acquainted.” 

The voice on the other end sounds in the affirmative. 

“Oh and one last thing. I need her in one piece -- unaltered. No Kryptonite. She’s more useful to me alive.” 

“Consider it done, Dr. Luthor.” 

It’s ironic, really. Too ironic.

The answers she craves from this invention are only possible with the one soul she’s desperate to sever. Lillian narrows her gaze and glares at nothing in particular, trying to think ahead to what she’s going to do when she gets the answer she’s expecting. 

Supergirl -- or her true name, Kara Zor-El, as the lengthy files on the last daughter of Krypton have indicated-- is nefariously connected to her daughter. It’s the only explanation for all the events that have gone on around her family. The Supers and the Luthors are entangled in a very complicated history, evidently dictated by the Laws of Fate. Her daughter will never admit it, because somehow, Lena has always been predisposed to nurture and protect. Especially when it comes to aliens masquerading as gods.

It ends now. 

It only takes a few hours before Lillian receives the call that Kara is in a holding cell in the basement warehouse. The timing would be surprising and impressive if it wasn’t tragically predictable. A staged kidnapping of her sister, and the Kryptonian barrels into the trap, headfirst.

Lillian almost feels sorry for her.

She walks down the concrete stairs slowly. It’s a tired old building, leaky and damp, that creaks and rattles when the wind blows. It’s an abandoned facility that Lex once used to house spare parts and other odds and ends, but it’s in working order, enough for this type of experiment to go undetected. Lillian only needs Supergirl for a few hours, and if all goes according to plan, she can release her and fade into the darkness.

There are several unbreakable prison cells in the middle of the room, indestructible even for Kryptonians. Lex, her genius son, managed to master the construction of these holding bays for similar scenarios -- or for any other suspicious alien type that might have super strength -- and none of them had ever escaped. Today would be no exception.

Kara is standing there, impossibly wide-eyed, her hands clutching at the bars, as she shakes and rattles the cage, her efforts proving futile. Lillian watches her closely. She studies the crinkle in her brow, and the rippling of her muscles. She grins at the way the alien seems to shine, even when surrounded by the eerie tinted green of flickering fluorescents. She really is a glowing vision of godly perfection. It’s a shame she’ll ultimately have to be destroyed. It isn’t _personal_ , per se, because Lillian is sure Supergirl’s probably got a lovely disposition. But it isn’t enough for this _thing_ to have her hands on her daughter. It certainly isn’t enough to risk going through everything they went through with Lex once more.

No, the Kryptonians must go. But first, they owed her. This would be a fine start.

“Supergirl, I’m happy you could visit me. I’m sorry for the circumstances,” Lillian announces herself, walking dangerously close to the cell as she runs her fingers along the smooth, cold metal bars. 

She watches as Kara’s eyes flicker with confused recognition. 

“Who are you?”

“The question is, who are you to my daughter?” Lillian stares at her, the cryptic introduction hanging in the balance as Kara visibly puts the pieces together.

“You’re Lillian Luthor.” She breathes, and Lillian beams with pride. “Does Lena know what you’re up to?”

“You could say I’m doing this as a favor to her.” 

Kara swallows, her eyes narrowing in uncertainty. Lillian can see she’s said the magic words, because Kara has instantly backed off. She’s treading lightly at the mention of Lena. How noble.

“What do you want?” 

“Oh, I don’t think we have enough time to go into all that,” Lillian sneers. “My genius boy is rotting away in maximum security thanks to your cousin, and all his empty promises. He managed to get the world to turn on Lex with his fear mongering propaganda and so now, believe me, I want nothing more than for you to be exposed and meet an even worse end. But that’s not why we’re here today.”

Lillian pauses, watching as Kara clenches her jaw and stares at her with determination.

“It’s very simple. I need you to be human for a little while. It appears I’ve reached a bit of a snag in some research using human DNA. Since your cellular structure is mutated, and can be charged by Earth’s yellow sun, you are essentially the same as a solar powered battery that never runs out. I need that for a little device I’m building.” 

“And if I say no?”

“I happen to know there’s a Daxamite with a severe lead allergy living in National City. It would be a shame to shoot him, don’t you think?”

Kara’s eyes widen, and she stares into the space behind Lillian’s shoulder. She’s going over the offer in her head, and Lillian smiles innocently. Her plan is working flawlessly so far.

“What is the device?” Kara asks, edging forward slightly. Her voice is skeptical. 

Lillian slides on her gloves and walks around the cell once more, peering at Kara like cornered prey. Kara circles with her, always keeping her in front. It’s a dangerous dance, filled with malice and distrust.

“It’s how I can know for sure what my daughter isn’t telling me,” Lillian offers, and Kara looks confused once more. 

“What would Lena know that she isn’t telling you?” 

“What she can see.” Lillian shrugs, as if this is common knowledge. “My daughter is gifted, it seems. She can see more than others can. She can even see more than you.”

“She...can see..?” Kara’s brow furrows, and the way she looks so bewildered gives Lillian a cold satisfaction. Lena hasn’t told Kara the truth, and it thrills her to no end. Kara’s eyes widen, and Lillian thinks it might be dawning on her slowly. “What exactly can she see?”

“Ah, so I see she doesn’t trust you the way you think she does.” Lillian smiles, shaking her head. “She really is a Luthor, after all.”

Kara grits her teeth and Lillian knows she’s trying to find a way out of this, but she’s turning up empty. Finally, she relinquishes.

“I’ll do it. But you have to promise not to hurt anyone.” Kara’s eyes flash, and Lillian feels the power behind them. It’s the first time she feels slightly shaken, even though she has the upper hand. She purses her lips and calms her nerves. She won’t let the Kryptonian have any satisfaction. 

“Agreed. That won’t get me anywhere.” 

Lillian unlocks the door and explains to Kara exactly how things are going to work. She tells her she needs her to use her heat vision until she solar flares in order to render her temporarily powerless. It’s the only way Lillian can draw blood and get the cells necessary for her device. The Kryptonian DNA will power the machine brilliantly, in theory. They just need a working sample.

She produces a helmet, intended to capture the resulting charge from Kara’s heat-filled omission. She straps it on and Kara’s eyes glow as she powers through, her body shaking violently as the energy radiates into the helmet. After a few moments, she bellows in exhaustion, dropping to her knees, completely spent. The mighty Kryptonian, reduced to a mortal in mere seconds. It’s so easy, and so tempting. Lillian has to fight herself to not end her right there on the spot. 

But that’s not part of the plan. Not today.

She lifts Kara’s heavy limbed body off the floor as the Kryptonian struggles to regain control of her body. She hangs like a ragdoll in Lillian’s firm grasp, her head lolling forward lethargically. Lillian can feel all the hatred burning in her heart as she holds Supergirl in her arms. This girl is the reason for so much strife. Her family is the reason the Luthor name is forever tarnished. The House of El is responsible for so much of her own heart’s agony.

She feels the anger build and uses it as power. She winds up and sends a back handed slap hard across Kara’s face, the blow knocking her onto the ground again with a satisfying thump. Kara is dazed, as she looks up gingerly, the corner of her mouth dripping with rich, red blood.

Perfect.

Lillian drags her over to the makeshift bed and restrains her arms, with little complaint from the exhausted victim. Kara is malleable and quiet, giving no trouble. Without her strength she is useless, Lillian sneers appreciatively. She fills the vials with Kryptonian blood and caps them off swiftly. 

She releases the restraints and shoves Kara roughly off the bed. She watches as Kara falls to the ground, her legs giving out from under her like a newborn baby deer struggling to find it’s footing. Lillian smirks at the way she’s so uncoordinated and slow as a human. She kicks her in the stomach while she’s curled on the ground  to earn one final muffled groan from the aching alien, before she steps over her casually without looking back. She got what she wanted, and she couldn’t care less if Kara stays or dies. Lillian only knows if she stays in that room any longer, there will be more than just a kidnapping to explain.

* * *

Kryptonian DNA. _Kara_. 

Lena comes to the conclusion several nights later, alone in her office, casually doing research. The Kryptonian cells would give the device the extra kick it needs to be self-sufficient. It’s brilliant, and it’s also exactly the _wrong_ type of breakthrough she wants to make. There are probably other ways to go about it, but if her mother has figured out this same loophole, there’s no way she isn’t going to exploit it. 

Lillian is suspiciously missing in action, not answering any phone calls, and Kara hasn’t texted in two days. Most normal people would be thankful for the silence, but in Lena’s world, silence means trouble. Always.

She frantically tries Kara’s cell phone again, only to be sent straight to voicemail.

Lena begins to pace back and forth in her office, trying to formulate some type of plan when she hears it. The familiar sound of boots on a balcony. Only they aren’t familiar. They land much too harshly, and they sound clumsy and heavy. Kara is flying erratically, and much too fast. She’s usually so precise. Something is very, very wrong.

She turns and watches as a wild looking Kara stumbles into her office looking panicked. She isn’t calm, or controlled, or confident. She’s scared, and twitchy, and she’s staring at Lena with such _hurt_ in her eyes that Lena wants to melt on the floor and die.

“You can see them can’t you?” Kara yells, practically charging into the room. Lena takes several steps backward, her heart leaping into her throat. She knows Kara will never hurt her, but seeing her so disheveled makes it hard to remember. One wrong move, that’s all it would take. 

“Can see what? What are you talking about?” Lena deflects, having a sinking feeling she knows where this whole conversation is going.

“You know what I’m talking about Lena! Your mother kidnapped me and took my blood. And now-- and now--” she can’t finish her sentence because she begins pacing, throwing her hands up in sheer frustration. 

“Hang on, my mother did _what_?! Kara, are you okay?!” Lena exclaims, rushing over to her, but stopping dead in her tracks when Kara whips around. She’s glowering at her so fiercely, giving her a look she’s only seen Supergirl give to enemies in combat. 

Their eyes lock, and Lena scans Kara’s body for any signs of trauma. She looks tired, and worn, but otherwise fairly normal. Her heart quivers, as she tries to balance her fear for Kara with her absolute loathing for Lillian.

She promised she would leave Kara out of it. _It’s nice to know her word still means nothing when it comes to supporting her own agenda._  

Kara’s face turns neutral, and she sighs. Lena knows it means she realizes Lillian acted alone. That’s the only thing working in her favor at the moment.

“Why didn’t you tell me you can see them? You’re a visionary! How could you not tell me?” 

“I… I’m not…” Lena begins, and Kara flashes her a look that shuts her up immediately. 

“I know when you’re lying, Lena! You get that same face. The one you’ve had on you for months, every time we talk about this!”

“Please, sit down.” Lena gestures to her couch, but Kara crosses her arms defiantly. 

“Oh, I’d much rather stand for this,” she responds, and Lena almost flinches at her tone. 

“Kara.” 

“Lena.”

They stare at each other for several long moments, neither one willing to budge. The string between them is strained and glowing an angry red. Lena feels the white hot energy burning throughout her body, and she can only imagine Kara feels the same. 

Lena breaks their eye contact and walks swiftly to the balcony. It’s the only place safe enough to handle this conversation. It’s their spot, the place they go to connect. The place that keeps them centered. 

Kara stubbornly waits, but finally lets out an exasperated breath and follows her. 

“I just don’t understand why you wouldn’t tell me. I’ve told you...everything…” Kara says, gesturing widely, her eyes brimming with sparkling tears. Lena feels the betrayal laced in their meaning, and she stares out over the horizon to avoid Kara’s broken hearted gaze. 

“I’m so sorry, Kara. I wanted to it’s just…” Lena pauses, twisting her lips together. She needs to tread lightly, because she’s afraid of the visions that might easily follow. “I don’t like to force my hand. I believe in free will. To me, it seems logical that people should have the free will to choose for themselves, instead of being tied to this concept of fate. I’ve seen firsthand how the Laws of Fate can destroy a family. I want nothing to do with it.”

“But I asked you, and you acted like you had no idea. Don’t you tell people when they ask? Or do you just pretend to be ignorant, and let them wallow?” Kara’s voice isn’t loud, or brash, or evil. It’s just disappointed. Lena takes the counterpunch in stride, because she knows she deserves it.

It’s probably the worst voice Kara could use.

“I just see plenty of evidence that lives can turn out perfectly fine without a visionary’s interference. There’s no reason to cause so many disruptions.” She feels this way partially authentically, because of all the disruptions the strings have caused in her own life, and partially because she doesn’t think she can ever have Kara fully. There are too many factors, too many consequences.

Too many reasons for Kara to choose someone else.

“But you’re supposed to help people! You’re hiding the part of yourself that’s meant to really make a difference! How can you do that?”

“Well, now you’re just projecting.” Lena rolls her eyes, her usual defense mechanism when confronted with harsh truths.

“I’m not! You always told me you wanted to be a force for good -- to be someone who evokes change, and inspires people. This is your calling, Lena! People need you to provide counsel, to guide them, to nurture. That’s why you’re here! How can you ignore that responsibility?” 

“Sorry to let you down, Kara, but I’m not a hero.” 

“You used to be.” Her words are flat and dejected. They hurt more than Lena could possibly explain, and she has nothing to say in her own defense.

 _I don’t deserve you._  

“Alright then. I’m going to ask you again, and this one is easy. Is Mon-El my soulmate?” Kara asks, an edge to her tone that puts miles between them. Lena hates every letter in that sentence.

She hesitates.

“I….” Lena frowns, her mouth stiff with the words. She wants to say no, but she still can’t bring herself to do it. She’s already broken her heart enough for one night. “I don’t actually know.”

“How can you not know? Isn’t that how this all works?” Kara grips onto the railing a bit too tight, denting it with her super strength. She doesn’t apologize, and Lena doesn’t ask her to.

The Mon-el conversation hangs heavily in the air, and Lena feels the spite prickling in her throat. “How can _you_ not know? You said it would be like seeing your soul reflected back at you. That seems very obvious to me.” 

“I don’t understand why you can’t just tell me!” Kara bursts, turning to her, the tears falling heavily now.

_Because I told my brother, once, and look what happened to him._

_Because my mother knew and had to give hers up._

_Because you won’t like the answer, and you’ll want me to change it._

_Because I’m so in love with you, I can’t hurt you like I hurt everyone else._

She settles with the obvious answer. “I  haven’t met him. I haven’t seen his string, so it’s not like I can just tell you.”

Kara considers the words. She nods to herself, and looks cautiously at Lena. A tentative truce.

“You’re right. Come to game night next week. You’ll meet him then, and you can tell me.” It’s a harsh invitation, and not extended out of kindness. Lena hangs her head, and stares at the floor.

“Alright, Kara. I’ll tell you then.”

“Promise?" 

“I promise.” 

She has no choice. There’s no way out of it this time.

* * *

Kara doesn’t stay and linger the way she usually does. With a flurry of her cape, she takes off, dragging her disappointment with her like a heavy anchor. Lena drops to the floor of the balcony in absolute defeat. She curls up on herself, and lays her head on her knees, closing her eyes and wishing she could be anyone else but herself. 

The wind picks up around her, and a frigid chill blows over her shoulders, causing an involuntary shiver. She feels the presence looming over her, and she picks her head up quickly.

“My child, you do not look well this evening. You have the weight of too many expectations hanging on your shoulders. Careful, or you’ll slump like me.” Granny chuckles, as she sidles closer to Lena’s side.

It’s strange how seeing her tonight doesn’t bother her the way every other visit has. _Perhaps I’m just reaching the end of my sanity_ , Lena thinks. 

“I saw...I think I saw…” she begins, struggling to formulate the words needed to describe the terrifying premonition. 

“Oh yes, a well-timed vision. I see it too. Curious, why Kara is calling out to you, don’t you think?”

“There are scissors.” Lena thinks about it some more. “The last time I saw you, there was a doll…” 

Granny purses her lips and nods, before looking up to the stars. She smiles devilishly.

“You look so much like your mother, has anyone told you that before?” She winks, and Lena doesn’t know what that has to do with anything. “It’s almost time, dear. What have you decided?” she asks, and Lena’s scowl deepens.

“Time for what?” she snarls, sick of this labyrinth she’s been tossed into.

“You need to make a decision!” Granny claps her hands excitedly. “Things are still in your control, but they won’t be for much longer. Are you going to tell Kara the truth or not? She has showed you every card in her hand. She knows your secret now. Time is of the essence!” 

“You said she’d need to choose me. She hasn’t done that. She wants it to be Mon-el. How am I supposed to tell her that the person she wants isn’t hers to have?”

“Wouldn’t it be better coming from you, than anyone else? I’d hate to see this slip through your fingers, Lena. You’ve idled long enough. If you don’t act, someone will on your behalf. That’s how it works, to move it along.” Granny is firm, and almost direct. It’s refreshing, if not downright terrifying. “Your mother faced a similar dilemma of choice. She didn’t tell her soulmate the truth, though. It didn’t necessarily pan out well for her. But perhaps it did. She was the one that got to dictate the outcome. And, you’re here, after all!”

“But what could have made her choose that? I still don’t understand….” Lena asks, momentarily distracted by the mention of her mother. 

“You did, my dear.” Granny beams, shaking her head in amusement. “There is a reason you’re here. Use your time wisely.”

Lena starts to say something else, when Granny puts her finger to her lips indicating there is nothing left to say. She fades into the darkness, and vanishes before Lena’s eyes.

She sits and stares into the moonlight, shaken by the fact that if she waits any longer, things will be out of her control. She isn’t sure what’s worse -- making the decision, or having it made for her.

Her mother had the courage to choose. But in the end, it was the unconditional love for her daughter that became her ultimate undoing. Would Kara prove to be Lena’s?

 _“How could you choose me? I never asked for any of this!”_ She wails, throwing her head back and screaming to the stars.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 1 of the finale
> 
> Lena meets Mon-El, and it's classic. We finally learn what really happened with Lena's mother and Lionel. A Lillian and Lex flashback reveals a promise. Kara drops a bomb on Lena, and Lena makes her an offer. Granny returns (doesn't she always?) with intriguing advice. Things go very, very, wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Consider this "Part 1" of the finale -- Ch 7 will be Part 2 with allllll the answers. ;)  
> Thank you for all your patience with this one -- this was a MONSTER to get done, and I couldn't have done it without @nevertobeships fixing LITERALLY EVERYTHING about it. 
> 
> Thank you also to @mtheherbivore for reading through the first version, and @trappedinvacancy always for her art.  
> Special shout out to @saravvocata for blessing the cliffhanger (yell at her, please)
> 
> If anyone is curious, the dress I'm describing in the end can be found here: http://www.bhldn.com/shop-the-bride-wedding-dresses-a-line/taryn-gown/productoptionids/fbcaeb8b-b90b-4e9a-9313-32da085940dd

_The summer storm clouds are rolling in the distance, their angry gray snarls pierced with errant lightning every few minutes like clockwork. It’s bright and sunny in the park, but only for a little while longer._  

_She shouldn’t be here._

_They already said their final goodbyes, and to go back now is foolish. She’s heard the warnings and accepted them as true, but the persistent voice inside of her soul refuses to go silent until it’s heard. It’s a reckless decision and she’s playing with fire because the consequences could be severe if something goes wrong. It’s too dark, too dangerous, too entangled with too many twisted secrets. But still, she puts one foot in front of the other. Still she walks to face him again. Still she finds herself here. She can’t walk away until he knows the truth. After all, he has a right to know._  

_Even if Lionel gets to move on without a scratch, he should still know what he’s giving up._

_She comes with a plan. A peace offering, really. A final declaration of love. She is willing to give him the ending he should have -- a chance at a new soulmate -- the one he probably deserves in the first place. Her fate is sealed, and she has already chosen her daughter, but perhaps Lionel’s soul will not have to suffer._  

 _As she waits, she ponders all the guidance she’s received. Granny’s convoluted wisdom and shady appearances don’t always explain the entire picture. She chooses to reveal tiny glimpses of pivotal figures at crucial times, only to cover them back up again and turn over a new set of images and problems. Lena’s mother feels she has a grasp on the narrative, now, but there is always something lurking behind closed doors. She shivers at the thought as she glances down the path, eager for her Lionel to arrive._  

_The park bench where she sits is tucked away, just off the beaten path, away from where joggers and tourists run and pace, away from rogue cyclists and teetering rollerbladers, out of sight from the street-car vendor with his cheery laugh and overpriced hot dogs. It’s a sacred place, a hidden place, a place that symbolizes all their relationship is -- secluded and comfortable, but not part of the action. It takes effort to find it, and effort to sustain it, and in the end, they’re the only two people who seek it out and consider it theirs._

_He walks up looking as handsome as ever, all cheekbones and bravado and freshly pressed suits. Her heart instantly melts on sight, before she corrects herself sharply and reminds herself why she’s here._  

 _“Hello darling,” she greets, and he kisses her cheek softly. He smells like aftershave and a hint of vanilla pipe tobacco, and she captures the memory and files it away for a time far removed from this one._  

 _She takes his hands in hers and stares at him, her eyes trying to convey the message first, before her lips have to form words that will slice through the air like daggers. There are lines around his eyes from hours spent concentrating, but she searches for the few that he gets when he smiles. She needs to use the deep creases to tether her to some form of hope, but they seem far away like a distant memory. He hasn’t been sleeping, and she can tell because of the way his eye twitches and his jaw shifts from side to side. She takes a deep breath._  

 _“Lionel, you need to know that this goes beyond us. Our relationship has always been deeper than either of us could ever control. I know you felt it. Maybe you still do. There’s a reason we had this time together.”_  

_He looks at her with a furrowed brow, tentatively leaning closer, trying to understand. She continues._

_“What do you know about the laws of fate?”_  

_His head jerks to attention, and he licks his lips in discomfort. She watches his entire body stiffen, like he’s trying to prevent himself from launching off the bench in a panic. Just as soon as it comes, he’s back to being calm and collected, businesslike and polished. Not the Lionel she knows, but the public corporate Luthor everyone else gets to see. Her stomach twists._

_“What kind of a question is that?” he barks, and she recoils slightly, surprised by his outburst. “I don’t get all mixed up in that hocus pocus voodoo.”_

_“You don’t have a choice, sweetheart. The laws of fate don’t care if you believe or not. They’re as real as you or I.” Her voice is calm, even though internally she’s quivering in fear. “We’re soulmates, Lionel. The string of fate has connected our hearts. I see it as clear as I see you in front of me.”_

_He pulls back harshly, and shakes his head in disbelief. She reaches for his hands, but he stuffs them gruffly in his pockets. He looks worn, and older than ever, like releasing this secret somehow added extra years to his already well worn life. He pauses and looks at the sky, his mouth stretched into a mocking smile._  

_“Unbelievable.”_

_She scowls at that, because his reaction seems cursory -- a knee jerk sarcasm that he lets out before actually thinking._  

_“Is this your attempt to keep me? I knew you weren’t going to just let it go. I can’t keep you and this child, we’ve already been through this. I thought you made your wishes very clear.” He brings his head back level and gives her a side eye, preparing himself for a transaction. “How much money do you want?”_

_“That’s not-- How could you think that? I’ve never asked you for a cent, Lionel, and I certainly don’t intend to now. I just… you had a right to know. You have a right to know what you’re going to be losing.”_

_He stands up suddenly, and begins pacing, the nervous energy quivering around him, causing his hands to wring and his jaw to clench repeatedly. He brings his thumb and his forefinger to the base of his jaw, like he’s furiously calculating a solution, before dropping his arms to his side in defeat._

_A Luthor never surrenders that easily. Instead, he points at her accusingly._

_“You’re trying to pull me into some fantasy!” he argues, taking a step closer to her. She doesn’t flinch. “This whole relationship has been a break from reality. I gave you everything. I showed you things beyond your wildest dreams. You wouldn’t have had half the opportunities in your life if it weren’t for me!“_

_She feels the way his words pelt against her face, like sharply falling rain from a miserable storm cloud. Still, in the face of adversity, she remains stoic and calm. He continues to berate their entire relationship, and she watches him while the contempt slowly builds a wall in her heart._  

 _“Even if it were true, we’re from different worlds! It was never supposed to be like this. I don’t care if the universe itself created this match or not. It’s a mistake,” he declares, and she looks at the ground. For the first time, she thinks maybe the universe did choose wrong._  

 _“Maybe it is,” she whispers and she feels him subtly relax._  

_“Perhaps, if things were different…” he tries to amend, his voice coming down off the mighty pedestal it had erected earlier. She stares at the way the string seems to go limp between them, and it tells her everything she needs to know._

_“But they’re not.”_

_“No, they’re not,” he agrees._

_“What was your plan then, darling? Just a quick fling? Were you going to just get rid of me when you got bored? Clearly I was never part of your long term future, despite your words to the contrary only weeks ago.”_

_He runs his hands along his face in exasperation._

_“I have a company to run, and a reputation. There are limits to what a Luthor can be seen doing, and I have to protect and honor what I’ve built. I refuse to watch it go up in flames,” he explains, but the excuses just sound sad when he voices them out loud. “I already have a family.”_

_‘A family that doesn’t involve you,’ is what she hears._  

_“I didn’t come here to beg for you, or ask for anything. In fact, I came to offer you an alternative. Though you may not think of me fondly, I still want you to be happy, Lionel.”_

_He looks at her curiously, before sitting back down. His shoulders are hunched and he looks smaller and less intimidating. He rests his elbows on his knees and stares at the ground._

_“What is it?” he asks after a minute._

_“Whether you believe me or not, the soulmate connection is real. But I’m willing to sever the tie and give you the life you always wanted, the one you haven’t had with your wife. You’ll have the connection you always deserved and you’ll never see me again. You won’t be able to come back to me, not ever. I will make sure to leave your life just as suddenly as I came into it. Frankly, you won’t even notice I’m gone. It’s my final gift to you, darling.”_

_He hangs his head in utter defeat and she resists the urge to rub his back or offer any other comfort._

_“I do believe in them. I’d be a fool not to,” his voice trickles out like final soft raindrops. “Why would you do this for me?”_

_It isn’t accusatory, but she knows he still suspects a trick. She sighs._

_“I just want you to be happy,” she confirms, and he twists his head to face her. His eyes betray him, because they still hold a soft sadness that he refuses to let go of, and it’s the only way she knows he has any feeling left at all._

_She stands to leave, and once again he tries to make a final apology for his outburst._  

_“Wait...I’m...I’m sorry.” It’s all he offers, and it isn’t nearly good enough._

_“No, you’re not. You’re guilty. There’s a difference. Good-bye, Lionel.”_

* * *

**March 1993**

**No matter how much you think you know someone, they can always surprise you. I thought a love like ours would last a lifetime, but it goes to show that the laws of fate are unpredictable. There was always a chance he would turn into the man I never wanted him to be, I just didn’t think it would happen on the heels of a declaration like this.**

**It's why some things are best kept to ourselves.**

**I went against my better judgement, and the advice of others, and I saw him one last time. I told him we were soulmates, that our connection was pure and destined by the universe, and he turned his back. He accused me of coming after him for money, though deep down I know that’s going to be a tough one for him to swallow. I still made him an offer for a second chance, disguised as an act of goodwill, but perhaps it was nothing but my own selfish indulgence. Part of me just wanted him to know what he was losing, even if he’s the one that wins in the end. I should have listened and kept it a secret. Maybe then I’d still be under the illusion that he loved me, too.**

**My heart is absolutely, irrevocably broken, but the pieces still find a way to beat on. There’s no more string on my finger and nothing to keep me from floating away. I’m somehow still here for the time being, basking in the numbness, suspended in a purgatory of lost chances. My life is over in so many ways, but my own version of a second chance sits inside of me, kicking ferociously with a never-ending curiosity.**

**I was taught to believe in the power of love and I still want that for my daughter. I want her to grow up feeling that love is worth every ounce of pain, and every extra effort. I want her to reflect all the goodness and love that I already know I will see in her, always. I won’t ever take that away from her because of my own miserable failures. She will believe in the power of connection and she will be strong and surrounded by light.**

Lena shrieks and throws the book violently across the room, watching as it crashes to the ground with the pages unceremoniously tossed and wrinkled. She’s panting heavily, nostrils flaring, her skin flushing with uncontrollable rage. She feels the emotions building from every part of her body, the anger threatening to consume her entirely.

She isn’t sure which Luthor to hate more, but right now, one thing is for certain. Lionel Luthor was a treacherous snake. 

She bristles at the memories; all the times she sought comfort from him, all the times she chased after him. She sneers at her recent confrontation with Lillian, and the way she even tried to defend him. When Lillian told her she was Lionel’s, and therefore truly a Luthor, she had moments of pride being related to him and connected to the family. Of course, her opinion warped over the years as the downward spiral continued for all of them, but her faith in Lionel as a father never faltered. Nothing could have prepared her for _this_ devastating blow. It’s the sting of betrayal mixed with another round of mourning, set on fire by her own feelings of embarrassment. Lena had cried so many tears over Lionel for so many years, only to discover he never cared about her -- or her mother -- in the slightest. He was a greedy, power hungry monster, too absorbed in his own wealth to be anything more than cold and callous. Perhaps, for once, Lillian had told her the truth. 

Lionel never brought her home, because Lionel never wanted anything to do with her.

She doesn’t know how she can ever tell Kara the truth after learning how Lionel so coldly rejected her mother. They had the string of light, and he still turned his back on everything he was supposed to hold dear. Her mother loved him, and he broke her heart beyond repair. _Kara isn’t Lionel Luthor_ , she tries to tell herself sharply. She’s too kind to ever hurt anyone like that. She believes strongly in the strings. She cares.

_No, but Lionel wasn’t always Lionel Luthor either, until he turned into it._

* * *

Lena feels the laughter more than she hears it, as it slides under the doorway and tumbles loudly out into the hall, bumping into walls and running over floors before crashing into her and forcing the breath from her lungs. It pushes a smile across her face, one she was struggling to find before this moment due to her nerves, but is now unapologetically shining forth, as only Kara’s laugh can make her do. She knocks loudly, and the door is opened to reveal Kara’s cozy apartment, the small space filled to the brim and bubbling over with an abundance of warmth and love. It’s the universe’s way of righting itself, because everything is exactly as she imagined it would be, down to the very scent. The room is bright, the noises are loud, and the food is stacked to the ceiling. Kara’s got her 100-watt smile, the one Lena is becoming more familiar with, the one she sees regularly when she closes her eyes and thinks of paradise. It’s one that somehow burns impossibly brighter when Lena walks into the room, and even though she’s sure she’s just imagining it, there’s a part of her that thinks _maybe not_. There’s a fluttering beneath her ribs, threatening to burst through her chest at any minute if Kara comes any closer, because the pressure of keeping it all contained is far too great.

One touch just might kill her.

Kara stares at her for a second or two, blinking rapidly, as if she doesn’t remember inviting Lena at all. But with a quick hello, and a flurry of movements to take her coat, Lena is ushered inside and thrust into a room of vaguely familiar faces. Her eyes land on Alex, the intimidating counterpart of the Danvers duo, who immediately walks forward and offers her hand and a smile. 

“It’s good to see you again, Lena.” She’s strong and genuine, and Lena sees more of a similarity between her and Supergirl than her and Kara. The image catches in her throat as she struggles to clear it away.

“Agent Danvers.” She takes her hand and shakes with a tight smile, wanting desperately to win her approval but not wanting to overstep her comfort. It’s an interesting predicament, considering Kara’s penchant to normally break down all social barriers. This one, however, she’s left curiously unchartered.

“You can call her Alex!” Kara is back by her side, now, and acting decidedly more like herself. “And that’s Winn, he works with me at CatCo and at the DEO, and you’ve already met James!” the two men turn and flash huge toothy grins and calm waves, before Lena notices James elbowing Winn in the stomach. She hears something about “--but she’s even smarter than _her brother_ ” and she swallows it with a mix of pride and scorn. Her reputation still precedes her, it seems, but this one has a strange brightness to it that makes it a bit smoother going down. 

A brunette woman with a dimpled smile and bright doe eyes emerges from the kitchen with a grin and several beer bottles. She makes her way over to the group and sidles up to Alex, handing her one of the drinks, before extending one in Lena’s direction.

“Maggie Sawyer,” she says, grinning, “and you’re going to want to start catching up.” Her eyes widen conspiratorially at the drink now in Lena’s hand, before taking a swig of her own. 

Lena smiles politely and nods, before Kara drags her further into the room. “I’m glad you’re here,” Kara whispers as she navigates them over to the couch, her hand expertly finding Lena’s, her fingers fitting in the spaces like they were made for hers and hers alone. She doesn’t even notice she’s doing it, and how easy it all is, and something about that makes Lena forget to breathe. Her heart dips, but it’s in that nervous jittery way that happens when things are just on the precipice of becoming serious. It’s also slightly influenced by the way Kara’s breath inches dangerously close to her ear. Kara doesn’t linger the way she usually does, but rather speaks in a rush, like she’s getting down to business. She’s anxious, because she wants answers -- answers only Lena can provide. Her eyes are bright and happy, and Lena knows she doesn’t mean to force it like that, but she’s distracted and there’s a guard up that Lena’s never seen before. It’s a wall Lena managed to put there all on her own.

Lena’s eyes trail away from Kara and they fix on the obstacle in the room, grinning in the corner. He’s chatting happily with Winn, unaware, or uninterested, or perhaps a combination of both, in her existence. She winces internally, but outside, she’s stoic. Her eyes and face don’t betray her, or give any hint to anything out of the ordinary. She gives him a subtle once-over, her eyes scratching over every surface of his frame. He’s simple, with brown hair and a cheeky smile. At first glance, he fits cozily into all the superficial check-boxes on a Kara Danvers potential soulmate list. And yet, there’s no spark, no connection. His string is vibrant, and has the audacity to point elsewhere, far away from Kara. Lena chances a glance down at her own hand, and the way she and Kara remain perfectly tied together, the way they always have. She should be thankful, and part of her takes comfort in seeing it at this moment, as if a trick of the light would have shown her a different result. But the other part of her, the anxious part that hovers in self-doubt aches at the startling proof that Mon-El shouldn’t be with her at all, because it only hurts Kara more. Lena watches for a few more seconds and knows there’s nothing here but a wish and a desperate desire to explain the inner workings of the universe.

Kara nudges her and inches her chin up, indicating the obvious. That’s him.

“Mon-El, say hi to Lena!” she calls out, and Lena doesn’t understand why he needs to be told. He looks at her casually with a lazy smile and offers a mock salute. 

“Nice to meet you!” he calls back, before turning back to his conversation. _Wish I could say the same_.

Kara looks at her, her eyebrows raised expectantly, waiting impatiently for Lena to blurt it out in the middle of everything. _Thanks for inviting me Kara, no your boyfriend is not your soulmate, it’s actually me, the person your family is supposed to hate and whose own family is on a murderous revenge tour, I hope that’s not a problem. Do you have any wine?_  

A timer goes off before she can react, and Kara groans in exasperation. 

“Kara, can you get that? My hands are a little full!” Alex yells from around the corner, her arms filled with plates and napkins. 

“A superhero’s work is never done!” Kara rolls her eyes and looks regrettably back at Lena, mouthing a quick ‘sorry’ before retreating to the kitchen. Lena is thankful for the interruption, and decides it’s going to be extremely challenging to avoid Kara for the rest of the night. She finds a spot on the couch near Maggie, and tries desperately to find something they might have in common.

It proves to be easy work when they fall into a casual conversation, ruminating over horrible families and second chances. Maggie is sharp, but sweet, and has a particular knack for saying what she thinks. Lena likes her immediately.

“Cheers, Luthor.” She tips her bottle in Lena’s direction and Lena reciprocates with a smirk.

Soon, everyone is huddled around, shoving pizza on plates and having twelve different conversations at once. Even Lena’s sharp, quick mind is struggling to keep up. It’s an intoxicating feeling to be surrounded by so much genuine friendship, but it’s overwhelming for someone who never gets to experience it regularly. She takes a quiet back seat, observing the crowd, trying to absorb as much as she can instead of interjecting with her own anecdotes. Kara’s eyes shift to her every so often, holding tentative questions like ‘are you okay?’ and ‘can I get you anything?’ without having to say it. Lena’s cheeks flush every time they make contact, and she has to exert an obnoxious amount of energy to pull herself back to the conversation.

The topic of dating comes up, and Lena swigs her drink with extra enthusiasm, desperate to avoid having to speak.

“I thought I was going to die having to tell Eliza about this one over here,” Alex points to Maggie with a grin, “but she took it better than I could have ever expected.” 

“Ah, is that like a thing here on Earth?” Mon-El asks, looking questioningly at the group. 

“Yes, some people just aren’t a fan of ladies loving ladies,” Alex says, her arm casually draped over Maggie’s shoulder. 

“Oh, well on Daxam, we always just thought the more the merrier!” Mon-El raises his glass, and there’s an awkward clinking of cheers around the group.

“Charming,” Kara tries to joke with a tight lipped smile, while Maggie reaches for her drink with a subtle expression and a tired shrug. Alex rolls her eyes and catches Lena’s gaze before bringing the bottle to her lips. They hold a knowing stare, but instead of looking away, Lena waits, searching slowly as an entire silent conversation takes place. Alex’s face softens, and to her surprise, Lena doesn’t feel like she’s being held under a microscope. She eases her own bottle to her lips, calmly watching Alex, before tipping the bottle in her direction in a salute of solidarity. 

“Another pro tip, Luthor,” Maggie says, leaning in close to Lena’s ear, “don’t listen to anything Mon-El says.”

_No kidding._

Thankfully, Winn breaks out the Uno deck, and everyone sits around the table as he deals. It isn’t long before there is fierce competition, and Lena is sure Kara is on the verge of frying everyone with her heat vision. 

Winn throws a ‘draw 4’ card and Kara bites her lip and huffs in annoyance.

“I could fling you into space, Winn. You know, I dream about doing that!” Kara chides, as she reluctantly grabs the cards and stuffs them into her overfilled hands.

After several rounds of Uno, with Kara losing every single one, they switch to a new game. One that requires teams. Of course. Lena only has a momentary panic until Kara divides the group, proclaiming herself on Lena’s team, to the shock of absolutely no one. Lena smiles graciously as Kara sits next to her and explains the rules.

“You just have to get us to say whatever is on the card, but you can’t say any of these words here.” She points below the word where there are several words listed that would make guessing it far too easy. “That’s what makes it tricky!” 

“Hm, alright. I’ll give it a shot,” Lena says carefully, her brain already calculating how to win. 

Maggie flips the timer. “Ready-- Go!”

“Oh-- you refuse to eat this--” 

“Kale!” 

“I have one outside my office--”

“Balcony!” 

“You didn’t speak to me for half a day--”

“Puppy, and it was rude, Lena. He wanted to live with you.”

Lena rolls her eyes and looks at Kara with a smirk.

“You wear a red one--”

“Cape!” Kara blushes. 

“These are my favorite--”

“Plumerias!”

“Oh, I need to get it replaced, because you broke it--” 

“Statue. And no you don’t. It was creepy.”

Lena ignores her and continues.

“I’m allergic--”

“Almonds!" 

“You’re allergic--” 

“Kryptonite… wait, really, that’s one?” 

“Your favorite--” 

“Potstickers!” 

“Time!” Maggie calls out eventually, and Kara scoots over to Lena with both hands raised. They high five and Maggie grins. “Okay, we get the point, you guys hang out a lot, geez.” She shakes her head, stealing the timer from the table and studying it for evidence of tampering.

“That might have been the most I’ve ever gotten!” Kara exclaims, sitting down excitedly and almost breaking the couch in the process. 

“Did you leave any cards for the rest of us?” Alex asks, her eyebrow raised in amusement as she watches the pair. Her mouth eases into a small smile as Lena places the massive pile of cards into the discard pile.

Later in the evening, by some horrible twist of fate, Lena finds herself sitting across from Mon-El, engrossed in a game of chess. James, Winn and Kara are woefully distracted by a video game, and Maggie and Alex are wrapped up in a movie. He insisted they play, on account of the fact that he’s been “studying up” on the game and had been in search of an opponent he deems worthy. Everyone tries to warn him, but Lena only smiles brightly at the lackluster challenge.

They’re a few moves in before he begins to speak.

“So Kara has told me all about you,” Mon-El says, his demeanor changing pleasantly from earlier on. Lena notes he’s been nursing a drink most of the night, and she associates his loose lips with the liquid assistance in his glass.

“Yes, I’ve heard a lot about you, too. It’s great to finally meet you,” she agrees half-heartedly. It is nice, she supposes, to have a face to the name. “And what do you do, Mon-El?”

She inches her knight across the board and captures his bishop. Child’s play.

“Ah, I find that question so fascinating here on Earth! Humans are so consumed by this idea of work. It’s just truly remarkable.” He chuckles, eyeing Lena, expecting her to join in, but she merely raises an eyebrow, waiting for him to finish. He clears his throat and his face turns more serious.

He moves his rook laterally and captures a pawn, in a decidedly obvious set up, but Lena pretends she doesn’t see it coming.

“Well, I help at the DEO. You could say I’m somewhat of a superhero myself.” He winks, proud of himself, and Lena feels the resentment come to a boil in her chest.

“Oh, I guess I haven’t seen much of your work,” she deadpans, taking a cool sip of her beer. His smile falters like he can’t decide if she’s joking, so he decides to chuckle. This causes her to decide she isn’t kidding.

A slide of a bishop, his poor attempt at a block from a pawn, her crisp move of a knight, and she looks at him smugly.

 _Checkmate_.

“I can see why Kara loves you!” He shakes his head appreciatively, and extends his hand in congratulations. Lena shakes it quickly, suddenly extremely aware of Kara, and the way her deep blue eyes are burning into her back. It’s the same way she can suddenly feel the string around her finger glowing hotter and hotter, raging with more insistent intensity. She studies Mon-El’s face, and how he’s so unencumbered by it all, so blithely ignorant, and she can’t help the sneer that twists over her lips. 

“Likewise.” The turn of phrase splits in different directions, one flying over Mon-El’s head, and the other hanging heavily over Lena’s own. She sighs, and stands slowly, mumbling something about a refill, but really desperate for some air.

She brushes past Kara, who looks at her knowingly, her eyes wide with wonder, waiting, waiting, waiting for the answer. She glances briefly at Mon-El, and back to Lena, and Lena knows what she’s doing, but she can’t. She just can’t. She offers an encouraging smile, before retreating outside.

The footsteps that follow her are not the ones she expects. They have the confident presence of a hero, but they’re softer, somehow, and more reserved, in the timid fashion of someone who wants to help but isn’t sure how.

Alex leans against the railing, and she’s the self-assured picture of a big sister. Lena doesn’t brace herself, doesn’t feel she has to, because she’s gotten the impression that somehow, Alex can see her.

“I’m glad you came tonight. My sister is…” Alex trails off, and looks up at the stars, smiling to herself, like she’s listening to someone else speak. “Kara is really fond of you.”

“And I, her.” Lena twists her foot awkwardly like she’s kicking at an imaginary pebble and refuses to say anything else on the subject.

“She trusts you,” Alex says softly, and it carries the implication that the trust extends from both of them.

Lena scoffs, because it’s a natural deflection when someone tries to imply her trustworthiness. She stares out over the city, thinking of all the conversations she’s had with another member of the Danvers family on a balcony so similar. The view hasn’t changed, only the company, but Alex provides a similar sense of warm comfort. She reaches out and places a hand on Lena’s forearm, and it’s firm, but layered with understanding.

“You don’t understand, Lena. I’ve seen her excited. I’ve seen her overwhelmed. I’ve seen her in basically every situation someone can be in, the good and the bad. But when she talks about you…” She pauses, shaking her head in disbelief, like she can’t really put it into words. “I’ve never seen anything like that before. She cares about you." 

Lena doesn’t answer, doesn’t know what she could possibly say to that. She doesn’t think she deserves it from Kara, and certainly not from her sister. She clutches at her drink and shakes her head.

“You care about her, too. I know you do,” Alex continues, pushing ever so gently for some kind of hint about where Lena’s mind is. Lena knows she’s digging for information, but she’s so _kind_ about it, that she almost wants to confess everything to her. 

Instead, she smiles weakly, peering cautiously at Alex after several beats of charged silence. “Yeah, I do.” 

 _I love her_. 

“You’ll need to come to all of these, you realize that right?” Alex changes tactics, then, her smile broadening as she hints at future invites.

Lena grins, shaking her head. “Oh really, and why is that?”

“So Kara can finally shut up about finding her perfect partner for game night.” She nudges Lena with her hip, before turning to go back inside, leaving Lena alone with her thoughts for a few brief seconds.

Lena feels like there’s more to Alex’s words than she’s saying, but they still find a way to hit her heart just right, leaving her wishing for Kara the way she always inevitably did at the end of the day. She quietly walks back into the apartment, right into the staunch reminder that her place in Kara’s life is tentative and reliant on so many other factors. She feels the way it teeters for stability like a shaky jenga foundation while all the other pieces shift and disappear. Mon-El is whispering something in Kara’s ear, and she’s grinning at him with a goofy smile, and Lena feels everything come crashing down.

Lena’s eyes follow the string to Kara’s hand, and she thinks about how it would look if it was linking Kara and Mon-El instead. She tilts her head, and tries to imagine it, and the answer seems perfectly clear.

It’s a final blow, and it shakes her more than she thought it would. Everyone else is reasonably distracted, and so she uses the moment to craft a stealthy escape. The last thing she wants is to end the upbeat evening alone with Kara, her soft, understanding eyes unwinding all the secrets Lena keeps so close to her heart. She can picture it so vividly, the two of them, all balcony secrets and hushed whispers and stolen glances, before she has to break Kara’s heart. 

She shakes her head and goes to gather her things, before offering a spontaneous and hurried goodbye to everyone. Kara tries to hastily slip out of Mon-El’s grasp to follow, but she gets held up by all the other people cluttering her path. Lena casually thanks her for hosting and tells her she’ll see her later. The last thing she sees before closing the door is a confused Kara and a thoughtful looking Alex. 

Hours later, with sleep avoiding her at every turn, she sits silently in her kitchen, contemplating the desperate loneliness she feels. Her mother had it all wrong. There isn’t a light in her at all. There’s a devastating darkness, one that can’t be removed no matter how hard she tries. She’s spent her entire life being told how she breaks everything good, and now she sees her uncanny ability to truly ruin everything she touches. She is the sole reason for so much despair -- her mother might still be alive if it weren’t for her. Her brother would not be so keen on destroying lives if her existence wasn’t such a threat. The Luthors wouldn’t be so consumed and obsessed with keeping power if they felt like she wasn’t going to destroy it all.

The red string just adds insult to injury. Kara’s soul is brighter than any sun on any planet, her heart the picture of goodness. It’s the closest someone can get to being divine, Lena is convinced, and the closer Kara gets to her, the more Lena is going to bring her down. She doesn’t want to absorb her power, she doesn’t want to dim the brightness. Kara doesn’t need to pay for the sins of her family. She has superhuman strength but even this is a cross too heavy to bear. 

Lena hears the gentle footsteps land on the balcony a few minutes later, but for the first time, she chooses to ignore it. Kara can probably see her, but Lena doesn’t make any effort to let her in. She pretends she doesn’t know she’s there and chooses to quietly slip into her room, away from everything she craves. She closes the door, before collapsing into bed alone.

* * *

_After Lena is born, her mother tries not to revisit old places or talk of old memories that dredge up a past life. But there are times she lets herself slip. She allows herself a simple indulgence disguised as evening strolls with her cooing, prattling baby girl, a daughter who looks at her with infinite trust and grasps for her hand like she holds the secrets of the universe. She goes back to the park only occasionally, just every so often, to check and see if anything has changed._

_The well-worn path is the same, with extra foot prints and matted sand, but still decidedly dusty and worn in the same tired spots. The people are the same, though they never stay still long enough to capture a face, but their hustle and bustle has the same leisurely air that it always had. The bench is the same, and even though it has a new coat of paint, it has the same underlying wear and tear of worn out sameness from watching the world go by. Everything is tragically the same, and yet, when she looks around, it’s vastly different than the way she remembers. In some ways, it’s like she’s never been here at all and instead is visiting for the first time._  

_Lena is a year old, and already burbling and rambling away, forming her tiny lips around the start of words that are too big and too difficult for most her age to even fathom. Her mother watches her in awe, always taken aback by her child’s amazing abilities._

_“I swear, Lena, you’re going to be reciting Shakespeare by your next birthday,” she coos, smoothing her hair as she pushes the stroller down the path. Lena giggles, more at the chubby squirrel that has taken up residence in her peripheral vision and less because she understands who Shakespeare is, but her mother laughs with her all the same._

_The sun is just about setting when they approach the familiar bend in the road, the one that leads down the secret path to another life, and has the imprints of a different decision. She sees them on the bench, a sturdy couple, the man all furrowed brows and broad shoulders and the woman all pinched lips and perfect posture. They look oddly matched, and certainly powerful, but desperately out of place. People with too much money and not enough in common, but what draws her eye is the familiar red string that loops around their fingers, tied neatly in a bow._  

 _She eyes it curiously, and feels the dull thump of nostalgia pumping through her veins, but it’s blurry and veiled, like it isn’t part of this life. She watches the way the man has his arm around the woman’s shoulder, and he smiles gently as he points in the distance. She nods solemnly, but there’s a flicker of a grin on her face, too, and before long, both of their faces glow with a cheery private moment._  

_They don’t notice her._

_It’s the first time she’s seen him in the “aftermath” and she doesn’t feel that familiar tug when she looks at him anymore. Lionel Luthor, with his arm around his wife, Lillian, are simply two strangers in the park sharing a familiar bench, completely unfazed by her proximity. There’s no Earth shattering connection, and her heart doesn’t pump with the adrenaline of adoration. There’s nothing but cold emptiness and the bitter taste of their final meeting. The hole in her heart aches in protest, the despair crawls into every vacant space in her body, but the tears hold steadfast and refuse to come. They’re trapped behind the eyes of the woman who sees too much. Instead, the only thing that can pull her from the scene is the shrieking laughter of her baby girl._

_They continue down the road, heading home for the night, and somehow she knows she will never see him again. She looks down and watches as Lena’s apple cheeks glow a rosy red, the small crinkles already forming near her eyes from too much laughter._  

_“I love you, my Lena.” It’s an iteration she declares every time she gets the chance. Lena claps her hands and beams at her, like she understands everything that has brought them to this point._

* * *

Lena sits and stares at her laptop grumpily, her entire body aching with the stress of too much work. She sighs, and takes off her glasses, the ones she only uses after hours when staring at a screen has gotten particularly tedious. She gently rubs the bridge of her nose for some tentative relief, running over figures silently in her mind while trying to make sense of some stubborn reports. 

It’s Friday, and the office is quiet since most members of the staff choose to lead normal lives and have called it quits for the weekend. Lena checks her watch and decides to pour herself some scotch, because there’s nowhere she needs to be and no point in pretending that there is. She hasn’t seen Kara since game night, a full two weeks ago, and it has been both a blessing and a curse. They’ve chatted sporadically, but no lunch dates or coffee breaks, and she gets the feeling that Kara is avoiding her just as much. The loneliness eats at her constantly, and she misses Kara’s soft presence and sheer brightness, but the anxiety of their next meeting claws at her and significantly contributes to the tension she’s feeling in her limbs.

It’s only a matter of time until she needs to tell Kara the harsh truth. _Time is of the essence!_ she hears Granny’s shrill voice remind her, and it jolts her from her thoughts swiftly.

Suddenly, as if she’s been summoned, there’s a quiet footfall and a tentative knock on the balcony door, and Lena’s heart plummets. She stands on shaky legs and crosses her arms, as Supergirl lets herself into her office quietly.

“Hey,” Kara says timidly, like she’s unsure of how to begin, and it’s strange, because that’s not how they normally are around each other. Lena smiles, but it’s a painful smile, one that hurts almost as much as seeing how beautiful Kara looks without even trying. Her golden locks are perfectly waved, framing her face and glittering in the moonlight in the most dazzling display of mixed colors. She’s all strong muscles and soft edges, and her lips part in a pout that somehow makes her even more desirable. It always hits Lena particularly hard after they’ve gone without seeing each other for awhile. She licks her lips and forgets how to speak, choosing to walk over and refill her glass instead.

“Sorry about being kind of...off the grid…” she hears Kara say. Lena thinks she must be imagining it, but she could swear her voice is trembling. She turns around to watch Kara gesturing awkwardly. She’s flustered, which Lena finds endearing, but confusing. She has nothing to be awkward about, not really. It’s Lena who should feel out of place.

“Well it isn’t like superheroes can really take days off, now can they?” She winks, and offers Kara a glass of water, which she takes with a noticeably shaky hand. “Kara, is everything okay?” 

Kara offers a lopsided smile, which Lena decides means everything is uncharacteristically _not_ okay, before she turns to follow her billowing cape out to the balcony.

“You left game night in an awful hurry...” Kara begins, sipping her water and pacing slowly around the perimeter, her free hand tracing over the cool metal railing. “I upset you by asking you to come, didn’t I? You can tell me.”

“You didn’t upset me, Kara. I had a lovely time. I just didn’t want to overstay my welcome, and we’ve both been busy lately, that’s all.” Lena tries to assure herself more than Kara, but neither one seems to really buy it. “Mon-El seems nice though,” she offers again. Her stomach clenches at the high pitched tenor of her voice.

Kara’s shoulders tense. She continues to wring her hand along the railing, and Lena has half a mind to ask her to stop, for fear she’ll break the entire thing and send it collapsing down 18 stories. She gulps and swallows her words instead.

“It wasn’t fair for me to do that to you. I never should have forced you to tell me.” Kara looks at her with such sincerity that Lena almost interrupts her apology by falling into her arms by default. “After all, you never pressured me to tell you I’m Supergirl. I’m sorry.”

“Thank you, Kara, But I did promise--” 

“Mon-El proposed to me,” she says flatly, cutting Lena’s words off with a flourish. Lena instantly feels the color drain from her face. She leans against the railing to steady herself as the floor, and the sky, and the entire planet seem to be suddenly spinning out of control. Even their string seems abnormally frazzled, and Lena isn’t sure if she’s making it up, but all she can hear is Kara’s voice ringing in her ears.

_Proposed?_

“That’s….” Lena starts, her mouth on complete auto-pilot as everything else feels pleasantly numb. “That’s wonderful, Kara. Truly. Congratulations to you both.”

Kara huffs a breathy chuckle before looking down into her water glass. She swirls it and bites her lip, before taking another sip. 

“I’m hoping you’ll be there? I mean, we haven’t set a date or anything like that but, you know. When it happens, I mean.” Kara’s words are jumbled, and Lena’s brain immediately wants to pounce. _I’d rather be dead._

“I wouldn’t miss it,” she says instead, taking another gulp of scotch simply to feel it burn her throat the way Kara’s words burn her heart. 

This is why Kara has been avoiding her. This is why she’s so on edge. She still wants answers, even if she knows she can’t have them. Lena shakes her head and continues to secretly wallow in despair.

_You’ve idled long enough. If you don’t act, someone will on your behalf._

They stand in uncomfortable, stiff silence for several minutes, both of them lost in galaxies of their own tumultuous thoughts. Lena’s breath is shaky, and she knows Kara can hear it. It’s infuriating to be so exposed in moments like these, when all she wants to do is curl up and hide. But Kara just stands there, calm and patient and _present_ , and it’s enough to make Lena go absolutely crazy.

She steals quick glances at Kara, and notices how burdened she seems, how much she’s carrying, and how tired she looks. Lena’s heart constantly aches with the desire to fix everything for her, even though she knows it’s impossible. But she loves her beyond any hope of rationality, and so she does the one thing she can think of. The only thing in her power to do.

Kara is the only person that can ever bring this out of her. 

“If you want him to be, he can be.” Lena breaks the silence with the words she never wanted to say, but at this moment, she decides she will do anything to make Kara happy. It’s what she deserves, after all, and is probably the only solution to the laundry list of problems in Lena’s chaotic life. It’s the same offer her mother made, without the small detail about what Kara would be giving up. That part is not important, Lena tells herself, because she wants to hold on to at least some of her dignity before Kara can reject her outright. She wants to preserve these memories of Kara fully intact, before she ends up turning into the very person Lena is terrified of. 

Kara takes a moment to react. Her face is unreadable, but there’s disappointment radiating throughout her posture. Lena isn’t sure anyone else would be able to see it, but she feels it like Kara is telling her directly.

“So you’re saying he’s not…” she clarifies after several minutes, looking at her with those searching, hopeful blue eyes. “But you can fix it?”

Lena nods solemnly. 

“That’s why you left.” Kara nods thoughtfully to herself, casting a sidelong glance at Lena. “You didn’t want to hurt me.”

“I never want to hurt you.” Lena shrugs, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

“You don’t believe in changing strings,” Kara points out, as she turns slowly, leaning her back against the railing. She seems calmer and more optimistic since Lena offered her services, and it does nothing but prove that Lena is right in doing it.

“For you, I do,” Lena says firmly, and Kara startles, snapping to attention briefly. They lock eyes for a few electrically charged seconds before Lena looks away sheepishly, pretending to be fascinated by the peeling paint on the railing. She can still feel Kara’s gaze focusing patiently on her.

“I’ll think about it,” Kara whispers. She reaches her hand out and lightly squeezes Lena’s forearm. “Thank you, Lena. I owe you, big time.”

“Not at all. I know you’ll be there for me when the time comes.” Lena smiles sadly, looking up at Kara slowly. “You always are.”

* * *

_Her son is toiling in the lab hour after hour, day after day, his careful genius slowly spiraling into dangerous obsession. He has the same tendencies as his father to launch himself into projects, but unlike Lionel, he has the skill and prowess in the field to actually make something more than business deals. Lillian’s chest bursts with pride over her son’s accomplishments, and it’s enough to quiet the small voice in her head that warns her of trying times ahead. They’re all on thin ice, but it’s a risk worth taking for the kind of outcome they’re after._

_She puts on her brave face, and reminds herself that she can cover for him for a little while longer, control the board members of Luthor Corp like the puppets they are while Lex works in the shadows. Lillian has been a Luthor long enough now to know exactly how to operate without missing a step. It’s a role she has been groomed for, and it’s rightfully hers in so many ways._

_Lillian hears her daughter’s disapproving voice and stern lectures in her mind, and thinks of the way she often tries to steady her brother’s hands. Lillian doesn’t think it’s gotten to the point of no return -- not yet -- and so she still refuses to intervene. They’re so close to finally seeing the truth, and then they can all rest, she tells herself.  Lena means well, but as much as she can see, she’s still wholly blinded by her own limitless vision. Her power paralyzes her, and makes her weak, and in turn, brings them all down with her. Lillian doesn’t think her daughter does it with malicious intent, but when she looks at Lena she can’t help the uneasiness that settles into her heart. Lena’s eyes sparkle, and her brain is magnificent. It’s possibly even more remarkable than Lex’s, she admits begrudgingly. But it’s this fact that keeps her up at night._

_If Lena wanted, she could take over the world, and Lillian would be in no position to stop her._  

 _The only choice is to keep her shackled, a prisoner to her own self doubt, because while her mind is a marvel, her heart is too pure, too large, and too forgiving. It’s Lillian’s only card to play when it comes to outsmarting the youngest Luthor._  

_“Lex, how is everything coming?” she asks, strolling into the Luthor Corp lab, intent on checking up on his progress. Lex trusts few people these days, but she’s pleased he still remains candid with her about his ideas and his research, because he knows she supports his every cause._

_His eyes are tired, but he’s buzzing with peculiar energy. It’s infectious and she gets a particular rush watching him work._

_“We’re closer than ever, mother. I have her blood, and I can finally see what’s always been.”_

_Her heart thumps rapidly._

_“And you’ve tested it?” She raises an eyebrow, reminding her son to be meticulous. This is not the time for hubris to get in the way._

_He hesitates only briefly, before flashing a trademark Lex Luthor smile: the one that charms all the investors, and gets everyone on his side. Lillian knows the face well, and she willingly lets it overtake her, too._  

 _“Even better. I’ve become one with it.” He slides her his latest notes, recording the trials he’s been conducting on himself in tandem with creating the machine. He’s found a way to replicate a serum that, when taken in doses, gives him a line of vision, and the ability to alter strings. “I’m like a god. I can see everything.”_  

 _He twitches as he speaks, and Lillian turns her head away from him in order to study his work. Her heart pounds in her ears as she feels Lex’s shallow breaths coming out unevenly next to her. The side effects are alarming -- the serum works, as Lex promises, but with limitations. For one, they cannot forcefully inject it into anyone, or it will be rejected. Once voluntarily ingested, the user can see everything and have all the powers of a visionary, but it comes with a price. The user’s strings will dissolve within 24 hours, rendering a new connection impossible. It will also leave their soulmate untethered, damaging their soul in the process. The alternative is the user chooses to cut it themselves. This will only spare their other half._  

_The side effect is a non-issue for a Luthor with a tattered string from a lost husband, Lillian thinks to herself. She watches her son closely and makes a similar assessment. Lex has every reason to want to destroy his bond, too, in the quest for unlimited power._

_He catches her eye, then, like he can see the thoughts ruminating in her mind. He hangs his head._

_“It is my one regret, Mother. I tested the serum too early, when I felt the bond with Clark too much. I let it infect my mind. I cut the string myself, instead of letting it dissolve the way it should have, and now Clark is still on top, he still has another chance. Which is why our next steps are critical.” He stands abruptly and grabs Lillian’s shoulders excitedly. “It’s true about the other Kryptonian. I can see flashes of strings, and I feel it like a virus in my veins. Lena is connected to her, just like I was connected to Clark. We have our answer, and it’s what we always thought!”_

_Lillian stares at him. His eyes are wild, but there is still a trace of the genuine little boy she raised, begging for his mother to believe him. She inhales sharply, and nods._

_“But there is no reason for Lena to take this elixir herself. She can already see what she needs,” she muses, turning over the papers scattered on the desk as she reads his scribbling text carefully. “We will still need to convince her to cut her string herself.”_  

_“That is true. If only we had a bargaining chip to use...” His voice trails off as he smiles conspiratorially, his eyes never blinking once._

_She looks away and brings her fingers to her throbbing temples. It’s progress, but it’s not good enough._

_“We don’t have a lot of time, Lex. I’m worried if we wait too long, we’ll lose our chance. Lena hasn’t met this monster yet, but you know how they are. Once that alien gets her hands on our girl, it will be very hard work to get her to come back and see reason. I fear what the two of them can accomplish once they’re together.”_

_He leans back on his stool and looks away from his microscope. His face bursts into a grin and he chuckles lightheartedly, as if they are simply discussing the weather and not the fate of their entire family legacy. Lillian feels the goosebumps on her skin._  

 _“Oh, Mother. You worry too much about the wrong things. Don’t you see? Lena needs to meet her, and the sooner the better. The quicker she falls for the Kryptonian, the easier it will be to use her love against her. You really think Lena will hesitate to sacrifice for her soulmate? We play our cards right, she will fall to her knees on her own.”_  

_Lena has always been particularly needy when it came to any affection given to her, and she has a vested interest already in the promise of a soulmate of her own. The thought brightens Lillian’s spirits, because her son is absolutely right. Lena is easily had._

_“Your argument is sound,” she concedes, patting him on the back and squeezing his shoulder gently. “But we still best be aware of our timeline.”_

_“I have ideas how we can escalate things.” He shoves a notebook in her direction, filled with details on various attacks all targeting one person. His sister._

_“Lex--” she flips the pages, confusion washing over her. The plans are nefarious, and violent._

_“It isn’t to hurt her, mother. It’s simply to put her in harm’s way, force the Kryptonian out of hiding. She’s too self-righteous and proud to refuse. She will come to save Lena. It’s how we can guarantee they cross paths properly.”_

_Lillian nods thoughtfully and Lex covers her still hovering hand with his own, a solemn look on his face. he glances up at her again._

_“I only made three doses, Mother. I took one, and I’ve left one for you. That leaves one more to make everything right. Regardless of what happens to me, you must finish the job. Everything we’ve built relies on it. Lena must be severed from the Super, or we’ll never be able to go on.”_

_She swallows harshly, and sees what he doesn’t say. He feels the storm raging around them, and he knows the sacrifice it might take. Lillian knows what they are after, but she still isn’t going to give him up without a fight._  

_“My darling genius boy. I promise.”_

* * *

Lena’s hands brush gently along the rows of shimmering lace, her fingertips ghosting over small pearls and pleated patterns. She’s surrounded by a frosted paradise of creamy white silk and endless chiffon, dresses with trains that go for miles and others that sport dangerously low necklines and secretive veils. There are dresses for all types -- outlandish costume styles and modest traditional hemlines-- and more bridesmaids dresses than she can even begin to count. Lena tries to put all her thoughts into the patterns and fabrics, and ignore the agony raging in her heart about the reason she’s even in this shop to begin with.

Kara’s wedding.

The wedding she will be invited to, as a guest. 

The wedding she will have to stand up for and watch, as Kara declares her love for someone else.

“What do you think about this?” the sales woman’s shrill voice pierces her skull, and she winces slightly before turning, only to be smacked in the face with a gaudy bridesmaid’s dress. It’s got a sea monster flair, a sort of Ursula-violet that makes her lips form an involuntary snarl. 

Lena eyes it with obvious displeasure. _Over my dead body._  

“Not quite my style,” she remarks, and the saleswoman shrugs and puts it back.

Kara has been avoiding the topic ever since she dropped the wedding bomb on Lena a few weeks ago, but in the spirit of true friendship -- _and the fact that I’m an utter masochist,_ Lena thinks wryly -- Lena convinces her to go to the bridal shop downtown to begin perusing and getting ideas for what she might like. Lena hadn’t banked on being invited along, but Kara’s hopeful smile and pleading eyes could get Lena to marry Mon-El herself, if that’s what it would take to make Kara happy. So this is how she finds herself glaring down corridors of cliche dresses on a Saturday afternoon when she could be doing quite literally anything else. 

“Lena! What do you think about this?” Kara’s giggle bubbles up to the surface and Lena’s heart clenches the way it always does. She plasters a ready-made smile on her face and turns the corner.

Kara is sporting an elegant and old-fashioned wide brimmed hat, topped with bows and flowy tulle, in the same ugly violet of the bridesmaid’s dress. She looks ready to cheer at the Kentucky derby, certainly, but not quite right to walk down the aisle. Lena stifles a laugh and looks at her critically. 

“Kara, it’s gorgeous, I believe you’ve found the perfect wedding hat,” Lena says seriously, her eyes betraying her at the last minute with a small wink. Kara grins and twirls, before catching the sales woman’s disapproving glare. Her cheeks flush and she hastily removes the hat and returns it. 

They continue to walk around the store for a little while longer in silence. Lena watches as Kara wrings her hands and nervously taps her feet while fiddling with the delicate material.

“Have you found anything you like?” Lena asks after a while, wondering where Kara’s head is at since she hasn’t wanted to try anything on at all.

Kara shrugs and seems mildly embarrassed, before she holds up a simple dress with a gorgeously decorated bodice and low cut v-neckline. Lena can feel the heat rise to her cheeks as she clears her throat. 

“Well, let’s have you try it on,” she says, her voice cracking only slightly, as she offers Kara a fake confident smile. 

Lena sits on the stiff white leather couch while she waits for Kara, idly flipping through a bridal magazine to keep her thoughts from wandering too far. They stray anyway, though, thinking about all things Kara, and the thousands of ways this wedding is already ripping her apart. She closes her eyes and selfishly thinks about all the scenarios where Kara comes running to her instead.

Kara landing on her balcony the night before and confessing her love, calling the entire thing off.

Kara realizing during the ceremony and turning to Lena with that smile she always has and telling her she made a horrible mistake.

Kara simply walking out of the dressing room and telling Lena, right then and there, that she knows they’re destined to be together. 

She stops herself and sees that all of these rely on Kara to blindly take the plunge, and she chastises herself for being so needy. Lena knows she’s the one that needs to stand up and confess because she’s the one that can see it all so vividly. There’s no guarantee it will work out in her favor, but can she really hurt any worse than she does right now? Lena tells herself she will do it before the wedding. No, she promises herself she will do it before the wedding. It’s the only way. Kara still hasn’t given her an answer about whether or not she wants the strings changed, and Lena knows she must tell Kara _everything_ before she can fairly decide. 

It’s what her mother would have done. 

She hears a throat clearing and her eyes snap up to land on the most beautiful vision she’s ever had the privilege of gazing upon. Lena’s jaw goes completely slack as she stares at Kara, the dress fitting her like a perfect glove. Lena forces herself to blink, but she can’t find any words as she studies the pattern of the delicate lace bodice and the way it spirals and curves happily downward. The smooth tanned skin of Kara’s throat and sternum contrast starkly with the ivory of the dress, drawing the eyes down a plunging neckline, one that makes Lena’s eyes dilate with desire. The skirt is a soft ivory chiffon, and Kara floats like a cloud as she twirls, grinning and searching for Lena’s approval.

Lena watches her for a few more moments, and the string between them shimmers like a diamond. 

“It’s…” Lena starts, bringing her hand to her mouth to stop her chin from quivering. “It’s absolutely beautiful, Kara. I’m blown away.”

Kara blushes, before turning to look at herself in the mirror. Lena walks up behind her and stands close to her, both of their reflections shining back at them. It’s the perfect dress for the perfectly wrong wedding.

Lena bites back all her emotions and presses her fingers gently into the stitching at Kara’s side.

“What do you think?” Lena asks, very aware that Kara has been quiet since leaving the dressing room.

“I’m not sure... “ Kara mumbles, looking down at the ground. She sighs heavily, and Lena places her hand on her arm. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” 

“I just wish I knew more about weddings….you know... _on Earth”_ , she whispers the last part and casts a quick look around. Everyone else is too preoccupied to pay them any mind. “I mean, I’ve seen the shows, I know how it works, but I’ve never been to one. I don’t know what I’m doing!”

She casts Lena a fretful look, filled with doubt and so much tension in her forehead that Lena is sure she’s going to burst. She smiles at her reassuringly. 

“Well, maybe we jumped the gun a little bit. How about we go to that bakery you really like, and you can tell me all about weddings on Krypton, and I can try to tell you about what weddings are like on Earth. Would that make you feel better?” 

“Will you let me buy the real donuts this time?” 

Lena rolls her eyes.

“Yes, we’ll skip the vegan donuts this time.” 

Kara skips off to change, looking considerably happier and lighter after being released from her burden, and Lena stares after her in wonder. She can’t manage to de-tangle the complicated hot and cold emotions that Kara keeps putting out there, but there is definitely a lot going on. It must be a lot to handle in such a short span of time -- soulmate strings, a proposal, a double life -- Kara has every reason to be a little edgy, Lena thinks. When she emerges, the two walk arm in arm out of the store and to the bakery, where they spend the rest of the afternoon sharing snacks and laughing until their sides hurt. It feels good, and it feels warm, and for a few brief hours, Lena feels whole. She wishes these moments didn’t have to be so fleeting. She wishes she didn’t have to go home to an empty house, and an empty bed, and an empty life.

* * *

When Lena finally gets home that night, it doesn’t take long for her to completely fall apart. Glass after glass of red wine sloshes through her veins, prickling under her skin and worsening her already sour mood. Before she knows it, she’s draining the rest of the liquid from the bottle, sulking as it finally comes to an end. She places it down clumsily as the alcohol has already taken it’s toll on her limbs. She can’t find it in herself to care -- about that, or about much of anything -- the wine proving to be a snarky elixir that brings out the harsher side of Lena’s personality. She stumbles back over to the couch, where she has spent most of the evening in a stupor, grousing over Kara and the mental image of her in a wedding dress. 

It isn’t long before her balcony door swings open unceremoniously, and the wind blows in a most familiar guest. 

Lena doesn’t flinch. She continues to stare into the void, her back to the door, leaning forward with her elbows on her knees. The presence behind her doesn’t speak. Lena rolls her eyes and puts her glass down harshly.

“I knew I was due for another visit. You always catch me at my finest fucking hour,” she sneers angrily into the darkness. She’s beginning to slur her words, but she doesn’t care.

“Wedding planning _is_ stressful. I wouldn’t know personally, but from what I’ve seen,” Granny agrees, and her words are harsh as she glides into Lena’s peripheral vision.

Lena does a double take as Granny appears even more ghostlike than ever before. Her face is veiled, and it seems younger somehow, and almost translucent in the moonlight. She’s wearing a long, flowy white dress that wisps and billows in the wind, and Lena feels the anger reverberate throughout her core.

“Are you mocking me?”

“Why would I mock you, my dear?” 

Lena shakes her head and mumbles into her glass, something to the effect of _crazy old witch_ , taking a large sip before swallowing forcefully.

“Is this the part where you give me more half-baked advice? Tell me some other story that I need to unravel?” she asks, gesturing with the glass in her hand. Watching Granny stand patiently, without a flicker of emotion only serves to make Lena’s mood worsen.

“You’re angry with me,” Granny says flatly.

“I’m angry with a lot of things,” Lena scoffs, “don’t take it personally.” 

“Maybe you’ll use it, then. I see you’ve offered to use your power for Kara, finally. It’s the closest you’ve ever come to making a decision,” Granny says, and Lena can’t tell by her voice if this is a good thing or not. 

“Yeah well, I’m waiting for more seizure-inducing visions to come, but fortunately my mind has given me a bit of a break.” Lena knows she sounds bitter, but her filter is long gone, and she doesn’t much care for Granny’s feelings, anyway. She thinks of Kara, wincing slightly as she does, and how she explained the visions her aunt used to have. They’re unpredictable, and only come on a need-to-know basis, much like Granny’s interestingly timed visits. 

“What else is bothering you, child?” Granny asks, and Lena wishes she didn’t, because she’s afraid once she starts rambling she’ll be unable to stop. 

“I found out my father was, in fact, a horrible person.” Lena smiles wickedly. “That was reassuring. It feels good to have my hatred reinstated.”

“You’re treading through the darkness, child. Careful, for there is sometimes no return.” 

“According to some people, darkness is a genetic trait all of us Luthors seem to share.” Lena runs her finger carefully over the rim of the glass. “My mother felt that way about herself, too. Seems I get it from both sides.” 

“By now I’m sure you realize that your mother had a broken heart long before her string was cut.” 

Hearing it said out loud causes Lena to deflate and retreat further into herself. She hates thinking about her mother’s pain, just like she hates thinking about that type of pain coming to Kara. The last thing she thinks about is herself.

“I know the feeling.” Her eyes widen briefly in a sarcastic flair before settling back to neutral. 

“Your self-loathing is amusing, Lena, but it does nothing to fix the spot you’re in. Do not repeat the mistakes of your mother, because I will not be able to correct it for you,” Granny says sternly.

Lena pauses, then, her mind stumbling over something she actually had been meaning to ask since the last time they spoke.

“Hang on. I am confused about something… “ Lena’s mind is whirling, trying to process everything. “Last time we spoke, you said my mother didn’t tell Lionel the truth. But I read everything. She told him, and he rejected her. You lied to me!” she spits, pointing at the old witch accusingly.

Granny purses her lips, making a tsk, tsk, tsk sound that causes Lena’s eyes to flash in rage. 

“My dear, you’re missing the crucial part of the truth! Your mother told him about the strings, but she never told him about her _heart_ . She never told him she loved him!” Granny proclaims, and she pauses, then, to watch Lena. “She wrote about it, and talked about it, and felt it in her core. But she never said the words. Lionel never heard it from her lips, he never _truly_ knew how she felt.”

“But she showed him! How could he not know?” Lena argues, furious at the idea that it could be so simple.

“Kara shows you too, in her own ways, and you doubt her love as broad as day. You have to learn to speak, child! You have to learn to show your heart in more ways than one. Live your truth!”

“Why didn’t you tell my mother all of this?!”

“What makes you think she didn’t know? Your mother was nothing if she wasn’t clever, and she knew far more than I could ever tell her. Love is a powerful thing, Lena. It’s the only thing that ever tests the laws of fate. Saying the words has serious consequences, my dear. Your mother knew this very well.” Granny glides around the room, and parks herself at the large french door overlooking the balcony. She sighs and smiles to herself, before turning back to Lena, the moonlight highlighting the wrinkles in her face. “She wouldn’t have taken the chance. Lionel may have reacted differently if she said it, sure, but I believe your mother would have done everything the same way. You don’t get that sense from her diary?” Granny chuckles knowingly and her amusement sets Lena off.

Lena’s mind is fuzzy with wine, but the anger still manages to swim to the surface slowly. She launches her empty wine glass towards the shrouded figure, watching as it explodes in mid-air before even getting close enough to do damage. 

Granny laughs in surprise, clapping her hands in surreal triumph.

“You still have fight left in you! Good, my girl, you’re going to need it. Your family is on the verge of seizing a power that doesn’t belong to them. If you continue on this path, everyone will suffer and you’ll lose more than just your soulmate. They only know what they think they can see, but they don’t possess the desire to understand the true meaning. Your brother thinks he understands the laws of the universe, but his judgement is twisted and his eyes are clouded. He is no visionary, Lena. 

The tears stream down her face, swirling with mascara and stinging with regret, and Lena doesn’t make any attempts to wipe them away. 

“Your power is in danger, child. Tell Kara the truth, or lose her forever. Time is ticking, and it will only get faster. This is your last warning.” 

Granny disappears in a flurry of wind, just as the storm clouds roll over the city. The lightning flashes, and an eerie rumble of thunder shakes the walls and rattles the books on her shelf. Lena hugs her knees to her chest and contemplates what to do next. She thinks about all the answers she thought she had and how they are blown away by the incoming storm. She thinks about the things her mother didn’t say, and before she closes her eyes, she somehow trusts it was for the best.

* * *

Lena tosses and turns frantically in her sleep. 

 _Flash._  

_Lillian is smiling at her, head tilted in thought. Anger is flowing through Lena’s veins._

_“Oh, Lena. You certainly are persistent. Your foolish heart has gotten you in trouble again” Lillian’s voice is muffled. Lena’s heart pounds._

_Flash._

_Kara in her wedding dress, twirling and flashing a bright, gorgeous smile. It hits Lena square in the chest._

_Flash._

_Supergirl is talking to Lillian. Lena can’t hear what they’re saying._  

_Why is she here?_

_“Please get out of here!” Lena wants to say, but her mouth is sealed shut. She tenses and strains, fighting against the silence, but it’s no use._  

_“I love you!”_

_She tries to scream and reach for Kara, but everything fades to black._

Lena bolts upright, her heart pounding out of her chest in time with the thunder outside. Everything seems to shake violently overhead and Lena brings her hands to her face, desperate to pull back any sense of normalcy from her scattered dreams. She groans, feeling heavy headed and cotton mouthed, and she curses herself for being so out of control with the bottle. She gingerly gets out of bed and makes her way to the bathroom to splash water on her face and take a heavy dose of aspirin. She looks at her sallow reflection in the mirror, running the tips of her fingers over her sunken cheeks and carefully framing the dark circles around her eyes. She wonders when she started looking so haggard.

Lena is still reeling from the dream-- another premonition, the bits and pieces looking eerily similar to the first -- and she remembers all the events of last night as the images fall into place. She reflects on everything and then starts to becomes aware of the eerie feeling in the back of her mind. She can’t explain it, really, but Granny’s visits always leave her anxious and waiting for something to happen. Another wave of uneasiness hits her suddenly, as she remembers the sorceress’ warning, and everything else that transpired in her drunken haze. 

She needs to tell Kara. Today.

There’s no more time left to wait, and Lena can’t stand to spend even another minute second-guessing. She’s haunted by the vision of Kara talking to Lillian, because there’s nothing good that can come from that. Lena has a sinking feeling Kara is going to fall into a trap, and she refuses to let it happen. The only way she can guarantee it won’t is to come clean. She wants to tell Kara everything -- about the strings, why it took so long to tell her, and hell, even about her mother -- before anything else can slip from her grasp. She knows it will hurt Kara. She knows it will ultimately hurt herself, too, when Kara still chooses Mon-El. But Lena clenches her jaw and nods at herself firmly, telling herself she can take it. Maybe she’ll find peace in releasing the truth.

Her phone buzzes, startling her from her thoughts. 

[Kara]: Is everything okay?

_Not even close. But how does she know? How does she always know?_

[Kara]: Your heartbeat is going crazy.

[Lena]: Just a nightmare...but actually, I was hoping I could see you later? I want to talk to you about something

[Kara]: Of course! I have to help Alex today, but tonight I’m free! 

[Lena]: Sounds perfect 

It seems like forever to have to wait, but in the grand scheme of things, Lena thinks she can afford a few more hours. With no Sunday plans, and the intention to lie low, Lena heads to her office to get a jumpstart on paperwork. She is no sooner settling into her chair before she’s fully hunched over her laptop, pouring over proposals and losing herself in a vastly different world -- a world of complicated problems that she feels like she at least has a level of control over. Her brain has resolved itself to focus on these tasks for now, putting everything else on hold for the time being. Anything to keep busy. Anything to keep distracted.

Perhaps saying _anything_ is generous. 

With tragically inconvenient timing, Lillian shows up at her door, unannounced and decidedly uninvited, smiling as if she’s out for a Sunday stroll. 

“Overworking does tend to run in the family,” she greets, her hands in the pockets of her black coat as she smiles down on Lena. “I knew you’d be here today.”

“What can I do for you?” Lena says casually, trying her best to remain calm and unaffected by Lillian’s commanding presence. 

The anger boils beneath the surface, but Lena forces herself to keep it contained. After the stunt Lillian pulled with Kara, kidnapping her and getting her involved when Lena explicitly warned her not to, Lena wanted nothing more than to confront her mother and sever their relationship for good. Visions of raging arguments and dangerous threats clouded her thoughts for several days, but in the end, her rational side won out. It’s far more imperative to keep a close eye on Lillian, she thinks, particularly with so many warnings and so many consequences dangling in front of them. Lena swallows her pride and puts on her brave face. 

“I thought we could continue working on our little project. It’s almost complete, and I’d like to get it prepared for testing, if that’s agreeable to you.” Lillian speaks pleasantly, and Lena’s stomach flips.

It’s the first time Lillian has deflected to Lena and asked for permission, in her own way. Lena is baffled, but something about it seeps into the small place in her mind where all her trepidation exists, replacing it with a feeling of acceptance. The elder Luthor has always regarded Lena’s opinion with biting scorn and ridicule, but today it seems she is approaching Lena as an equal. This entire collaboration, in fact, Lena realizes that Lillian has been working as more of an assistant than a commander. It’s a pleasant change of roles and Lena wonders if it’s a sign of things to come.

“I think we can do that, I’ll just grab my things.” Lena offers a small smile, as she switches off her laptop and begins to gather her bags. 

They proceed down to the labs and spend the rest of the afternoon working side by side in an agreeable silence. It might actually be one of their happier mother-daughter moments, Lena considers, and she chuckles wryly to herself.

“I believe we have almost everything we need!” Lillian announces, hours later with a malicious gleam in her eye. “Now, all that’s left is this.” She produces a small vial of amber looking liquid, corked tightly. She holds it up to the light, and to Lena, as if she’s just waiting for her to inquire. 

Lena suddenly feels her blood turn cold. The serum looks familiar, but she’s never seen it up close before. It’s only been vaguely referenced in Lex’s old notes, a forgotten project, something that never came to fruition -- at least, she didn’t think so. 

“W--what is that?” She points to it, her head tilted in fearful thought, as she hopes it isn’t what she thinks it is. 

The serum of deliverance. 

“A gift from your brother, and the last of its kind. You know Lex, so careless, only writing down half the formula. I’ve been told to use it well,” Lillian snickers, placing it delicately in a holder on the table. Lena feels the string around her finger coil tightly in tense warning. “This device we’ve created is all fine and good, Lena, but it has limitations. For one, it doesn’t allow anyone to take action. Seeing is only enough for those that don’t seek to take control of their destiny. But it’s hardly going to get us where we need to be. With this little addition,” she points to the sparkling elixir, “we can fix that.”

At the end of the day, it always comes down to power. Taming it, harnessing it, producing more of it. It isn’t enough to see -- now they must control. Lena thought, perhaps, that helping Lillian this far would bring them closer together. The undeniable fact that Lillian still only gets close to her when she needs something to further the family legacy only fuels Lena’s disappointment, and she can’t help but smile angrily at her own willingness to be duped. 

“You didn’t want my help because you wanted to help me. You didn’t want to -- what did you call it? Ease my burden,” Lena emphasizes the last part with sarcasm, her eyes  wide with emotion. “You just wanted my help so you could use me. This has nothing to do with seeing the truth and making choices. You just want to serve yourself and control everything. You’re just as bad as Lex!” She crosses her arms and stares at Lillian, who simply shrugs and removes her gloves. She places them gently on the table before meeting Lena’s eyes, this time with more intensity.

“Go ahead, Lena, go on your self righteous tirade about how much better you are than I am, because you think you do everything by the book.” Lillian casts a tired look at her, before sneering. “But I see the truth. There’s a darkness in you. It follows you wherever you go. Some people are just born cursed with heavy hearted tragedy. No matter what you do, you’ll always be consumed by it. Even Kara can’t make that go away, as much as you wish it to be so.” 

“I would never use her-- “ Lena starts to respond. She freezes. “How do you know her name?”

Lena’s chest constricts as she hears all her deep rooted fears spoken out loud. There’s a threat there, too, and she sees it in Lillian’s cold gray eyes when Kara’s name leaves her lips. The machine, with this addition, put in the wrong hands, spells catastrophe for everyone. Granny’s words echo in her mind about time running out, and her family inching closer to taking everything away from her. 

“I know more than you give me credit for, Lena. Soon, everyone else will, too.” 

She only has a split second to make a decision, but Lillian has her backed into a corner. If Lena allows the use of the serum, it could spell disaster for more than just her. Her mind instantly thinks of traumatic human trials, families ripping apart, and tragic destruction, and it’s enough to make her entire body go numb with fear. Lena already knows that the Luthors being put in charge is something they’ve proven time and time again that they cannot handle. 

Her mind flips to Kara, and she knows it won’t take Lillian long to aim her weapon right at her. Always the primary target, no matter how it’s disguised. 

Lillian starts to reach for the serum, but Lena blocks her path.

“No,” Lena manages to snarl, summoning the last bit of resistance she has. She turns and quickly snatches the bottle from the holder and uncorks the top. With a threatening glare, she takes a deep breath and swallows it down in one gulp. “No,” she says again, with triumphant finality.

The silence that sits between them tells her Lillian’s plan is far from foiled.

“Oh, Lena. You certainly are persistent. But your foolish heart has gotten you into trouble again,” Lillian chuckles, crossing her arms and eyeing her with keen interest. 

Lena’s head begins to pound violently, and she feels nauseous as the room spins uncomfortably around her. She remembers her vision and feels the terror seize her body.

_Am I dying?_

“You’ll feel disoriented for a minute or two, but that will pass,” Lillian says nonchalantly, as if this is all expected. Lena’s eyes snap up and struggle to focus on the blurry figure in front of her. _Or are there two of them_? Her brain has slowed to a crawl, but she’s furiously trying to process everything happening around her. Lillian’s lack of surprise, and frankly, lack of emotion, is the one thing cluing her in to the fact that this is all part of a grand plan.

Her heart is beating wildly as Lillian continues speaking, circling around her. Lena drops to the floor, her head tucked between her knees. It’s the only way to keep everything from sliding around. 

“You’re reckless, and careless, and so easily played. You don’t have the strength to be a Luthor,” Lillian spits. “But you’ve finally done me a favor. You finally did the one thing I needed you to do. Now that you’ve taken the serum, you’ll finally be disconnected from Kara for good. In 24 hours, your string will dissolve, and no Luthor will ever be connected to a Super again.” 

Lena looks up groggily, the words crashing down around her. The only thing she can think to ask about is Kara. 

“And--and Kara?”

“Oh, she’ll be fine. Well, not fine, but she’ll be far away from you, and that’s really all I care about.” Lillian grins, looking around the lab with a satisfied sigh. She looks down at Lena and rolls her eyes. “Of course, you can make quick work of it. One quick snip, that’s all it will take, and the effects will wear off. We can all go back to getting along again.”

Lena’s stomach curdles and she suppresses the urge to wretch everywhere.

Kara. Their strings. If Lena cuts it, she will be alone for good -- but if she does it before they dissolve, Kara can still have a chance. She can have Mon-El, just like she wants. Lena bites her lip until she tastes blood and tries to figure out a plan.

As if she’s been summoned, Kara crashes through the door, on red alert, her eyes searching wildly until they rest on Lena. Her face relaxes only temporarily, as she surges forward, calling out to Lena as she does. 

“Lena! What’s going on?” Kara’s eyes go between the two Luthors, one towering confidently, the other doubled over on the floor. Lena’s eyes lazily find hers, and she notices how Kara is searching the scene frantically, trying to make sense of everything. Lena’s limbs feel like cement, and she has a million questions, but Kara simply moves her hand over her chest, right over her heart, signaling to Lena why she’s there. Lena’s eyes begin to water. 

“Nothing, Kara. Everything is fine. I’m fine,” Lena manages to say, her voice shaky but fortunately unencumbered otherwise. Kara blinks at her as if waiting for a real explanation. “Please, get out of here!”

Lillian spins on her heel and greets Kara with a disgusted smile. 

“Supergirl, what an unexpected and as usual, unpleasant surprise.” Lillian points to Lena and then crosses her arms and faces Kara once more. “You’re a few minutes too late, I’m afraid. I was just explaining to my daughter how a simple snip of her soulmate string will ease the pain she’s in, and get her out of a difficult dilemma.”

Kara bites her lip and looks at Lena, before placing both her hands on her hips and lifting her chin in the air at Lillian. 

“If she refuses, then she has a good reason…” Kara hesitates, and looks at Lena, the confusion only getting deeper. She starts to speak directly to her. “You don’t have to give up this type of gift, Lena. No one should have to.”

Lillian scoffs. “Ah, you say these things, yet you’re so easily convinced to use my daughter to change your strings for you. The hypocrisy of your kind is truly remarkable.” Lillian paces around Kara now, circling her with narrowed eyes. 

“I--I didn’t--” Kara stumbles over her words uncharacteristically before clenching her jaw. “She offered, but I’m declining.” She stares pointedly at Lena to emphasize her decision.

Lena’s heart aches, and she lets out a small groan. 

“Kara, please. Just let me handle this,” Lena insists, sharper than she intends, but the words just bounce off Kara’s bulletproof chest. She walks confidently toward both Luthors, her bright eyes sparkling. She ignores Lillian and focuses only on Lena, as if they’re the only two in the room. She gets down on one knee and comes level to where Lena is still sitting. Kara gently eases her chin up and smiles at her patiently. 

“I know what it’s like to be given an extraordinary gift,” Kara begins, her entire being radiating brightness from beneath the crest of her suit. She tucks a strand of hair behind Lena’s ear, and her touch helps everything stop spinning. “It’s a beautiful burden, something we both share. It’s hard, and it can be daunting and lonely, but you’re so strong, Lena. You of all people can handle it. Don’t give it away, no matter what anyone tries to tell you. You’re never alone in this, not anymore. I’ll always be here, and I’ll always be listening for you. I promise.” 

 _Always a hero_ , Lena thinks. Kara’s misunderstanding tears through her with the sharpness of a new blade. 

“Please, just...trust me okay? I know much more about what she’s after. Let me handle it,” Lena begs, pleading with Kara to understand. 

“It isn’t fair to you, Lena. You shouldn’t have to lose everything. Don’t give up your string because your family is afraid. I-- you deserve to be happy. Please.” Kara is practically begging, and Lena feels the string pull uncomfortably tight around her finger, as if urging them closer together.

_I’ve already lost everything. If I do it this way, you get another chance. You deserve so much better._

Lena reaches her arms out and pulls Kara close. She looks her in the eye, and desperate green meets Kara’s troubled, stormy blue. She’s completely transfixed, temporarily forgetting any and everything else in the room. Lena chokes back the tears and squeezes Kara’s hands in hers. She’s trying to convey as much as she can in this moment before she loses Kara forever. “I’ll explain everything to you eventually. For now, I just need you to trust me.” 

“Always,” Kara whispers, bewildered. She’s still searching Lena’s face, her forehead crinkled in utter distress. Lena knows she’s trying to listen for her heart. 

Lena shakily gets to her feet, using Kara as an unwavering anchor of support, but as soon as she does, she feels herself wrapped in a hug that Lena can only describe as soul saving. If it’s the last thing she gets to have from Kara, then what a way to leave it.

Lena hears Lillian snickering behind them, but she can’t bring herself to pull away, not yet. It’s a heartfelt hello, and a heartbreaking goodbye all at once. Lena knows this is the closest she’ll ever be to having Kara, her Kara, like this.

After not nearly enough time, she reluctantly steps back. She gives Kara one last half-hearted smile, and squeezes her arms. She nods gently, trying her best to convey confidence in her decision. Kara looks small and unsure, but she lets her go, because she chooses to trust Lena the way she asked. Lena turns to come face to face with Lillian, who is casually handing over the scissors, the bright light reflecting off the shiny, cold, menacing surface. Lena scowls at her, and grabs them violently, as Lillian’s limp wrist puts up no fight. Her mouth goes dry as she recalls the vision from Kara’s apartment with the same flashing scissors, the same cold terror. 

_It is exactly as she saw. Fate has finally come for her._

The string between them is twitching violently, the heat radiating into her hand at an uncomfortable frequency. It thrashes and itches and it’s so maddeningly distracting, that Lena’s heart begins to pound fiercely. The pain is almost unbearable, and there’s sweat beading across her forehead as she begins breathing heavily, trying desperately to focus. She chances a glance at Kara, who is standing there, the fingers on her left hand clenching and unclenching, as if she can feel something too. Instead of looking at Lena, her eyes are transfixed on her hand, her face twisted in bewilderment, as she shakes her wrist, like she’s trying to get rid of something on her skin.

“I’m so sorry….I’m so sorry…” Lena whispers, and she knows Kara can hear her.

Their eyes meet. Kara’s are wide with the shocking revelation, her mouth hanging open in disbelief. Her eyes contain the pain of all her lifetimes. She’s broken, and shattered, and Lena can’t bear to watch it anymore. With one final breath, she opens her hand to commit the act. Lena’s eyes squeeze shut, refusing to watch it all unfold around her. She doesn’t want to watch the light in Kara’s eyes go out. She doesn’t want to see the connection get torn. 

Lena’s hand shakes. The tears begin to fall.

She tries to remember what Kara’s laugh sounds like, and the way her face lights up when Lena walks in the room. She tries to focus on the heart of the hero she fell in love with, the one her heart will somehow always belong to. 

“Please don’t do this..” Kara begs, “Lena...I--” 

The last thing she hears, over the snip of the scissors, is Kara’s voice, straining with all her might.

“Lena, I love you…”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena remembers more of her mother. Kara's POV from 24 hours prior to the confrontation in the lab. Lena and Kara deal with the aftermath of Lena's actions and Granny returns with a truth of her own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW. I can't even believe we're at the end of this crazy rollercoaster. 
> 
> The original prompt for this piece is as follows:  
> The Red String of Fate exists, and only some people have the ability to see the strings, and these people can actually cut strings and knot other people’s strings in to alter the soulmate laws. Your best friend’s wedding is tomorrow and they know you can see the string. They ask you to help them defy the laws of the universe and help them be with the person they love even though they know that’s not their soulmate. You know they love each other, so you help them, even though the person your best friend’s marrying/your best friend is your soulmate.
> 
> So, I guess you could say I got a little carried away? ;) My brain is a bit wild.
> 
> I hope everyone enjoys the ending. I took my time with this last chapter to get it right, especially after everything that happened last weekend. I love this pairing for so many reasons, and I'm not going anywhere. I couldn't care less about canon, or others opinions. This is ours <3

_“What are you drawing darling?” Her mother’s frail voice sounds from overhead as she peers curiously over Lena’s shoulder. Lena feels the warmth and pride in her project as she turns and holds it up for her mother to see._

_“I’m drawing my soulmate!” she announces, handing over the paper that contains a figure with golden hair and a bright, perfect smile. Lena watches her mother’s calm, contemplative reaction and feels a small pang of fear in her stomach. Her mother bites her lip, hiding her smile as she hands the drawing back. “Is it okay?” Lena asks, suddenly feeling unsure._  

 _Her mother coughs, and coughs again, the bouts wracking through her body, her shoulders fighting to keep her upright as they shake her thoroughly. She takes a deep breath and smiles weakly._  

 _“It’s more than okay, darling. It’s perfect. You soulmate can be anyone. A boy, or a girl… it doesn’t matter. They will be wonderful.”_  

 _Lena smiles widely and turns back to her drawing. She nods to herself, satisfied with this answer._  

_“It’s going to be a girl, and she’s going to be the most beautiful girl in the whole universe!’ Lena declares and her mother pulls up the chair beside her and sits down. She carefully leans her tired head in her hand and watches as Lena continues to drabble. “Her hair is going to be long and wavy and golden like sunshine. Maybe she’ll even let me braid it for her!” Lena gestures dramatically, her arms flying in circles, the crayon pointed to the sky animatedly. “And her face...her face is going to look like Pamela’s, except she will smile way more often!”_

_Pamela is Lena’s favorite doll, a present from her mother when she was just a baby. It’s the one thing she never lets leave her sight. Lena is convinced it’s the most beautiful doll in the world, but she knows deep down in her heart that her soulmate will be even more breathtaking._

_“Do you think she will be strong?” her mother asks and Lena turns to her with wide, captivated eyes._

_“She’s going to be so strong she can lift... “ Lena pauses, tapping her chin to think about it, “a whole building!”_

_Her mother chuckles appreciatively. “That is certainly strong!”_  

_“She’s also going to be able to jump really, really high. Like even higher than a mountain!” Lena furiously draws a mountain to emphasize this fact. Her mother watches and nods softly._

_“Will she be brave?”_  

_“Mom! She can jump higher than a mountain. Of course she’s going to be brave. She’s going to be the bravest!” Lena grins and then her face turns serious. “She’ll make sure all the monsters stay away.”_

_“Are there a lot of monsters?”_

_“Sometimes...” Lena shrugs, before turning to her mother with a sly grin, “but I don’t have to be afraid! She will scare them.”_  

 _“Oh, good, I’m glad you’ll have her then.”_  

_Lena agrees, and returns to coloring quietly for a few moments, adding little scribbles of detail to her page as her mother watches her, calmly encouraging with her soft presence._

_“Are you okay?” Lena asks after a while, turning to her mother, feeling the same uneasiness creep over her as it did earlier. Her mother’s breath is more shallow than usual, and she seems ragged and exhausted. She looks older today than she ever has._  

 _Lena reaches out with her hand and places it on her mother’s forehead, mimicking the way her mother always carefully checks her temperature when she isn’t feeling well._  

_“Yes, darling, I’m wonderful, just a little tired today.” Lena’s mother kisses the tips of her fingers. “Tell me more about your soulmate. I like listening to you,” she explains, placing a gentle, reassuring hand over Lena’s little one. Lena instantly feels better._

_“Well, she’s going to love puppies, because I love puppies. Maybe we will have a bunch of puppies!” Lena exclaims, replacing her blue crayon for a brown one in order to begin drawing a page full of dogs. “She’s also going to be very nice. The nicest girl ever.”_  

_“You’re already the sweetest girl, my Lena.”_

_Lena rolls her eyes and laughs._

_“Mommyyyy!” she whines. “You have to say that!”_

_“It’s the truth!”_

_“Well my soulmate is going to be nice and she’s going to like eating desserts no matter what time it is and she will like to play all kinds of games!” Lena exclaimed, clapping her hands together and bringing them side to side as she gushes over her hopefully soon-to-be-found best friend. “And, guess what?”_  

_“What?”_

_“She’s going to give the best hugs EVER!” Lena tosses her arms out wide to emphasize the sheer magnitude of this statement. “Maybe even better than you!”_

_“Oh really? Even better than me?” Lena’s mother leans forward slowly before enveloping Lena in a monstrous hug, squeezing her tight and planting kiss after kiss all over her cheeks. Lena squeals and giggles, shaking her head but never quite pushing her mother away. They stay cuddled together for a little while longer. Lena’s beaming smile falters after a few moments, and her brow furrows in uncertainty._

_What if her soulmate doesn’t like her?_  

_“What’s wrong love?” Her mother asks, staring down at her with concern in her eyes. She brushes a small lock of dark hair behind Lena’s ear._

_“What if she doesn’t like me?” Lena whispers, the scared confession tumbling out carefully over her pursed lips. “She’s going to be so amazing, and I’m just... me.”_

_Lena’s mother frowns, before placing both hands delicately on Lena’s shoulders. She looks at her with warm, gentle eyes, but a serious expression that Lena knows means business._  

_“You are my daughter! You are an extraordinary little girl, who is going to go on and do incredible, wonderful things! You’re so smart, and creative, and kind. She is going to adore you. You know what the best part about you is?”_

_Lena shakes her head._

_Lena’s mother taps on her chest, right over her heart._

_“You have a heart of gold, my child. The brightest and best in every universe, and that’s a fact. Don’t you ever forget that.” She kisses Lena’s forehead, and Lena relaxes into her mother’s embrace._

_“Do you really think I’ll find her one day?” Lena asks, staring at her drawing, her mouth curled to one side in contemplation. She bites her lip fretfully and looks at her mother._

_Lena’s mother rubs her back gently and squeezes her shoulder. “You will, darling. I don’t think there is anything that will be able to keep you two apart.”_

* * *

**24 HOURS AGO**

Kara hasn’t stopped pacing around her apartment since returning to it a few hours ago. She’s fairly certain she’s wearing a hole right through the floorboards, but her mind is filled and distracted with everything else, that she can’t possibly stop to worry about that, too. Everything about the day has been so _much_ \- so final, in a way - because somehow it signals the beginning to the end of everything as it is.

Kara shakes her head, but she can’t shake these feelings. She doesn’t get it. 

Everyone always talks about weddings with such exuberance. Their eyes light up, and they fidget nervously and hide shy smiles behind their hands as they talk about their fiancés, a strangely foreign sounding word that makes everything seem more intense and exaggerated. From what Kara has seen on TV, they giggle about bridesmaids lists and designer dresses and bachelor parties (whatever those are). They ball their fists and roll their eyes when they fret over the scrawling cursive on an invitation, and they throw tantrums over the absurd pricing of floral arrangements. There are cakes, and menu plans and seating charts, and old family drama that bubbles to the surface because _of course_ Aunt Mary can’t sit near anyone since she’s fighting with them all. Sure, there’s stress -- but it’s not the stress of saving a planet or eradicating a disease. It’s the stress that comes with a choice, a happy choice, a choice made with the right person. It’s the stress that says “I just want this to be _perfect_ because _you’re_ perfect” and Kara is beginning to wonder where she fits into all of this. Where does she even fit in her own life? 

Instead, when she thinks about weddings, she can only think of Lena’s cheeky smile from earlier, and the way she bit her lip presumptuously when explaining the intricacies of a bachelorette party -- a tradition that she assured Kara was “ _completely juvenile, but deliciously necessary.”_  

Kara’s heart had skipped so many beats, but it wasn’t in anticipation of any party, or any wedding. It was the small way Lena’s lips tripped over the word “delicious”, and the way she drank her coffee with such elegance that Kara felt jealous of the liquid in the cup, which is the most absurd way to feel on any given day. It was the way she winked when describing the Earthly wedding customs, like bouquet tosses and first dances, and the way her eyes softened when she leaned in closely to offer serious support and guidance. Truthfully, Kara barely registered most of what Lena had told her, because her mind was consumed with everything else, the way it always seemed to get when Lena Luthor spoke to her, or so much as glanced in her direction. It doesn’t make sense, but somehow, it does.

It really does. 

The dress Kara tried on had hugged her body in the kind of warm embrace she supposes a wedding dress should always come with. The pattern was gorgeous, containing the right amount of ornateness without screaming “pretentious”. Kara had instantly felt a connection with it, picturing herself twirling and dancing with it before she even tried it on -- imagining it as a flowery extension to her bold red cape, but still somehow containing the same feminine power beneath it. With Lena’s insistence, she got the courage to actually try it, and when she saw the reflection in the mirror, she saw what was certainly, without a doubt, _the one_ . Only, this time, for Kara, it wasn’t a dress. This time, _the one_ had green eyes, and a wicked smile, and was looking at her with such an awestruck expression that Kara felt like all the time in every universe had stopped. The woman in the mirror had offered to change fate for _her_ , for Kara, and yet all Kara wanted was to forget about fate at all. Lena always had a way of captivating her and rendering her speechless, on the verge of absolute mind-blanking tongue-tied messiness, but somehow none of it made sense until that very moment. Kara couldn’t catch her breath, or even begin to control her mind from wondering what it would be like to turn around and say I do...to her. 

“I think I love her?” Kara asks out loud, to no one, and to everyone. She phrases it like a question, but says it with such conviction, that the meaning would be well understood regardless of how she frames it. “I think I love her,” she repeats, her eyes growing wide with heavy realization. “Oh, Rao…”

There’s a strong knock on the door, followed by a hurried “It’s me!”, and Kara’s stomach flips on itself. It’s the one person who will know immediately that there is trouble written all over her face. 

Alex. 

It doesn’t take very long. Alex rushes in with pizza boxes and assorted take out bags, throws them down on the counter, bounds to the fridge to pop open a beer from the stash she keeps at Kara’s apartment specifically for herself, then turns to say hello. She starts to ask about the wedding shopping, when her face immediately curves into curious hesitation. 

“What’s wrong?” 

Kara winces. “I--nothing! Who said anything was wrong? Everything is fine. Great even. Really...good…” Kara’s unconvincing argument lands flat, and Alex just stares at her with her head tilted, waiting for Kara to give up the act. Kara’s shoulders slump, and she throws herself dramatically on the couch in defeat. “I don’t know…”

Alex slowly makes her way over, nudging Kara’s legs out of the way to make room for herself on the overstuffed but cozy couch. She looks at Kara again in that way she has -- that big sister way that seems to read Kara’s mind more thoroughly than even J’onn can. Slowly, Kara feels everything slide away. She can’t hold on to this anymore, super strength or not, because she just feels like she’s making a horrible mistake. One that, if she’s not careful, won’t only impact her. It could ultimately ruin everything for Lena.

She can’t let that happen. She won’t let that happen. 

“I don’t know…” Kara says again, trying to find the words for what she _does_ know. But she can’t just blurt it out.

“Are you having second thoughts about the wedding?” Alex asks tentatively, placing her beer down on the coffee table and turning to give Kara her undivided attention. “You seem freaked out. Was it too much with the shopping and--” Alex gestures over Kara-- “the dress?”

“I--yes? It’s just so much, and I don’t know how I feel. I thought I’d be more excited and feel more sure and I’m more lost than I’ve ever been. It’s like, one minute, I’m figuring out how to have it all. I’m learning how to be me -- how to be Kara -- and still keep Supergirl. I’m learning how to be in a relationship. I have real, honest friends. I thought I was doing pretty well handling all that. The next, everything is changing and so dramatically. I mean, marriage? That’s such a huge step...and Mon-El isn’t even…” Kara pauses, trying to find the right words. He isn’t the one in so many ways, but she doesn’t want to blurt out why she knows that to be true. Not yet, anyway. “I just feel like something’s still missing.”

“Well, Kara, you know no one has it all figured out, even when they act like they do. I can promise you that. We’re all here faking it, just trying our best every day.” Alex reaches for her beer and takes a long swig before grinning encouragingly.

“Even you?” Kara asks quietly, not believing for a second that her sister doesn’t have her life under control. 

“Especially me! Gosh, you know all the questioning and soul searching I recently went through. And, I’m sure there will be more. Life is always changing. That’s what makes it exciting...and also terrifying.”

Kara nods. Definitely terrifying. “I guess I just can’t shake the gut feeling that something is...off.”

Alex pauses before asking her next question. “What does Lena say about all of this?” The question is loaded with more understanding than Kara even anticipates, which catches her blithely off-guard.

“What do you mean? She’s happy for me...she’s so supportive. I mean, it was her idea to take me today, and she did her best to explain things. She’s just...Lena.” Kara shrugs, avoiding Alex’s eyes as she picks at the annoying string sticking up from her pillow. ‘Just Lena’ is never how she would have thought to describe Lena Luthor, but she doesn’t have words that would ever do her justice, either. Somehow, it fits, even if it’s so grossly understated.

“Just Lena, huh? Is that why you look so distraught?”

Kara raises her eyes slowly to meet Alex’s. She bites her lip and looks away.

“She scares me, Alex.” Kara’s voice is barely a whisper, like saying it outloud might cause her to say more things, and once she starts, she knows she could never stop. 

Kara feels her sister stiffen, and she immediately backtracks. “No-- not like that. Not because of all...that. It has nothing to do with her family. It’s just. I don’t know! She makes me feel so _much_ and everything is so...intense...” She tosses the pillow aside and gets off the couch to resume pacing away her frantic energy. “It’s like when I first got to Earth, and all my senses were constantly overloaded. Sometimes that’s how I feel with Lena, she just looks at me and everything goes into overdrive. I sense her...everywhere. I feel like my powers can’t even be contained no matter how hard I try in those moments. But then other times...” Kara takes a deep breath, thinking about the calm, quiet, still nights on the balcony, where everything is hushed and lazy under the soothing sounds of Lena’s beating heart, and secrets get tucked away carefully, just between them. “Other times being with her...it’s like coming home. I know what she’s feeling without even having to try and guess because it’s so familiar. I know what she’s going to say before she says it. Sometimes I feel like I’ve known her forever. That sounds stupid, doesn’t it? It does.” She continues to wring her hands and pace, waiting for Alex to say something -- anything -- to make it all stop.

“It’s not stupid at all, Kara. It sounds incredible, honestly.” Alex looks at her, pleading with her silently to relax and sit down, and it works, at least for a little while. Kara forces herself back to the couch and Alex takes her hands in hers. “Most people go their whole lives searching for that feeling.” 

Kara smiles half-heartedly, because it hits her, then. This feeling. The feeling she’s always been searching for, the one she has been chasing across galaxies, wishing for every single night since losing Krypton. If this is the feeling, then why doesn’t Lena feel it, too?

“I feel drawn to her. It’s like something is pulling me to her, and I am completely powerless to stop it...” Kara trails off, thinking about her words and the significance behind them. “You don’t think she could be my soulmate, do you?” 

As soon as she says it, her hands begin to tingle and her mouth goes completely dry. Something in her stomach flips, and she thinks it’s possible. Lena, with her flirtatious comments, and the way she sends her own daring mixed signals through timely pointed eyebrow raises and lingering gazes or the way her lips curl over jokes with double meanings, definitely could be hinting at something more. Lena, who sometimes looks at Kara like she can read every thought, and every emotion, and who somehow melts into Kara’s arms like no one else ever could. Kara resists the idea that it’s all in her head, but she has to admit that if these things are all true, Lena still hasn’t done anything more to show they are bound together. She hasn’t pursued Kara in any way beyond being a supportive friend. A close one, but a friend nonetheless. And, after all, she would know the truth.

Kara’s heart drops. Lena would know. In fact, Lena knows the full truth, but still offered to change strings for Kara. It makes her stomach ache just thinking about the potential behind Lena’s gesture.

Alex clears her throat. “Well, like I told you after game night. A bond like that - like what you have with Lena - it doesn’t come around very often. You might be following a path because you think it’s the one you’re supposed to take, but I know you. Your heart can never stay quiet for long, Kara. I think you know exactly where it needs to go.” 

They sit in heavy silence for what seems like ages. Kara’s brain toils over every possible scenario, explores every facet of her heart, consistently landing at the same outcome. Regardless of soulmate strings, or anything else pulling at her to make a decision, there’s only one thing she keeps thinking over and over again. _I love her. I love her. I love her._

“I can’t do this,” Kara announces abruptly, and Alex jolts to look at her. 

“Can’t do...what?” 

“I can’t marry Mon-El.” Kara springs from the couch, and turns to face Alex. “I can’t do it. It isn’t...I can’t. I have to go.”

“Where are you going?” Alex looks at her like she’s lost her mind, but Kara clenches her jaw. She thinks it might be the first time she’s thinking clearly.

“I have to tell him. Now. It can’t wait.” Kara throws on her coat, grabs her purse, and heads out the door before Alex can get another word in edgewise. 

She doesn’t return until the early hours of the morning, tear-stained and exhausted, but somehow feeling lighter than she’s felt in months. It’s the right choice, and she feels it growing stronger with every step, every breath, every thought. She sinks into bed, her weary mind trying to focus on what comes next, but only able to land on one inevitable destination. 

Lena.

She closes her eyes and listens for the heartbeat she can hear over all the others sounds in National City. She hears it pumping calmly, and begins to doze to the peaceful hum until suddenly... it’s not. It’s jolting and racing and Kara immediately sits up in bed, frantically clamoring for her phone.

* * *

“Lena, I love you...” 

The words hang in the air, perfectly suspended, like stubborn smoke rings after a kitchen fire, swirling around just faint enough to show that something wild has occurred. 

Lena isn’t sure she hears it correctly or if her sluggish brain is playing a cruel trick, but she doesn’t have time to process Kara’s confession. It’s too late, and too soft, and Lena is already too far along to take anything back. She clamps her hands shut, and the scissor snips, but it isn’t clean. It doesn’t go through the string the way Lena expects, jolting awkwardly at an angle and twisting uncomfortably under strange duress. She snips again. Everything rattles and the vibration radiates up through her hand, into her arm and all the way up through her jaw. She isn’t sure what’s happening, and she half expects everything to explode in front of her, including herself. She opens her eyes slowly and cautiously.

The scissor grows furiously hot in her hand, like scalding iron ready to brand the skin with a simple touch. She shrieks, her eyes opening fully now, as she lets it shatter to the ground. The scissor disintegrates into a cloud of smoke, hissing over the silence in the room with an angry heat. 

The string is glowing, a mix of amber and red, doubled in thickness, and seemingly impossible to sever. Lena stares at it, her throat thick with emotion, trying frantically to understand what’s happening. Her head is clearing from the fog of the serum, and her body feels charged with new, stable energy. The sick, clammy feeling leaves her body and Lena breathes a small sigh of relief. It’s almost like the danger has passed. 

Almost.

_Will it dissolve after all?  Can I not even give Kara a second chance?_

Lena’s eyes snap up to meet Kara’s for the first time, and their shared look says everything that words simply cannot. 

_It’s you. It was always you._

Kara opens her mouth to speak, but snaps her jaw shut, only to nervously repeat the action several times before resigning herself into forced silence. Kara looks so conflicted, so _hurt_ that Lena almost can’t bear to look at her, but she forces herself to maintain eye contact, as if it’s the least she can do. Lena wants so badly to run to her and explain everything, but she isn’t sure she even has an explanation anymore. They hold each other’s stare only a few moments longer, breaking only when they hear Lillian burst forward. 

“What are you doing?” Lillian yells, taking angry determined strides straight for Lena. She grabs Lena’s left wrist forcefully, scanning it with narrowly suspicious eyes, turning it over and over again in her own hands. Lena pulls back with such force, it loosens Lillian’s grip on her and to Lena’s surprise, the older Luthor doesn’t make a move to grab her again. 

“Don’t,” Lena snarls, backing away from her slowly, keeping Lillian in front of her at all times. They share a tentative dance of power as they circle each other cautiously, each one unsure of the other’s next move, each one desperately scared of what could happen next. Kara is also frozen in silence, because despite her super powers, everything seems useless at this particular juncture. Lena feels like she’s in the middle of one of her dreams, but the incessant heat and flow of adrenaline into her veins reminds her that she is, indeed, very much awake. 

A staticy noise begins to pick up in the lab, softly at first, almost like falling rain, until the noise increases to an almost unbearable volume. Kara instantly covers her ears, wincing in discomfort, the frequency at a level that seems particularly painful for her overactive senses. Lena grimaces herself, but more in reaction to Kara, because their discomfort seems to be one in the same, shared even more with the enhancement to their connection. A high pitched laugh echoes through the room, and a huge projector screen across the lab flickers and lights up. 

The voice is terrifying, and evil sounding, but so very familiar. Lena’s heart pounds in her ears, but it isn’t from fear. Her gut tells her this might just be her saving grace.

“You’re not going to be able to cut through anything with those scissors my dear!” Granny taunts, her voice continuing to wrap around the room. The screen skips and crackles, before the white noise dissipates fully. “It isn’t always so simple!” 

Lillian looks around frantically, her eyes blazing hot. “Who’s there?” she calls out. “Show yourself!”

“Oh, Lillian, I have been so wanting to meet you. These circumstances are certainly peculiar, wouldn’t you say?” Granny’s voice erupts into a cackle once more, and Lena’s eyes grow wide in wonder. It seems Granny might truly be on her side, after all. 

Lillian stares at Lena. “What is this, Lena? Is this some kind of witchcraft? Whatever you’re doing, stop it right now, or I’ll stop it for you!”

“Oh, will you?” Lena raises an eyebrow, keenly interested in just how Lillian plans to carry out that threat. It’s a threat that lays there as empty as the vial of serum tilted on the floor, looking perfectly harmless and ineffective. “I’m not doing anything, mother,” Lena spits the last part in utter disdain.

“The problem with scientists is they think they can play God and outsmart the laws of fate,” Granny prattles on, uninterested in the dull words that Lillian hurls at Lena. “There are many connections in this universe, of which you care so little to learn. You are so obsessed with control, you ignore the meaning behind the magic. There are different types of strings -- soulmate strings, the strings of fate, the strings of light, all powerful in their own right, all different in their consequence. There is more than meets the naked eye, Lillian. You cannot hope to control it all, even with your technology and your money and your endless experiments. It will all prove futile in the end.” 

Lillian’s face pales slightly. She continues to search the room for any sign of movement from the intruder, but to no avail.

Granny continues speaking.

“I applaud your efforts, and your drawn out game, but it seems you left a variable unaccounted for in your lengthy research. The most important one of all, in fact. Lex is brilliant, but his vision has always been clouded, consumed by power and greed, fueled by fear. He didn’t know about this particular side effect. A shame, really...such hard work, but such careless execution...” Granny tuts in disapproval, her voice gaining strength as she speaks. 

“What are you going on about? What side effect?” Lillian sneers, still somehow holding onto her skepticism until the bitter end. “I can assure you we’ve done our due diligence.”

“There are, in fact, three ways to combat the serum of deliverance, though I believe you are only aware of two. You can allow it to take effect and dissolve the strings, rendering both the holder and the user completely and utterly torn beyond repair. A devastating outcome, to be sure. Quite cruel. Or, the user can cut the string and end the torture once and for all, as you’ve clearly pointed out. This will diminish the pain, and save at least one of the pair from the loneliest fate in the universe. I suppose you consider that merciful.” Granny sighs, and Lena can picture the sly look on her face as if she was in the room making it right in front of them. “But the third is a tricky antidote, extremely rare, and shouldn’t always be relied on. So many factors come into play. But, as you can see, it _is_ possible...”

“What’s possible?” Lena interrupts, despite herself, desperate to hear the truth. 

“True love, my dear. When the laws of fate align, and true love is present from _both_ sides -- the kind of selfless, protective, once-in-a-lifetime type love that spans across the universe, sealed with the string of Light -- and the words are spoken purely, without any ulterior motive, or any planned attempt at reversing the serum, a bond will only strengthen. If timed right, it simply cannot be torn.” 

“So you’re saying...” Lena exhales, her breath shaky, as she feels her heart flutter and thump within her chest. “I didn’t break it...” 

Lena’s eyes flutter over to Kara, who still has an unreadable expression, but her forehead is furiously crinkled as she flexes her fingers and turns her hand over and over again. She bites her lip and lifts her head to stare at Lena, a single tear falling down her perfectly sculpted cheek. Lena inhales sharply, feeling the rush of emotion come over her as well. She furiously tries to gulp it down. She breaks their eye contact and stares at the floor, ashamed, but overall, relieved. It’s the most relief she has felt in her entire life, and even the guilt at almost losing everything can’t come close to overshadowing the warmth that fills her heart in knowing somehow, Kara is still _hers_. 

“No child, you didn’t break it. The string is stronger than ever, can’t you see?” Granny asks, and Lena can see, but it’s so hard to believe. Granny pauses, and the room is filled with heavy, contemplative silence, with each party completely lost in a vortex of their own thoughts. 

Granny speaks again after a while, her voice turning soft and kind. “Kara Zor-El. You’re the one I’ve been most fascinated by...” 

Kara clenches her jaw, and swallows, looking around the room but resolving to just stare at the ceiling.

“Who are you?” She asks, but it isn’t accusatory or angry. Kara seems nervously hopeful, and Lena wonders what she must be thinking.

“You’ll find all the answers soon, my dear. But you are the one. Look at you! So strong, so warm! It’s like the sun itself lives within you. I understand why this connection exists. I see your soul, Kara. It is the only one that can balance this whole thing out. Cherish it.” 

Kara nods like she understands, and Lena knows she doesn’t, not fully. But it’s a start. Lillian shakes her head and scoffs, just loud enough for the energy in the room to turn cold and harsh. A flurry of wind picks up, and papers begin to scatter. Everything is a frenzy of chaotic energy and Granny’s voice booms over the noise.

“Lillian, your precious boy has made more than this grave error! His string was not the kind that should have ever been tampered with. The consequences will be severe. I suggest you leave your daughter alone, and get out while you still can, or I can promise you, you will lose _everything_.” 

Lillian looks at Lena with such vengeful hatred in her eyes, that Lena thinks for a moment her mother might try to kill her right there on the spot. Lena clenches her jaw, her lips slightly curling in an amused snarl, because wouldn’t that just be the way of it? A second chance with Kara, only to be choked out of her by a Luthor. Lillian takes a menacing step toward her, only to freeze in her tracks when Granny’s ominous voice booms loudly over the room. 

“I don’t think I need to remind you about your own second chance, do I, my dear?” Granny’s threat is enough to give Lillian pause. “There are usually only so many times one can outrun fate in a lifetime. I think you’ve reached your limit, Lillian. This is your final warning. Leave now, or you won’t like what happens next.”

Lillian narrows her eyes into slits, flickering hotly between Kara and Lena before finally turning crisply on her heel and walking out of the lab. The lights flicker once, twice, a final time, and then everything goes silent, including the projector. There is nothing left but the faint buzzing of the overhead lights and a cold, confused silence between the remaining two occupants. 

A Luthor and a Super. Joined together despite all the odds.

Kara looks absolutely torn, her eyes following after Lillian, longing for the door, but her feet remain stubbornly rooted to the spot, as if refusing to cooperate. Lena can see the storm raging in Kara’s heart, the way she’s clearly struggling under the weight of all the secrets now thrust upon her. Everything that had been left unsaid is resting between them, pulled tightly by an unbreakable string. Lena knows Kara wants to go, but she also knows her heart is refusing to let her leave Lena alone.

“Can I take you home?” Kara asks stiffly, her voice gentle, but distant. Lena feels it scratching along her ribcage, uncomfortably wrapping itself around her throat. She nods.

Kara moves closer, and folds Lena into her arms. It isn’t harsh, or gruff, but her body is tense, and it isn’t with the same careful precision that Lena has gotten used to. Kara offers a small, lopsided smile, but her eyes don’t lock on Lena’s, and they’re out the door, out the building, out into the sky before Lena can even think. She clasps her hands tightly around Kara’s neck, and Kara doesn’t flinch, like she’s truly made of cold, unbreakable steel. She flies smoothly, and expertly, focused on the destination and not the cargo, and Lena just closes her eyes and forces herself to breathe.

They land on the balcony of Lena’s apartment soon thereafter, and Kara is careful when delivering Lena back to her feet. They stand awkwardly across from each other, Kara’s arms crossed over her chest, not in defiance, but in deflation. She seems small, desperate to curl in on herself and Lena suddenly feels the same type of exposure from having the band aid of all their secrets ripped off of them. She clears her throat.

“Come in?” Lena asks tentatively, testing the waters. Kara looks beyond Lena’s shoulder into the cold, dark apartment. She hesitates, but clenches her jaw before nodding once. Lena exhales. It feels like that subtle movement means more than just a yes. It’s a small promise. It’s Kara’s way of saying she’ll listen. 

Eventually.

They make their way into the apartment slowly, Kara’s boots thumping lightly across the floor and Lena’s tired footsteps following slowly behind. Kara goes immediately to Lena’s room, where there are some spare clothes always left waiting for her due to all the times she’s come to Lena’s apartment as Supergirl and wanted to stay as Kara. The familiarity of the routine, and the way Kara goes forward confidently without hesitation hits Lena with such a warm sense of _home_ that she doesn’t even care that there are miles between them currently. Instead, Lena waits patiently, thinking about how badly she wants to fall into Kara’s arms while forcing herself to sit upright, and hold everything in, because she knows there is so much she needs to explain. Kara returns and walks to the living room slowly. Lena stands immediately and meets her, reaching out to touch Kara’s arm gently. Kara freezes, her muscles tensing, staring at Lena’s hand before bringing her eyes to Lena’s face.

“Kara I...” Lena begins, finding it hard to even look Kara in the eye. “I’m so sorry...” 

Kara looks at her, a deep, layered look, like she wants to understand, and is willing to understand, but it’s too much right now. She shakes her head. 

“Not yet. Just...” Kara sighs deeply and runs her fingers through her long blonde hair. Her voice is torn with heavy sorrow. “Not yet.”

Lena closes her mouth tightly and nods. She walks over to her couch and sits, curling her legs underneath her and making enough room for Kara, if she is so inclined to join. Kara slips in next to her, leaving a little space between them.

“I can just put on a movie, and we can just...be here. Okay?” Lena asks, and Kara offers a small, quiet smile in agreement. 

The movie plays, and they sit in deafening silence. Lena steals occasional glances at Kara, who keeps her face stoically facing the screen. She isn’t making her usual jokes, or asking for more take out, or snuggling close to Lena. She’s sitting like stone, and it hurts more than being alone. The only thing keeping Lena relaxed is the way the string between them is still so bright, that she can hardly stare at it for long without it hurting her eyes. 

Eventually, finally, Kara’s hand slowly finds its way to Lena’s, the way it always inevitably does, and her fingers slip into the spaces where they have been so desperately missed. Lena feels the warmth and turns to Kara, who is still staring straight ahead, but her face is calmer now with their contact. Lena sighs and holds her hand, her thumb drawing patient circles around Kara’s, feeling the softness of her fingers beneath the pads of her own. Lena resigns herself to small touches and the innocent reminder that Kara is there. She’s upset, and she’s hurt, but she stayed. With that notion, Lena begins to feel herself succumb to the fatigue that hovers heavily over them.

Hours later, Lena turns over slowly, realizing she’s in her bed. She reaches out, her palm feeling the cool empty space next to her. She remembers Kara, and her movements turn frantic as she reaches around wildly trying to find her. She turns slightly, and much to her relief, Kara is there, sitting up over the side of the bed, staring at the ceiling.

“Please...” Lena rasps, her eyes struggling to stay open. They flutter, and she reaches out grasping for something -- anything. Her fingers land on the back of Kara’s shirt. “Please don’t leave me.” 

Kara exhales, before turning back into the bed and laying down, facing Lena. She opens her arms, and Lena curls herself into the strong embrace. Kara squeezes gently and holds her steady and whispers softly in her ear. 

“It’s okay. I’m right here.”

* * *

Lena wakes only a few hours later, beating the sun, but still cocooned in Kara’s arms. Kara’s breath is slow, and shallow, and Lena isn’t sure if she’s actually asleep, but all that matters is that she’s there. She’s calm, and warm, and she’s _there_ , all strong limbs and strong heart and strong will, and her hands are clutching Lena with purposeful protection. She studies the way Kara’s golden curls lay splayed out over the deep burgundy pillow, and how her mouth forms a perfect pout when she’s relaxed. Her skin is smooth and sun kissed, and Lena can’t help but lean down and kiss her forehead, her lips barely ghosting over her face. She pulls back and stares at the string connecting their hearts, and she takes her left hand to bring it as close as possible to its proper destination, softly running the back of her fingers over Kara’s cheek.

“I love you too, you know,” she whispers. “I’ve always loved you.” 

Kara exhales heavily, letting go and turning suddenly, positioning herself so her back is to Lena. Lena draws back her hand in surprise, before weaving her fingers hurriedly through her own hair. 

“I wish that were true,” Kara whispers into the dark space of the room, removing the tiny stopper that has been keeping all the emotions from flooding out. Lena barely hears the small confession, but feels the darkness settle over them heavily, like an unnecessary extra blanket. 

“What?” Lena asks, inching forward, silently begging for Kara to talk this out with her.

There are a few beats of silence. Lena watches Kara’s tense shoulders, and listens to her long, deep sigh. Then, before Lena can ask again, Kara sits up, and gets out of bed, walking across the room in a fury. Her hands are balled into tight fists before she whips around violently, launching into her tirade. 

“How could you _do this_?!” Kara’s voice cracks and her entire expression breaks, leaving Lena completely at a loss. “Do you have any idea what I’ve gone through -- what you’ve put me through?!” 

“Kara, I didn’t mean to--” Lena starts, but Kara keeps talking, steamrolling her into silence.

“You’ve always said you’re not like your family, but when you find out your soulmate is an alien, you go back on _everything_ you claim to be! You knew from the beginning, Lena! You met me and I know you saw the string. You saw who I was and...” Kara takes another shaky breath before she explodes, “You didn’t _want_ me!”

It hits her like frigid ice water being dumped over her head. It’s the most distorted view of the entire situation that Kara could possibly have thrown at her, and the shock of it renders Lena completely speechless. The anger and frustration brews deep in her stomach, but she fights back the urge to lash out. She bites her lip and stares, allowing the harsh criticism to take root. Kara, meanwhile, looks like she’s fighting to not take off and fly right through Lena’s roof. Her muscles are flexing and quivering and she’s almost vibrating with tense energy. 

 _Why wouldn’t she think that?_  Lena tries to reason with herself. _It somehow always goes back to my family, even with Kara._

“Kara--” Lena tries to interject but Kara persists.

“You’re supposed to be my best friend! You’re everything Lena! And you kept everything inside. You told me nothing! And oh Rao, I told you everything! EVERYTHING! I went on and on about soulmates, and my aunt...and...and...Mon-El! You must think I’m so stupid!” Kara shakes her head and begins pacing around the room, wringing her hands and mumbling phrases in Kryptonian that Lena can’t possibly follow. She stops after a few seconds and turns and points to Lena again. “For awhile, you even let me think I was right -- that maybe Mon-El was my soulmate, and that I should be with him! You saw how much it bothered me to not know, and the whole time you saw it all clearly!” Kara is yelling now, her hands gesticulating wildly, her eyes flashing with so much pent up hostility. Lena can only watch her, taking the storm in stride, the storm she knows she deserves to sit through. “How could you not tell me I’m yours?!” 

Hearing Kara say she’s “hers” in any capacity makes Lena’s heart flip on itself and instantly break with the hurtful way in which she says it.

“Kara, it’s -- it’s not that simple...” Lena begins, her voice quivering as she tries to remain calm, which only fuels Kara’s rage more.

“No, Lena! You kept your mouth shut this long, you can keep it shut a little longer. You’re going to listen to me now!” The muscles in Kara’s neck tense and the way she stands up to Lena immediately makes the normally fiery CEO back down. Lena gestures for her to continue. 

“On top of everything, when you finally told me the truth about Mon-El, you were ready to change the strings for me anyway! At first I thought you were doing me a favor but now I get it...” Kara trails off, sniffling back hot, angry tears that suddenly begin to spill over before she looks at Lena, her face filled with anguish. “You were ready to give me up, Lena! Just like that! You didn’t even try. You’re so repulsed by the idea of being stuck with me that you disguised it as helping me! Why? Why couldn’t you just tell me? Why did you bother getting close to me at all?”

Kara is breathing heavily with her shoulders heaving under the great strain of everything at once. Her hands remain locked on her hips to maintain a strong position. It’s significant considering there is nothing on Earth to cause this much exertion, but the emotional toll of fighting against her own anger has clearly worn her ragged. 

“That’s really what you think?” Lena asks, the disappointment lodging in her throat, her eyes dull and hurt from Kara’s outburst. It kills her to think that even now, even if Kara’s points are fair, that she would think Lena capable of such deception.

There’s heavy, heated silence. Kara clenches her fists against her waist, then drops her hands completely. Her shoulders slump. 

“I don’t know what I think,” she says, quieter this time, her voice taking on a more broken and terrified tone like she had earlier in the evening. “I thought I knew you so well, but now I just...I don’t know.” she shrugs again. She looks up at Lena one final time. “You’re breaking my heart.” Kara’s voice is soft, and completely defeated, before the sobs take over her body. 

Lena forces herself up and stands on the opposite side of the bed facing Kara. She knows it’s going to take a lot to close this immeasurable gap, but she puts one foot in front of the other to begin to try. She stops a few feet from Kara, still giving her space, but refusing to let this conquer them.

“Listen to me. Please. It was never about not wanting you, Kara. God, are you kidding?” Lena runs her fingers through her hair in exasperation, smiling angrily at herself, her eyes pointed to the ceiling. “You’re the one thing I’ve wanted more than anything in my entire life. I waited years for my soulmate and you -- you are so perfect it’s sometimes ridiculous.” Lena chuckles nervously, and Kara’s jaw slightly unclenches. She refuses to look up, but her posture is softer, somehow. Lena continues. “It was more about how _you_ shouldn’t be stuck with _me_.” Lena drops her head to study her hands, her left ring finger causing the string to shake slightly with emotional turmoil. “I have clearly done a horrible job distancing myself from my family, but I can understand why you would think my actions align with their anti-alien views. I wasn’t transparent with you, and for that, I’m sincerely sorry. But there were so many reasons I couldn’t tell you.” 

Lena chances a glance at Kara, and Kara’s face softens slightly. She sighs, and Lena can almost feel the anger slowly drift off of them and melt away, as quickly as it came. 

“Tell me now, then, Lena.” Kara begs, opening her arms to signify there is nothing left holding them back. “You asked me to trust you, and I did. I’m listening, and I need to hear it. No more hiding. No more secrets.” 

“This was the only way I could save at least one of us,” Lena explains softly. “Come outside with me?” she asks, extending her hand for Kara to take. Kara watches her curiously, the stiff anger in her posture slowly melting away as she interlocks their fingers together and lets Lena lead her out to the balcony. Their secret place, under the stars, the only place where their true souls can shine.

Lena takes in a shaky breath before looking up at the sky. She drops Kara’s hand, and with it, every single wall between them comes crashing and crumbling down until there is nothing left but two matched souls, facing each other high above National City. She clenches the railing in front of her. 

“This power I have, this gift I’ve been given...it’s been something that has haunted me my entire life. I have carried it with me for so long, but I never found a way to make it a part of me. It was always this extra _weight_ \-- this huge burden on top of an already complicated life. I was ashamed of it, and later, with everything my family went through, I was...” Lena pauses, trying to find it in herself to admit the truth. “I was afraid of it. I was so scared of making a mistake, or hurting everyone without meaning to. I wanted to avoid being the Luthor everyone expected me to be, really, so I buried it all so deep inside.”

Kara looks at her, then, a trace harshness in her eyes, the crinkle in her brow still prominent, the wheels in her mind still turning. Lena can see the disagreement clouding around her face, and she holds up her hands to stop her. 

“I know what you’re thinking, Kara. You’ve been through the same situation, and you chose differently. But don’t you get it? That’s what makes you so incredible to me. You were given impossible gifts, and immeasurable power, and you somehow found a way to embrace it, to make it your own. You conquer your fears every day by taking action and accepting consequences. You’re so brave, and not because you put yourself in danger for others. It’s because you own your power. You don’t bury it, or run away. You’re just...” Lena stops, and watches her for a minute. They lock eyes, and Lena feels the warmth explode in her chest, the way only Kara’s presence can cause.  “...you.” She finishes softly, her eyes still unwavering under Kara’s gaze.

Kara bites her lip and eventually stares up at the sky with that, her eyes narrowing as she watches the pre-dawn colors of the sky above them. She closes her eyes, like she’s listening for something. Lena watches as the slight wind runs through Kara’s hair, and she marvels at the hero’s face completely at peace.

Eventually Kara opens her eyes and looks back at Lena. “You always know what I’m going to say before I say it.” She grins halfheartedly, but still with so much pain that it almost paints a grimace on her face. “You have nothing to be ashamed of, Lena. You aren’t a coward. You’re smart, and you’re poised, and you care so much about what happens to others. I understand you weren’t trying to hurt anyone.” 

“If I could go back, I don’t know what I’d choose to do differently, or if I would at all. Maybe I could have saved my brother. Maybe I could have helped your cousin. But maybes aren’t enough to change my mind. I know that’s an awful thing to say, but this all goes beyond just you and me.” Lena turns her back to the city and leans against the railing, staring back at the windows of her lonely, quiet apartment. 

“My mother -- my real mother -- she was a visionary, just like your aunt. She never told me, because we simply didn’t have enough time together. She died before she could really get the chance to tell me those things, you know?” Kara extends her hand and places it softly over Lena’s. Lena’s eyes flicker uncertainly to Kara’s face, but she is met with a soft, reassuring gaze. Lena offers a small smile in return. “I found out about her past much later in life. She kept a diary, and it’s a book I only recently discovered even existed. I’ve been learning about her through her words, and I’ve found out so many things...” Lena takes in a shaky breath, overcome with unexpected feeling. It’s the first time she’s spoken about her mother out loud to someone else besides Granny, and it takes her several minutes to regain her composure. Kara watches patiently, with the same understanding face, and same warmth she always has, and it’s the only reason Lena is able to continue on. “The point is, instead of following my own heart, I’ve been so desperate not to repeat the actions of my mother. She made so many hard decisions, and went down such a hard path...and really, by trying not to follow her, I did almost exactly the same thing she did. I just got lucky, for once.”

Kara is quiet for a few minutes, soaking it all in. Lena knows it isn’t nearly enough of an explanation, but she hopes it’s a start.

“But even with all that, you were still willing to give me away?” Kara asks, her voice timid and unsure. “It’s just...you were still ready to cut our string, Lena. I can’t really understand what would cause you to do that if you say you love me.” 

“I did something to try to stop Lillian, but doing so put our string at risk.” Lena sighs, looking over Kara’s shocked face. “If you wanted to protect me, and you thought you could give me happiness in some other way, would you do it?”

“That’s not--” Kara stops short, considering the implications. She jerks her head toward Lena, startled by Lena’s comment. “I’d always protect you, but I don’t--”

“Our bond has been proven, Kara. I only ever had the best intentions for you. I love you more than I love anything, and I would never want to be the one that holds you back.”

“You don’t hold me back...”

Lena grins with the sad smile that hides all her pain, and she shakes her head. She turns away, embarrassed, before looking back out over the city. It’s the only way she can find the strength to tell Kara about her family’s experiments, and her brother’s costly invention. She begins telling Kara what she knows about the serum, and she clarifies what exactly happened in the lab. She tells her why she made the decision she did.

“By cutting it myself, it was the only way to give you a second chance.” Lena repeats, chancing a brief glimpse over at Kara before turning away again. “Besides, I didn’t think I deserved you in any way. I mean, look at me. I can’t give you anything remotely close to a normal life. I come with more baggage than any one person should ever have.”

“Have you seen my life, Lena? What makes you think I could ever be normal?” Kara reaches out and grabs both her hands, placing them firmly in hers, “And it’s a good thing I have super strength. I can carry every single bag you come with, and then some. I just wish you had told me all of this sooner.”

Lena grins, her cheeks flushing at the way Kara stays, and encourages, and somehow finds a way to forgive, without truly asking for more. Lena tries to give it to her, anyway.

“I knew how much you wanted to be with Mon-El. You told me your theory about Krypton and Daxam, and God, it even convinced _me_ that it was perfect. Not to mention I saw how happy you were with him. It just seemed like the right fit. It really seemed like what you wanted, Kara. I just wanted you to be happy. I always want you to be so, so happy.” 

“I was pushing for answers because I couldn’t understand why I was so drawn to you. It was so unbelievably frustrating! All I wanted was to be with you all the time, and I couldn’t understand why. I fell into my own head because the person I wanted most in the world didn’t seem to want me.” Kara shrugs, and Lena feels her entire body go warm with the intense feeling of being _wanted_. “Once I knew you could see the strings and you didn’t go after me, I assumed yours was tied to someone else. I had to pick up the pieces and move on, without ever having you.” 

Lena looks down at the floor, squeezing Kara’s hands gently before allowing her eyes to flicker slowly back up to Kara’s waiting face. 

“You’ve always been mine,” she confesses softly, her words holding more sincerity and more truth than she thinks Kara would ever realize. It’s the only thing she’s wanted to say since the beginning.

“You really love me?” Kara asks again, and Lena’s heart flutters the way it always does. 

“How could I not?” 

Kara smiles, and finally, finally, it reaches her eyes, and radiates through her entire body, the way all her genuine smiles always do. Lena breathes a sigh of relief, and allows herself to smile in return, before finding herself staring achingly at Kara’s lips. There’s only the small problem of...

“I ended things with him,” Kara says just then, as if she can read Lena’s mind. “Before I even knew about the strings. I...I called off our engagement.”

“You did?” Lena can’t help but feel the hope spike in her heart at the fact that Kara is standing here completely, without any other obligations to take her away.

“I was going to tell you when you came over.”

“I hope it wasn’t just because of me.”

“Of course it was because of you!” Kara rolls her eyes, but her lips turn up in a sly grin. Lena can’t help the stifled laugh that comes out. It feels freeing, and it feels almost normal. “But I just realized some things, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t make it feel right with Mon-El. Even if I didn’t know where you stood, it wasn’t going to work with him.” 

“I was going to tell you the truth about everything too...” The rest of Lena’s explanation gets lost as she catches Kara’s eye.

They both smile sheepishly at the fact that in spite of everything, they manage to be on the same wavelength, reaching each other against all the odds. Lena’s eyes wander over Kara’s face, taking in the way the shadows contour her cheeks in such a way to make her look even more sculpted and regal than ever. Her lips are dangerously full, and looming closer than Lena remembers them ever being. She pauses, glancing in Kara’s eyes for permission, before she feels Kara’s hands gently winding around her neck and pulling her in.

Lena closes her eyes, afraid to ruin the moment by trying to take it all in anymore. She feels Kara’s warm lips on hers, and she drinks her in desperately for the first time after far too many years spent wandering, waiting, wishing. Lena’s heart steadies and she can feel Kara’s presence overtake her completely with every lingering touch, every small intake of breath, every insistent push of her lips. Her hands find their way to Kara’s unbreakable back, and she pulls at her with all the strength she can muster, allowing herself to get enveloped in Kara’s embrace.

They pull back eventually, staring at each other with new and effervescent hope. It feels like a page in their story has been turned. A page that for once, Lena isn’t afraid to read. The string glows magically between them, and the feeling is worth every ounce of pain they’ve had to endure.

“That would have probably cleared a lot of things up if we had just started with that.” Kara grins, her cheeks flushing an attractive crimson. “I guess we just really like protecting each other.”

“Can we go back to not protecting each other for a minute?” Lena whispers breathlessly, her lips still buzzing with the feeling of Kara.

The question no sooner leaves Lena’s mouth than her words are replaced with Kara’s lips, the kiss more intense, more heated, more everything than the first. Kara effortlessly lifts Lena off the ground, and Lena wraps her legs around Kara’s waist, her arms interlocking around Kara’s neck, her hands weaving through golden locks of hair. Kara tastes like sleep and citrus and Lena doesn’t think she’ll ever get enough of her. 

Eventually, they find themselves sitting on the cool balcony floor, watching the sun rise, Lena sitting back into Kara with Kara’s arms protectively around her waist.

“My aunt always said when you meet your soulmate, you see your soul reflected in their eyes. Do you know what I see in yours?” Kara’s voice breaks the silence in a pleasant way, and Lena looks over her shoulder with a raised brow. 

“Do I want to know?”

Kara squeezes her arms and grins.

“I see light.” Kara says, her voice definite and unwavering. “I see goodness, and hope, and all the things I’m supposed to represent. But I see it the most in you.”

Lena’s face grows hot with the unexpected answer. It’s the first time since her mother that she’s been told that she’s got any brightness in her spirit. She suppresses the urge to cry, and swallows heavily, forcing a smile on her face instead. 

“My mom told me it was like having your own super power,” Lena explains, smiling at the faded memory. For the first time, it doesn’t break her heart. “I guess an actual superhero soulmate is a bonus.”

Kara giggles, and scrunches her nose at the comment, kissing Lena gently on the shoulder. She sighs and presses her head against Lena’s back.

“I used to be so bitter and angry about everything I went through,” Kara says softly, her voice vibrating through Lena’s body. “Losing my home, losing my family, being stuck in the phantom zone for so many years with nothing and no one. But all those things...they brought me to you. It was fate, Lena.  I had to go through those things to be here, in this moment, at the perfect time, with you.”

“I’m sorry you had to go through so much to find me.” Lena feels guilty, but Kara just lifts her head. She cups Lena’s chin in her hand and turns her slightly to look at her closely.

“I’ve loved another planet, and I’ve seen thousands of miles of stars, and none of it compares to how I feel when I look at you. I would do it over and over again if it meant I could have you.”

Lena looks up at the sky and sighs happily in Kara’s arms.  “I have so many more stories to tell you, Kara.”

“I want to hear all of them. Every single one.” 

* * *

_The overnight guards have just taken their position deep in cell block X, preparing for the third shift in the prison. It’s quiet, and dark, the only sounds coming from the incessant dripping of a perpetually leaky faucet and the distant sizzle of overused electricity._

_Suddenly, several lights begin to dim and flicker, as a cold wind rushes through the room, landing itself right in front of a certain notorious cell._

_“Who the hell are you?” Lex snarls, looking through his glass cage, his eyes darting from side to side, squinting in the darkness._

_“To you? I might as well be the Angel of Death.” The voice is gravelly and low, and it’s enough to turn Lex’s already pale face into a sickly, translucent gray. “I came here to warn you. Your time is almost up. I encourage you to make peace with your demons, because they will very much be a part of your future.”_

_“I don’t need you to come in here and tell me anything. The Luthors will come out victorious. The plan is already in motion, and there is nothing you or anyone on this planet can do to stop it,” Lex snarls maniacally, his hands plastered against the glass as if trying to tear it apart in a blind rage._

_“Oh, the plan is very much in motion, that much is true. It just isn’t going to have the ending you think it will.” The voice carries through the walls. A shadowy figure lands behind Lex, right inside his cell. Granny peers at him with disgust, her eyes flashing a fiery auburn._

_“The serum is destroyed, and your sister’s heart has proven indestructible. Lena and the Kryptonian will always be linked, and you, Lex, must deal with your own consequences. You severed your string of Fate for all the wrong reasons, my dear, and in doing so, cut your own life short. The only one losing here is you.”_  

_“That’s--that’s impossible!” Lex roars, jumping to his feet and frantically lunging toward Granny. He flies through her veiled appearance and lands on the other side of his cell, dazed and confused. She peers over him with a disapproving stare. “It’s impossible…” he breathes out again, his voice shaky and unhinged, but not holding nearly enough conviction. Granny knows he’s realizing the errors of his ways. “I created it. There are only two ways for this to go! She couldn’t have gotten away with this! You lie!”_

_“I don’t think you’ve heard this enough in your life, Mr. Luthor but…you thought wrong.” Granny smirks, enjoying herself immensely. “Nighty night, Lex.”_  

_She disappears in a whirlwind of dust, leaving Lex howling in a crumpled heap on the floor._

* * *

Kara’s cell phone eventually disturbs the comfortable lazy silence. She fishes it out of her pocket and her eyes narrow at the number. Lena leans forward, allowing Kara to shift to standing, where she promptly goes inside to answer her call. Lena stands slowly, running her fingers through her hair, already missing Kara’s endless warmth wrapping around her body. She knows before Kara even returns that they both most likely need to return to reality. Kara steps out a few minutes later, cape and crest back in place. 

“I--It’s Alex. They need me at the DEO…” Kara looks conflicted, staring out over the city, then back at Lena, before clenching her jaw and nodding slowly at the decision she’s forced to make. “I don’t want to go,” she admits sheepishly, a small shy smile on her lips. 

“I know, but National City needs their girl.” Lena smirks, gesturing at Kara, her fingers tracing the S pattern over her chest, the red string curling and arching in similar fashion. “I’ll still be here when you’re done. I’m not going anywhere.” 

“We have time, right?” Kara checks, a small hint of worry in her voice.

“We have all the time in the world, Kara.”

“I just-- I want to do things right.”

“I know. I do too.”

“Okay,” Kara nods firmly. “Until later, then.” 

“Until later, Supergirl.”

Kara turns to go, and Lena reaches out and softly grabs her arm. 

“Be safe, Kara.” 

Kara smiles, before pulling Lena back into her arms and kissing her deeply. Lena can feel all the power Kara puts into it and she matches her with equal enthusiasm. 

“Always,” Kara whispers along her lips as they break apart. Lena rests her forehead against Kara’s and smiles at the way the word tastes. _Always_. 

A few seconds later, Lena watches as Kara takes off into the sky, and it’s the first time she leaves where Lena isn’t filled with guilt and regret. Her heart feels light and free, and she watches as the string between them extends, but remains vibrant and unchanged. She exhales, and smiles, wrapping her arms around herself and thinking about the way Kara’s body feels wrapped around hers. 

A light thump and quiet, tired footfalls echo behind her.

“Is that a smile I see on your face, Lena? My goodness, I haven’t seen one of those since you were a little girl.”

Granny’s voice is back to normal, no longer the ominous, staticy voice from yesterday. Lena turns and peers at the old woman, who looks veiled and misty, but otherwise more normal than she’s ever appeared. She has tiny spectacles and her hair in a loose, gray bun. Lena feels a strange comfort in her presence.

“I’m actually happy to see you,” Lena admits, casting a glance over her shoulder and shrugging nonchalantly. Granny’s smile stretches the lines on her face. “You knew me when I was a little girl?” 

“Oh I’ve known you for quite some time, my child. You are very dear to me, believe it or not,” Granny says, her eyes sparkling with happy mischief, which is a deviation from the standard. Lena thinks she can get used to this type of visit. 

“How’s that?” Lena asks, fully facing Granny now, her eyebrow raised incredulously.

“Well, besides being my only grand daughter, you are quite precocious. Always have been! Same spirit as your mother -- but even more fiery and with an even sharper wit. Your mind never stops ticking, does it?” Granny laughs and glides over to the railing, clutching on it as if it’s her own. Lena jerks her head at her and freezes. 

“I---you--I’m sorry. What did you say? You’re my…” Lena shakes her head, smiling in utter disbelief. “I know that’s your name, but, you’re not….I mean. You can’t be….I don’t remember you. And, believe me, I would remember you.” Lena gestures emphatically over Granny’s ghostly form.

“Oh child, I am your grandmother, that is a certain fact. And no, I don’t think you would remember me. I wasn’t worth remembering, then.” Granny hangs her head solemnly, a small frown on her face. “I would have told you earlier, but I’m afraid I couldn’t. There are certain... _rules_ I need to follow.” Granny glances up again, rolling her eyes in exasperation, a mannerism that Lena is stunned to see is almost identical to her own. She’s more confused than ever before. “I’m certainly not the guardian you deserve, but I’m afraid my foils on this Earth rendered this tainted version of my soul to take its place.” 

Lena begins to feel dizzy and slides down against the wall and sits down. She brings both of her hands to her temples, rubbing gentle circles as she tries to absorb more of the cryptic conversation. _My grandmother? How is this possible?_  

“Forgive me, I’m-- this is a lot,” Lena mumbles, still trying to sort out everything she’s learning. “It seems this family is held together by the secrets they keep,” she quips, the snarkiness in her voice defending her from the impact of more revelations. 

Granny slowly sits beside her, placing her chilled hand on Lena’s knee.

“I was a wicked person, Lena. I was cold, and heartless, and vindictive. I made Lillian Luthor look like a saint, and that’s a fact.” Lena huffs out a soft chuckle at that, rolling her eyes in amusement. Granny offers a type lipped smile before continuing. “But it all caught up to me, as it so often does. I thought I was above it all. I had a power and I abused it. I manipulated people into doing what I wanted, and I changed strings without a second thought about the outcome. I was truly a witch. But you know what they say: what goes around comes around.”

“I can’t help but notice you are talking in the past tense…” Lena narrows her eyes, her brain calculating as always. “What exactly are you?” 

“Some would say a ghost, others, a sorceress. Truly? I am nothing but a wandering soul, chained to the purgatory between this world and the next,” Granny explains, her voice heavy with regret. “In life, I walked a dark road, consumed with chasing power. It wasn’t until an unfortunate foray with dark magic that I truly lost everything. You see, my dear, I lost my soulmate rather unexpectedly, and I suppose my heart never recovered. I became obsessed with the idea of immortality. I wanted to control destiny, and bring back those that I felt were lost too soon. I learned too late that even the most powerful magic cannot outsmart death.”

Lena’s spine stiffens as she ponders the words. She can’t help but wonder if this is more story telling meant to warn her, and her stomach twists in discomfort. Granny seems to pick up on her thoughts and offers a reassuring pat on her leg.

“I’m telling you this so you know about me, Lena, and not because it pertains to your story. We’ve finally reached the time where I can speak more candidly, and I’d like to, if you’ll allow it.”

Lena’s lips twist into a sad smile as she nods, beckoning her to continue.

“My daughter -- your mother -- bless her heart, she saw through the lies I tried to tell. She knew I was playing with fire and tried her best to bring me back to the side of good, but I was too far gone.” Granny pauses, a somber but knowing smile on her lips as she looks at Lena. “This sounds familiar, doesn’t it, dear?”

Lena swallows harshly, trying to push the image of her brother’s face from her mind, but his charismatic smile and boyish charm continues to haunt her, even now.

Granny’s story continues, as she tells of the curse that changed everything. It was a cold, stormy evening when she uttered a spell meant to stir her dead lover from the depths where he stayed. Instead, the Fates decided to take matters into their own hands, and Granny found herself face to face with a demon she could not outrun. The Keeper of Lost Souls condemned her actions and sentenced her to live in purgatory as punishment for her wicked ways. The Fates took away her skill to spin words, and instead commanded that she remain tight lipped and tongue tied for the rest of her existence. 

“I can still see into the future but I can’t speak the truth I most long to say. It’s a maddening existence, one that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, but a punishment well deserved. So now you know, child. I’m the reason everything played out the way it did.”

“Meaning?” 

“I set it all in motion. My curse extended beyond myself, and it’s the reason our family went down the paths we did. I failed my daughter, but I wasn’t going to fail you.” Granny sets her jaw in a determined, but protective glare. She looks at Lena and contemplates, a serious look on her face. “Your mother’s sacrifice changed your fate, child. Not only by choosing you, but by asking me for guidance when she couldn’t provide it. I watched your future change from harsh, lonely wandering to this very ending. The laws of Fate can be kind when hearts are pure and circumstances align.”

“I would give anything to talk to my mother again.” Lena sighs, looking at her hands, and watching the string around her finger with new gratitude. Thanks to her mother, this connection is sealed. Lena always wanted to believe her mother was as pure and loving as her written words seemed to indicate, but this further proves everything Lena always knew in her heart.

“I could feel that, very strongly,” Granny says, nodding, looking off into the distance. 

“So you did the next best thing,” Lena ponders, putting together the pieces. “You gave me the diary.” 

“I thought you needed to hear the story from her,” Granny says. “It wouldn’t be the same coming from me, and my words would not have been clear enough for you to understand.”

“No, clarity is not your strong suit,” Lena agrees, poking fun one more time in Granny’s direction. It still seems only fair, after everything, even if her grandmother has a good excuse. “But why did you threaten me with that doll? That was… a bit harsh. I could have gone without the nightmares.” 

“Oh Lena, you’re so clever when it comes to matters that don’t involve your own heart. It would have been clear to you in any other circumstance that the doll didn’t represent you,” Granny says, somewhat disapprovingly, and Lena realizes what she means.

“She represented my mother,” Lena deadpans, her heart sinking with the cold reminder. 

“The fate of the past was doomed to repeat on the path you were taking. You were getting caught up in the desires of the Luthors, and ignoring your own heart. It was not exactly how I would have phrased it in life, but desperate times...” Granny trails off.

“But if my mother had known more…” Lena begins, her mind whirling with ways this could have been prevented, for her mother to still be here, before Granny interjects.

“--It all unfolded the way it was supposed to,” Granny says resolutely. “You were always part of the grand plan. The curse was always meant to end with you, and there was nothing I could have done to save your mother from her choices, or her illness. Now you and Kara are on your own heroic journey, both of you. Everything is as it needs to be.”

Lena’s heart picks up at the mention of one name. 

“You saw Kara, too? In your visions?”

“Ah, that was the most painful of all the truths I couldn’t speak. Seeing the pain in your eyes, and the creases in your brow from so much _torture_ , my dear. When all that time, there was an angel chosen for you, just waiting to be found. It was as maddening for me to witness as it was for you to live it. I followed Kara Zor-El closely, and watched her grow to be the magnificent woman she is. The most intriguing thing is that I never had to intervene with her, not once. She followed her path exactly as intended, without any prodding from me.”

“That sounds like her,” Lena whispers, smiling to herself, feeling the comfort of Kara’s radiance surround her soul, as if she were in the same room. 

“Ironically, it was Lex and Lillian that brought her to you, if you can believe that,” Granny says. “It’s the reason I had to allow you to go with the Luthors in the first place. It was always intended that they would be the ones to bring you together. When they realized Kara was connected to you, they set it up so that you would meet, with all intentions to make it fail. Only, that’s not quite how it went, as you are well aware now.” 

“I suppose I owe them a thank you,” Lena scoffs, not surprised in the least to find out the part the Luthors played in everything.

“Although this seems to be where your story rests, there is one last thing you need to know. You may have already guessed, but your brother made his choices. He followed his path, and in doing so, he will pay for his mistakes.”

“He cut the string of Fate.” Lena sighs, combing her fingers through her hair.

“Yes. And he will die.”

The words sink into her heart like a sharpened sword, but it isn’t unexpected, and it isn’t painful. Lena feels her grief being put out of its misery, because this is always the fate she expected in some way with the Luthors. If not Lex, then it would be her. Strangely, she always assumed it would be her to lose, in the end, and she can’t help the small flicker of relief that she keeps buried deep in her core. Her brother has long been dead before this final sentencing.

“Do you know when?” Lena asks quietly, even though she knows there is nothing she can hope to do with this information. 

“It isn’t clear, but there is no stopping it,” Granny says, and Lena simply takes it for what it is. She turns to Granny and watches her, seeing her truly for the first time now that the mysterious curtain surrounding her has been pulled back. Lena feels desperately connected to her now, and afraid of what this might mean going forward. 

“Will you come back?” Lena pleads, remembering again the gravity of the situation. This is the only person who can tell her more about her mother, and she aches with the idea of losing it. “I--there’s so much I want to know about my mother. Please.”

Granny turns and reaches for her hand, holding it gently in her own. Lena squints and stares deeply into her eyes, and for a second, she can almost see her mother’s smile shining back at her.

“I won’t ever leave you, Lena. I’ll tell you all the things you wish to know, in good time,” Granny promises, and Lena feels a small tear escape from her eye as it runs down her cheek and splashes to the ground.

* * *

Later that evening, Lena is on her couch, sipping her wine slowly, finally able to unwind for the first time in months. It seems like an entire year has passed since she almost lost Kara for good, and it’s hard to believe it’s merely been a day. Somehow, Lena and Kara have lived through several lifetimes, each one more painful than the last, and Lena doesn’t think she will ever get used to going about her day without a heavy pressure on her chest, and a sense of doom pulling at her shoulders and tensing through her limbs. Reflexively, she reaches for her neck, and rubs at the phantom soreness that usually takes up residence there, as she scrolls through her phone. She’s mindlessly reliving happy moments from pictures she’s taken with Kara -- all scrunched noses and messy hair and loud laughter -- and she can’t help the smile that unconsciously forms on her lips. This feels like the start of something so _good_ , that Lena really can’t believe the happy woman in the photos is her. 

An unexpected text message pops up, interrupting her thoughts and replacing them with a new kind of panic. One that isn’t terror, but isn’t necessarily comfortable, either. 

[Alex Danvers]: Kara is all good, but needs to finish up some things at the DEO. I was hoping we could meet up in the meantime? 7PM - The bar on 5th.

Lena knows exactly where this is going. It’s inevitable, really. Kara has probably told her sister everything, and now Lena is in for a good old fashioned shakedown. She grits her teeth and decides it’s better faced head on. 

[Lena]: 7 is fine, I’ll be there.

Lena walks into the bar a few minutes early, her eyes darting around tensely, before fixing on the figure dressed in black sitting in the corner. Alex turns and smiles, waving her over casually. Lena strides over with deliberate careful steps and a steel jaw, ready to deflect any swings coming her way.

Truthfully, there’s a small optimistic voice in her head that reminds her of Alex’s kindness at game night, but Lena can’t help but feel like circumstances may have shifted her view on Lena’s relationship with Kara. She’s flying blind at this point, unsure how to proceed, but she’s always ready to assume the worst when it comes to people judging her based on previous experience. It’s also a tall order to convince Alex that she was only acting in Kara’s best interest -- something the older Danvers would find hard to believe coming from anyone outside of their immediate circle. 

“Relax, you look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Alex’s voice breaks through Lena’s loud and insistent self doubt. She’s calm and completely unthreatening, leaning back in her chair without a care in the world. Lena feels the furrow in her brow loosen immediately. 

“You have no idea.” Lena smirks, her mind instantly flashing back to Granny and everything she learned earlier. She slips on to the stool next to Alex and takes off her coat. 

“What’ll you have?” the bartender asks lazily, and Lena eyes Alex’s drink sharply, unconsciously jockeying for position with the older Danvers. She’s sipping a beer and flipping through her phone and Lena can’t help but smile. “Whiskey, neat.”

“Damn, now that’s a drink order,” Alex says approvingly, and Lena’s lips curl in triumph. 

“Well, sometimes my Luthor genes just shine through.”

“The name does lend itself to hard liquor. I don’t blame you.” Alex smirks, as the bartender brings Lena her glass. It’s not an expected response at all, and Lena can’t help but feel grateful for Alex’s acceptance. Alex extends her bottle, and they clink glasses, once again seemingly in solidarity. Lena takes a sip, feeling the smooth finish of the alcohol go down her throat. It heats her chest in just the right way and she exhales, feeling more confident in the way this is going. 

Alex picks up her beer and stands, gesturing over to the corner. “Come on,” she says, and Lena watches her quizzically.

“Is this the part where you lecture me?” Lena sits a bit straighter, preparing herself for the incoming sisterly threats she’s sure to receive. Instead, Alex regards her with a kind, knowing look, the same expression she wore at game night before Lena snuck away.

“Oh, believe me, I want to. But, truthfully, I should be thanking you. If Kara didn’t realize Mon-El was wrong for her because of you, it would have fallen to me to get through to her. That was not going to be my favorite thing to do.” 

“I almost made that a lot worse for everyone,” Lena muses, sipping her drink and following Alex to the other side of the bar where there’s a high top and an empty pool table. “I’m sure she told you about the strings and my offer.”

“Which is why I’m letting you off easy. I still can’t believe you even considered giving her up, but I know why you did it. You’ve already done more damage to yourself than I could ever do to you, Lena,” Alex says gently. Lena wonders how much Kara has told her, and how much of the torture is evident on her own face. Alex narrows her eyes and points at her, half jokingly. “But out of obligation, if you hurt her again, I’ll kill you.” 

Lena exhales and chuckles, looking down at the ground before nodding to herself. She looks back up at Alex’s kind eyes.

“Thanks, Alex. Though I can’t help but notice you don’t seem surprised...by any of this.” She holds up her left hand, the one with the glowing, magical string, and she watches Alex’s head tilt in thought.

“Lena, you don’t need to be a visionary with special powers to see the way you and Kara gravitate towards each other. All I had to do was spend a single night with you both and it was so painfully obvious. You orbit around each other like two rotating planets, always constantly in tune with one another, even when you aren’t paying attention. I saw the way you looked at her -- I didn’t need to see anything else.”

Lena raises her eyebrows in astonishment.

“You’re better at this than I am, and I have an advantage.” she snickers, taking another sip of her drink as Alex shakes her head.

“It’s true. You’re both impossible, honestly.” Alex rolls her eyes, casting a sharp look at Lena. “I always thought my sister was the most stubborn person on the planet. But then I met you.”

Lena laughs, her cheeks flushing at being called out, and Alex nudges her shoulder playfully. A phone buzzes and Lena checks hers, but there’s no notification. Alex takes hers out and grins.

“Kara says I better be nice to you,” Alex reads, scoffing. She points with her beer at Lena. “For the record, I’m always nice. She also says hi, and says she’ll be here soon with potstickers and pizza.” 

“She really loves those things,” Lena says, shaking her head in disbelief, thinking about Kara’s penchant for over ordering potstickers at every occasion.

“I know, I don’t get it either, but you better get used to it.” Alex shrugs, and Lena laughs at the idea of getting used to all of Kara’s quirks. 

“I’m going to need to buy stock in that restaurant, aren’t I?” 

“It wouldn’t hurt,” Alex agrees, handing over the pool cue and beginning to set up for the next game. “In the meantime, let’s see what you got, Luthor. You’re going to also have to get used to losing.” 

Lena takes the stick in her hand and feels the impact of Alex’s words. She watches as Kara’s sister walks around the table, focusing on her shot, as if playing against Lena is the most natural thing in the world. Her heart flutters at the possibility of gaining a new type of family, one that pulls her further into the light, and lifts her up with endless support. She thinks of her brother with sad nostalgia, the Lex of old, who used to play games with her for hours and offer all kinds of advice when she needed it. That brother is long gone, but in his place, there seems to be a strong, confident sister ready to help ease the burden of that loss. Lena sees why her string is so viable and so strong. It tethers her to more than just her soul’s match. It brings her the gift of family, which is the one thing she so desperately craves in this world.

* * *

**June 1997**

**I’m dying, my darling. I’m dying, and there is nothing you or I can do to stop it. The cancer is spreading, and I don’t know how much longer I have. It could be weeks, it could be months. I’m just so sorry to have to cut our time together so abruptly short. You’re too young to understand right now, but one day, I hope you can look back and know I tried my best for you.**

**There’s so much I still have left to show you, and to teach you -- about the world, and the people in it, and everything in between. I want to teach you how to dream beyond the stars, and to love with every corner of your heart. I want to show you all the goodness you have inside of you, and how to shine brighter than the largest sun.**

**There’s so much I want to learn from  you, too. You’ve already shown me how to be creative, and how to see the world through a limitless imagination. You show me wonder, and innocence, and you teach me everyday about compassion. I wish I could learn every lesson you have to offer, because you would make me the best version of myself that I could ever hope to be. I could live a thousand lifetimes with you, my beautiful angel, and it would still never be enough time for all the things we should get to do together.**

**I am tempted to write until my fingers bleed about how unfair it all is, but I have to use all my energy for you, Lena. I have to live my final moments for you, to make sure you have all you need to find your way in this world.**

**I told you once you had a gift. Hopefully, when you read this, you’ll understand that your gift is the most powerful gift in all the universe. You, my daughter, will be able to see the laws of fate. I know there will be times when you feel overwhelmed, and the responsibility may seem far too great, but trust me when I say it’s something to cherish. The laws of fate are remarkable and fascinating, but truly unpredictable, even for the keenest of visionaries. You will struggle, and you will question everything you think you know, and you might even feel angry with me for leaving you with this. I expect all of this will happen, because I know how intense your spirit can be, even at this young age. I also know, without a doubt, that you will only get stronger, and you will rise to the occasion. I see the light in you, and it’s the same light that will guide your life. No matter what you do, Lena, remember to love with everything you have. Follow your heart, and you will never, ever go wrong.**

**My words will stay with you long after I’m gone. I hope they help you remember me, because as long as you remember me, you will never go a day without feeling so completely adored. You have been my greatest gift, my greatest love. I promise I will see you again in the stars.**

**I would always choose you, Lena. If I had to do everything again, the outcome would always be the same. Even in the face of death, I’m going to hold on for you. And when I go, I promise I will never truly leave you. Be strong. I hope you can forgive me one day, my darling...**

She finishes reading, and traces over the final words with the tips of her fingers, trying to reach out and touch the love she can feel radiating from the page. She doesn’t cry, not this time, because this time, she isn’t alone.

She shifts and allows her tired body to crumble into the unshakable fortress of steel arms, an iron gated door that opens only for her and reveals a soft place to finally lay her head. With a shaky exhale, and a weary, lopsided smile, she cranes her neck and places a kiss on the stoically soft jaw hovering above her. 

Kara dips her head in response and places a light kiss on the top of Lena’s head, her breathy words escaping her lips and hiding in the tendrils of Lena’s hair. 

“Your mother loved you so much,” Kara whispers, squeezing Lena just enough to feel the meaning behind the words. “I am so thankful you had that -- had her -- even if it wasn’t for as long as you both deserved.” 

Lena hums in agreement, as a small tear escapes her eye and rolls softly down her cheek. Kara wipes it away gently with her finger and whispers in her ear, “I love you”.

Lena sighs and leans further back into Kara, allowing the warmth to overtake her, fully giving in to everything in the moment. She closes her eyes slowly before opening them again. “Did you know I wished for you?” she asks softly and Kara lets out a breath.

“Oh did you, now?” Kara raises her eyebrows, feigning surprise as she flutters her eyelashes. Lena smiles, because she knows Kara’s just trying to be funny, but she wishes she could capture the image in a photograph and explain to her that this is beyond everything she ever could have imagined.

Lena shifts to sit up fully and turns to face Kara, gently cupping her face in her hands as she does so. She traces the outline of her cheeks and brushes the smooth, blonde hair behind her ears. Kara leans forward into her touch, and Lena meets her halfway, their foreheads gently touching as she exhales. 

“I had childlike impossible expectations. I drew my soulmate to have the strength of the gods. I wished for her to be able to lift buildings and jump over mountains. I asked for someone that could protect me from monsters, and who would eat dessert at any hour of the day.” Lena chuckles softly, leaning back slightly and shaking her head at the imaginative fantasy. She reaches back out, following the impenetrable string connecting their souls and she touches Kara’s face like she still can’t believe it’s all real, even after all this time. Kara’s eyes reflect the same wonder and magic that Lena used to feel when her mother spoke about soulmates. ”I was 4 years old when I dreamed you up and somehow...you became real. You _are_ real.”

Kara leans forward and pulls Lena in, folding her closely into her arms. Lena wraps her arms around and nestles into the crook of Kara’s neck, inhaling the richness of her shampoo and marveling at the way Kara’s body always seems to have the right place to rest her head. The string seems to wrap around them both, holding them infinitely in place. 

“I wished for a home.” Kara says softly against Lena’s neck, her breath sending a warm shiver down Lena’s spine. “Sometimes I feel like we’ve both lived through several lifetimes, each one ending the same way. I’d always find you, Lena. No matter how far apart, no matter what it takes. I’d always find my way home.”

**Author's Note:**

> as always, tumblr @stennnn06 ... we cry, we drink, we squeal with gay panic. and we love lena luthor as much as kara danvers.


End file.
